Eve

Heretical and Full of Love

[catholicbirds]

The best I can do is pray

when I find a public flickr account full of long lost memories-- posted by the person who abused my father and I

when I see that woman's descent into alt-right Christian Nationalism

when I see how hollow the smiles are, and how the pictures stop after things got really bad

when I see the date stamps-- apparently I was 8 and 9 during her abuse

one of the photos is of my first crush at the roller rink with me for my 8th birthday. I loved him for years-- 3 or 4-- which given that we were five when we met is impressive. I liked his soft blond hair, cheesy smile, and that he showed me he liked me. During the year or so while I was abused I did worse in school. No one did anything to attempt help that I know of. It's not like I had bruises or anything, so maybe I did just have anger issues like she said. After she left I was still broken and I slapped that sweet boy during recess one day. That's what I thought lovers did when they had a disagreement. It was cold and his nose bled. After that I asked my dad to take me out of that school. I never saw him again. When we were seventeen he reached out with a picture his mom had taken of us when we were 5 or 6, but I hated to be reminded of my childhood and I lashed out. I was envious of his seemingly happy childhood. Nowadays it looks like he's really into cars and motorcycles. I wonder if his favorite song is still "Staying Alive" by The Bee Gees.

[ap-kinda-lit]

Bulma, throwing stuff at Goku: How could you do that!? You left! And you left us in the hands of *points to Vegeta* HIM!

Bulma, to Vegeta: No offense, sweetie.

Vegeta: No, I’m with you.

[jorongbak]

I needed an excuse to put Vegeta in a cone collar

[catholicbirds]

I like when dbz fanart shows how thoroughly Goku enjoys his brain breaks

[hobonkers-deactivated20250107]

[catholicbirds]

same vibes

[apenitentialprayer]

I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you and it as well.

Samwise Gamgee (J.R.R. Tolkien's The Return of the King)

[catholicbirds]

How do I reckon with the feral beast inside me that gnashes and gnaws at the confines of security and comfort? How do I become happy with the absence of insecurity and suffering?

[angria]

“I needed God to abandon me so I could feel his presence. I need to kill someone inside me.”

— The Complete Stories, ‘The Departure of the Train (”A partida do trem”)’ by Clarice Lispector tr. Katrina Dodson (via decreation)

[catholicbirds]

Land Nav

Yesterday I attended a training exercise for ROTC-- we were conducting land navigation. I've been a little nervous about land nav for awhile since I have heard so many horror stories about getting lost, broken, or failing to find infinitesimal location points. As an MS1 I am not allowed to a) have a "difficult" point to find nor can I b) do the thing alone. Luckily I was paired with a friend of mine. He and I were the first to finish for both the day and night segments of the training. Why was that? Neither of us were particularly skilled or experienced in the craft, but we were able to finish in about an hour while other people, many of whom have extensive experience in the military, got totally lost! One guy got like, three miles away kind of lost in the woods. When asked about how we did it we said that it was like playing minecraft, but realistically I think that a big factor in our success was, in fact, our inexperience. We did not have the tools to over-engineer our experience if we tried; we didn't even have a marker to indicate where we were going on the map. Our lack of willingness to tramp through the woods in a "straight" line was a major component of our success, and I learned that this skill is only has hard as you make it. I would, however, enjoy the opportunity to practice land nav "the hard way" in case I am ever in the woods and cannot rely on the convenience of my leadership.

[greater-than-the-sword]

Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when they stumble, do not let your heart rejoice,

Proverbs 24:17 NIV

[theraccolta]

[dramoor]

“When you sit down to eat, pray. When you eat bread, do so thanking Him for being so generous to you. If you drink wine, be mindful of Him who has given it to you for your pleasure and as a relief in sickness. When you dress, thank Him for His kindness in providing you with clothes. When you look at the sky and the beauty of the stars, throw yourself at God’s feet and adore Him who in His wisdom has arranged things in this way. Similarly, when the sun goes down and when it rises, when you are asleep or awake, give thanks to God, who created and arranged all things for your benefit, to have you know, love and praise their Creator.”

~St. Basil the Great (330-379)

[catholicbirds]

Is fun the absence of suffering?

[catholicbirds]

I speak in the context of my favorite, most "fun" moments. I notice at these times I feel truly free from my worries and sadness, even for a moment. It is often difficult to remember these times due to how difficult it is to remember their context(s).

[catholicbirds]

Is fun the absence of suffering?

[burning-lampstand]

“Although I have often abandoned you, O Lord, you have never abandoned me. Your hand of love is always outstretched towards me, even when I stubbornly look the other way. And your gentle voice constantly calls me, even when I obstinately refuse to listen.”

— St. Teresa of Avila

[catholicbirds]

Proverbs 15:23

"A person finds joy in giving and apt reply-- and how good is a timely word!"

I love when I say the right thing at the right time; it feels like I was exactly where I needed to be. This verse reminds me of this last weekend when someone said something helpful for me. I had had a rough week and missed my dad (over 3000 miles away). It had gotten to the point where I was detailing to my husband how he used to drop by unannounced every few days to say hello before I had moved far away. Lo and behold! A man pops up in my doorway and starts chatting with me through the screen. It was... my dad! He had been a state away visiting his friend and wanted to drop in (unannounced) before his flight home. I was thrilled and grateful for the couple of hours we had together. I do digress a bit, so back to the verse. In the course of our conversation we stumbled on the topic of someone in our past who was rather cruel to me as a child-- an ex-girlfiend (purposeful misspelling) of his. I mentioned how she would yell at me when I walked quietly, or, as she put it, "snuck around" the house. Granted, I had grown up in apartments and had been taught to do so as a considerate neighbor. My dad said, "well she was probably doing something she shouldn't have been if she was so scared of you walking in on her in your own house."

His simple words meant so much to me and I could almost feel my heart heal a little more.

[apenitentialprayer]

“God never meant man to be a purely spiritual creature. That is why He uses material things like bread and wine to put new life into us. We may think this rather crude and unspiritual. God does not: He invented eating. He likes matter. He invented it.”

— C.S. Lewis (Mere Christianity, page 64)

[catholicbirds]

As Flannery O'Connor said of the American South, Welch seems if not "Christ-centered," then "Christ-haunted."

[flowerytale]

Florence Welch, photographed by Karyme França