Dirk and Caliborn interaction from a crack roleplay that consists mainly of me interacting with myself.
The Striders are vampires and Caliborn is a well-endowed hunter. Wowie.
"I did not use that wording, you're actively rewriting my sentences to fit your own narrative," Dirk said and started steering them outside, keeping a hand against Dave's back in case his brother abruptly lost his footing. "Besides, I got that guy's number exclusively for ass kicking purposes. Anything occurring beyond that was neither intentional nor contractually implied." He didn't elaborate further, just kept walking.
"Anyway," Dirk continued, glancing sideways at Dave, "how intoxicated was the blood you drank exactly? You look dizzy as fuck." They stepped out onto the front lawn.
By that point, Caliborn had finally stopped yelling long enough to notice the suspicious amount of people suddenly exiting the house together. He squinted hard at them from across the yard, scratching aggressively at his chin. Then he grabbed at his clown of a partner without taking his eyes off the group. "YO. YO." Caliborn pointed. "LOOK AT THESE SHADY MOTHERFUCKERS ALL SKULKING AROUND OUTSIDE AND SHIT. THAT'S TARGET BEHAVIOR." He narrowed his eyes further somehow. "CLOWN. STALK THOSE GUYS."
From the bushes there was a flash of light from Gamzee’s camera before he creeped back inside. Being that tall and trying to sneak around made him look scarier. He returned to Caliborn to report what he had heard. “ThEm!” He showed Caliborn the picture “tHe dUdE on the ground said he only dRaNk ONE gUy” that was enough evidence for him
Meanwhile, Dirk had only been half listening to drunk Dave yap to his boyfriend. Because from his spot he'd noticed something significantly more interesting moving behind the bushes. Specifically it was a huge shadow crawling around on all fours with giant horns.
Naturally, he followed it. The thing skulked back toward the house and disappeared inside. Dirk trailed after it just in time to find Caliborn standing in the middle of the party staring intently at a couple holding hands. "OBSCENE...DIRTY..." Caliborn muttered reverently. Oh yes, he was having dirty thoughts.
Nearby, a troll slipped a folded note into the hand of a visibly intoxicated guy and Caliborn pointed immediately. "WHO ARE YOU COURTING LOW BLOOD."
Before the troll could even answer, Gamzee abruptly reappeared at Caliborn's side like an unwanted hallucination. "HE SAID WHAT?" Caliborn's eyes widened. That was enough evidence for him already.
Clearly they had uncovered a vampire. All that remained now was destroying the creature and mounting its head on a wall like the world's ugliest hunting trophy.
"He meant a blowjob," Dirk interrupted flatly. Caliborn whipped around violently.
Dirk shoved his hands into his pockets. "Seriously. 'Drink a guy' is slang. He blew somebody." he tilted his head. "Have you genuinely never heard that before."
Caliborn stared at him then unleashed the most horrified scream anyone in the house had heard all night. "THEY DRINK DICKS NOW????"
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