Been thinking about Dirk obsessively cataloguing every fling and rumored relationship a!Dave has ever had, with the data reaching back before Dirk was born. He'd have written logs of everything said about partners within interviews, both by a!Dave himself and by other people who had claimed to have been involved with him romantically and/or sexually. He would have graphs tracking the attributes of every person that he can confirm a!Dave was in a relationship, plus matching graphs using that data set and the data set for all suspected but unconfirmed relationships.
Tracking trends of a!Dave's partners over the years: eye color, hair color, hair length, gender, age, height, weight, body measurements, clothing style, etc. It might be the most detailed spreadsheet Dirk has ever made. There is so much statistical analysis on the significance of each variable by each year, as if he can just use math to figure out a!Dave's exact type and how it's shifted through the years and meld himself into that mold in order to be loved.
