traumatized

trigger warnings everywhere (don't reblog my stuff if you're not traumatized plz and thank) • dni: ddlg, nsfw, kink • intp so my breed of depression is never feeling anything unless I'm having a breakdown • kinda really traumatized and waiting to escape when I'm 18 • he/him • did system • account run my me, the host, and one of the system littles

[catskull]

I am painfully reminded that it really is most men when my own dad says some impossibly misogynistic shit like seeing no issue with Leonardo DiCaprio dating a 19 year old and thinking someone getting fired over domestic abuse claims is "too harsh".

[catskull]

Unfortunately for me, whenever something stressful happens I will file it away and generally be unaffected by it, but at some point it just bubbles up too high and then something small/seemingly insignificant will set me off, and then I question myself, why am I getting upset at something so small? Sometimes I hardly realize that it's because I just let everything build up until I can't hold it anymore.

[catskull]

Why do people always have to ghost. Why can't people just be straight forward and honest about what they want instead of staying quiet and ghosting and leaving everyone more confused and hurt in the end. Imo most of the time ghosting is just extremely immature and annoying as it's a way to just avoid whatever you want without having to face the situation whatsoever.

[catskull]

He pretty much confirmed it today :/ yeah. At least I sort of kind of have the closure to start moving on now though. I guess.

[catskull]

Okay gonna go use video games as a distraction from these stupid emotions 👍👍

[catskull]

How to keep stable friends for once who don't start distancing after a few years?? 😀😀

[catskull]

Okay whtv I'm going to bed. I can't see this situation changing any time soon so idk guess I just need to learn to just deal with it? He'd always say he'd make more time to hang out with me on times he's free but it just doesn't happen

[catskull]

Group bonding activity

[catskull]

Like I get he's busy which means he can't talk a lot, which is fine but what I don't rlly get is how he can have 0 time to talk to me

[catskull]

://////

[catskull]

We haven't talked properly in months and seems I initiate most of our convos. What would he do if I just stop messaging first

[catskull]

Why can I never keep any long term friendships :/

[catskull]

🙁🙁 man I just want to interact with cis men like I'm a fellow guy but unless I severely lower my voice I always sound like a girl

[catskull]

Hyperfixating on crab game rn and it's fun to use the vc but I sound so feminine so people keep thinking I'm a girl if I'm ever talking 🙁🙁

[catskull]

As young children, we all look up to the older kids and adults. So cool, so mature. We want to be just like them. We can't wait to grow up even faster so we can be like them. We romanticize growing up, and it's so intrinsically tied to most children.

And then we grow up. We look back on those times. We remember how happy and carefree we used to be, without a single worry in the world except for getting in tomorrow's homework.

And then we want to go back. We think, we didn't cherish those carefree times quite enough. And we realize that there will never be a time where we can return to those days. We regret all the times we wished upon every single star in the sky that we could grow up. If only, we could go back to those days and not take them for granted as we had at the time.

[catskull]

Why do I keep getting into arguments with idiots on the internet when I know they usually don't care to hear other viewpoints? I've been getting better at avoiding it but every once in a while I see something so stupid that I'm like "??? How tf does this person think this?"

[catskull]

Me usually: yeah I'm fine with not really having many friends. I prefer to spend my time alone

Also me when I see mcyt's showing any amount of platonic affection toward each other: :'( ❤️❤️