A letter to you.
It has been 4 months.
By now you’ve moved on, Im sure you have, at least you want me to believe you have. At least you want yourself to believe you have. You don’t look at me anymore, you stopped months ago. It hurt. It hurt because I would never do that to you. It hurt because I thought I meant more. It hurt because I don’t know what I’ve done to make you feel like you have to pretend I don’t exist. Maybe you think it’s better this way, maybe it is. Maybe your guilt eats you up, maybe it’s regret. Maybe you can’t stand to look at me because you don’t want to feel a thing. Maybe you’re just over it.
I wish I could say the same. I look at you every time I see you, I glance at you and see how much you avoid me. It only makes it worse.
The last time we spoke, I was angry. I let all the pain out. All the words I had hoarded for so long, the anger, the confusion, the hurt, the deception. What did you expect from me? And you stood, silent. You stood and you couldn’t look me in the eyes. You didn’t say a word, and I didn’t expect you to. I told you to tell me you don’t love me, and you did. Did you mean it? Did you mean it?
It feels pathetic to know I’ll love you forever, or for as long as I can hold on. Maybe that’s why I hurt so much still. I don’t want to let go. How could I? How could I give up the purest and sweetest love I ever knew? How could you? Easily.
Maybe you want me to hate you.
I don’t think I ever could.
I miss our friendship and I miss our love.
I miss the days we spent together.
There’s so much I miss.
I always wonder if you miss them too.
I wonder if you think about me, how often I cross your mind.
I wonder if you still say nice things about me.
I wonder if you mention me at all.
I can never fill the void you left in me. I don’t ever want to. It will be here forever. I will yearn for you forever. I mourn you everyday.
i take it back. i don’t mourn you and i don’t miss you. i want you to suffer for everything you’ve done. there is no void anymore. i hate you and if i could redo it all i would spit in your fucking face you pathetic waste
