Notes

the place i post the things that i don't want to post anywhere else. i might have a problem with over-analyzing; writing is hard for me.

[caylasnotes-blog]

things that are wrong w me

i don’t know how to flirt in any way, shape, or form

i have an inferiority complex that has gone strong for my entire life

i like indulging in self-hate and self-pity on occasion (super-irony alert)

[caylasnotes-blog]

in other news i’m trying to not make my solely personal issues other people’s problem. just because i’m insecure and flawed doesn’t mean they have to save, fix or assure me and certainly doesn’t mean that i can project shit on them 🤷‍♀️

advice, an emotional/mental outlet and validation are all good to seek, but sometimes it’s too delicate or entirely personal to unpack w someone else, and that’s ok. also checking yourself b4 wrecking yourself by unfairly projecting, blame-shifting, or just thoughtlessly hurting others is super great

[caylasnotes-blog]

i'm just trying to take in and appreciate beauty and good experiences. i have bad days mentally, even weeks or months

but i try to keep that part of me alive, the part that can take in the interesting, good, beautiful things around me

the part of me that wants to capture, create and appreciate beauty and art... i strive everyday to stay connected to that.

[caylasnotes-blog]

On another note, I’ve finally begun to type up the whole story of how I got to listen to Rhapsody in Blue on the piano, *I R L* one time. It’s mostly for me to have, so I don’t have to just remember it in my head forever. I think it’s an interesting story though, so I’ll share it here once I’m finished.

[caylasnotes-blog]

Reblogging this to remind me to finish and post this story!!

[caylasnotes-blog]

I’m insecure about and over analyze the dumbest, smallest things... this morning has been rough mentally (the past few weeks, on and off too, admittedly)

I don’t feel like a legitimate adult like my peers, and I feel like I’m wasting time... trapped in insecurities.

[wenchyfloozymoo]

[caylasnotes-blog]

On another note, I’ve finally begun to type up the whole story of how I got to listen to Rhapsody in Blue on the piano, *I R L* one time. It’s mostly for me to have, so I don’t have to just remember it in my head forever. I think it’s an interesting story though, so I’ll share it here once I’m finished.

[caylasnotes-blog]

(sidenote: i just realized all these recent posts were posted around 10 at night are also more “angsty.” go figure. i can’t decide if this is just a good time to get things off my chest, or if i should avoid posting at what seems to be a more emotionally vulnerable time of the day for me, because my mind can be fogged with feels)

a woman i admire shared this quote: “my thoughts determine my reality, so i choose my thoughts wisely”

i know there’s power in how i choose to view and express my problems. so there’s an internal conflict sometimes about how i should vent, or if i should. i might go more in-depth into this later, i have a lot of thoughts about it.

[caylasnotes-blog]

i worry a lot. too much?? maybe... if it affects me physically like this, something needs to change (of course).

[caylasnotes-blog]

If it seems like a need to constantly prove to people that you are busy having amazing days with as many friends as you can broadcast on social media is more important to you than your actual relationships with your friends; I have an issue with you.

[caylasnotes-blog]

my inferiority complex is really acting up tonight 

[caylasnotes-blog]

slowly understanding that a lot of times i thought i had a crystal-clear intuition about someone else’s motives or thoughts, i was really just projecting my own fears and insecurities 

[caylasnotes-blog]

When I used to drive around delivering flowers at the last job I had, I went to a lot of new places and enjoyed many small “what even is my day right now?” moments. I get a kick out of out-of-the-ordinary (for me, or just in general) things... be it a feeling, event, object or sight...

and I've realized that I want life to continue to be a little bit odd every day. I want oddness to last forever.

Oddness lives in small moments, singular objects, and sights that you spot by chance. So, I guess I mean I want to continue to notice all the weird things that make up a day- and that it would continue to lend me a sense of humor and wonder like it has in the past.