ᵘ ᵍ ʰ ﹗

wide awake, my mistake, so predictable. you were fake, i was great, nothing personal, i'm walking, who's l a u g h i n g now ??

[daniellecamp]

[cblivicns-blog]

inhalcyon:

cblivicns.

kai looks at her like he thinks she’s going to disappear. or maybe it’s that he thinks that he might be the one to disappear, and his chest is constricting, tightening until he’s struggling to free himself. the only physical thing he manages to get ‘free’ of is his shirt, and he’s pulling it off over his head, messy auburn air falling to settle in disarray when he lets it drop to the floor. that’s better. that’s a bit better. it’s such a relief when she comes over to him that he makes a noise he hadn’t realized he’d had in him, letting it go free while he pressed back lightly into the feeling of her there, against his skin. he’s burning up, too hot and too restless to lie still, and one of his hands moves to tangle into his hair as he tries to sort out his thoughts. tries to sort out anything. in the end, what he latches onto is the only thought that makes sense, ringing singular and true in the ruined landscape of his mind. he’s too full. he’s too much. “i love you.”

his skin feels hot . . burning to the touch against svelte fingertips, it’s got her very nervous to say the very least ; in a good way, almost. the consistent rush of blood rushes to her face and it’s a damn good thing he can’t see her right now to know her heart is racing a mile a minute. claudia closes her eyes, takes a deep breath in mere attempt to calm down her heartbeat, her stomach and whatever else seems to be tossing itself into a pool of anxiousness. her fingertips ghost against heated skin, brushing against every freckle that’s evident only to trace around every bit she’s able to reach this close. his words almost come in too fuzzy to her ears as she squints attempting as if she’s heard him correctly . . which she HAS for certain. her breath almost leaves her as she slides her hands slowly down his back, watching his own tangle within auburn locks ; it’s almost artistic, she thinks but more so focuses on what she’s thinking right now. it’s almost word vomit that comes up so fast she can hardly even taste the meaning behind it, though with no question whatsoever it comes out smooth, soft and honest more than anything. “i love you too.”

[cblivicns-blog]

inhalcyon:

BASED ON THE PLOT IN THIS POST

kai feels worse than he looks. there’s something inside of him telling him that this isn’t okay, that this is a bad idea, that he should just stop talking and he should just close his eyes and he should just empty his stomach whenever he can manage to move enough to not ruin the sheets. he knows he won’t, though. he knows he won’t. his movements are sloppy as he kicks his shoes off, and his eyes are half-lidded, and he’s drank half a pub out of stock throughout the course of the evening; it’s a wonder he’s even conscious. it’s a wonder he’s even coherent. perhaps he isn’t at that. perhaps the fuzziness in his brain, and the far-away sound of his shoes hitting the carpeted floor is indication of the opposite. he can’t think. all he can do is act.

“don’t go.” / @cblivicns.

claudia’s eyes grow blank, looking at the him with the glossy shimmer coating over deep oceanic colors. the request on having her stay leaves her well confused . . he’s pretty hammered for as much as she can see, though to no surprise of the way they typically function together she’s just about ready to head home . . it’s quite late, as it usually is most times. though he’s a right mess at the moment, claudia well . . she’s always going to remember this, as she does any other time with kai, even completely gone with the world. her feet are planted onto the ground, shuffling in her stature to stay stable as she walks back over before hands just press against the space of his back only for her forehead to rest right against the middle of her hands. “i hadn’t quite planned on it YET.” she mumbles before practically nuzzling her forehead right into kai’s back.

[cblivicns-blog]

2016 is really making itself last w these last three hours

[cblivicns-blog]

Happy New Year! (Timezones be like)

UK: Happy New Year everyone!

US: We still have 6 hours.

Australia: Lol, its January 2.

[uglypnis]

[louisea-deactivated20181126]

[cblivicns-blog]

louisea:

x

[cblivicns-blog]

all my life rly consists of being second choice n sad pretty much always lmao

[nichkhun-nsc]

im a shitty rp partner tho

sometimes i reply 19 seconds after youve replied

sometimes i reply 147 years later

[cblivicns-blog]

inhalcyon:

cblivicns.

kai manages a small smile. he doesn’t know where it comes from other than a place of comfort, for comfort. for claudia. there’s something in her tone that makes him want to wrap around her, to keep her safe and make sure she’s going to be okay even after he has to leave. he knows it isn’t his place to be her protector; hell, he knows she likely doesn’t even need him to be that, but it doesn’t quell the urge to rise up and make himself big and fight away anything negative that she ever feels. he fears, in some small part of him, that he’s the reason for even the slightest hint of bad there. perhaps that’s not an entirely inaccurate assessment.

pity me, she says, and he tightens the hold of his arm around her shoulders, his fingertips pressing into her upper arm in a light grip. no, not pity her. pity kai. pity him and his perpetual winter, and he hopes, he hopes that she continues to live in this summer. he hopes there aren’t just random bouts of warmth whenever he manages to step back into the scene, because she deserves better than that. she does. she always has, so far back as he can remember being with her, which is a long time. which is longer than anybody else. it means something. it means a lot.

“as often as i can. you can visit me too, if you want to. i’m not – i mean, it’s not going to be something where i just… drop off the face of the earth.” that in and of itself is abnormal for kai. every time he’s left anyone behind in the past, it’s been entirely, and for her it’s already different. for her, even knowing is different, because that isn’t a courtesy he’s given many people. there’s a twinge of guilt for it, somewhere in the depths of him, and he shifts his body, more thoroughly pressing them together as if it’s not pushing twenty-nine in here already. he doesn’t mind it. he’s going to miss it when he’s gone. “i want to live somewhere where it doesn’t get cold.”

her eyes remain dilated while her breathing shifts ever so slightly, gaze momentarily turning to the way his fingertips press into her skin ; claudia of course yearning for something closer as she leans into him absentmindedly. or well, supposedly so anyways. her own fingertips brush against his thigh, not necessarily too questionably but seeing as she won’t be able to sit like this, close, the heat radiating around the both of them ; no matter how unbearable the warmth might be she wants to live up these moments to the best she even can before he’s gone and gone for however long he ends up being gone for. hesitantly, but surely claudia reaches for his hand upon her arm as a weak smile works to her pale features. 

svelte fingertips brush against his skin, he feels like summer . . warm and inviting but more importantly merely slipping from her clammy fingers as the seasons change desperate for autumn and winter to take their course in snail pace. claudia isn’t much for visual emotion, but it’s far from hidden on telling if she’s okay or not. she used to despise the summertime, it was far too hot for her liking, coming from a place where winters are much more harsh than the people surrounding her. claudia continues to allow her fingertips to brush with kai’s, swallowing the emotion that pits in her being ; this is her best friend, after all. there’s a consistent fear on losing that more than just wintertime . . but forever, in an instant. 

claudia moves her hand to wrap his back around hers only to shift in her seat, turning her body more so to face him while her other hand lifts to brush against his. “whatever you wanna do, i’ll come see you. no matter how near, far, anywhere. i’ll come visit.” fingertips brush against freckled skin and she SWEARS her heartbeat rings in her ears again. she loves him, she reminds herself ; ultimately his happiness, is hers without question. she knows kai, knows him well enough that she’s beyond lucky he’d come back for her. or come back at all in that matter, claudia of course is endlessly grateful for that and hopefully by the way she’s caressing his skin.

[archiveblog0101]

[cblivicns-blog]

daniellecampbell:

danielle campbell in 2016

[cblivicns-blog]

inhalcyon:

cblivicns.

kai’s eyes are on her knee. sweat sticks auburn strands to his neck, to his temples, and his eyelashes flutter as he parts his lips around a response that doesn’t immediately come. instead, his mind is flooding with memories of that cake they’d eaten two weeks ago, mangoes and cream at some cafe he can’t remember the name of. they’d walked aimlessly for the better part of forty-five minutes before they found it, talking and laughing, and eventually complaining for the way the heat made their clothes cling to their frames. kai remembers wishing he could strip them both out of them.

right now, all he can think about is that he thinks her skin would probably taste like that cake. mangoes and cream. he drank directly from the sink when they finally stumbled back to his flat, temporary as it is, with all of his boxes half-packed. they both know he won’t be here two weeks from now. they’re both sick with it, even if they don’t say it out loud.

that’s why kai has asked the question he has, like he’s hinting out of the peripheral of their tenuous relationship at what he really means. what he’s really asking. he swallows hard, mouth a bit dry as he moves just fractionally, one of his arms going around her shoulders with all the practised ease of a movement he has made hundreds of times before. his shirt is slightly damp where it’s hugging his body, but it’s nothing she hasn’t dealt with before, and him as well for her part ten times over.

“no, i don’t think i can.” he replies, picking around his words carefully, like he’s afraid that if he speaks too earnestly, he might give himself away to her. perhaps that wouldn’t be such a bad thing after all. he doesn’t really know, mostly because he’s never had the guts to try it. “not just on account of the tour, but i just… i guess i don’t really feel like i belong here anymore. haven’t for a long time.” here meaning this country, this city. if here was only with her, he would be telling her a different story right now. “doesn’t change my reasons for always coming back.”

her eyes almost sting to his response, her heartbeat doesn’t hesitate to speed up as much as it possibly can.. claudia swallows the brief lump in her throat that sounds so much louder to her than to kai ; or so she prays it does. oddly enough she can’t quite picture her life without seeing him so often, they’ve grown on each other as far as she’s well understood. of course she doesn’t really find herself clinging to many, yet him, it’s been nothing but some sort of cling on desperation, hope maybe she’d find some sort of way to get him to stay here. not the city, but here with her. she doesn’t care where it is, she never has, as long as he managed by her side. 

claudia merely remembers the blurry nights filled with laughter, tons that either haven’t gotten very much yet the amount of light in her eyes is far from blatant with dark liquor and him by her side. her mind focuses on the idea of being alone, it’s a terrifying thought she can’t quite process just yet nor does she want to anytime soon for that matter. her body heats up, maybe its the anxiety mixed with fear or maybe just the deep infatuation. regardless of either she’d prefer it stay flush anywhere else but her face. 

it feels all too warm to her now, if the heat wasn’t a main factor of excuse she wouldn’t know how to explain why her hair just might be stuck against her forehead. it’s almost too embarrassing knowing she could give the obvious answer away, though her eyes focus on his lips intently as he speaks. almost too eager on just how they’d feel against her own, to her own dismay only in her wildest dreams would that ever be the case ; just about as tragic as your typical unrequited love story could get. “i see.” she replies simply, in a whisper. 

it’s almost as if she can feel her lungs caving in before her, he’s such an important part in her life it’s insane to think that maybe she’d wake up and not hear from him. or go out on slow evenings just for some sort of late night snack. she’s almost desiring him to be just that but claudia knows better than to set herself up for some sort of rejection in that matter. it wouldn’t be the first time, she reminds herself but it most definitely would be the last before burrowing herself away. “just would be strange not having you here y’know.” she continues, fingertips brushing against the lace of her shorts, her pinky guiding against his skin that remains pressed against hers. “how often would that be? pity me, i guess.” she finishes in a small laugh, it’s just about as hidden on painful as it could be.

[cblivicns-blog]

inhalcyon:

kai takes it in seasons.

the first is spring. this season comes when she walks into the room, when he catches her eyes for that initial rush of life, that inflation of his lungs and the fluttering thrum of his heart. thump. thump. thumpthumpthump. it goes, goes, goes, and he doesn’t breathe out for a long time, because the first breath he takes with her in the room is always the sweetest. he blooms.

the second is summer. this season comes when she smiles at him. it’s the endless beauty of the clear blue sky, and it’s warmth permeating his tired body, and it’s new freckles appearing to distort the constellations on his skin. it’s sun rash, sometimes, when it becomes too intense and he’s forced to pull his gaze away, and he itches at it, scratches at it, and he never wants it to go away.

the third season is autumn. this season comes when she’s drifting off to sleep, and he can hear her crackling voice on the other end of the line, and he wants to hold her. when sometimes she’s in his arms and he knows that he’s going to have to let go, but he’s dragging it out with dead leaves crumbling between his aching ribs, and the hollow, unsteady stutter of his pulse in his ears. what he hears better is her. what he feels more is her. it lasts forever, and then it somehow ends.

the fourth season is winter. this season comes when she leaves him. it hits hard and fast, like slipping on black ice, and like the first rush of arctic winds snatching all the oxygen from his lungs. it’s snow up to his chest, and it’s howling storms that shake and quake and wail until he doesn’t remember what it’s like to not be surrounded by frozen tundra.

so he takes it in seasons, and he knows it could be more, and he knows everyone else knows it could be more. everyone else except for her. right now it’s summer. right now he’s sure he’s got sweat dripping down his neck, sticking auburn hair to his flushed skin, and he can feel her heat pressed to him where their thighs touch as they sit together on his best mate finn’s ratty sofa. you kinda love her, huh? he’d said earlier. she hadn’t been around to hear it.

“do you want to live here forever? in this city?” kai asks, suddenly and out of the blue, and not for the first time he wonders if when she dreams of her future, is he involved? or is it just winter all the time? / @cblivicns.

a hesitant digit rolls over the soft surface of her bottom lip, a tired gaze flickering over to him ; exhaustion is no secret, summertime seems to be filled with sleepless nights including many deep thoughts . . some of the misfortune in how the sky looks so cloudy thanks to the city, others dreaming of what a quiet slumber would be like yet somehow her mind ponders on him. claudia is desperate to shake those as much as possible, yet lately it’s somehow a struggle to do even that. her breathing shifts, along with her stature even sat next to him while the soft skin of her knee brushes against his leg. 

claudia takes a moment to wonder, does she really want to be here forever . . her instant answer is to just blurt out how anywhere with him is like home, but as usual that answer just chokes in the back of her throat as her shoulders slowly rise and fall in an instant. “it’s okay, i guess.” she replies, voice soft as her bottom lip tucks in between pearly whites. shaky fingertips find their way down to the hem of her shirt, covering her slightly sweat coated tummy while bright eyes keep their place evident to kai. 

such an unusual question to ask . . though she’s better off with curiosity not killing her cat for that matter, so instead full lips tug into a brief smile as she nestles back comfortable into her seat. “i would guess that you wouldn’t wanna live here forever either, huh?” she wonders, a delicate finger lifting to tuck small strands of brunette behind her ear. it’s an obvious answer she thinks, though she’s doing her absolute best to hide the indication that maybe she’d rather him stay here . . as long as its possible, really. forever of course, seems too far fetched even for them. no matter how much she’d want it, enjoy it and ultimately be happy with it. 

happiness is evident in her life, whether it be with herself or even . . anything else, but there’s no happiness like kai, nor has there ever been with another. she fears that maybe that happiness is far too good to be true . . even for her ; the thought alone rattles her heartbeat to a thicker pace, retorting her vision down to her thighs while balmy fingertips brush against the skin in mere distraction. 

[cblivicns-blog]

crushsuggestions:

2016 has been a really shitty year, but you’ve made it bearable at worst, okay at best.

[cblivicns-blog]

long time no see y’all , if any1 still be following me , i wanna like return 2 this blog so i guess if any1 still into doin’ shit w/ me hit a girl up ?? lmao 

[cblivicns-blog]

lissen i lowkey wanna come back on here but like i need 2 not have 2984234 muses but i don’t trust myself ......... fuc

[cblivicns-blog]

alright so i’m gonna reply 2 the drafts i have currently, but if we have a verse & stuff like that and want like snap / text threads i’ll more than likely reply to those quicker just bc of my semi hiatus & all that