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To do anything well, you must first care. Passionately. And be enthusiastic. Be hungry. Stay hungry. Be proactive. Do more than your job description. In fact, create your own job. Understand that receiving criticism is the quickest way to improve. And that sometimes being fired, or not getting what you want, is absolutely the best thing that could happen. Be a team player. Give credit where credit is due; ‘we’ is always stronger than ‘I’. But if something goes wrong, take responsibility, stand up and be counted. Love your life outside work – it’s the only way to stay sane, and that’s more important the higher up you go. Know your physical limits, but never stop dreaming. Never mock another person’s dreams. Don’t be a quitter. If you believe you can do something, you’ve already done the hard part. Be curious. Stay curious. Rules are overrated but respect is everything. Play for win/win scenarios. Don’t ask permission to succeed, just get on with it. If something hasn’t been done before, it doesn’t mean it’s not possible. In short, dream, believe, do! But be prepared to work bloody hard, over and above expectations. Never cheat. Don’t gossip. Have a moral code. Enjoy the ride. The aim is to screech to a halt when you finally get to those pearly gates and say wow, what a blast! Not oops, I forgot something.

http://www.elledecoration.co.uk/editors-letters/july-dream-believe-do/

“The more you document your own life, the more you check in, you tweet, the more you post photos of what you did last night, the more you do all of this stuff, or even in my case, the more you listen for little lines of dialogue that can make their way into stories, the more you photograph moments, in a way, the more you start to step out of those moments, and if you do that too much, you become a spectator to your own life.” - Jonathan Harris

http://www.swiss-miss.com/2012/08/spectator-of-your-own-life.html

Here’s the thing that no one ever tells you about falling in love: It’s the real deal. The full spectrum. The highs, the lows, the conviction that you might never get enough compounded by intense, get-me-outta-here claustrophobia. The incredible nervousness about whether or not the feelings are mutual, the looking for confirmation in crazy things, like eye contact and horoscopes. There is a sweetness to it, yes, the curl of an arm around your neck or the smell of the top of a head that makes you doe-eyed and useless, but there’s the undercurrent of panic, the unnerving notion that you are really at the mercy of someone who could wipe the floor with your heart. What if it doesn’t last? (It won’t.) Where will you be then? (Alone, chewing through what’s left of my dignity with my really good teeth.)

Going to bed full of worry, fear, and batshit crazy. Again.

MAKE SOMETHING MONTH

11/1: sweat at the gym/cd covers for fall 2011 mixes

11/2: greggy's quilt/the monthlies: october 2011

I'm sorry...

...for not being good enough. I tried, I really did.

...for not being strong enough to tell you that even though you tried, it was never going to be good enough.

...for letting you back in. We had some good times, though, and I'm not sorry about that.

...that you weren't big enough to be yourself when I needed you.

...that you had to take time off of work to help move the new washer and dryer because I put my back out. It was really good sex, I'm not sorry about that.

...for letting myself get lost.

...that I never got you a birthday present this year.

...that it didn't work out. I miss you terribly.

she...

...loved her life and it loved her right back.

...listened to her heart above all the other voices.

...pursued big dreams instead of small realities.

...saw every ending as a new beginning.

...discovered her real measurements had nothing to do with numbers or statistics.

...was kind, loving, and patient...with herself.

...woke up one day and threw away all her excuses.

...realized she was missing a great deal by being sensible.

...turned her can'ts into cans, and her dreams into plans.

...ignored people who said it couldn't be done.

...had a way of turning obstacles into opportunities.

...went out on a limb, had it break off behind her, and discovered she could fly.

...discovered that she was the one she'd been waiting for.

...added so much beauty to being human.

...walked in when everyone else walked out.

...just had this way of brightening the day.

...made the whole world feel like home.

...decided to enjoy more and endure less.

...decided to start living he life she'd imagined.

...colored her thoughts only the brightest hues.

...ran ahead where there were no paths.

...held her head high and looked the world straight in the eye.

...not only saw a light at the end of the tunnel, she became that light for others.

...designed a life she loved.

...took the leap and built her wings on the way down.

...said bye-bye to unhealthy relationships.

...remained true to herself.

Pep Talk

Hard things that you have done that are awesome: Hiking. Hiking with your best friends. Hiking the PCT. In the Snow. Hiking with a backpack. Overnight. Climbing rocks. Swimming in an alpine lake. Kayaking. In the PACIFIC. OCEAN. Whitewater Rafting. And only falling out when you wanted to.

See? No problem. You can do this, Campbell. You've got this.

Thoughts that are worth documenting but not fully articulating

Tired. Dizzy. Dehydrated? My wrists and ankles are feeling bone-on-boney. Too much yoga or not enough?

So many babies, kids, couples this weekend. Can. Not. Wait to do that myself. I know that when BIG LOVE shows up, it's going to be amazing. Balls to the wall good. Ready to be ready for that.

Really wish I could cut this Mister Olympics shit out. Wish he would be less exactly what I'm looking for. Wish his junk would be less attractive to my soul. Wish we could meet on the same terms.

Terrified.

Exhausted.

Contact=therapeutic and draining. Like pretty much everything else this week. I really do miss him; having someone on my side who knew how scary Aaron is. Too bad he's not ready to be himself. I will settle for nothing less.

Can't decide if I'm guilty or proud for managing three loves at once. Really miss my Canuck. A lot. Fuck you, wulfers. Fuck you.

BR is awesome. So loving his blog. His point of view. His beard. Really love the beard. Proud of myself for not being intimidated by a waif-ish volunteer junkie. Cute, yes. Ultimately unsure of herself? Yes. E is a much better role model.

Seriously proud of my friends. Especially that Canuck. And that Mountain Man. And the new Mom. And the Mom of the five year old. And everyone else. Love, love, love.

Sleep. I need sleep and water.

PCT

Wednesday: The wanderlust, it itches. We ask each other, "When are we going hiking again?".

Thursday: Hours lovingly pouring over topo maps, drooling over scenic photos, and settling on a route; The PCT past Peter Grubb Hut, over Castle Peak, to Paradise Lake where we would camp for the night and do a polar bear swim in the morning.

Friday: Giddy with excitement, we head to REI, pick out dehyrated food and a new sleeping bag. Plans are set, we are THRILLED, the kind of happy when you can't stop grinning.

Saturday: We meet up after yoga, throw the gear in the Prius, and head off for Donner Summit. Stop in Colfax for lunch sandwiches and a requisite bottle of Glenlivet. Make it to the PCT parking lot at 1 and set about packing our crap. "Do we need this?" "No" <tossed back into the car> "Do we need THIS?" "No". Sunscreen, boots, packs on and a last trip to a real toilet and we are off.

Half a mile out of the lot and we are lost. Piles of snow, obscured trail markers; not even twenty minutes out of the gate, and we are wrestling with ourselves; do we pull out the book and consult the map? Already? Me in my trainers, slipping and sliding down icy slopes, gripping my pole and trying not to cry inside. Did I mention that I'm a wee bit terrified of snow? Frustrated but still giddy, we look at the map and forge on. And then, we come to a lake... JUST LIKE THE BOOK SAID! THEN THE FIRST CULVERT! AND THE SECOND CULVERT. Pretty soon we are legitimately on trail, gently wheezing from the ascent, trekking in step. Happy again.

And then...the trail vaporizes. One minute we are following markers on trees, a well trodden path in the dirt, and then it vanishes. The PCT pulls a Houdini. Motherfuck. Mindless steps climbing snow drifts, trying to make some sense of our location, our direction. Why is this so HARD? One hour passes. Two hours pass. Three hours pass. Nothing. And then, a duck! A sign from the universe (or a fellow hiker) that we are going where we intended! We ascending granite slabs, up, and up, and up. It's 4:30 and we break for lunch. "Ryan, is it ok to be frustrated?" "Yes. As long as you realize we're in nature and everything is going to be ok."

More hiking. Up and down drifts. In and out of puddles of mud. Across streams. Snow. More snow. Frustration. More frustration. Utter and abject failure. I am clearly the worst hiker in the Universe. Why am I so bad at this?!? We keep walking. One foot in front of the other. We will find it. We will figure it out.

And then we see it; a tent in the woods! They tell us that after trudging through the same drifts, losing the same trail, and getting equally wet that they have decided to camp for the night. It is just too hard for them to go on.

Oh. Hmm. Maybe they have a point.

We look up at each other, grinning. Maybe it is not OUR FAULT that we're not succeeding in reaching our destination. Maybe the twenty fucking feet of snow that is covering the ground and the lack of a goddamn trail have something to do with it. Maybe it is not Personal Failure but Legitimate Obstacles that are preventing us from logging 16 miles today. Agenda be damned, it's going to be ok.

We take deep breaths and head off in the opposite direction. And we are happy. We are frolicking. We are playing John Muir, pretending to have biscuits in our pockets. We are climbing through trees, sliding down snow drifts, enjoying the fact that we are the luckiest motherfuckers in the world. "Where are we?" "Planet Earth/North America/California/Nevada County/Tahoe Forest/Pacific Crest Trail" No, our location is not defined by a zip code but by a motherfucking trail.

Times When I Did Not Listen To My Gut

Gut: CAMPBELL. DO NOT STAY IN THIS JOB. IT IS KILLING YOUR SPIRIT.

Head: Gee. This mediocre paycheck is probably worth it. I wonder why I'm stressed all the time?

Gut: CAMPBELL. DO NOT BRING THIS BOY BACK INTO YOUR LIFE.

Head: Um, I think it will be ok. We'll see.

Gut: CAMPBELL. PLEASE CHOOSE THIS MOUNTAIN MAN OR THIS CANUCK INSTEAD OF THAT BOY.

Head: Um, maybe I can just have all three? At the Same time? I think it will be ok.

Gut: I AM GOING TO RELEASE THE CONTENTS OF YOUR STOMACH ALL OVER YOUR YOGA MAT EVERY TIME YOU TAKE WARRIOR 2 BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT LISTENING TO ME.

Head: Hmm. Maybe I should take some Tums. Or stop going to yoga.

Gut: GO TO YOGA.

Head: I'll take some more Tums.

Gut: SIGH.

#ErikaNapoletano RedheadRanting Gut

A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within, more than the lustre of the firmament of bards and sages. Yet he dismisses without notice his thought, because it is his. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Happy. Healthy. Active. Whole. Financially secure. Full of adventure.

#Trust30 CindyGallop

When good is near you, when you have life in yourself, it is not by any known or accustomed way; you shall not discern the foot-prints of any other; you shall not see the face of man; you shall not hear any name;—— the way, the thought, the good, shall be wholly strange and new. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I see and feel that Summer in snippets. Little reels of how it was that wouldn't make sense to anyone else. How hard I wailed that night in the bathroom, trying to exorcise the splitting pain. The smell of the elevator and the sparkle of the sidewalks, stumbling through San Francisco in numb daze. Waking up in the night, screaming; at him, for him. There are whole months that I've lost, but I can remember those isolated feelings; mostly pain.

And then the pain began to dull. I moved out of our abandoned "home", into a space where I could create new memories. I went out with new friends, old friends, kissed strangers, drank beer (probably too much). I ran. A lot. The pain was still there but now it was missing the sharp edge. I kept at it and booked a trip to New York; not to run away from the old pain but to sprint into a new happiness.

And then there I was, eating brunch Central Park on a Sunday morning, soaking up the heat, and humidity, and life of the city. And I could not stop grinning because I was SO. FREAKING. HAPPY. Just three months earlier I had been living as a shell of myself, miserable without even knowing it, feeling completely helpless...and now I was in the greatest City on earth, having the time of my life. In that moment I was utterly grateful and felt totally supported by the Universe, just stunned by the goodness of it all.

#Trust30 BridgetPilloud

Do your work, and I shall know you. Do your work, and you shall reinforce yourself. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

#Trust30 ColinWright

When good is near you, when you have life in yourself, it is not by any known or accustomed way; you shall not discern the foot-prints of any other; you shall not see the face of man; you shall not hear any name; the way, the thought, the good, shall be wholly strange and new. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

In yoga yesterday, Diana told us that we can not have what we don't ask for. We must be clear in what we ask of the Universe, empty our mind of negative thinking, and take action; we will then be granted more than we ever expected.

While still on a yoga high (still in sweaty lululemon), I stopped for coffee and made a list of What. I. Want. It's a good list; a big, dreamy, expansive list. It was scary, writing down the things I've always hoped for but was too (timid? afraid? embarrased?) to admit.

So, now the Universe knows what I'm hoping for. I'll be working to clear the pathways of negative thinking, inaction, and muddled intention and trusting the Universe to take care of the rest.

#trust30 JonathanFields

I will not hide my tastes or aversions. I will so trust that what is deep is holy, if we follow the truth, it will bring us out safe at last. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Surprising successes (this quarter): Talked honestly and openly with my parents about the past, present, and future. And finances. / Appeared in front of a judge and presented my case clearly. And won. / Walked into a spin class full of fear and walked out covered in sweat. / Showed up (mentally and physically) to a new yoga studio and did not fail. / Partitioned drives, upgraded the system, and installed software allbymyself.

Surprising successes (that I expect this week): Taking care of my body (eating well, staying hydrated, exercising) in the wake of a really ridiculous vacation. / Trusting that everything will be ok. / Taking action. / Attending a funeral and being strong. / Hiking without fear. /

#Trust30 AshleyAmbirge

These are the voices which we hear in solitude, but they grow faint and inaudible as we enter into the world. Society everywhere is in conspiracy against the manhood of every one of its members. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Campbell, you know what you need to do. Stop being a chicken, get out there, and shine.

#trust30 LachlanCotter

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