Let My Love Open the Door
Hello, I have no idea what I’m doing. But here goes.
Jiara Week 2021
Day 7
4 times the door was locked, plus one time it wasn’t.
It was a miracle no one had called him out before on the way he’d been staring at her all day, even though he knew he’d been less than subtle no matter how hard he tried. Now, he was giving up. He looked down from the long line of her throat, to the slice of skin exposed between her top and her shorts, and her legs that just went on and on forever. She grinned at him and sauntered past, ghosting her fingers across his arm and tossing him a look over her shoulder.
“Come on.”
“Release yourself from misery
There’s only one thing gonna set you free”
- Let My Love Open The Door by Pete Townsend
1.
The sun setting over the Boneyard had a way of signaling to everyone there that now was when the fun really began. Pogues, Kooks, and Tourons alike mingled, the sound of laughter and music permeating the air as the teens gathered on the beach danced together with half full beer cans held aloft. The summer heat lessened with the loss of the sun, but there was still a sheen of sweat on everyone’s skin that glistened in the light from the fire pits, the lanterns and flashlights scattered around, and the moon overhead.
Kiara downed the last of her beer, her head tipped back as her eyes searched around to see who she would coerce into dancing with her. It wasn’t unusual for her to lead one of her friends closer to the music, not that they were difficult to convince. One nod of her toward the other dancing bodies, or one knowing smirk paired with a crook of her finger, and one of her boys would gladly follow her into the crowd. A lot of the time, she found herself dancing with John B. He was generous with his affection and would never say no when she asked. Pope wasn’t much of a dancer, and when she’d drag him along he’d really just shuffle awkwardly and try to make sure his eyes didn’t stray anywhere potentially inappropriate. Mostly, she would try to catch JJ before he was flirting with some unsuspecting girl, if he wasn’t already dancing or otherwise engaged somewhere.
Tonight, he was already looking at her. Honestly, he’d been watching her all day, ever since he showed up at the Chateau and found her and John B investigating what was under the Twinkie’s popped hood. She was bent over the engine, wearing nothing but a bikini top and shorts. It was almost painful as the afternoon dragged on, the confident way she grabbed tools from the toolbox and argued with John B over what to try next. She enjoyed the work, and she was good at it. She was also beyond beautiful with her hair falling out of her bun, into her face, her skin streaked with dirt and oil. He was sure she had to know how beautiful she was, and also that it meant absolutely nothing to her. Sure, she’d been known to use it to her advantage. One flirty smile from her was like a tractor beam that no one could escape from. No one JJ had met, anyway. But she was more concerned with surfing and sea turtles and keeping plastic out of the oceans, and JJ would never have the guts to admit out loud but her considerable beauty was no match for the person she was inside.
It was a miracle no one had called him out before on the way he’d been staring at her all day, even though he knew he’d been less than subtle no matter how hard he tried. Now, he was giving up. He looked down from the long line of her throat, to the slice of skin exposed between her top and her shorts, and her legs that just went on and on forever. She grinned at him and sauntered past, ghosting her fingers across his arm and tossing him a look over her shoulder.
“Come on.”
He followed immediately, caught up in the way her hips swayed with the music. Kiara wasn’t necessarily a touchy person, and JJ had a good sense of when to give her some space and when she might let him get a little closer. Tonight, she was draping her arms over his shoulders as she moved. His hands gripped her hips, eyes locked on her smile. He pushed her gently away, grasping her arm as she went and spinning her. She laughed and when she landed with her back to his front, she leaned into him, impossibly close as they danced.
There was no one else on the beach. Not their friends watching them with amusement and maybe a little jealousy, not the Kooks talking shit because they were probably jealous too. It was only them, the music, the sticky heat that clung to them and made it hard to breathe. Or maybe it was being so close, with his arm locked across her hips to hold her to him, her hand reaching back to get lost in his hair.
His lips brushed her neck, just barely. She turned back around and he missed her even though she was still in his arms. For a moment he thought she would back away, but instead she rested her elbows on his shoulders, returning her hands to his hair as they swayed. His fingers crept under the hem of her shirt, slipping through the sweat. The night air seemed to get heavier, pressing in on them so they got closer, closer. He was sure that his heart was either racing astronomically or it had stopped beating altogether. All his senses registered nothing but Kiara, her scent of weed and flowery shampoo, the feel of her skin, soft beneath his fingertips. The sight of her getting lost in the music and the party, completely filling his vision. The need to taste her gripped at him, pulling at his strings like he was a puppet whose movements were not under his own control.
JJ rested his forehead against Kiara’s, watching her mouth. He could have sworn that her eyes were on his mouth too, and he almost groaned when she bit her bottom lip between her teeth. It was involuntary when his chin tilted forward, his lips just a breath away from hers.
Something in her expression changed, like the spell was broken and reality was crashing in on her. Her arms dropped, her hand smacking him lightly on the chest on the way.
“Nice try, Maybank.”
She stretched her arms over her hand, digging her hands into her curls. Pinning him with a smile, she reached out to point at him. “I’m gonna get another beer, you want?”
He declined, forcing himself to smile back before tossing a glance over his shoulder. “Gonna keep checking out what’s going on here.”
For a moment he thought she was going to stay, but then she nodded in agreement and told him she’d see him in a bit and made her way back to their friends.
2.
The creaking floorboard jerked JJ awake, his fists flying up defensively even though his eyes didn’t know where to look. At last, he noticed a shape as it passed the pullout where he’d been asleep. There was just enough light from the window for him to make out Kiara’s face, her expression sheepish.
“Sorry, I was trying to be quiet.”
“S’cool. Everything okay?” he replied, wincing as he sat up. He rubbed the heel of his hand at his eye, and cringed at the dryness in his mouth.
“I’m just getting some water,” she told him, and continued onto the kitchen. She was standing at the sink, filling a glass, when he realized she was wearing a shirt that looked a lot like one of his, and nothing else. The hem just barely covered her ass, and his eyes roamed up her legs, from the ankles she had crossed as she leaned forward against the sink, up, up, and up to the smooth skin of her thighs and the casual tilt of her hips. He swiped a hand over his face, trying to pull it together and remember how to breathe. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen Kiara in the tiniest of bikinis, but there was something different about her being half dressed for sleep. Here in the dark, quiet house, just the two of them awake, the sight of her bare legs and maybe a quick glimpse of her underwear was way more intimate than any bathing suit she could ever wear.
He realized she was walking back toward him, surprising him when she sat on the edge of the mattress and handed him his own glass of water. He thanked her and took a long sip, trying to keep his eyes off her legs when she was looking right at him.
“Nice shirt,” he joked. She glanced down at herself, and even in the moonlight he was sure he saw her blush.
“Sorry - I took a shower here earlier and I didn’t want to put my old clothes back on. I found this in Big John’s room, hope you don’t mind.”
“By all means,” he said, gesturing a nonchalant hand toward her.
They were quiet for a moment, sipping their waters in the dark, hushed room. Then, JJ tapped Kiara’s knee quickly.
“So, are you ever going to forgive John B?”
She rolled her eyes. “No.”
“I mean, it can’t be that bad if you’re still sleeping here. Besides, come on, Kie. Where’s your sense of romance?”
“Romance and Sarah Cameron do not exist in the same universe. She’s got an ulterior motive, Jayj. Even if she doesn’t know it yet. She’s going to mess this gold thing up,” she said, picking at the pilling on the sheets. “And she’s going to hurt him.”
“I mean, I feel like the obvious reply here is like ‘John B is a big boy, he can handle it.’, but obviously… it’s John B. There’s a good chance he cannot, in fact, handle it. If she were to like, ‘cobra’ him or whatever.”
Kiara looked up at him from under her lashes with a smirk. Encouraged, JJ continued.
“But, he’s got us looking out for him. That’s gotta count for something, right?”
She didn’t say anything, just took another sip from her glass and continued to stare down at the sheets, fidgeting. It killed him to see her so frustrated. Even worse now that they were alone in the dark and he was looking at her more closely, and he could sense that whatever Sarah did to Kiara had hurt her more than she’d ever admit.
He thought about John B’s recount of his kiss with Kiara, and he fought down the jealous part of him as he wondered if maybe there was something there that Kiara was just refusing to give in to. Convincing John B that Kiara liked him was a bit of an experiment. How would she react if one of her boys made a move? Well, a move she felt was genuine, because she never seemed to take JJ seriously when he flirted. He was a little bit ashamed of how thrilled he was when Kiara turned John B down, a little less so that she attributed it to “No Pogue on Pogue macking”. Still, it made him feel that maybe there was a chance for him, however microscopic. But if turning down John B was something she regretted, then watching the guy get wrapped around Sarah’s finger… Well, if that was the case, losing the gold to the girl would be one thing. But losing John B would be something else entirely.
“And y’know, it’s just John B. You still have me. I promise, you don’t gotta share me.”
Finally, she gave him a mild smile. “Take that, Sarah Cameron.”
JJ grinned, tapping her again on the knee, but this time he let his fingers linger. “I’d choose you, Kie. Every time.”
Her skin was so soft, he couldn’t help but skim his fingers over it. He could have sworn he saw her swallow, and her eyes were unreadable in the low light. His heart started to beat loudly in his chest, and he was sure she could hear it. He strained his ears to see if he could hear hers too. Without him meaning to, his hand spread out over her leg and squeezed. He ducked his head, trying to get her to meet his gaze.
He would kill to know what she was thinking right now. It was never quite clear how far she would let him go. Sometimes it felt like they were a breath away from letting themselves get carried away, but inevitably, she would push him away with a roll of her eyes, acting like it was a joke he was taking just a little too far. He desperately wanted her to know that it wasn’t a joke. The feeling that lived inside him was so much more than lust, and when it came to her, he wasn’t just looking for a good time. His hand shifted higher, his thumb sweeping over the inside of her thigh. For a second, he thought that maybe she was reaching out for his hand. God, he wished that’s what she would do. But instead, she held out her hand expectantly.
“You done with that?”
He handed her his empty glass and said thanks. He watched her walk back to the kitchen and place both cups in the sink, and then back into Big John’s room, maybe not trying quite so hard to be quiet this time.
“Night JJ.”
“Night Kie.”
3.
“You got your lighter?”
“What kind of question is that?” JJ replied, giving Kiara an incredulous look as she appeared next to the hammock. He was stretched out luxuriously, halfway asleep. His brow lifted with interest when she held up the joint she had pinched between her fingers, giving it a little wiggle to entice him.
“Found your shit, thought you’d appreciate it if someone rolled you a J for once.”
“You’re the perfect woman, Kie.”
He was rewarded with a little chuckle, and she climbed into the hammock with him. She took the opposite side, her legs sliding along his as she settled in.
“You want to do the honors?” she asked, handing over the joint. He accepted with his best approximation of a chivalrous nod, and snapped open his zippo. His hands cupped around the flame as he held it to the end of the joint, and when he pulled them away he held the smoke briefly in his lungs. He let it billow slowly out his nose as he passed the joint back to Kiara, trying his best to pretend he didn’t feel a little spark of… something when their fingers brushed.
“So,” she said. “John B and Sarah.”
“God only knows how they do it, right? Just can’t seem to keep themselves out of trouble. Thank god we’re not like that.”
Kiara laughed, loud and genuine. It was JJ’s favorite sound. She took a drag, looking out across the yard pensively. The sun was just setting, washing her in a golden glow. If he thought she was beautiful the rest of the time, he didn’t have words for what she was now.
“We’ll get ‘em back,” she said decisively. “We’re gonna figure it out.”
“Damn straight we are,” he agreed.
They continued to pass the joint back and forth in a comfortable silence. JJ was someone who was usually making some kind of noise, but somehow it was easy to sit there with Kiara. Saying nothing, doing nothing. Somehow, being alone with Kiara made it easy to just exist.
She was the first to break the silence. “Still can’t believe you made me go in that storm drain.”
“Yea, sorry about that,” he agreed. He smiled a little out of habit, but there was no humor in his voice. He didn’t know how to admit the fear that had gripped him when he realized she was trapped. The absolute panic when he wasn’t sure if they’d be able to get her out. He didn’t think he’d ever forgive himself for it, regardless of the fact that the mission was a success. Of course it was. It was Kiara.
“You’re an absolute badass for getting that gun though.”
“That was pretty good, right?” she said with a cocky grin. “Fuckin’ Shoupe though…”
“Fuckin’ Shoupe.”
He wrapped a hand around her calf, pulling her attention. “I really am sorry about the storm drain.”
She shrugged, surprising him by not shaking him off. “It all worked out in the end.”
He couldn’t tell her how little consolation that was, so he just nodded. His fingers itched to brush over her skin, but whatever was happening felt fragile. He was afraid to make a wrong move. All his moves seemed to be wrong, honestly. And anyway, he wasn’t sure what was going on with her and Pope. Seeing them kiss had all but crushed him. He was having to actively remind himself that these were his two best friends, and he wanted them to be happy even if it meant he wasn’t. Pope wasn’t sharing any information, though, and Kiara sure as shit wasn’t talking about it. He had no idea if they were something or nothing, and the lack of clarity was possibly killing him.
He was dying to ask, but since this was Kiara, sitting with him in the fading light, letting him into her space, he knew better. The last thing he needed was for her to decide that he was fishing for gossip or acting as Pope’s messenger. There was no doubt trying to open up that line of conversation was asking for trouble. She wouldn’t believe for a second that he’d want to be her wingman. She probably didn’t think he knew how. He knew her, though. She needed someone to listen to her vent, even if he couldn’t offer any advice. And the more he thought about it, the more he thought it was for the best she didn’t open up to him because just the idea of listening to her talk about falling for someone else broke him a little. For now, being the person Kiara sat with, quietly with their own thoughts and closer than he thought he had any right being, that would have to be enough.
4.
The inhabitants of Poguelandia were in remarkably good spirits for being stranded on an apparently deserted island in the Caribbean. They had been spending their days alternating between foraging for food, investigating the island for any signs of life, and horsing around in the water. When the sky was dark and dotted with sparkling stars, they’d add fresh wood to their firepit and gather around it. It was a lot like back home, really. Except JJ could feel Kiara’s concerned gaze on him almost all the time. She’d eye his wound, occasionally making him stand still to make sure it was healing well, that he didn’t reopen it or cover it with dirt and sand. He never complained. How could he, after what she had done for him?
And yet, he hadn’t gotten the chance to talk to her about or thank her, because they never had a moment to themselves. It seemed strange, because back home they were alone all the time. On the island, though, every time it was just the two of them she would wander off, or call out for one of their friends. She would talk to him and laugh at his jokes, and she even slept right next to him. It was like she was there, but she was so far away at the same time.
They must have been on the island for about a week the night he woke up and realized she wasn’t lying beside him. He spotted her a little farther down the beach, just a dark shadow sitting at the edge of the water. Quietly as he could, he got up and joined her, sitting down directly next to her without saying a word. She tensed up a bit, and it crushed him a little on the inside.
“Couldn’t sleep?” he asked her.
She didn’t look at him, just continued to stare out at the water with her arms wrapped around her knees. “Nope.”
“Is everything okay?”
“We’re on a deserted island, JJ,” she scoffed.
“Fair point,” he said. “But seriously, Kie. Are you okay?”
He glanced at her face and saw tears beginning to fall from her eyes. Worry gripped him, but he didn’t know what to do.
“Please tell me what’s wrong,” he begged. He wanted to reach out to her. To throw an arm over her shoulders, or take her up in his arms and hold her. She looked so fragile, drawn in on herself and overwhelmed.
“I’m so mad at you,” she whispered.
“What? Why?”
“You could have died, JJ.”
The reality of what Kiara had done started to take shape in JJ’s mind. He had pieced together the story based on everyone’s recollection - Kiara saying he got hit with the hilt of the machete and fell off the ship, she jumped after him and held him afloat until the others came around in the lifeboat. John B told him that it looked like Kiara was barely hanging on by the time they got there, and they were at risk of slipping beneath the surface before their friends reached them. Sarah had described the desperate look on Kiara’s face, both in the water and when they were finally on the lifeboat. He had heard the entire thing, he knew that Kiara had saved his life and risked her own to do it. He knew she was terrified before he woke up and he saw the relief on her face himself when he finally did. It wasn’t until now, though, that it occurred to him that she might be slightly broken over everything they’d gone through.
“I’m so sorry, Kie.”
“You shouldn’t have taken that hit for me,” she told him, finally meeting his eyes. The anger in them might be more convincing if she wasn’t still crying.
“He was attacking you, you can’t think that I’d…” he faltered, not able to form his thoughts into words. “It wasn’t a choice. He was going to hurt you.”
“And he did hurt you. JJ, I thought -” she sucked in a sharp breath and looked away. “I thought you were gonna die. What if I couldn’t…”
He knew that Kiara was someone who valued her space, especially when she was emotional, but he took a chance and turned toward her and pulled her into his lap. She let him, wrapping her arms around his torso and burying her face in his neck.
“I’m sorry. But shit, you saved my life, Kiara. I literally owe you my life. I wish I could tell you that you’ll never have to do it again, but who knows. All the shit we get ourselves into… Maybe you will have to save my ass again someday, because if anyone ever threatens you like that, you’re damn right I’m gonna take the hit for you. Every time.”
She tightened her arms around him, and her voice was thick with emotion when she spoke. “That’s not fair.”
“Of course it is. And anyway, you could have died too. Jumping in the water like that, holding my sorry ass up. You should’ve dropped me, but you didn’t. So let’s just say we’re even, yea?”
“Not even close,” she said. He chuckled and pressed a kiss against her hair. They stayed like that for a moment, wrapped around each other as soft waves lapped at the shore. The moon and stars were incredibly bright, making the water sparkle. In that moment, JJ was incredibly happy he was alive.
Kiara lifted her face, her cheeks still slightly damp. JJ brushed the tear tracks away, the corner of his mouth tilted. Looking at her lips was a force of habit, one that she usually didn’t even acknowledge. But now was one of the few times where her eyes dropped to his lips too. His heart jumped to his throat, mind racing with possibilities. He let his hand rest against her cheek, cradling her head. She leaned into his palm and her eyes momentarily drifted closed. It would be so easy to lean in and kiss her now. He thought that she might let him.
But he wanted too long, and Kiara was pulling away. “I think I’m ready to sleep now.”
He nodded in agreement, standing first so he could help her up. They walked back to the group and laid down in their spots, side by side. He wanted to reach out to her, to take her hand in his, to close the distance between them and sleep with her in his arms. He didn’t, but for the first time, he had hope in his heart that maybe someday he would.
+1.
JJ had never seen anything like it. Even the nicest hotels in OBX were nothing compared to the one he stood in now. The world was chaos - Big John was alive, Carla Limbrey was kind of on their side, and the chase for Denmark Tanney’s gold was as intense as ever. But right now, JJ Maybank was standing in the living room of a swanky hotel suite, bone tired and unable to do anything but stare at his surroundings.
Kiara came out of one of the bedrooms, hair wet and wearing clean clothes. Things had been different between them since the island. They stood closer together than before, and found themselves reaching out for one another’s touch. Even Kiara, who wasn’t necessarily the most affectionate person on earth, would lean her leg against his when they sat side by side. She would slide her fingers to his and grip his hand when he least expected it, acting like it was perfectly normal. Sleeping had become more difficult when he couldn’t hear her even breathing next to him, and he supposed it must have been mutual because she would find him lying somewhere and lay next to him, pressed up to his side.
She came over to stand next to him, and he draped his arm over her shoulders without thinking about it. Her arm slipped around his wait and she rested her cheek against his arm. Somewhere down below them, there was live music playing and it floated up through the open window, just loud enough to be heard.
“Y’know what?” JJ said with a sly grin. “We haven’t danced in a while.”
“We’ve been a little busy,” she replied.
He pulled away from her, keeping hold of her hand and when he had leaned back as far as he could, he tugged her toward him and twirled her under his arm. The sound of her laugh electrified him, and gave him a thrill that he had yet to find anywhere else. He dropped his hands to her waist at the same time her arms came around her neck. They swayed together slowly, not quite in time with the music but not caring.
“I don’t think this is how we usually dance.”
“S’not so bad though.”
She smiled and lifted one of her hands to slip her fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes at the feeling of her nails scraping along his scalp, and stepped even closer into her space. He rested his forehead against hers and they continued to dance in the late afternoon sun. Funny, how they always seemed to end up like this.
At some point the song changed, and voices from the people on the street mixed in with it so that none of it was discernible. Not that it mattered. The world had fallen away so that it was just the two of them, alive and alone and together.
“JJ.”
His eyes cracked open at the sound of his name, spoken in her perfect voice. She didn’t say anything more, just let her eyes drift over his face like she was memorizing him. When her eyes landed on his mouth, he was sure he stopped breathing. Her hand curved over his jaw, thumb rubbing over the light stubble there. Before he had a chance to consider what was happening, she had tilted her chin up and grazed her lips over his. Experience had trained him to the point that he responded intuitively, but it wasn’t until after she had pulled away that his brain was able to compute what happened. She stayed in his space, her eyes half closed as their breaths mixed together.
JJ’s mind was an absolute tangle of thoughts. He felt frozen. “Kie?”
“You really gonna leave me hanging?” she whispered. His lips were back on hers in an instant, pulling her bottom lip between his and touching it with just the tip of his tongue. He held her body hard against his, and he felt like all the unrequited feelings that had been building up for years were guiding his hands and his mouth. She answered him with equal fervor, fisting his shirt in her hands and biting down on his lips. It must have been a dream, or maybe he was dead. But when he broke away from her, panting, and opened his eyes, there she was. Looking every bit as caught up in him as he was in her.
“Is this something I’m allowed to do now?” he asked her. She pressed her smile against his lips in a sweet peck.
“Yea, I think I’m gonna need you to.”
“Oh thank fuck,” he breathed, kissing her again. There was no explanation for what was happening. He was kissing his best friend. His best friend, who he’d been in love with as long as he could remember. The smartest, most passionate, beautiful girl he’d ever known, who had turned down the two best guys he knew. And she was letting him angle her head just so, making soft noises when he kissed her deeper, her hands burning through his clothes no matter where she touched him.
JJ Maybank might have been the latest in a long line of good for nothing, going nowhere salt lifers. He was reckless and couldn’t make a good decision to save his life. It was completely unreasonable that a girl like Kiara Carrera would ever love him back. It was a miracle she was his friend, and every day he felt lucky for it. His love for her was a closed door, locked and leaving him wondering what could be happening on the other side.
Kiara Carrera had just handed JJ Maybank the key.