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　　　ココロの空白地帯

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It is part of my final work on London College of Communication BA(HONS) Photography 2014 final degree show.

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My final work on London College of Communication BA(HONS) Photography 2014 final degree show.

http://lccbap14.co.uk/ruitext.html

Description: 

Most of the time, I have been questioning myself, who I am, what I am doing, and what I want. In fact, desire is what brought me here, the desire to live and experience a physical life.

However, there comes a time when I realize that there is something too imperceptible to put a finger on- a context more to this life than the availability of what the five senses can physically see, feel, hear, touch or taste. It is subtle in the beginning, it hangs over, as if something threatening, dark or menacing is making me feel separate and out of space. It grows silently with frustration, like a feeling of being stuck, a desire to be in some other place, the need to find another place to be.

When life has become too much to take, too overwhelming or not whelming enough, there comes a strong desire to move away. It rises from the depths within the desire to die. The death desire comes up and reveals whenever I am deeply frustrated. I attempt to cover it over but it still lingers there as far as the most longed for desire in living becomes impossible.

Embalming of the moment through photography, the moment itself being preserved through the photographic image. The photographic moment of an image created for the photographic moment. For me photography is not just an instant but also all about time. When I release the shutter, the instant becomes the eternal and the eternity is an instant. Moreover, photography plays the role to imagine the past, present and future when the fact of an instant dissolves over time.

Time and death cross over each other at a point. From my understanding, photographing is similar to the moment as being is to death, it is the process that willfully to stop a stream and fix the time in a dramatic way. The drive to fasten vanishing moments against death, and it obeys the nature of desire-the strong affection of preserving the physical life.

There is a state of mind in Japanese Zen’s doctrine, says “form is emptiness, matter is void, all is vanity, and I exist because I think.” I had been taught the explanation of the theory in a philosophy lecture many years ago. It stated that feeling, thought, will, and consciousness are empty. Form is nothing more than emptiness. Emptiness is nothing more than form. Form is exactly emptiness and emptiness is exactly form. Nothing is born, nothing dies. Nothing is pure and nothing is impure. Nothings brows and nothing shrinks. All things are empty. I am reminded of reflecting past life when someone is dying. Perhaps the reflections are like photographic imagines, which exit in instant moments and eternal mind but at the end the imaginings belong to emptiness.

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It's hard to be controlled baby. 

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"With a broken wing, she still sings  She keeps an eye on the sky  With a broken wing,  She carries her dreams  Man, you oughtta see her fly! "

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The city is with the lights full on, but there seems to be nobody at home.

人は一人で生まれて一人で死んでいきます。

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http://youtu.be/aVmZpcrQBU4

白安－是甚麼讓我遇見這樣的妳

私は宇宙の塵 この茫々とした人の海を漂う 偶然に誰かの胸の中に迷い込んだ もうここから離れたくない 私は宇宙の塵 取りに足りないちっぽけな存在 偶然に誰かに深く愛されて 永遠にこのままいたいと願う 私をこんなあなたに出会わせたのはなに 私に自分を疑わせないものはなに 私に失う恐さをなくさせたのはなに この茫々とした人の海 私は透明になってしまいたくない 私は宇宙の塵 この茫々とした人の海を漂う もしあなたが必然的な存在ならば もうここから離れたくない もし時間によってあなたと引き裂かれる定めなら どうしたらあなたに頼らずにいられる

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「春と修羅」序　宮沢賢治

 わたくしといふ現象は

仮定された有機交流電灯の ひとつの青い照明です （あらゆる透明な幽霊の複合体） 風景やみんなといっしよに せわしくせわしく明滅しながら いかにもたしかにともりつづける 因果交流電灯の ひとつの青い照明です （ひかりはたもち　その電燈は失はれ） これらは二十二箇月の 過去とかんずる方角から 紙と鉱質インクをつらね （すべてわたくしと明滅し 　みんなが同時に感ずるもの） ここまでたもちつづけられた かげとひかりのひとくさりずつ そのとおりの心象ススケッチです これらについて人や銀河や修羅や海胆は 宇宙塵をたべ　または空気や塩水を呼吸しながら それぞれ新鮮な本体論もかんがえましょうが それらも畢竟こころのひとつの風物です ただたしかに記録されたこれらのけしきは 記録されたそのとおりのこのけしきで それが虚無ならば虚無自身がこのとおりで ある程度まではみんなに共通いたします （すべてがわたくしの中のみんなであるように 　みんなのおのおののなかのすべてですから） けれどもこれら新生代沖積世の 巨大に明るい時間の集積のなかで 正しくうつされた筈のこれらのことばが わずかその一点にも均しい明暗のうちに 　　（あるいは修羅の十億年） すでにはやくもその組立や質を変じ しかもわたくしも印刷者も それを変らないとして感ずることは 傾向としてはあり得ます けだしわれわれがわれわれの感官や 風景や人物をかんずるように そしてただ共通に感ずるだけであるように 記録や歴史　あるいは地史といふものも それのいろいろの論料といっしよに （因果の時空的制約のもとに） われわれがかんじているのに過ぎません おそらくこれから二千年もたつたころは それ相当のちがった地質学が流用され 相当した証拠もまた次次過去から現出し みんなは二千年ぐらい前には 青ぞらいっぱいの無色な孔雀が居たとおもい 新進の大学士たちは気圏のいちばんの上層 きらびやかな氷窒素のあたりから すてきな化石を発掘したり あるいは白亜紀砂岩の層面に 透明な人類の巨大な足跡を 発見するかもしれません すべてこれらの命題は 心象や時間それ自身の性質として 第四次延長のなかで主張されます

大正十三年一月二十日 　　　　　

  Preface to Spring and Ashura

translation by Roger Pulvers

The phenomenon called I Is a single blue illumination Of a presupposed organic alternating current lamp (a composite body of each and every transparent spectre) The single illumination Of karma’s alternating current lamp Remains alight without fail Flickering unceasingly, restlessly Together with the sights of the land and all else (the light is preserved…the lamp itself is lost)

These poems are a mental sketch formed faithfully Passage by passage of light and shade Maintained and preserved to this point Brought together in paper and mineral ink From the directions sensed as past For these twenty-two months (the totality flickers in time with me all sensing all that I sense)

People and galaxies and ashura and sea urchins Will think up new ontological proofs as they see them Consuming their cosmic dust…and breathing in salt water and air In the end all of these make up a landscape of the heart I assure you, however, that the scenes recorded here Are scenes recorded solely in their natural state And if this is nihil then it is nothing but nihil And the totality is common in degree to all of us (just as everything forms what is the sum in me so do all parts become the sum of everything)

These words were meant to be transcribed truthfully In the monstrous bright accumulation of time Of the present geological era Yet they have gone ahead and altered their construct and quality In what amounts to a mere point of contrasted light (or alternatively a billion years of ashura) Now it is possible that both the printer and I Have been sharing a certain turn of mind Causing us to sense these unaltered In all probability just as we are aware of our own sense organs And of scenery and of people through feeling And just as what is is but what we sense is common So it is that documents and history…or the Earth’s past Are nothing but what we have become conscious of Along with their divers data (at the root of the karmic qualifications of space-time) For all I know in two thousand years from now An appropriately different geology will be applied With fitting proofs revealed one after another from the past And everyone will surmise that some two thousand years before The blue sky was awash with colorless peacocks And rising scholars will excavate superb fossils From regions glittering with iced nitrogen In the very upper reaches of the atmosphere Or they might just stumble Upon the giant footsteps of translucent man In a stratified plane of Cretaceous sandstone

The proposition that you have before you are without exception Asserted within the confines of a four-dimensional continuum As the nature of the mental state and time in and of themselves

Kenji Miyazawa 20 January 1924

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人込みのこの世に自分というのは星屑もならないくらい小さいな小さいなホコリのような生き物だ。