cece

i write from time to time (she/her)

[emmaharwoods]

hope ur ok, olivia rodrigo // @fairycosmos via tumblr // seven, taylor swift // hozier via twitter // p.s. i still love you, jenny han // enough for you, olivia rodrigo // @grocerycores via tumblr // @frenchtoastlesbian via tumblr // hope ur ok, olivia rodrigo

[celesteapollon]

I find it a bit sad when people insist that they’re easy to forget. They don’t realize it, but they couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Because I met a girl in elementary school and we spent all our time together. We were always up to no good and our teachers tried and failed to separate us. We haven’t talked in years and I don’t think I’d recognize her now but I still use her name as the answer to those “who was your childhood best friend?” security questions.

Because I had another friend in high school, and we were two sides of the same coin. We swore we’d be friends forever and so would our future kids be but life got in the way as it usually does and I haven’t spoken to her in almost a year now. She hasn’t been in my life since then and neither have I been in hers. Still, I think of her each time I hear her favourite band come on the radio.

Because I fell in love with a girl when I was fifteen years old, and there have been times where I’ve dismissed whatever we had as juvenile and there have been even more times where I tried to forget her existence. Whatever it is that we had, I know that it left a mark on me because I have a shoe box hidden in my closet that I can’t bring myself to throw away, and it’s filled with photographs and letters and dried out petals from the first bouquet she ever bought me.

It has been years since I talked to them and I still have pieces of them woven into me. I no longer recognize these people, and they no longer recognize me but I knew them at some point in life. They never really left me and I don’t think they will.

[celesteapollon]

i want the kind of love they have in books. i want to hold hands and go on picnics and recite sappy poetry. i want cheesy love songs and dancing barefoot on the cold kitchen floor. i want walks around the park and late nights spent underneath the stars. i want secret love letters and lingering glances. i want silly inside jokes and lazy afternoons spent at home. i want late night conversations about everything and yet nothing at all.

i want to know what it means to look in someone’s eyes and feel at home.

[celesteapollon]

my toxic trait is that i let my academic achievements define my worth as a person

[celesteapollon]

happy holidays everyone! don’t text your ex <3

[celesteapollon]

“We wouldn’t have worked out anyway.” He says, laughing quietly. But I notice the uncertainty in his voice, how the words roll off his tongue strangely; as if he’s trying and failing to convince himself of his own words. My eyes flicker to his for a moment, long enough to notice the vulnerability beneath them.

I turn away from him and I force a laugh and nod in agreement, desperately trying to ignore the dangerous thoughts forming in my head. I can’t afford to think of what if’s and what could’ve been. To think of us happy together, had we done things a little differently. That would be torture.

- cece (melancholicwritings)

[lowkysad]

We are sitting on your bed, there is distance between us and the silence is suffocating me. I am holding my knees to my chest. My body is shaking; you are quiet. I ask you if you still love me, and you tell me that you are not sure that you ever did.

- Mariah Gordon-Dyke

[celesteapollon]

“To truly love another person is to accept the work of loving them is worth the pain of losing them.”

- The Haunting of Bly Manor

[celesteapollon]

almost, what if’s, and what could’ve been

i think the cruelest form of love that the human heart can experience is the kind that almost happened, but didn’t. it’s the kind that you planted and hoped would grow, but didn’t even live to reach its full potential.

it hurts because there’s no sense of finality when it comes to almost relationships. there was no definite end because it didn’t even bloom to see the beginning of something that could’ve been beautiful.

it hurts because you’ll never really know what could’ve happened, because it was right at your fingertips and you were so close - so close that you could see what it would’ve been like to be loved by them, to see the kind of future you could’ve had. but in the end, you weren’t close enough. so you torture yourself with questions of what if’s and ideas of what could’ve been. and the truth is, those questions and ideas are one of the worst pains you’d ever inflict upon yourself. it’ll drive you mad until one night you find yourself a heaping mess on your bedroom floor trying to piece yourself together.

but my god, i hope you won’t let this break you to the point of no return. i hope you won’t shut yourself off from love and i hope you don’t spend the rest of your life dwelling on almost relationships, ideas of what could’ve been and questions of what if’s.

there’s a whole world out there filled with people, and one of them could be the one if you give them the chance. don’t spend the rest of your life grieving over a dead flower when you’re surrounded by seeds waiting to be planted.

[heartcountry]

what is one line of poetry/writing that lives in ur head rent free please share i would like to know 

[celesteapollon]

“someone, i tell you, will remember us, even in another time” - sappho

[celesteapollon]

“It’s funny, really. I find myself wondering what I could’ve done to change what happened. Sometimes I think of all the things I never said and all the things I wanted to do but didn’t. I do this so many times to the point that it wounds me because nothing is sadder than knowing things could’ve ended differently and it was entirely in your hands. So I force myself to believe that I have no hand in this, that if it was meant to be then it should’ve been. I force myself to believe in fate because knowing that I went wrong somewhere is too much for me to bear. Knowing that I could’ve done something to make you stay is something I cannot live with.”

[celesteapollon]

“I promise I’m trying to convince myself I no longer love you— I’ve never tried so hard. But the line between love and hate has always been blurred when it comes to you and right now, I despise how willing I’d be to forget everything if it meant you’d stay.”

- cece (melancholicwritings)

[celesteapollon]

“You don’t know how much I want to say that I’m going to forget everything we had. That I won’t remember the cheesy love letters you'd leave in my bag for me to find and the bouquet of flowers you bought the day after I told you I loved tulips. I want to say that I won’t remember that yellow cardigan you’d wear during chilly afternoons because it‘s always so goddamn windy in this small little town. You don’t know how badly I want to forget about us but I can’t because there are some things that won’t leave no matter how hard we try to forget.

So fuck you and your cardigan because I know that five, six, or even ten years from now I’ll recognize that shade of yellow anywhere because you claim it goes with every piece of clothing in your wardrobe. Fuck you and your tulips because you were the first to get me flowers and I won’t forget how you gave them to me with a cheeky smile on your face because you know I’m secretly weak for romantic gestures. Fuck you and your cheesy love letters because I read them every night and you made me feel like I was on top of the world when you said the exact same words to her too.”

- this is about you again (melancholicwritings)

[celesteapollon]

And this is just one of many reasons why America isn’t as great as people claim it is. Justice for Vanessa Guillen.

[celesteapollon]

i want the kind of love they have in books. i want to hold hands and go on picnics and recite sappy poetry. i want cheesy love songs and dancing barefoot on the cold kitchen floor. i want walks around the park and late nights spent underneath the stars. i want secret love letters and lingering glances. i want silly inside jokes and lazy afternoons spent at home. i want late night conversations about everything and yet nothing at all.

i want to know what it means to look in someone’s eyes and feel at home.

[celesteapollon]

I don’t think your first love can ever leave you, at least not completely. I fell for a girl who loved the colour yellow so much she could practically live in it; she carried bouquets of sunflowers and wore yellow cardigans on sunny days. Over time, she made me love yellow too. It’s been three years now and I still think of her each time I see anything yellow. I hope she thinks of me when she sees blue.

- cece (melancholicwritings)

[celesteapollon]

“There are some things that I won’t forget no matter how much I try. Yes, I will remember your birthday this year and the year after that, and the year after that. I will think of greeting you but I won’t, I will force every fiber of myself not to. I will remember the exact day I met you, and the fact that I made it my PIN number because it’s the only thing I know for certain I won’t forget. I will remember the last day I saw you and how I realised that day that we’ve become two different people that no longer fit in each other’s narratives. Point is, even though it’s over it will still be a part of me because there are some things that won’t leave you no matter how much you try to forget.”

- you will always be a part of my life and i am learning to be okay with that (melancholicwritings)