Celestial Lilypad @celestial-lily - Tumblr Blog

I should start writing fabrication again

I love remembering no one in my real life follows me on here and using it as a void to rant into that’s not actually a void bc maybe someone will see it and go yeesh and like yeah you don’t know me but damn sometimes you just want to hear someone go FUCKING YEESH.

Anyway!!! having a broken heart when the other person has just moved on sucks so fucking bad. How can you love and hate a person in such equal measures. Where does one start and one end. I don’t even know if it would make me feel better to scream and cry and make her feel like shit but god sometimes it would just be FUCKJNG NICE. Because how could you not realize how much you’ve hurt another person? How could someone not comprehend the harm they do? But does the love I still feel trap me in a prison of forgiveness and resentment that’s killing me while she feels nothing? Or if she does, she’ll never say it because saying it means the harm is true.

I dunno.

I just. I think I’m just sad. Each time I see a new picture I think I’ll be ok and adjusted because I know it’s true. But nope. It just keeps stinging and aching like a nasty festering wound I never finished a round of antibiotics on.

I feel like the sad bacteria in me is getting smarter bc I refuse to finish my antibiotics bc I miss the stupid bacteria.

I think this analogy isn’t working anymore.

I think I feel better

I think instead of applying to jobs on LinkedIn I should be able to run in and fistfight the manager until they submit and give me a job. This is a good idea.

#i’m losing my mind