this is only the beginning

“A lifetime isn't forever, so take the first chance, don't wait for the second one." Celes | 22 | Medic for Lotus

[celesxout]

— ❝ ᴜɴsᴜsᴘᴇᴄᴛᴇᴅ...❞ ↪ ( ᴘs × ʙs )

A heavy sigh racks through her body and causes her to shudder against the gusting winds penetrating the delicate fabric of her sweater. She presses a closed fist against her pursed lips and coughs quietly into her hand before wrapping her arms tight around her body to block out any more merciless breezes. Out of the rundown building designated for medical purposes only, she knows that is not where she belongs. Currently, she should be sorting through medicines, counting and calculating what is missing and what is needed. But stress has her taking a brief break from it all. Each and every day she is tormented by thoughts of the rest of her life being filled with this same routine. It is nothing like she ever thought her life would be. Nowhere near what she desires.

"This sucks." The statement is whispered silently to herself as she stares blankly out into the distance. Thoughts of waking up from this nightmare and resting once more with her mother (in the hospital or not, she would take it) fill her mind and warm her heart only momentarily before the cold takes over again. It is an endless cycle of her being optimistic until pessimism takes all her happiness away. Along with the feeling of utter doom comes the feeling of complete uneasiness, something she had been unwillingly forced to become accustomed to in this new world of terror against humanity. She is constantly frightened by the moments in which she finds herself alone, without any protection from anyone, out in the open where anything or anyone had the opportunity to simply snatch her up and carry her away. Or possibly take her life for no justifiable reason at all.

Suddenly, a loud rustling noise startles her out of her self-loathing thoughts in seconds flat. Immediately, her instincts have her shuffling backwards, practically tiptoeing away from the scene just in case the source of the noise is what her mind expects it to be. The sound continues without interruption, growing louder and louder, closer and closer to her current location. "Who's there?" she whispers in a barely audible voice, eyes darting to and fro in a weak attempt to catch sight of whatever predator was out there. Her mind offers up the possibility of the invader being an infected creature, but with the efforts of the Lotus Clan, she knows that will most likely not be whatever the moving thing was out there. "I'm warning you," Celes says. "I have a gun and I'm not afraid to use it until I eventually get a direct hit on you. I've been practicing."

[remysenen]

[celesxout]

— ❝ ɪɴᴇxᴘᴇʀɪᴇɴᴄᴇᴅ...❞ ↪ ( ᴘs × cs )

[ad-yoongi]

Seunghyun doesn’t immediately acknowledge her defense, nor her apology, handing back the weapon that she dropped in silence. He has no patience left for feelings of regret, not out here at least. Guilt is useless, he used to say, be grateful you’re alive. Though lately he’s suspecting there’s gratefulness in death, too. He passes the medic by, walking up to the fallen corpse of the undead and kicks at it’s skull, testing for any movement before he dares to kneel down next to it and raid it’s pockets. “Tell me, who was assigned to go out here with you?”

He’s not questioning, he’s demanding an answer. He can do so. As the commander he needs to know whom is reliable and whom isn’t, whom is doing his job and whom isn’t, whom he can build on or whom might cause the downfall of their people. Weak links need to be eliminated from their teams and plans. That is not to say he necessarily despises those without abilities or those who refuse to take responsibility for themselves. Even freeloaders are individuals he’d rather see alive than dead (or undead, for that matter). At least they are honest in what can or can’t be expected of them. In the end, he just needs to know. He finds a lighter, stuffed in a carton of cigarettes, a dead cellphone and two pictures, folded and torn at the edges. There’s canned spam in the corpse’s back pocket, a year past it’s expiration date. Seunghyun takes it anyway. “Did you complete what you came for?”

[celesxout]

It is practically overwhelming; the silence that follows her pitiful, automatic attempt at explaining her reasons for being so useless. It is obvious that he has long since forgotten the concept of empathy and no longer intends on rediscovering it. He simply hands her the previously dropped weapon without a single comment, not even so much as a grunt of confirmation that he had heard her or even cared. His demeanor alone signals that he quite possibly thinks lowly of her now, most likely thinks she is silly for still being frightened by those infected creatures. And the need for apologies and regret in her actions might seem unnecessary, but it serves as a mental reminder that she is still an empathetic, righteous human and has not lost sight of hope throughout their current tragedy. She has not lost touch with her morality. His exact thoughts on the entire situation, however, are lost deep within the coldness of his expressionless face and the lack of actions that depict any emotion whatsoever. Thus, it is impossible to be certain what he is thinking.

Instead, she settles for closely observing his every move from then on, watches with an intense gaze as the closed-off male slowly makes his way past her and back to the lifeless figure sprawled among the dirt. "I—" she begins, completely unsure of exactly what she wants to say, so she closes her mouth quickly. But she wishes to break the tense silence between them, yet the intimidation that torments her very being with thoughts of subservient behavior leaves her at an impasse. Her eyes flinch shut upon the almost hollow sounding noise that echoes into her ears when the male's shoe connects harshly with the side of the dead's head. And she half expects the body to revive, to reawaken as something far worse than what it was only a moment before. Once she realizes there is a lack of gun firing, or any noise at all besides the sound of her commander's voice, she allows the scene to swim within her vision once more. It is obvious why he wants an answer, that he won't allow for anything but a truthful answer, but she cannot bring herself to offer the response she knows he wants. "I'd rather not say."

It is as easy as that. Nonetheless, she cannot stop herself from talking. Another simple-minded attempt at explaining her reasoning for merely acting upon instinct (and with great reason to). "He or she, I don't think it matters anymore. It was my own fault anyway. I was too busy worrying about possibly dying out here that I wasn't even able to pay attention to where my partner was going," explains Celes. She attempts to distract herself from even slightly making eye contact with the male by glancing down at the bruises littering her arms. Clumsy. There is hints of dirt from her fall that shows across her pale skin, red lines of scratches from days before where she most likely ended the day in a predicament quite like the one she was in now. "I'm sure whether our whole 'operation' was a success or not because—as you already know—I was separated from my partner. Maybe they did what they were supposed to, maybe they didn't. I'm in the dark here." Her tone has taken on a sense of frustration again, but this time with a hint of desperation and urgency underlining each syllable. "I just want to go back. I don't want to be here."

[biteinthenight]

[celesxout]

— ❝ ɪɴᴇxᴘᴇʀɪᴇɴᴄᴇᴅ...❞ ↪ ( ᴘs × cs )

[ad-yoongi]

"That’s enough," comes a gruff voice from the shadows, and not a second later the approaching undead figure slumps, sinking down to it’s knees before toppling forward, lifeless as it should have been all along and blood seeping where a bullet pierced it’s brains. The whole thing is anti-climatic. Not even satisfying to watch. "You’re wasting bullets." Is Seunghyun’s only comment as he steps out into the light and retrieves the weapon that Celes dropped in her anxiousness. He leaves the girl to pick herself up from the streets. Seunghyun checks the pistol for damage, brows furrowed as his hands go over the metal. He had been watching the whole scene from a short distance, ready to jump in, face solemn. He does not understand the utter clumsiness that fear spawns within some people. It seems to make their hands shake and their knees wobble. It’s always been the opposite for himself. His grip would grow sturdier the more adrenaline would be pumping through his veins, and his mind would grow clear and focused. Calm, functional, fear pushed aside.

"We have no use for a medic who requires even more looking out for than the wounded themselves." He looks down at the girl, not with anger, not with disappointment, but with a cold, detached seriousness that emphasizes the truth of his words.

[celesxout]

Just as she is able to grasp a timid state of mind and the muzzle of the heavy pistol in her hand steadies perfectly, the sound of a commanding voice reaches her ears. Surprisingly, the sound of another sane soul does nothing to ease the racing of heart. Instead, her fear doubles swiftly. She is weak, inexperienced, clumsy in her ways and wishes not to be seen in such a way, but she has no choice. Finger poised against the trigger, she prepares to fire, her aim finally still enough to hit her target. But before she can, the infected creature stills before roughly dropping to the ground. And it is as simple as that, that danger quickly disappears as hastily as it had arrived.

Partially dazed by the recent events, her gun slowly lowers, though her grip around the weapon remains tight. On still weak legs, she stands. The slight pain in her back comes as secondary to the embarrassment she feels in front of her commander. His words are stern, frozen with a tone that ignites an odd flame of anger within her, yet it is enough to make her realize. There are no falsities hidden beneath his words. In fact, he merely speaks what she has already known from the very beginning. That douses the fire of frustration burning through her menacing glare and she cannot stop herself from glancing away, too ashamed to look into the face of her savior.

"If the person who I was assigned to come out here with was with me, we wouldn't be in this situation right now. I am only here to—" Her voice trails off immediately, any confidence rapidly draining away as she realizes there was no need for excuses. Everyone was required to pull their weight as a team and she had without a doubt failed to even so much as protect herself. A sigh leaves her lips and she turns away. "Sorry," she mutters, enough emotion filtering through the smallness of her voice to signal that she understands. It is more of an affirmation than an apology because it obvious that is far from what he is looking to receive with his harshness.

[celesxout]

— ❝ ɪɴᴇxᴘᴇʀɪᴇɴᴄᴇᴅ...❞ ↪ ( ᴘs × __ )

Dread. That is the only accurate way to describe the feeling of absolute terror that forces her eyes to flicker swiftly from left to right, up and down as her head swivels on her shoulders to receive a better perception of her current surroundings. Her heart beats fiercely within her chest, thumping rapidly with enough strength that she is sure it can be heard far into the empty distance. And that is what frightens her, causing her legs to wobble and tremble as she stands there waiting. She had not reached this destination alone, yet alone is where she stands, enveloped by ominous silence that is inevitable to being broken in mere minutes. Something will come for her and she is doubts that her rescuer will be in the right state of mind to decipher between cannibalistic impulses and humane instincts. Still, she cannot bring herself to move for fear of producing too much noise, though she knows movement is the only option she has to escaping back to the lands of clan and away from the wretched area of neutrality that could only be labeled as a death trap for one.

Her eyes flutter shut for a quick moment, blocking out her sight as she attempts to sort out her currently muddled thoughts. Courage is needed, solutions and plans are as well, but her thinking process is slowed profusely by the fear continuing to inch into her system and plague her mind with horrible scenarios of pain, torment, and death. She is briefly haunted by images of hundreds of infected advancing onto as she stands completely helpless before her eyes snap back open. Seemingly, with another hasty scan of the surrounding area, there is nothing alive—or rather dead—in sight. However, that only accounts for anything not hidden behind various solid objects. A sudden cracking sound alerts her to the misfortune that seems to continuously follow her every step of the way. It sounds once more and realization shocks her into taking a single step forward, hands automatically grabbing clumsily at the pistols attached at her sides.

Snap! Crack! Crunch! The suspicious noises seem to close in all around her, slowly creeping forward with the movement of their source until the sounds become nothing of suspicion at all. Not too far away, the obvious signs of an infected are revealed as a figure trudges into her view. Both living and dead lock eyes, and the soulless look within dark irises causes her to step back. One after the other, she withdraws her weapons and aim them unsteadily at the approaching creature, all the while backing away as quickly as she is able. Terrorized, the inattentiveness with which she moves causes her to tumble backwards, tripping over something unknown. One pistol falls away from loose her grasp. It clashes horribly loud against the cemented ground before practically bouncing farther away. The impact of her fall causes her fingers to jerk, firing the weapon against her will and without proper preparation. The bullet flies through the air and makes contact with stone rather than flesh. Desperate, she attempts to steady the weapon despite her shaking hands and fires the weapon once more, only to miss again.