Hues @centri-petalled - Tumblr Blog

Overwhelmingly potent

suction,

a vacuum,

numbness stealing all strings of words

saltwater fills me, emptying

emptying

blankness

a sinking, deeper

deeper

empty lightness drifting down

burdened sinking

stealing me of speech

sinking

stealing breath yet acutely aware

pain, a piercing sharp memory

sinister reliving of old wounds cast aside

raw spurting when I least expect

evil pain enjoys the soft gasp

it wrangles out of my eyes

So numb, wordless was i

sprouting these wounding words on retrospect.

26Sept2018

#why it is so familiar this drowning?#speech less speech more?#from where do you come? you disgruntled demented words #dejavu #the sense of been here scalding more #fear of going back to the past #26sept2018

The other side of Oz

beyond the shimmer of emerald green

past the intoxication of crimson fields

jumping, skipping, crossing, slip sliding

“There is no such thing as home”

“There’s no such thing”

the rustling of leaves, echo deafeningly hushed

the whispers using my breath as a game.

The other side of Oz

alone I stand waving to all I knew

they fade before my eyes

smoke evaporating, granules flying in the light

done and dusted past

memories haunting in the breeze

all that remains.

The other side of Oz

just as it was meant to be

unpredictable stunning surprise

tale twists, spins a tizzy, breaks a spell

it was cast woven by thoughts

directed, produced and manifest

lo and behold I stand drenched in a drizzle

my imagination had cast a web

dissipating it dissolves,

dripping ash and mist on my face

I lay down flat, spine stretched back

let it trickle from my frame

earth bears the burden of pain

cocoons my rattled bones

sprouts to support my back

forgive me, dear mother

absolve me of all wants.

Fell in love with a player

He played me

cause I was game.

Now come with terms

with the harsh fact

... I allowed it.

I accept this life's version of imperfect love, which feels more perfect esoterically than existentially.

Its a struggle between the esoteric and the existential in us.

#the poet and the philosopher

A ball in the hands of the one juggler and one alone. All others will inevitably drop you. You're only human. They're only human. Of flesh and blood we're made.

#the vibes of i #energy #truth and games #tired strings

I let you in to my home, into my heart you made a mockery of the space I trusted you with.

Should have know better; twas my ego fanned by your honeyed words slamming shut the warnings ringing loud, I believed in you.

I allowed you to muse me use me to play I allowed my desire for your love to blindfold my eyes tie my wrists for your viewing pleasure I allowed you into a space you had no right to.

I can’t blame you for my naive choices.

#vanity #ego #humblings

You were right, I just didn’t want to believe it then. You already told me your ego misses my adoration. I’m not a happy convenience anymore.

I’ve never professed I loved you unconditionally. I loved you humanly, desired you S to R. I hurt humanly. I break humanly and I feel happy or sad humanly. You and I we were human love. I never claimed otherwise. And human love needs and wants nurture from each other.

One should not grieve a confetti shower little pieces of self given as gift specks caught in lashes drizzling all around. Still; statuesque my frame slumps resting defeated by love specks of heart dancing down like fragments of dust. A gift trusted in faith scattered shards soiled on salty earth.

I scrape my forehead with my palms, my nails, a pumice stone, can taste the blood flood my eyes but kismet… Destiny, it was written before I was borne. A wife, a lover, a sweetheart, a mistress, a whore “the other woman” in each role cast.

#revelations #and #learn to accept #what you have come here to be #the other woman #the compromise #pills are bitter as pills should be

He will always hurt me cause I attached my binds to his finger He will always hurt me without realisation, oblivious to his shackles He will always hurt me cause dependence and fetters always do expect that as a given.

There's smithereens left she'd become heavy, burdened, stone. I chucked her into shaded waters deep, watched her skim surface, sink, dead weight. Dark waters encompassing, ripples undulating the edge a bubble gasps, limp slow descend ...sleep my little one, rest.

#RIP

When our shortcomings are accepted as limitations we choose not to break them and then they become an excuse for us to not make an effort cause it’s easier or more convenient. We make our choices, it’s ridiculous to blame life for the landscape if we stroll eyes open into a pit marked quicksand.

Our experiences come to teach us compassion, to be able to be in another’s shoes cause we have lived through pain… not an excuse to justify cracking the same whip forward to another … “an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.” Life’s struggles intend to make us stronger not harsher.

I can’t fight your demons compete with your ghosts be your plaything in between.

This is adieu my love may you find peace may your eyes find rest may love grace your heart may bitterness not defeat you.

You used to ask me when did I discover I loved you.

I know that moment, it was a day after my bday. You said you were breaking. I could feel your agony like a punch in my belly taking away all the air from my lungs; holding myself to straighten as the hot water of the shower merged with the tears that threatened to drown me. I couldn’t breath from the violent sobbing. I felt that pain wrenching my heavy as lead heart, that’s when I knew you meant more to me than I’d realised, that I was falling unavoidably, madly in love with you.

#I didn't tell you cause I didn't want it as a captured snow globe memory

Struggling against  to struggling with  to silently listening  to solemnly releasing  let it go  *softly*  let it go  it’s toxic now.

That leap of faith,  i did run off that cliff  in trust,  flinging all of me  to you, my winds  I’ll give you that it ain’t easy  but I hoped in vain  wished you could trust me  and take that leap too.

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

Hues