some angst idk yβall i like crying
βΒ i donβt want you here.Β just go.Β βΒ
βΒ you βdidnβt mean to hurt me?βΒ yeah you did.Β like it or not,Β i know exactly who you are. Β βΒ
βΒ why wonβt you even look at me?Β β
βΒ iβm not angry at you.Β iβm angry with myself for trusting you.Β β
βΒ i wish youβdΒ stop trying to destroy yourself in some misguided effort to feel worthy.Β β
βΒ i know itβs not fair to say this,Β but i donβt have anything without you.Β if i donβt have you i have nothing.Β β
βΒ you canβt love me.Β not the way i need to be loved.Β β
βΒ iβm broken.Β and i donβt need anyone to try to feed me white lies about it.Β something inside me is broken and it isnβt just going to be put back like it was.Β βΒ
βΒ sometimes being broken isnβt about trying to put things back together like they were before.Β itβs about picking up what pieces are left and building something new.Β β
βΒ okay,Β so youβre a monster.Β so am i.Β lets be monsters together.Β βΒ
βΒ because of what they/you did iβm damaged.Β βΒ Β
βΒ what the hell is wrong with you?Β β
βΒ what the hell is wrong with me?Β β
βΒ i canβt fix you.Β you canβt expect me to know how to fix you.Β βΒ
βΒ yeah,Β iβll be here.Β iβll be here when youβre ready to stop running.Β β
βΒ Β my world is just falling apart.Β itβs like everything is just crumbling around me.Β i donβt know what to do.Β i just want it to stopΒ βΒ Β
βΒ youβre the only thing that makes sense right now.Β everything else is justβΒ the world is so loud.Β and the only time it feels quiet is when youβre here.Β β
βΒ i donβt know how to talk about shit okay?Β itβs too hard.Β but i do care.Β i need you to trust me that i care.Β β
Β βΒ Β stop punishing yourself.Β you wanna make up for what youβve done?Β get off your ass and do something about it.Β β
βΒ whatever it is you think was going on between us,Β youβre wrong.Β β
βΒ it didnβt mean anything to me.Β βΒ
βΒ you should move on.Β i did.Β βΒ Β
βΒ i feel like iβm one bad day away from becoming everything iβve fought against.Β βΒ
βΒ stop pushing me away.Β iβm not going anywhere,Β asshole.Β and as soon as you get that through that thick skull of yours,Β the better.Β βΒ Β
βΒ i donβt need you in my life.Β i donβt want you in it.Β Β βΒ Β
βΒ i canβt trust myself.Β if i let myself get comfortable enough,Β when i try to be happy,Β people get hurt.Β βΒ Β
βΒ people like me donβt get to have peace.Β βΒ Β
βΒ iβm not the person you want.Β i know you think i am.Β but it wonβt take long for you to realize this is a mistake.Β βΒ Β
βΒ you want the truth?Β the truth is when i love people it burns inside me like a poison.Β it infects every part of me until it feels like theyβre in my goddamn soulβ¦and then i fuck it up.Β and itβll destroy us both.Β βΒ Β
βΒ Β iβll always choose you.Β thatβs the worst part of it all.Β iβd choose you over and over, even though i know you wouldnβt do the same.Β βΒ Β
βΒ you never had to be perfect.Β you just had to stay.Β β
βΒ will you please just stay for once.Β just.Β donβt walk away.Β βΒ
βΒ if i loved you less,Β i might be able to talk about it more.Β βΒ Β
βΒ just tell me something real.Β tell me something i can remember no matter what happens to us.Β β
βΒ when you look at me,Β i feel seen.Β i feel like you see past everything iβve always surrounded myself with to try and protect my heart.Β no one has ever looked that deeply at me.Β Β βΒ Β
βΒ how can you uncover so much about someone,Β make them let their guard down and lay themselves bare to you.Β and then just throw it all away?Β β
βΒ if you walk out that door donβt bother coming back.Β β
βΒ why are you so afraid of trusting thisβΒ trusting us.Β whatβs making you hold back?Β β
βΒ will you still be here?Β will you stay even after youβve seen all the ugly parts of my heart.Β βΒ Β
βΒ i donβt care how willing you are to die for me.Β i want you to fucking live with me.Β live for us.Β βΒ
[ DISCOVER ] for one muse to find the other crying alone.Β
[ COMPANY ] for one muse to sit with the other so they donβt have to be alone while theyβre upset.Β
[ EMBRACE ]Β for one muse to suddenly hug the other one for their own comfort.Β
[ OFFER ] for one muse to suddenly hug the other one to comfort them.
[ SETTLE ] for one muse to comfort the other and end up cuddling.Β
[ SHOULDER ] for one muse to rest their head on the otherβs shoulder while they comfort them.Β
[ CARRY ]Β for one muse to find the other injured and carry them to safety.
[ SECURE ] for one muse to carry the other to bed after they fell asleep.Β
[ STRUGGLE ]Β for one muse to resist being hugged but then break down and crumble against the other.Β
[ CLEAR ] for one muse to wipe the otherβs tears.Β
[ BREAKDOWN ] for one muse to ask the other if theyβre okay prompting them to finally stop bottling things up.Β
[ BRUSH ] for one muse to run their fingers through the otherβs hair while they open up or cry.Β
[ NURSE ] for one muse to tend to the other while theyβre recovering from injuries.Β
[ TRUST ] for a scenario where senderβs muse is the only one receivers muse will let close.Β
[ COAX ] for scenario where receiverβs muse knows theyβreΒ the only one senderβs muse will let close.Β
[ CALM ] for one muse to subdue the other during an outburst.Β
[ CLARITY ]Β for one muse to help ground the other back in the presentΒ (i.e. after nightmare, breakdown, battle etc)
[ PREVENT ] for one muse to stop the other from going too far during a fight.Β