The Misadventures Of Sarah; The Alt Gamer Nerd

Games, body modification, and a fuck ton of geeky shit. Just recently moved to Montreal. Join me and my cat, on our little journey to become pompous french assholes XD Dance like nobody is watching.... especially to industrial music.

[thekinkycupcake-deactivated2014]

[ceradexx]

This....<3

[ceradexx]

"Cover up with makeup in the mirror, tell yourself it's never going to happen again"

[reallyjustmadmaninabox-deactiva]

Dramatic pauses

[aliciatorellonails]

[gothiccharmschool]

I really like these. Via aliciatorellonails:

Lunar phases by alicia torello

[ceradexx]

This made me laugh so hard....

if only our relationship had been like this *sigh*

It even kind of looks like me and him when he shaved his head...

[ceradexx]

I had another nightmare last night. This one was the worst I've ever had. 

All I remember from it is being on the ground, telling him I loved him over and over, and every time I did, he called me a liar and kicked me. It seemed to last forever. 

I woke up crying and aching. I felt like it had actually happened in real life and not just in the nightmare. I don't know how its possible, but even now, about 15 hours later, my body still hurts, I hate this so much. 

I have panic attacks every night. I cry EVERY night. I feel like my mind is torturing me every time I close my eyes. I want it all to be over. 

[ceradexx]

Not-Goth

Eldergoth: Hey are you coming out this weekend? I'm trying to figure out if it be worth it.

Postpunker: No, you know I don't do well with Goths... except you, I mean.

Eldergoth: What are talking about?!

Postpunker: You know how I get stressed out. They wear a Dead Boys shirt they got at Hot Topic and tell me its a t shirt for an "old vampire movie."

Eldergoth: No, no, I mean -really? for fuck's sake- what I mean is YOU are a Goth... right?

Postpunker: No.

Eldergoth: What?! Oh, come on! You wear a lot of black, you watch classic horror, you paint and write poetry, you're snarky-

Postpunker: I guess I'm kind of an arty intellectual.

Cyber: Hey, what are we talking about?

Eldergoth: You are, right now, wearing a skeleton key necklace, all black clothing, and you have Talking Heads, The Fall, and Wire buttons and patches on your portfolio, we were JUST talking about Depeche Mode-

Postpunker: None of those things make me a Goth, I'm sorry.

Eldergoth: -but but but the eyeliner!

Postpunker: No.

Cyber: I'm wearing eyeliner!

Eldergoth: It's yellow.

Postpunker: I do like a lot about the whole Goth scene and all kinds of Gothic art but I just can't squeeze into that box. I'm not saying I'm better or worse than you; I'm just me. Honestly, I don't want to give up anything about myself to fit any group's mould. Do you understand?

Eldergoth: That is soooooo hardcore Goth.

Postpunker: THIS IS WHY YOU CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS! /storms away/

Cyber: Elder. elder. Elder. elder. Elder, I'm Goth. I'll hang out with you!

Eldergoth:

Cyber: /smiles/

Eldergoth: So that Additall doesn't help you pay attention then?

Cyber: IT HELPS ME DANCE-FIGHT INVISIBLE SLOWMO NINJAS!

Eldergoth: /runs after Postpunker/ Don't leave me, Ian!

[ceradexx]

I keep having nightmares

He's always in them 

And in every single one 

He kills me

I keep waking up in fear, covered in sweat and crying. 

I feel like they're metaphoric. Him killing me physically in my dreams signifies him killing me emotionally in my life. I feel like every time I close my eyes I have to re-live the betrayal. I can't keep doing this. I feel more scarred and hurt then I ever have. 

I can't concentrate in school, or around my family. Pretending like everything is ok is hell. Especially when you can't get the violent images out of your head of the man you love cutting off your air supply, stabbing you over and over, kicking your head while your down. 

I can't keep doing this. I honestly wish I was dead. 

[ceradexx]

You were my role model, my rock to fall back on 

But now you're on your own, and it's far too late

[ceradexx]

I just want someone to hold me and tell me its going to be ok.... 

I hate this feeling of loss. 

I can't take it anymore. 

All that I ever experience anymore is loss. 

The last time I ever saw him he was being taken away in cuffs...

and at that moment it hit me....

It's impossible to have lost something I never had. 

He hadn't just turned into someone who wanted to hurt me...

He had been that person all along...

It hurts because I was tricked into loving a man who could hurt me so easily. It scares me how easily he was able to do those things to me. 

And now my body is healing... 

I'm lucky all I got away with was a concussion and a few bruises. 

Still I miss when he held me close, feeling his body warmth in the cold winter.... 

But then I remember it wasn't real. 

It was never real. 

[show-me-para-dise]

[cornersoftheworld]

Montreal, Canada | by Joe Wilkins

[ceradexx]

God, I love my city <3

[nyc-blonde]

Solitude & Snow

[gothiccharmschool]

I’ve got to admit, I wouldn’t mind if the snow demons visited again. I just want a few days of heavy snow to go play in. Then I want it all to vanish, and not cause problems. 

[slytherinconfessions]

Requested by Anonymous

[ceradexx]

I'm going to have lunch with him today to talk things through... 

I feel really nervous

Kind of like how I did on our first date

But worse.

[ceradexx]

This picture makes me so happy :3

[multicolors]

Love me when I least deserve it, because that’s when I really need it.

Swedish proverb (via multicolors)