Might fuck around and become the ghostly apparition of a young woman who died a tragic death that can only be seen in the lantern room of an abandoned lighthouse on dark and stormy nights

JVL
KIROKAZE
Sweet Seals For You, Always

Product Placement
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⣠Chile in a Photography ā£
almost home
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$LAYYYTER
Stranger Things

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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
taylor price
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@cflyingwires
Might fuck around and become the ghostly apparition of a young woman who died a tragic death that can only be seen in the lantern room of an abandoned lighthouse on dark and stormy nights
San Francisco - October 2017
Fall in Yosemite valley Follow me: www.instagram.com/erubes1
April 14
ģģ¦ķ¼ź³¤ķėė°ģģ§ėģ“. ģ¹źµ¬ė§ģ“ė§ėė문ģ.
but that also means a lot of opportunities to be introspective: night walks, lying sprawled on apartment floors, squatting in kitchens, late night subway rides. one of those wine nights i got to verbalize some of those hyperthoughts about liking someone, and also ks, born from brooding over nights. i catch myself being drawn to individuals like a bucket list tick ā the berkeley student, the investment banker, the phd student etc. and ... this is objectification, no? E and ks almost seem like validating qualifications, as much as they function as mentors. maybe that explains why iāve not been performing conversations well ā or is it because i want to get them to like me / look up to them so much Iām afraid to be myself or mess up? i doubt, albeit less now, why ks puts up with me when heās interacted with so many intelligent and colorful people. itās so easy for one of us to stop texting the other completely when weāre 9000km and 8 hours apart. we still exchange a couple of meaningless texts every day, send things that remind us of the other, have episodes of storytelling. N says i should extend the same kindness i give to everyone to myself. but what are we; how would things have been different if we both had a bit more time in sg; how would things change if it became clear he liked me--- because, itās apparent now that iām addicted to the chase. uninterested with A by how quickly he said he liked me ā boys are so easy sometimes: look pretty, make them talk about themselves, and they start believing they deserve you when they have nothing to match. but otherwise, how horrid ego and eros make us sometimes, seeking self-validation from getting someone to like you. something defined more concretely while on the last train home with green last night after jazz and blues. a year after berkeley, i am still always left in awe by how comfortable and stimulating it is to be with ihouse friends, and then be shown how okay it is to be stupidly human. it dawned on me, while on that last train home bearing vulnerability stories and secrets drowned by the whirrs of the engine, how much there is to like and to miss about having male friends I can delve deep with but remain completely platonic. last night we danced to blues that jazzed a tune to life so fragile, so full of holes, but so warm
Bryce Canyon
say no more // fickle friends
InstagramĀ // Prints
Feb 27
the capitalist corporate abyss finally ensnared me in its trap this month: attending a tech career tour opened my eyes to a very doable and even challengingly fun corporate sector. itās almost disturbing how iāve turned into a shell of my former college adoration for socialism and value-generation, if not for the fact that i am going back to school. a volunteering stint and a bout of networking events only exposed rooted corporatist tendencies and joy in its pearl-like glory. but i know. i know, that all the small talk at events are so curated, an exact performance of the self that is as meaningless to the soul as it can be consequential in the corporate ladder.
but life isnāt supposed to be a zero-sum game. i still want to hear your story. what motivates you, what keeps you up at night, the dumb shit you still do, rate our leftist tendencies, talk about childhoods, make bad puns, laugh at the world
so it came in the form of serotonin and oxytocin. i think of the northern california pacific coast often: the waves that consume and the breeze that gently tousle. these guys, they remind of that. going out on dates to learn more about each other and enjoying the company is ⦠this intoxicating concoction of warm, enveloping joy and giddying excitement. each encounter is a chance at finding a sympatico you. at the end of the day, i want us to stay. why are these strings untied.
In Your Atmosphere-Where The Light Is (2008)
joshua tree and a 1975 dream
desert dance
Joshua Tree National Park