You and Alexia have been best friends your whole lives. You’re adamant that moving away from Barcelona won’t change a thing between you. Alexia fears otherwise.
or classic best friends to lovers :)
“Can’t believe you’re really leaving.” It was midnight. You were sitting on your usual spot at the beach with Alexia, your head on her shoulder, both of you staring out at the sea. Despite the tightness in her chest, Alexia felt at ease with you next to her.
“I can’t believe it either,” you replied, your voice barely a whisper.
Alexia took a deep breath. You were only going away for a year, you said. It did nothing to calm the nerves she felt all over. One year, but that would be the longest you've been away from each other. Alexia still didn’t know how to feel, she didn’t know what to feel. She figured it still hadn’t sunk in, that you were leaving. Leaving her.
In the morning when Alexia would drop you off at the airport and you’d wave goodbye, that was probably when she’d feel everything. That was probably when the feeling of emptiness would set.
“I’ll call you everyday,” you said, hugging Alexia’s left arm tightly. “It will be like I’m still in Barcelona with you.”
Alexia chuckled, “You don’t have to call me everyday, cariño.”
You turned your head towards your best friend. “Are you saying you don’t want me to call everyday?”
“Don’t twist my words!” Alexia laughed. “It’s just that I don’t want you to feel pressured to have to call me everyday. You’re a busy woman. I’m the one who waits for you whenever you have night shifts and I watch enough of your Meredith Grey shows to know how busy things at the hospital can be.”
You snickered at her mention of Grey’s Anatomy. Alexia would always complain about how unrealistic the show was whenever you put it on, yet she still stayed by your side and watched the damn thing. You placed your head back on her shoulder and sighed. “I don’t care if I’m busy, I’ll always make time for you.”
Alexia gulped. It was the way you said it, your voice small, yet your tone firm, as if a world where you didn’t have time for her was just impossible. “I love you, you know.”
Alexia furrowed her brows when you didn’t answer straight away like you always did. She was about to open her mouth to say something, when you pulled away and stood up, stretching your hand out for her to take.
“Do you want to head back?” Alexia asked.
“No,” you cleared your throat. “Let’s just walk around. The sand is making me itchy.”
“It’s because you’re wearing shorts,” Alexia took your hand and stood up. “I told you you can sit on my lap, you didn’t listen.”
You dusted off the sand from the back of your legs. “Didn’t want to.”
“Why? It’s comfy.”
“How would you know? You’ve never sat on your own lap before,” you said, your tone teasing.
“Idiota.”
You kept walking along the beach, swinging your arms back and forth. It was quiet, but nice. Just the two of you, enjoying each other’s presence. Alexia felt her heart twinge when she realized that she didn’t know when she’d have another moment like this with you.
“Y/n,” Alexia spoke up after a few moments.
You hummed in reply.
This felt really nice, the way your hands were intertwined… Your shoulders bumping every now and then… Everything felt so right. Alexia took a deep breath and tried her best to not let herself get too emotional. She didn’t want to cry just yet, she knew she wouldn’t be able to stop if she did.
“Ale, what were you going to say?”
“I’m in love with you.”
Alexia immediately shook her head, reminding herself not to let those words slip. She looked down and focused on the way her feet were kicking the sand with every step she took forward. “Nothing.”
You brought Alexia’s hand up to your lips and kissed the back of it. It was something you always did, but it still made Alexia’s heart drop every time.
Maybe it was because the gesture had always made Alexia fall for you even more, or maybe it was because Alexia knew the platonic way it meant to you when Alexia wanted more than that.
“I know you, Ale,” you stopped walking and turned towards her. “You’re thinking about something.”
“Hm? What makes you think so?”
You poked Alexia’s forehead softly. “You have that crinkle between your brows. And you’ve been biting your lip for the past few minutes.”
Alexia hated the fact that you knew her so well, because it meant that she could never hide anything from you. The only thing Alexia successfully kept hidden were her feelings for you. Apart from that, you knew her better than anyone, and she was the same to you.
Having known each other for more than two decades was a factor, but Alexia felt like it was simply because you were soulmates.
Alexia realized that no matter how hard she tried to move on from you, you would always be the one for her. Even though you didn’t feel the same way, she knew it would never change how she felt about you. She made her peace with it.
“It’s nothing,” Alexia said once more. “I swear.” You seemed to take the hint and didn’t pry further.
You tugged her hand and continued on walking, Alexia turning her head to the side every now and then, observing you. It was dark, the street lights were dim, and the moonlight wasn’t too bright, yet Alexia can still mention every little detail of your face—she had memorized them all after years of looking at you—from your warm eyes, to the delicate bridge of your nose, and the curve of your small lips. You were so beautiful that Alexia always felt breathless every time she looked at you, despite having known you since you were kids.
In that moment, with you humming along to a random song, your right hand interlocked with Alexia’s left one, there was nothing Alexia wanted more than to just confess her feelings for you. But she knew that you didn’t feel the same way, so telling you would just be pointless.
You turned your head to look at Alexia, catching her staring at you with that look on her face, the one look that you never could quite comprehend. When your lips formed a soft smile, Alexia couldn’t help but instantly reciprocate. Your smile was beautiful.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” you asked, your tone bashful.
“I’m in love with you.”
“I’m so, so in love with you.”
“I’m so in love with you that my heart hurts every time you smile.”
Alexia shrugged. “Just thinking about how I will miss you a lot.”
“Ah,” you nodded. “So that was what you were thinking about earlier?”
“No. I was thinking about how I’m so hopelessly in love with you.”
“You got me,” Alexia replied instead.
You sighed, squeezing her hand. “I’ll miss you too. At least you have a million pictures of me in your phone that you can look at if you’re missing me.”
Alexia laughed at that. “You better have a million pictures of me too.”
“Of course, I do,” you snickered. “Even you in diapers, I have them all.”
“No, you don’t!”
“I do! Eli sent them to me.” You had asked Eli for pictures of baby Alexia and she didn’t disappoint. They were adorable, especially the one where Alexia was learning how to crawl, wearing nothing but her diapers.
“You better not show it to anyone.”
“I’ll post it on Instagram before I leave.”
Alexia rolled her eyes, “You’re such a brat sometimes.”
“I’m such a brat?” you let go of Alexia’s hand to pull out your phone from your pocket. You stopped walking so Alexia stopped too, arms crossed, waiting for whatever it was you were doing.
After a few seconds of you scrolling silently through your phone, you flashed your screen to Alexia, showing the picture you mentioned before. “Want to say that again, Putellas?”
“You’re so annoying,” Alexia groaned. “I swear to god if you post that—”
“Watch me.” Your face was smug.
“Y/n,” Alexia said slowly, her tone full of warning.
You grinned, tapping something on the screen before you started running. The sound of your laughter getting smaller and smaller as you ran further away.
“That little—” Alexia cursed under her breath before she started running after you. “Tonta! Come back!”
“No!” Your figure was getting tinier and tinier that Alexia couldn’t help but laugh along.
Eventually, Alexia was able to catch up with you once you stopped running. Your hands were on your hips, trying to catch your breath.
“Why are you making me exercise at one in the morning?” Alexia asked, exhaling loudly.
You shrugged in reply, still out of breath. Alexia had always been the more athletic one out of the two of you. “Just wanted to run.”
“I’m so tired,” Alexia groaned. “Training was tough today.”
You rolled your eyes. You knew she was just being dramatic. “That was nothing. You need to exercise more, Ale.”
“The nerve!” Alexia barked out a laugh. “Who’s the athlete here?”
“Not you if that run tires you out.”
Alexia smiled fondly at you. You get on her nerves a lot. She wouldn’t have it any other way. “Now what did you do? Did you post that on Instagram? Because I’ll kill you, idiota.”
“Oh no, I’m sooo scared,” you mockingly said, a pout on your lips. “Oh nooo.”
Alexia narrowed her eyes at you before she stepped forward and tickled your stomach.
“What are you—Alexia! Ale-Alexia stop it! Stop it right now!”
“Not until you delete that picture!” Alexia kept on tickling you. “Delete it!”
You were both laughing and Alexia didn’t show any signs of stopping until you tripped. You would’ve fallen to the ground if it weren’t for Alexia’s quick reflexes, her arms immediately encircling around your waist.
You were staring at each other, your breath heavy from all the laughter that had long died out. Alexia felt dizzy. Your lips were so close to hers, Alexia could just lean forward and all her questions about how your lips taste would be answered. Alexia saw you blinking back a couple of times, she even swore she saw your eyes dart to her lips.
The street lights were illuminating your features perfectly and Alexia could see your lips twitching slightly—as if you wanted to close the distance between you too.
Suddenly your phone rang, breaking you two apart. You cleared your throat and answered your phone.
Alexia let out the deep breath she was holding, rubbing the back of her neck. She had a feeling that she would kiss you if the phone rang a second too late, which would be a disaster. She was thankful to whoever called, because she would never forgive herself if she ruined your friendship just because of her stupid feelings.
“Sorry,” you said. “That was Leila, just asking what time I’d be at the airport tomorrow.”
“Right.” There it was again, the unsettling feeling in her stomach every time Leila was mentioned. Alexia swallowed hard, trying her best not to show her jealousy. She was the one who introduced you to Leila when you joined a night out with the Barcelona girls. Alexia didn’t know that you two would hit it off. She didn’t know that Leila would move to Manchester and shockingly, you got offered a job at one of the best hospitals in Manchester.
It felt like the universe was playing some cruel joke.
Alexia had to keep reminding herself that you weren’t hers, that you had every right to be with whoever you wanted. Alexia had no right to be jealous.
“That’s very cool, by the way,” Alexia said, putting her hands in the pockets of her jeans. “How you two are somehow going to the same country, same city.”
“Yeah, Codi said it was fate or something.”
Fate? Me tripping over your leg at the playground when we were five was fate. Me immediately crying and you wiping my tears away until my mom came was fate. That was meant to happen because it made my mom invite you and your mom over for dinner, and it made us become best friends ever since. That was fate. Leila going to the same city as you was merely a coincidence.
“Sure,” Alexia said, swallowing the bitterness in her mouth. “If that’s what you think.”
You sighed. “I don’t know. Ask me again in a year or so and I’ll tell you if Leila and I are fated or not.”
Alexia didn’t answer, instead she just kept on staring at you, taking in the sight of you standing in front of her for the last time.
In the morning, you were leaving. You’d have a new life in Manchester, one that Alexia wouldn’t be a big part of, seeing how she was all the way in Barcelona.
Alexia tried to bury deep, deep inside the pain that kept on reappearing every now and then, but it was getting increasingly difficult with the way you looked back at her—your eyes full of tenderness, as if you felt the same way Alexia did, as if it killed you to not be able to say exactly what you wanted to say.
But Alexia shrugged it off. There was no time to think about these made-up scenarios in her head. You were leaving soon.
Alexia stepped forward and hugged you as tight as she could, wanting to remember the way you felt in her embrace.
—
You kept your promise and called Alexia everyday. It lasted for two months before things became more hectic for the two of you and the daily calls stopped. In your defense, you really did try your best, but some days you had late night shifts and when you didn’t, you had date nights with Leila.
“Cariño! I haven’t heard your voice in two days! That is crazy. I was wondering if you were still alive.”
“Ha ha. So funny, Alexia.”
“Such a busy woman.”
Alexia was thriving even more if that was even possible, scoring more goals and assists, earning her more media duties and appearances. She was busy too.
You would catch her on your television sometimes, an interview or replays of her games. You were used to it, you knew Alexia before and after her rise to fame. But without the back and forth texts, without the calls and hearing her voice, without having her next to you, Alexia had never felt so out of reach.
“Hey, is it a bad time?”
“Hola, princessa. ‘m about to sleep. So tired. Call me tomorrow?”
“Okay, Ale. Sweet dreams.”
“Love you.”
Weeks with limited communication turned into months and the next thing you knew, you went from knowing everything about Alexia’s life, to finding out she had a girlfriend from your girlfriend.
Apparently Olga was a mutual friend. Leila had only good things to say about her.
You called Alexia that night, asking her about it. She didn’t have much to say, a tell-tale sign that she was uncomfortable, but why she was uncomfortable you couldn’t decipher it.
“Is she good to you at least?”
“Yeah.”
“Does she make you happy?”
“Sí.”
“Then that’s all that matters.”
For the first time since you’ve known her, you felt like a stranger in Alexia’s life. You couldn’t tell exactly when things changed. It must’ve been the depleting texts sent each day, the less and less phone calls until it went down to none at all for a week or two, and when you two did have time for a call, it felt… awkward.
The first argument started when Alexia casually joked about how you were so busy and you didn’t have time for her anymore, how you have a more exciting life now in Manchester. She was laughing but you just got off a twelve hour shift at work and you were exhausted.
“Like you’re not the same?” you fired back, feeling a headache coming through.
Instead of changing the subject like you hoped she would, Alexia rebutted your claim. “I do have time for you.”
You let out a laugh. “Between football and your new girlfriend? You don’t, Ale. Don’t act otherwise.”
“Wow. Okay.”
You seemed to instantly snap out of it at the tone of her voice. Alexia sounded hurt and for a second, you felt guilty for starting a fight. But what she said hurt you too, because even though she said it in a joking way, you knew she meant it.
“Sorry,” you sighed. “Can we talk tomorrow? I’m not in the mood.”
“Right, yeah. Bye.”
The arguments seemed to snowball after that first one. Your calls were still rare, but when you or Alexia forced yourselves to call the other, it didn’t end well.
That should be the first warning sign for you—how you felt forced to call her when you used to want to hear her voice all the time.
“How was your day?”
“It was fine.”
“Can you at least act like you’re excited to talk to me?”
“If we’re just going to fight, Ale, you shouldn’t have called.”
“Whatever. Good night.”
The next thing you knew, there wasn’t a call that went by without some small, unimportant argument.
It got worse when you told her you weren’t staying for only one year as originally planned. You liked it here in Manchester. You had a good job and you were surrounded by wonderful people.
Alexia ignored you for the whole day only to call you early in the morning, her voice raspier than usual. You knew that meant she spent the night crying.
“You don’t know when you’ll be back?”
“I don’t know when I’ll be back in Barcelona, no.”
“How am I supposed to go for… what? Another year without you? Two years? More?”
“You’ve been doing just fine so far. I don’t see the problem, Ale.”
“I miss you every night that you're not here. I don’t think that's doing ‘fine’.”
“Oh c’mon. We haven't been the same.”
“Just because we haven’t been talking as much doesn’t mean that I love you less, but whatever.”
It got even worse when you were supposed to fly back to Spain for Alexia’s birthday, but you had to cancel at the last minute because you were stuck with an emergency case at the hospital.
In hindsight, it was a stupid reason, something you could totally resolve by having one of your co-workers take over for you. But your mind went into overdrive, you somehow convinced yourself that you couldn’t leave the country.
Maybe it was out of fear of seeing Alexia again, not wanting to see how the distance had changed your dynamics.
Alexia’s reaction when you told her you weren’t going to be there hurt more than you could admit.
“You’d never miss my birthday and I’d never miss yours. That was a promise.”
“We were seven, Alexia.”
Alexia didn’t say anything else and you didn’t need to see her face to know how dejected she was. You ignored the pain in your chest, convincing yourself that you were doing the right thing. You didn’t need to fly for more than two hours for someone’s birthday.
The old you would’ve screamed at you if she knew what you were doing. Alexia wasn’t just someone. She was… she was your everything and more.
When midnight rolled around and you would usually be next to Alexia, wishing her a happy birthday with a present in hand, and instead you were all the way in Manchester, you felt that maybe you were dumb to let the arguments get in your head.
You took a deep breath and texted her a happy birthday. You weren’t sure if she would pick up if you called.
Alexia didn’t reply to your text until noon that day, saying how she was off to celebrate with her family as usual and she’d call you after dinner. She didn’t mention Olga, but you knew she was there from Alba.
You sat in your apartment alone in the dark, Leila was out with her friends. It was only then that it dawned on you how lonely you were. You couldn’t imagine how Alexia was feeling—that was, if she still cared about you.
You had been there for Alexia’s birthday ever since she turned six years old. You didn’t think that you’d ever miss one, ever. But here you were.
It was weird to see Olga in place of you, seated between Eli and Alba as she grinned at Alexia blowing the candles out.
That used to be you.
Instead, you were in a different country, wishing you were at a place where someone else had claimed your spot.
When it was way after dinner time and you still hadn’t heard from Alexia even though she said she’d call, you decided to send her a text. Something short and straight to the point: can I call you?
Alexia didn’t reply and you fell asleep with a feeling so hollow in your chest, you wondered if love was supposed to hurt this bad.
stop making promises you can’t keep, alexia
The loud ringing of your phone woke you up. You didn’t think that you’d see an incoming call from Alexia this early.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Hello to you too, Ale.” Your tone was curt. In your defense, you had just woken up.
“You’re picking a fight,” Alexia stated. “I don’t know why, but it’s not nice.”
“Picking a fight?” You scoffed in disbelief. “Is this about my text? I was simply telling you to stop making promises, because you can’t keep them. You told me you’d call me, you didn’t.”
You said it so accusatory that Alexia felt a sudden rush of anger. “You’re being ridiculous. I fell asleep. I’m calling you now, aren’t I?”
“I’m being ridiculous? Is it not me who had to wait for hours for your call?”
Alexia let out a bitter laugh. “Saying all that like I don’t usually have to wait hours and hours for you too?”
“Well, you’re the one with the empty promises. You promised me that things won’t be different between us, well. Look at us now.”
“That’s not entirely my fault and you know it. If we’re playing that game, you said you’d call me everyday, you said you’d always have time for me. Look at us now, cariño!”
Alexia never raised her voice at you. That was how you knew things were truly different now. “I was busy. Some days I have twelve hour shifts, Alexia,” you replied simply, not wanting to raise your voice too.
“Busy,” Alexia scoffed at you. “But you still have time to watch Leila’s games every week.”
You immediately felt defensive at the mention of your girlfriend’s name. “Why are you dragging Leila into this?”
Alexia was about to give you a piece of her mind, about how having a quick call with her wasn’t as time consuming as watching a 90-minute football game, but you still had more to say.
“Leila has nothing to do with us turning into… into this mess!” So much for not wanting to raise your voice at her. “Besides, you have Olga too. You spent all your time with her and forgot the plans we made first.” You fired back at her, a part of you hated that Olga took your place, that Olga was able to be in Barcelona next to Alexia, doing all the things you used to do.
People would think you were jealous, but you weren’t. You just didn’t like her. You didn’t like that she was taking up too much of Alexia’s time. That wasn’t jealousy.
“What plans? If I forgot something, then tell me. I’m not a fucking mind reader, Y/n.”
“What was I supposed to do? Ask you to pick between Olga and I? Why would I do that when I know you’ll pick her!”
(You might sound a little crazy. But you wouldn't admit that to anyone. In your defense, it was hard being demoted to second choice.)
“What’s your problem with Olga?” Alexia accused you, she knew you all too well.
“I have no problem with her. What's your problem with Leila?”
“Don’t change the subject. I was once your best friend, I know you more than anyone, and I know how you usually are when you don’t like someone.”
The use of past tense shouldn’t hurt as much as it did. You knew things had changed between you. “Glad to know you don’t think we’re best friends anymore.”
Alexia let out an exhale. “You haven’t been acting like you’re my best friend for sometime. Don’t act all innocent.”
“Even though we haven’t been talking much, you’re still my person. But since I don’t seem to matter to you anymore, I’ll just…” you trailed off, suddenly feeling stupid for all of this.
Alexia could feel that familiar tug in her heart, the feeling of wanting to make everything in the world right for you.
But for once, she casted it aside. The anger she had at you overpowering everything. “I don’t think I matter to you anymore either, so I guess we’re even.”
There was a pause before you utter your next words. “You matter the most to me.”
Alexia could only scoff. “Sure, you have done such a great job of showing that I matter to you—you couldn’t even spare five minutes of your precious 24 hours to talk to me!”
Deep down, you knew that. You knew that you were guilt-tripping Alexia when you had your faults too.
None of you said anything else. For once, in the two decades that you’ve known each other, you both didn’t know what to say—had nothing else to say.
When all Alexia could come up with was “I don’t know who you are anymore. You’re really hurting me this time,” you knew you had to put an end to all of this.
“I think we should just… take a break from all of this.”
Alexia couldn’t believe what she was hearing. You didn’t think you had it in you to say those words either. Even though the conversations between you two had diminished, saying that you wanted to stop talking to each other felt so… final.
“What?”
“I’m tired, Ale.”
“You don’t think I’m tired too?” you could hear the urgency in her voice. “What does that even mean? ‘Take a break from all this’? You want a break from me, you mean? What ever happened to ‘you’re my person, Alexia?’” Alexia mimicked your voice. She was getting angrier by the second, you could tell.
“You told me I’m hurting you! I’m tired of hurting you. I didn’t even realize it, Ale. I never wanted that. All we’ve been doing is fighting each other. I don’t know how to stop this. I don’t see a solution to this, I really don’t.”
Neither of you knew where it went wrong. One day you two were fine—you two loved each other more than anything in this world—the next thing you knew, you couldn’t hold up a conversation where it didn’t end with exasperated voices and tired sighs.
It was the distance, you assumed.
You and Alexia were attached at the hip. The only time you two went separate ways was when she had away games and international duties.
It was a two and a half hour flight between Barcelona and Manchester, but neither of you had made the trip to see one another. Alexia seemed even more far away as the days went by.
She had Olga to turn to now, you could feel her not needing you anymore.
It was the distance that took Alexia away from you, you would convince yourself that. It wasn’t the nameless feeling in your chest that felt a lot like yearning, jealousy, and regret all at once.
You ended the call, not knowing whether you’d ever talk to Alexia again.
—
Losing someone that had always been a constant in your life was devastating.
It was miserable. You were the most miserable you had ever been.
Leila kept on asking you what was wrong, your friends in Barcelona updating her that Alexia was in the same state as you. Not that you cared.
You didn’t know how to live without Alexia in your life, but you’d manage. You’d learn. This wasn’t the end of the world.
You steered clear of your social media, not wanting to see any posts of her from your mutual friends or from the Barcelona account.
Leila and a couple of your friends eventually stopped asking you about what went wrong with Alexia, to which you were glad, but the emptiness you felt when no one brought Alexia up to you was starting to make you uneasy.
Alexia used to be in all your conversations, she was a huge part of your life. Now it felt like she was never a part of it.
A few months passed by, your birthday rolled around and you assumed—you wished—that Alexia would break this silence between you two. It was your birthday after all.
But you should’ve known how stubborn she was.
When you stayed up until the clock strikes midnight and there was no text from Alexia, when she used to pride herself on being the first person to wish you a happy birthday, you knew you had lost her for good.
You spent your birthday with pain in your chest like no other. You just wanted Alexia back.
Your friends in Manchester knew something was up with you, Leila figured that it was mostly because of Alexia. None of them could understand why it was upsetting you so much.
That night, you sat on your balcony and looked through the folder of pictures on your phone that contained decades worth of memories of Alexia. With each scroll, you could feel more tears running down your cheeks.
There was a photo of you when you were ten, Alexia next to you laughing at how ugly your haircut was.
Another photo was of you at prom, Alexia as your plus one. Despite the countless promposals you received, you’d rather have Alexia as your date than the stinky boys at your school.
When Alexia got called up for the national team for the first time, you were there with Eli to watch her score her first international goal. The photo you had was of her carrying you on her back. It was after the game ended and Alexia had too much energy that she had to carry you around the field.
The next photo was of Alexia sleeping at the library, you were studying for your exams when you were in University and Alexia had the day off. To her, nothing was better than spending it with you, even if it meant that she had to sit there and watch you study boring stuff. Alexia always had faith that you were going to be the best doctor in Barcelona.
You had a photo of when you flew across continents to watch her win the World Cup, grinning next to Alexia as she kissed your cheek, trophy in hand.
A photo of when she tore her ACL and you were there at her bedside as she was preparing to go into surgery. Alexia didn’t let go of your hand until she was in front of the operating room.
A photo of you and Alexia in a locker room, both in Barcelona jerseys. It was the day before your exam, but it was also the Champions League final. You brought your textbook and Alba kept on laughing when you studied during half-time.
Most photos were of Alexia doing mundane things. They meant the most to you because of how carefree she looked in all of them.
Alexia making stupid faces at you as you grocery shopped together.
Alexia laughing next to you in the driver seat as she drove you to work.
Alexia cooking dinner for the two of you, her eyebrows scrunching in concentration as she read the ingredients from her new cookbook.
Alexia sipping coffee in your favourite coffee shop in Barcelona. They served the best banana bread, you never wanted to share them with anyone, not even Alexia.
Alexia watching replays of her games on her iPad. She was laying down on your couch, your throw blanket draped over her feet.
Alexia smiling at you with that look.
As you reached the last picture you had on the album, a photo of Alexia taken by you the morning you left for Manchester—she was on the driver seat, a wistful smile on her face as she turned to look at you during a red light—you suddenly felt as if you couldn’t breathe.
You were in love with Alexia.
You were so desperately in love with Alexia, you had always been, ever since you let her become your first kiss.
You didn’t like any of Alexia’s relationships, because you were jealous. You thought none of her girlfriends could treat her well, no one lived up to your expectations. You felt like you were the only one who could understand her.
You hugged the blanket around yourself tighter, the gust of wind making your teeth chatter. You wanted Alexia there next to you, she would know that you were never a fan of the cold, always making sure that you were bundled up and warm.
You had a million thoughts running through your mind, mostly about how you missed all the signs of being in love with your best friend. Although deep down, you’ve always known that what you felt for Alexia was too intense to be strictly platonic.
But when someone kissed you, having it meant the world to you, only for her to wish it never happened, you felt like it was justifiable that you decided to lock your feelings away.
Now that you’ve uncovered them, you didn’t know how to go on and pretend that you were fine with having Alexia out of your life.
—
Barcelona was playing against Manchester City at the Etihad. This wasn’t something you could get out of, you needed to be there to support Leila.
You had some friends traveling to Manchester to watch the match, you decided to sit with them instead of your usual spot at the Friends and Family section. You wanted—no, you needed someone to distract you from the person you hadn’t seen in almost two years.
You ignored your friends’ teasing at your Man City jersey instead of the Blaugrana colour (with Alexia’s name and number) you usually wore. They didn’t mention Alexia to you, having figured out the fallout, but a part of you wanted them to. You wanted them to tell you about Alexia and how she’d been doing.
Your resolve almost crumbled, Alexia’s name on the tip of your tongue. If it wasn’t for the players entering the field and the loud cheers from the audience, you would’ve asked them about Alexia.
Alexia, who was no longer blonde apparently. You saw her run to the field, her brown hair in a neat ponytail. Even from afar you could still see her smile. You hated that you still felt like jumping off a cliff at the sight.
You hated that your gaze was always drawn to her instead of your girlfriend.
Later when the game ended and Barcelona eventually won, you went to meet Leila at the barrier, whispering how great she played despite it all.
You almost accepted her invite to a night out with some of the Barcelona girls. The temptation to see Alexia again was so strong, but you didn’t think you were ready yet.
You saw her anyway, in your dreams that night. Maybe it was that deep yearning that caused you to text her as soon as you woke up.
good game yesterday. always proud of you
—
Your reconciliation didn’t happen all at once.
You didn’t magically go back to being the same as you were before (there was some apprehension from both parties), but it was close enough.
It was scarily easy to integrate Alexia back into your life even though you hadn’t talked to each other for so long.
First it was the likes on Instagram posts, or a reply to your Instagram story of gloomy Manchester sky, or a comment on Alexia’s post of her match day outfit.
Then the texts started. A simple text from Alexia telling you that she was through to the finals of the Euros. Or a text from you containing a picture of your cat, Mr. Oreo. They were evenly spaced out throughout your week, it wasn’t too often that it felt like you two were rushing back into being friends, but it wasn’t too scarce to leave you wanting more.
It was just perfect.
The striking difference now was that you were letting yourself fall for her. Every joke she made, every selfie she sent you, you took your time to admire her and let yourself fall even more.
Now that you were very much aware of your feelings, it didn’t feel right to continue what you had with Leila.
You loved her, but you must not have loved her enough because you were still able to think of another woman.
You ended it with Leila on a Tuesday. She didn't have a game until Sunday and you figured that was enough time for her to not be distracted. Surprisingly, Leila took it well, as if she knew this was coming all along.
And it felt like the universe was laughing at you, because after you broke up with Leila, you received a text from Alexia.
I’m getting married
You felt your heart drop. You had to put your phone back in your pocket because your hands were trembling badly.
You were suddenly desperate to do something, anything, before it was too late.
Even though a part of you felt like it was already too late.
—
Alexia arrived at the airport three hours early. She spent those three hours walking from one end to the other, flowers in hand. Her hands shaking and her mind racing with the thoughts of finally seeing you again.
She passed by the exact spot you said your goodbyes two years ago, both of you holding back your tears as you exchanged promises that things would be okay. The moment you walked away and went out of sight, Alexia finally let her tears fall, feeling that a part of her left alongside you.
In the middle of pacing around the airport, Olga called, and Alexia felt guilty because her mind was preoccupied with thoughts of you. She instantly buried the feeling of discomfort the moment Olga talked about their wedding.
Alexia was getting married to Olga. Her mind shouldn’t picture you the moment weddings are mentioned. She closed her eyes and bid Olga goodbye, not remembering what her fiancé called her about.
You were her best friend. Nothing more. Why was it that even after years apart, her heart still ached and yearned for you?
Hours later, when you texted her to let her know that you’ve landed, Alexia made her way to the gate. She stood there, flowers tightly in hand, tapping her foot anxiously.
You two had been slowly rebuilding your friendship. You texted each other, but never a phone call, and Alexia was nervous to hear your voice again after going such a long time without it.
Alexia was the first to spot you. You were dragging your suitcase, looking from side to side, as if urgently searching for something. And the moment your eyes found hers, your entire body lit up—the whole airport could tell that you finally found what you were looking for.
Everything drowned out and to Alexia nothing else seemed to matter anymore, her only focus was on you. On how your eyes shone with happiness and how your lips slowly curved into the smile that Alexia had missed so much. When you were finally in front of her, something clicked within her, and every hurt, every anger, every sadness she had felt because of you disappeared and she was left with the feeling of nothing but love and fondness for the girl standing in front of her.
You were here and no matter how hard Alexia tried, she couldn’t feel half of what she felt with you with anyone else.
“Alexia, hi.”
Alexia didn’t say anything back, instead she immediately embraced you, hugging you with everything she had. She leaned down and buried her face in the crook of your neck, closing her eyes and squeezing you even more—just savoring the moment of finally having you there again.
Alexia thought back to the last time she hugged you, trying to remember every single detail—from the way your arms were wrapped around Alexia’s neck, to the way your breath tickled her ear—trying to decide whether anything had changed.
And when you kissed the side of Alexia’s head, laughing into her ears because she wouldn’t let go, Alexia decided that no matter how many years had passed and no matter how many arguments you two got into, your hug still felt the same.
—
Alexia,
The moment that has always replayed in my head for years is the night of your 18th birthday. We went to the beach after dinner and crashed someone’s party, and we both got really drunk. It was fun but the thing that made that night so memorable was because it was the first time someone kissed me and that person was you.
The moment it happened, it felt like everything fell into place, you know? I understood why even my five year old self hated seeing you cry and just wanted to protect you from everything so you’ll never cry again. I understood why out of all the people in the room, my eyes always search for yours. I love you, Alexia. It’s always been you.
I was the happiest I’ve ever been that night. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world for being able to be in your arms.
But when you woke up the next day saying that you wished that night never happened, it felt like the missing puzzle piece in my heart that you completed the night before disappeared again.
Ever since then, I tried so hard to fill this gaping hole in my heart. I made it my life’s mission to go out there and meet the most perfect girl in the world just to try and replicate what I felt for you. But every time I’m with someone, every time I’m face to face with some perfect girl, your face appears and I’m reminded that they’re not you.
I love you, Alexia. I love you more with all the ups and downs we’ve had. I love every part of you and I love you with every beat of my heart.
I think I’ve always known that I was in love with you. I was just never brave enough to label it as that. So I didn’t. It wasn’t until recently that I realized: I couldn’t just sit here and watch you marry someone else.
You could call it selfish, but I wasn’t going to risk the slightest possibility of you feeling the same way that I do.
I know Olga loves you, but I also know that she’ll never love you as much as I do.
To quote your favourite poet:
“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you directly without problems or pride:
I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love,
except in this form in which I am not nor are you,
so close that your hand upon my chest is mine,
so close that your eyes close with my dreams”
If you think that this is all wrong, please just ignore it, and I promise I’ll never talk about this again. But if you somehow feel the same, meet me at our usual spot at the beach tonight, 10 p.m.
Yours always,
y/n
—
It wasn’t like you didn’t know this would happen. This was why you never wanted to risk your friendship because of some silly feelings. You knew Alexia wouldn’t feel the same, your confession would go to waste, and you would be sitting on the beach, alone at night, waiting for someone who was never going to show up.
You thought of calling Alexia, to ask her what she thought of your letter. But you decided against it, this was humiliating enough.
Maybe Alexia was embarrassed? Maybe she felt bad for you. Maybe she didn’t know how to talk to you now, knowing that you had all these feelings for her. Or maybe Alexia just didn’t want to talk to you anymore.
You let out a big sigh and buried your face in your hands. You didn’t know what you were thinking. All those years of friendship… that was all it was: friendship. You should’ve known.
You checked your phone again. Nothing. No texts or calls.
You let out a laugh. Alexia wasn’t stuck in traffic nor was she late, she was simply not coming.
Feeling your eyes start to well up with tears, you took a deep breath before standing up. You didn’t plan on going back to your parents’ house just yet, stupidly enough a part of you still had hope that Alexia was going to show up. You needed to walk around and distract yourself, sitting in the same spot that contained so many memories of her wasn’t helping.
You took another glance at your phone, and when there was still nothing, you wished your heart wasn’t so weak when it came to Alexia.
—
Alexia never believed in fate or anything.
To be fair, she was five years old and watching movies where the princess always ended up with the prince and lived happily ever after seemed too good to be true.
That was until she met you.
You, who had your little legs outstretched on the grass as you snack on your cookies. You, who didn’t hesitate to wipe away Alexia’s tears when she tripped on your legs. You, who kept on apologizing even though it wasn’t your fault that Alexia wasn’t looking at where she was going, but you were trying to make her feel better.
You had been a constant in her life ever since then, with your wise wisdoms and never-ending ability to make Alexia laugh.
Alexia then understood that fate and destiny really did exist, because it was fate that brought Alexia to the playground at that exact moment—at that exact second—so she could meet you.
When Alexia lost you, she didn’t want to believe in fate anymore, because why was the universe so cruel that it left her on the floor of her apartment, crying and begging for you to come back.
You disappeared from Alexia’s life and Alexia saw firsthand how the world became gloomier, how her days seemed to drag on longer without your presence.
Just when Alexia completely lost all hope, the universe had other plans, and it was destiny that she left her phone in her hotel room that morning, because if she didn’t, her phone would be in her pocket as she was thrown to the swimming pool because Vicky and Esmee decided that playing a prank on their captain was a brilliant idea. Her phone would be ruined and she wouldn’t be greeted with a text message from you.
A simple text telling Alexia that you were proud of her, but it left her breathless because she hadn’t talked to you in a year. You two had no contact for a year, yet you were still proud of her. Like always.
Fate, destiny, the universe, and all of that had brought you to her, took you away, then brought you back.
It was also fate that made Alexia reach down into her purse and open the envelope you’d given her before parting ways earlier—something tugging in her heart, screaming at her to read the letter you wrote to her, even though she told herself that she would do it after you’ve left the city.
And sometimes, the universe had a sense of humour, because at that moment, as Alexia finished reading the last sentence of your handwriting, her fiancé appeared in the doorway of their shared bedroom.
“Alexia?”
“I’m sorry.”
—
The only thought Alexia had as she drove over the speed limit was to hope that you were still there, waiting for her. Just like what you had been doing all of these years.
All of those wasted years where you two could be together if it weren’t for the doubts that forbade you from truly loving each other the way you were meant to.
“You’ve always loved her more than anything, Alexia. Even when she’s a thousand miles away, even when you two weren’t on speaking terms… She’s still the one you love the most. I could never compete with her.”
From this whole thing, Alexia was just sorry that she had to drag someone else into her mess. She would never forgive herself for saying “yes” to someone, knowing that her heart wasn’t fully in it.
“Olga, I never meant to make you feel like you were at constant competition with her. I really do love you.”
“But not as much as you love her.”
“I never planned on staying in love with her forever, I really did try to love someone else—with you. And I did. All these years together, I meant everything I said and everything I did.”
“I’ve always known that she would always come first to you, yet I still convinced myself that that would change one day. I know it made me a shitty person, but I was happy when you fought with her, because I thought that was finally it, you know? Finally you’d move on from her. But not even the fall out made you love her any less.”
Alexia would take whatever life will throw at her for hurting someone so deeply like she did to Olga.
But the only thing she could do right now was to find you and hoped that you were the happy ending fate had in store for her. The happy ending she’d dreamt of all this time.
—
When Alexia couldn’t find you at the beach, she figured she was too late. She tried calling and texting, but you weren’t replying to any of it.
So she went to your parents’ place, taking a slight detour to your favourite florist, picking up the bouquet they had ready, not wanting to waste another second away from you. Alexia figured you must’ve left thinking that she was rejecting you. Even if Alexia wasn’t in love with you anymore, she wouldn't have just let you sit there all alone, fearing the worst. She needed you to know that.
Your childhood home was dark and quiet. All the lights were off and Alexia remembered that your parents were in Mollet del Vallés, visiting your grandparents.
You weren’t here but Alexia wasn’t going anywhere else. She would just be there and wait for you—she had waited decades for you, a few hours would mean nothing. She sat down on the pavement, not caring how dirty her jeans were going to be, and pulled out her phone from her pocket. She called the only person she could think of.
It took a few more tries for Mapi to pick up, and once the call got connected, Alexia spoke into the phone, “I have a problem.”
Mapi’s voice was groggy. “It’s midnight, you dumbass. Can you call me later?”
“No, this is urgent.”
Alexia can feel Mapi roll her eyes on the other end of the line, “When Ingrid kills me for being too noisy and waking her up, I’m blaming it on you.”
“Well, in that case, I hope she does wake up then.”
“Tonta.”
“María,” Alexia let out a tired exhale. “Do you know where Y/n is?”
Mapi groaned in reply. “Estúpida. I was asleep, how should I know?”
Alexia pressed her hand over her eyes and groaned, “I think I screwed up.”
Just when Alexia was about to elaborate further, even though she knew Mapi was half asleep, someone called out her name. Someone whose voice sounded exactly like you.
“Ale?”
Alexia quickly opened her eyes. It really was you.
“Y/n.”
And there you were, standing in front of Alexia, head cocked to the side as if trying to figure out why Alexia was sitting there in front of your house at midnight.
Alexia quickly put her phone back to her ear, “Uhm, I’ll call you back—Tomorrow. I’ll call you tomorrow. Goodnight, María.” As soon as she ended the call, she quickly stood up.
Your arms were crossed over your chest, you were making yourself smaller, you looked so unsure of yourself that Alexia wanted nothing but to hug you and tell you that she loved you more than she’d ever loved anyone.
But all you had was apprehension written all over your face. Alexia understood. You must’ve thought that by her not showing up, Alexia didn’t feel the way you did. “What are you doing here?”
Alexia gulped. Now that you were in front of her, Alexia didn’t know what to say. “Did we really kiss on my 18th birthday?” Alexia blurted out.
“What?” You were confused and still reeling from the embarrassment of the whole thing. You couldn’t process what she said.
“I don’t remember it,” Alexia continued. “I swear. I swear on Messi.”
“What?” Your tone was full of surprise. “You don’t remember?”
“No,” Alexia sighed, looking at you wistfully. “I would never stop talking about it if I did.”
You went silent for a few seconds, your face full of confusion. Alexia let you take it all in. “You don’t remember,” you stated in a questioning tone. “But you said you wished it never happened.”
“I couldn’t have said that, because I don’t remember—”
“Oh my god, you don’t remember?” It was like you finally realized what that meant. “Oh my god,” you groaned, placing your hands over your face. “I spent years thinking—I convinced myself that I wasn’t in love with you because you rejected me—”
“I didn’t!” Alexia interjected. “I would never– I was so hopelessly in love with you.”
You looked at her and your face turned paler if that was even possible. Your mouth agape, as if you wanted to say something but you couldn’t. How could you? When your best friend was telling you that she—
“Wait,” you realized something. “Did you say ‘was’? As in past tense?” You felt the hope that grew plummet to the bottom of the stomach. You knew it was too good to be true. “Is that why you didn’t meet me earlier?”
“No… No, Y/n, I read your letter too late. I didn’t know you were waiting for me. I would’ve dropped everything in a heartbeat to get to you.”
“Oh.”
Suddenly you were laughing. Your laughter echoing throughout the empty neighbourhood. Alexia stared at you, unsure of what this meant but she couldn’t help the growing happiness in her heart with every laugh that escaped your lips. “I should’ve just texted you, right? I wanted to be romantic with the letter.”
Alexia shot you a comforting smile. At least fate brought you both here, to this moment.
After your laughter died down, you took a hesitant step forward. “But… do you really feel… the way that I do?”
Alexia sighed, being the one to close the gap between you and took your hands in hers. “If my years and years of pining weren't obvious, I feel the same. I’m in love with you. I still am. I never stopped, if we’re being honest. I broke things off with Olga, it wasn’t right to stay with her if my heart belonged to someone else. She deserves way better than some girl who was too much of a coward to confess that she’s in love with her best friend and ended up stringing her along for years, knowing that she would never love her the same.”
“So you…” you were at loss for words.
“I’m sorry, Y/n,” Alexia continued. “This whole thing is a mess. I need to cancel my wedding preparations, I have to talk to a lot of people, but the only thing I know right now is that… I can’t let you go again. You’re my soulmate, I’m sure of it. I’ve been sure of it ever since we were kids. I won’t love someone as much and as deeply as I love you. So… yeah.”
You didn’t reply to Alexia’s statement, instead you placed one hand on the back of Alexia’s neck and pulled her in for a kiss. Once your lips met, Alexia’s mind went to two things: how she never wanted to kiss anyone else in her life and how exactly did she forget your soft lips when they tasted like heaven?
Alexia’s hands wandered to rest on your neck, caressing the smooth skin that felt electric under her touch. Alexia’s mind was full with thoughts of you. Your lips on hers. Your hands around her waist. Your perfume engulfing her. Your nose brushing against hers. Your laugh vibrating against her lips.
Your lips curved upwards into a grin and Alexia could taste the happiness on your lips. She leaned forward once more for a peck on your smile and when you scrunch your nose in response, Alexia pressed another kiss to the tip of your nose.
“That was… everything I’ve ever dreamed of.” Alexia hoped that you couldn’t hear how erratic her heart was beating.
“We can take things slow,” you whispered against her lips.
“I’ve waited my whole life for you, I don’t want to take it slow,” Alexia whispered back. “But… I agree. We don’t have to rush this. We have the rest of our lives to make up for lost time.”
Suddenly your eyes drifted to the flowers on the pavement, raising your eyes at that. “Is that supposed to be for me?”
Alexia’s eyes widened when she realized the discarded flowers, quickly taking them and shoving them to you. “Uhm. Yes. These… these are for you.”
“They’re beautiful,” you replied, taking the flowers from her but your gaze never leaving her face. “Thank you.”
She pouted when she realized you hadn’t even glanced at it. “You didn’t even look at it!”
You grinned at her, leaning forward and wrapping an arm around her waist. Your face back in its favourite spot against her neck. “I bet they’re beautiful, just like you.”
“Okay, flirt.”
Alexia quickly stepped back when she noticed that the flowers were squeezed in between you two. “You’re ruining my flowers.”
“I’m not,” you scoffed. You looked down and scrunched your nose at the sight. At least they still had the beautiful pink colour intact, your favourite. “Okay, kind of. But that was your fault.”
Alexia took your hand that wasn’t holding the flower and brought it to her lips for a kiss. “How was it my fault?”
“I couldn’t resist hugging you.”
Alexia laughed and wrapped her arms around your shoulder. Swaying you side to side and sighing in content. Everything felt good. It felt like everything had fallen into place.
“Now you’re ruining the flowers even more!” your voice muffled with the way your face was squeezed into Alexia’s neck.
“I’ll get you new ones, mi amor. In fact, I’ll get you the whole shop.”
You laughed into her neck, placing a gentle kiss there. “I’m holding you on to that.”
Alexia hummed. “I love you, cariño. I missed you so much.”
“Me too,” you replied.
“Say it back,” Alexia prodded, placing her cheek on the top of your head.
“Huh?”
“I… love… you.” Alexia said slowly.
Alexia felt your giggles tickle her neck.
“Princessa, say it back.”
“You already know the answer anyway.”
“Mi vida.”
“Alexia. I love you too.”
Alexia did know the answer—she had heard you say it a million times over and over. Despite that, Alexia still wanted to hear it a million times more.
—
Alexia had been to Manchester before but it was still hard to keep up with how busy the airport was. She couldn’t spot you—not at first. All she could see was people rushing to get somewhere despite it being the early hours of the morning.
Alexia dragged her luggage to a secluded corner and pulled out her phone to give you a call. She put her phone to her ear and kept on looking around while waiting for you to pick up.
It was on the second ring when Alexia spotted you. You were sandwiched between people and you looked so small that Alexia would’ve missed you if she didn’t see the giant flower bouquet you were holding.
Once you answered the call, Alexia laughed into the speaker, feeling her heart grow ten times bigger with the amount of love she felt for you. Alexia still couldn’t believe she was finally here, just a few steps away from the person she had missed so much.
“Why are you laughing?”
“Because,” Alexia sighed in content. How did she spend so long convincing herself that she would be fine settling for someone other than you? “That bouquet is way bigger than you.”
As soon as Alexia said that, she saw you move your head in all directions trying to locate her. “You’re here. Where are you?”
“I am here.” Alexia stated, enjoying how clueless you looked.
“Alexia.”
“You always complain about how tall I am, how can you not see me?” Alexia kept her eyes on you—from your furrowed eyebrows to the small pout on your lips, one hand holding your phone to your ear and the other holding the flowers. She laughed even more when you kept on whining and your pout kept getting bigger as each second passed.
“You are annoying,” you groaned. “Can you just tell me where you are? I’m hungry.”
“Not because you miss me?” Alexia teased. “You only want me because I spoil you with lots of food.”
“Yes, that’s true!” you laughed. “So hurry up and tell me where you are so we can get food, Alexia Putellas Segura.”
“Ooh she’s using my full name now.”
“It’s because I’m getting impatient!”
Alexia laughed, finally dragging her luggage and walking towards your direction.
Once she was behind you, Alexia ended the call and tapped your shoulder, making you jump slightly. Alexia chuckled to herself at how ridiculous she was for finding everything you did adorable.
You immediately turned around and once recognition settled in, you squealed and jumped to hug her. “Alexia! You’re blonde again!”
“Mi amor! I missed you.”
When you broke apart, Alexia’s eyes started to well with tears. You were finally in front of her, smiling at her with your big smile and sparkly eyes. Two months without having you near felt so long.
“Baby,” you cooed. “Why are you crying?”
“Just emotional,” Alexia squeezed her eyes shut to stop the tears from escaping. “I missed your stupid face.”
“No one will be able to guess that you're the crybaby in this relationship.”
Alexia scowled at you. She would never admit that she cried more than you. Besides, no one would be able to verify this fact because she never cried in front of anyone, except you. “I am not.”
“Sure. Can we get that breakfast now?”
Looking at you behind your big flower bouquet, Alexia felt breathless, only because she still couldn’t believe that you were hers. At the same time though, she felt like she was able to properly breathe again, because you were finally back in her arms.
—
“Hey, Ale?”
“Yeah?”
You sat on the passenger seat, absentmindedly playing with Alexia’s hand that wasn’t holding the steering wheel.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive?”
Alexia gave you a side glance. “Are you questioning my driving abilities? When it was me who drove you around most of your life.”
“Maybe,” you kissed the back of Alexia’s hand. “You’ve never driven outside of Spain before. I’m kind of scared right now. For my life and for my brand new car.”
Alexia laughed, “Driving is the same everywhere, amor.”
“Fine,” you leaned over the console and pressed a kiss to Alexia’s cheek. “I trust you.”
Alexia scrunched her nose in response. “Stop kissing me and tell me where I should go next instead.”
“Just keep on going straight,” you responded. “Then turn left.”
“Now?”
“Are you seeing any left turns right now?”
“You just told me to turn left,” Alexia whined. “You’re such a bad navigator.”
“You should’ve let me drive.”
“You must be tired from work,” Alexia let go of her hand that was in your grip to caress your face. “I just wanted to do something nice for you.”
You looked at Alexia, taking the her hand in yours again. “So thoughtful, always a gentlewoman. Thank you, Ale.”
“I am thoughtful huh.”
You poked your tongue out at her in response. “I should stop before your ego gets too big.”
Alexia grinned at you. “I think my ego has been big ever since I knew I was your first kiss.”
“Yeah, yeah,” you rolled her eyes playfully. “You’re my first kiss, Alexia Putellas Segura. Just like I am yours.”
“The one I don’t have a single memory of,” Alexia noted. “How could you let me forget what would be the most meaningful experience of my life?”
“It’s not my fault you’re a lightweight,” you pinched Alexia’s cheeks to which the blonde laughed in response. “But hey, at least I tried to remind you of that night, didn’t I? About a thousand times these past few days if I remember correctly.”
Alexia hummed in thought, puckering her lips. “I think I need the reminder once again.”
You giggled and kissed the palm of Alexia’s hand instead. “Later at home, okay? I can’t have you crashing my car.”
“I’d like that.” Alexia took a quick glance at you and smiled—one that reached her eyes, one that showed you just how happy she was.
But you were suddenly thinking of home and how you used it to describe your Manchester apartment, even though you never thought of it that way. That was, until Alexia came to visit, leaving her things scattered around like she always did in your old place in Barcelona.
You yearned for days like this, with Alexia driving you back home, eating takeout on the couch as you watched a football match you couldn’t care less about. You let Alexia talk your ear off, giving her commentary on the game, you nodding along like you were totally invested in it too.
Home.
Manchester had never felt like home. It was an apartment with all of your things, where you slept and showered and ate, but you never considered it to be your home.
Alexia visited one day and changed the meaning of the place entirely.
You lived here for years without Alexia, but you couldn’t imagine it without her anymore.
You looked at your best friend as she sang along to a Spanish song, she was so off-key. A grin instantly made its way to your lips.
Home was wherever Alexia was.
—
It was a no-brainer, really.
There was no reason to stay in Manchester when your heart lived in Barcelona.
It had been on your mind since you had to leave Alexia again as you boarded the plane back to Manchester a few months ago. It was the only thing you could think of as you waved goodbye to Alexia as she went back to Barcelona, her black cap and sunglasses covering her face, but you could tell there were tears running down her cheeks.
You knew she was scared that history would repeat itself and you two would argue again. But you also knew that it was different this time. There were no uncertain feelings in your chest, no other girl next to Alexia making you feel replaced. You were certain of your love for Alexia.
But it was time to come home. You knew that the moment Alexia kissed you for the second time.
You hadn’t told Alexia, but you were planning on coming back in a couple of months. You wanted it to be a surprise.
But the night before Alexia left, as you savoured the feeling of her pressed up against you, you came to the conclusion that you need to come back to Barcelona sooner than planned.
Having Alexia next to you felt so good. You missed it a lot. You knew you couldn’t stand even another month being away from her, so you changed your entire timeline and decided to move it up so you were coming back in two weeks.
You had a lot on your to-do list. It was a hassle to move away from the place you’ve lived in for years. It was even harder when you wanted to do it within a few weeks.
Alexia thought it was starting again—the space between you.
You didn’t want to ruin the surprise.
“Ale, you're just being a distraction right now.”
Which was true—you had less time to reply to texts and calls in between trying to get rid of your furniture and trying to cut your lease short—but Alexia didn't know that so it wasn’t the right word to use.
Out of context, it sounded harsh, and you figured you could’ve said it better.
Alexia ended the call abruptly and ignored all your texts for the rest of the day.
—
Turns out, Alexia decided to ignore you for a whole week. It was understandable, you royally screwed up, but the only thing that kept you from flying to Barcelona as soon as you figured out she was ignoring you was the thought that you were coming back soon. For good.
You left Manchester and years worth of memories behind on a Monday. Your parents welcomed you back with open arms and you spent the night eating your mother’s home cooked meal.
The next day, you knew Alexia had training until noon. So you went to a florist, bought the biggest bouquet of Alexia’s favourite flowers, and you met up with a Barcelona staff member with clear instructions that he was to give it to Alexia. And to make sure that she actually read the note attached to it.
Alexia, my love
Meet me at our spot at 4pm
You’re going to be done by that time, so you better show up
Yours,
y/n
—
You sat at your usual spot by the beach, the same spot where you got your heart broken a few months ago when Alexia didn’t show up. This time, instead of waiting for Alexia with dread and a heavy heart, all you felt was excitement at getting to see her again.
This time, you knew that Alexia loved you too and you didn’t have to worry about her not showing up.
Alexia loved you too and you weren't going to let her go. It was that thought that kept on repeating in your head, the one that propelled you to leave Manchester behind and come back to Barcelona. As much as you loved it over there, you knew it would never beat the feeling of having Alexia next to you.
You couldn’t wait to be with Alexia. Really be with her, not through a phone screen where her sleeping face would disappear once her phone ran out of battery.
“Amor?”
You craned your head as soon as you heard that voice. Alexia was still as beautiful as ever, despite only wearing some sweatpants and a hoodie that she stole from you when you were still in high school.
“Hi.” Alexia put her hand up in a little wave. You smiled because Alexia looked so nervous, it was adorable.
You stood up and walked towards her slowly, your face still amused at the way she was biting her lips—a nervous habit of hers. When you were inches apart you spoke, “Hi back. Why do you look so nervous?”
Alexia’s eyes drifted anywhere but you. “I’m not nervous.”
“You totally are,” you said, trying to catch her eyes. “Can I hug you?”
Alexia finally returned your stare and once your eyes met, Alexia’s entire posture softened and she leaned forward to engulf you in a hug.
“I missed you,” Alexia exhaled deeply. “It’s only been a few weeks but I missed you.”
You wrapped your arms around her neck, whispering that you missed her too. You breathed in her familiar scent and sighed. You felt at home.
“You didn’t tell me you were coming,” Alexia said once you broke apart.
You shrugged. “I wanted it to be a surprise.”
“Well, I am very surprised.” Alexia took your hands in hers. “I’m happy you’re here.”
“Can I kiss you now? Or are you still too nervous to do that?” you asked, your tone teasing. “ I can’t have you passing out on me.”
Alexia rolled her eyes, a small smile on her lips. “I’m not nervous.”
“So can I kiss you or not?” you asked once more, a grin on her face.
“Of course you can.”
And that was all you needed before you leaned forward and captured her lips with yours.
You kissed your girlfriend gently, you kissed her slowly while trying to convey just how much you missed her—how lonely your nights were without her to cuddle you to sleep and how cold your mornings were without her warm smile.
And when Alexia traced your bottom lip with her tongue, you couldn’t comprehend how fast your heart was beating. After countless kisses, you still felt the same way you did when Alexia first kissed you at eighteen—all fluttery as a thousand butterflies rummaged around your stomach.
Alexia’s lips on yours felt tingly, and Alexia’s hands that were caressing your waist felt like they had belonged there all along.
When you broke apart, Alexia’s hands stayed where they were, her forehead resting against yours while you both tried to catch your breath.
“I love you,” Alexia whispered. “I know I say that a lot, but I mean it every time.”
You hummed, your lips curling up into a smile. “I love you too.”
“I’m sorry, cariño, for ignoring you. I was just… sad, I guess.”
“No, I'm sorry, I shouldn’t have called you a distraction.”
“It’s just–” Alexia sighed, she was really beating herself up over this. “You’re supposed to tell me if you’re unhappy. I’m your girlfriend.”
You immediately shake your head. “I’m not unhappy—I could never be unhappy with you.”
“Then?”
You took a deep breath before continuing, “You were a distraction, but only because—Ale?”
Alexia blinked back, as if she didn’t quite understand what you said. She took a step away from your touch and turned her back towards you.
You were confused for a moment before you remembered how much of an overthinker she was.
“Ale. Baby,” you gently placed your hands on her shoulders and turned her around. Your heart broke at the sight of Alexia’s furrowed brows and the slight tremble in her bottom lips.
“Are you—Did you come back to break up with me?”
“Of course not,” you laughed. “Alexia—”
“Don’t—” Alexia tried to turn back around and leave, but you quickly grabbed her arms to prevent her from leaving.
“Alexia,” your hand travelled down to her hands, intertwining them with yours. “Look at me.”
You could see tears starting to well in her and you sighed at how much she resembled a kicked puppy. “Baby,” you cooed. “It’s nothing bad, c’mon, please don’t cry.”
“It’s not?” Alexia whispered out.
“No,” you flashed her a comforting smile. “I would never break up with you, you should know that by now.”
“Oh,” Alexia looked down, sniffling. “Then why? I’m a distraction to you?”
You lifted Alexia’s chin up with your finger. “Moving across countries isn’t an easy thing to do, you know. I have to talk to the hospital about my contract, I have to talk to my agent about my lease, I have to sell all my furniture, I have to meet with my friends to say goodbye—”
“What—”
“That’s why you were kind of distracting me, because I need to get a lot of things done if I want to come home to my girlfriend as soon as possible.”
When realization dawned on Alexia, her eyes widened and you laughed at how comical she looked. Alexia placed her hand on your mouth, muffling your laughs. “Stop laughing at me. You’re coming back?”
You took Alexia’s hand away from your mouth and grinned at her. Alexia’s eyebrows were raised, her face expectant as she waited for an answer.
You smiled fondly at her expressions before you answered her question with a kiss.
One second into the kiss, a giggle escaped your mouth, causing Alexia to break you apart, narrowing her eyes at your interruption. “Sorry, you were just too adorable.”
“Glad to know you think me crying is adorable.”
You placed a kiss on her cheek. “I don’t like seeing you cry but I wasn’t even breaking up with you, you big baby.”
“You’re so mean,” Alexia pouted. “But you’re really coming back? For good?”
“I am. I can’t be apart from you anymore. I love you and I want to wake up next to you every morning and fall asleep next to you every night.”
“Cheesy.”
You scrunched up your nose. “Shut up. I’m trying to be cute.”
“So… will you be asking me to move in with you then?”
“Well…” you gave a sheepish grin. “I was hoping you would be the one to ask me that, since I don’t exactly have a place here anymore. Unless you want to move in with my parents, that’s okay too.”
Alexia laughed and pecked your lips. You felt warm all over. “Let’s go look for a new place. My place is too small for all our kids anyway.”
“Kids?” you looked at Alexia with wide eyes. “Alexia. Did you skip the entire wedding?”
Alexia wrapped her arms around your waist, pulling you close. “I’m talking about Nala. And Mr. Oreo, your stinky cat. Add Vicky, Jana, Esmee to the list too.”
You slapped Alexia’s arm in response. “You scared me there for a second. We need to get married first, you know. No skipping a chapter.”
Alexia laughed, kissing the top of your head. You looked at her and the sight of your girlfriend with a big smile and eyes that displayed so much happiness gave you the sudden urge to kiss her again. So you did.
With the feeling of Alexia smiling against your lips, you knew that no matter where life takes you, you’d always come home to her.
—
Y/n,
I still remember the moment you left to go to Manchester. I remember watching you leave and I remember feeling so helpless because I knew that things would change. I saw you walk away and I have never wanted to scream your name so badly—just so you would look at me one last time. But I didn’t.
I didn’t, because you were off to do amazing things and I couldn’t keep you here as much as I wanted to. And because a part of me felt relieved that we’d be spending less time together because it would give me the time I needed to move on from you.
It worked for a while. My heart didn’t break into pieces every time I saw you and Leila on social media, and my heart didn’t feel like it’s being squeezed every time you talked about her.
My daydreams about you stopped, I didn’t hear your laugh in the back of my head at random times of the day anymore. I thought that was it. I was moving on, and I started to swallow the bitter truth that we weren’t meant to be together.
But then one night you called me. It was in the middle of the night and you couldn’t stop laughing because of a joke you just thought of. You asked if I was asleep, and I knew you’d tell me to go back to sleep if I said yes, so I lied. Only because I missed your voice and because hearing your laugh again after so long made my heart feel whole again when I didn’t even realize it had a missing piece.
I realized that, no matter how hard I try to convince myself, I would never love anyone as much as I love you.
I started to spend each night cursing at the stars, being angry and asking why the universe gave you to me, but at the same time, never letting me completely have you.
I settled for someone else because I thought that you’d never look at me the way I looked at you. I loved someone else and their name tasted just fine on my lips but I kept on wishing that it was your name that I was whispering into the dark nights instead. And I had to come to terms that I wasn’t going to spend the rest of my life with you in the way that I’d hoped, so I said ‘yes’ to someone else.
But things happened, and I found out that you had been looking at me the same way all along—hidden glances, longing gazes, the desperate yearning to know how it feels like to love each other in ways no one but us can understand.
You’re my best friend, Y/n. You’re the bestest friend I’ve ever had and now, instead of cursing at the stars, I thank them each night because the universe gave you to me and now I have the chance to be able to love and admire every part of you.
Now your name is the only one I’d whisper into the nights—the nights where it’s just us two and your face that’s illuminated by the moonlight is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Now you’re the person I said ‘yes’ to because you’re the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.
It’s been a journey, hasn’t it? I never would have thought that we’d be here, and that in a few hours I’d get to call you my wife.
I love you, mi amor. I have loved you since I was five and didn’t know anything about the world. I have loved you when we were apart, when nothing else was left to say between us, when the mornings without your texts turned my world darker.
And I have loved you when we’re together, when I look to the side and you’re always there next to me, when your hands feel like they’re my long-lost limb—your hands holding mine, your hands around my waist, your hands tangled through my hair, your hands around my neck, your hands holding me at night when it’s quiet except for the sound of your heart beating in sync with mine.
I have loved you for so long that it’s now a part of me and I know that I would never go a day without loving you.
And despite knowing you for most of my life, I still get nervous around you. So I’m writing this letter in case I couldn’t blurt out my vows because of how you’d be looking at me—as if I’m the only star in your sky. I hope that by reading this, you know just how much I love you and how I don’t ever plan to stop.
You make me the happiest. And I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure that you’re the happiest too.
I’ll see you in a few hours. Can’t wait to see you walk down the aisle :)
Yours forever and ever and ever,
Alexia
----
a/n: thank you for reading. this is my longest fic yet, please let me know your thoughts!<3
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There are certain truths universally acknowledged: gravity exists, toddlers are irrational, and the Putellas genes are a force of nature.
Today’s a big day: Alexia is playing one of the most important games of the season, and you’re in the stands with your two-year-old daughter, who, despite being the tiniest human in the stadium, possesses the energy of a thousand deranged squirrels. You are, in a word, nervous.
Your daughter, however, is anything but nervous. She’s strapped into her tiny jersey with Putellas scrawled across the back in letters that are nearly as big as she is. Her hair’s up in a ponytail, more like a pineapple sprouting out of her head, but you know that’s the only way she likes it. You’ve brought snacks, water, an iPad loaded with Paw Patrol, and a collection of those little rubber animals she’s obsessed with. You are prepared for every disaster except, apparently, the actual one.
The game kicks off. Your daughter’s glued to the action, her eyes tracking the players with a focus you wish she’d bring to bedtime. She’s screaming "Mami!" like she’s the head of the Alexia Putellas fan club. Which, let’s be real, she probably is.
You, meanwhile, are half-watching the game, half-watching her, and half-wondering when you’ll get the time to sleep ever again. The maths doesn’t add up, but then again, neither does the toddler logic you’re about to encounter.
In the 30th minute, the snacks run out. Which, you should have known, is a harbinger of doom. Your daughter, little genius that she is, finishes her juice box and immediately hurls it to the ground. She gives you the wide-eyed innocent look that usually precedes a request for more snacks or a sudden need to use the bathroom. But not this time.
This time, she leans in conspiratorially, whispering, “Mami!” It’s a statement, a question, and a declaration of war all at once.
“Yes, baby,” you say, patting her hand, thinking she’s just expressing her undying adoration for Alexia. You know what’s coming, but you’re oblivious. Blame it on the lack of sleep or the adrenaline of the match.
“Mami!” she repeats, louder, with more urgency. You’re too busy trying to figure out if she’s got another juice box somewhere in the black hole that is your nappy bag to notice that she’s been scoping out her escape route. You’ve taught her well: always look for the exits. You just never expected her to take that lesson so literally.
“Mami!” And before you can register what’s happening, she’s off like a shot, little legs pumping with the determination of someone who’s just discovered that the world is a lot more fun when you’re not stuck behind bars. Literally. Because she’s somehow squeezed through the railing and is now sprinting toward the field like she’s got the ball and is gunning for the goal.
There’s a split second where time stops. The crowd noise fades, the players blur, and you’re left watching your tiny daughter make her bid for freedom. Then, the panic sets in.
“Oh my God, she’s on the pitch!” you scream, leaping to your feet. Your heart's in your throat, and your legs feel like they’re made of concrete, but you move. You have to. Alexia is going to kill you. No, worse, she’s going to tell your mother.
This is it. You’re going to die. Not because your daughter’s about to get trampled by a bunch of world-class athletes, but because Alexia Putellas is going to murder you on the spot for letting this happen.
“Don’t move!” you yell, as if your two-year-old is going to suddenly develop a sense of self-preservation and stop in her tracks. You leap over seats with a grace you didn’t know you possessed, and suddenly, it’s you versus the grass, a race you never wanted to be a part of.
The security guards, bless them, are as stunned as you are. They’re used to dealing with rowdy fans, not rogue toddlers. One of them starts to move, but you’re faster. You vault over the barrier like an Olympian, not caring that you’ve just flashed half the stadium. Your brain is a mess of conflicting priorities: get the child, avoid the cameras, don’t trip, for the love of God, don’t trip.
“Mami!” Your daughter’s scream pierces the air as she beelines for Alexia, who, by now, has spotted her and is having her own heart attack on the pitch. Alexia freezes, eyes wide, mouth open in a soundless yell. You can see her future flash before her eyes: headlines like “Star Player’s Toddler Takes Over Match” or “Tiny Terror Halts Game, Becomes Internet Sensation.”
The ball is at the far end of the pitch, and most of the players haven’t noticed yet. But one of the defenders has. She’s staring, and then she starts laughing. You can’t blame her. You’d be laughing too if you weren’t about to faint from the sheer absurdity of it all.
Finally, you reach your daughter just as she reaches the center circle. You scoop her up, her little legs still kicking as if she’s going to make a break for it again. She’s giggling, thinking this is all the best game ever, and honestly, you’re too relieved to be mad.
Alexia, however, is sprinting toward you like she’s about to dropkick someone, probably you, into the next century. You flash her an apologetic smile, holding up the wriggling toddler as if to say, “I found her! Look, I’m a hero!”
Alexia doesn’t look like she agrees. Her face is a mix of horror, relief, and something that might be love if you’re lucky. She reaches you, breathless, eyes still wide as saucers. “What… the… hell…?”
“I took my eyes off her for two seconds!” you pant, defensively. “You try keeping up with her!”
Your daughter, oblivious to the chaos she’s caused, throws her arms around Alexia’s neck and says, “Mami, I won!”
Alexia softens instantly, her expression shifting to one of pure adoration. She holds your daughter close, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Yes, you did, mi amor. You won”
The crowd, which had been holding its collective breath, erupts into cheers and laughter. You’re pretty sure you see a wave of camera phones aimed in your direction. Great. You’ll never live this down.
But then Alexia grins at you, and it’s that grin—the one that says she’s both exasperated and completely in love with you—that makes all of this worth it.
“I’m going to kill you,” she whispers, but she’s smiling, and you know you’re in the clear.
“Totally fair,” you agree. “But can we do that after the game?”
With a resigned laugh, Alexia turns to walk you both off the field, your daughter still happily babbling about how she’s the best player ever, better than even Mami. And you? You just can’t wait to tell her how this day was 100% her fault when she’s old enough to understand the concept of consequences.
As you reach the sidelines, you catch the eye of the commentator, who’s openly laughing now. “And that, folks, is what you call a family affair!”
You wave awkwardly, knowing you’re going to be a meme by the end of the day. But as you hand your daughter back to her seat, watching Alexia return to the pitch with a look of determination that’s all business now, you can’t help but feel a rush of pride.
Sure, you almost derailed an entire match. But on the plus side, you just might have discovered a new sport: Toddler Sprinting, with a side of Parental Panic. Gold medals all around.
Hiii! I’m so glad you enjoyed the episode! I was worried that I wouldn’t be interesting enough for the audience. Your comment has made me very happy 😁
Definitely stay tune for more episodes, the next episode will have an interesting guest
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In which Alexia is an excellent footballer yet a terrible, terrible girlfriend. You still love her nonetheless.
Alexia never had much experience with the love that she saw in movies: all the hugs and the “I love you”s and the heart-to-heart conversations. Alexia thought they were too cliché anyway. Especially the “I love you”s. Some people give proclamations of love too easily and not mean a single thing.
Her sister loved to laugh every time people misjudged Alexia to be someone emotionless and cold, when in reality she was just “an awkward introvert who’s terrible at anything related to love and romance and all that jazz,” (Alba’s words).
Although Alexia would say that that was false. Just because she turned awkward whenever someone showed a bit of affection didn’t mean that Alexia sucked at romance. Alexia had watched enough Nicholas Sparks movies to understand what she had to do when the time came. Flowers. Chocolates. Kissing in the rain. Simple.
(“Simple. Yup, definitely. That’s obviously why you’re still single at the age of thirty.”
“Excuse me! Puta.”
“Should I set you up with someone? Yeah. I’m gonna set you up with someone.”
“Alba, fuck off.”)
So maybe Alexia was thirty and still single. So what? Alexia just never thought of relationships to be that big of a deal. And it definitely wasn’t because of how she was as a person “distant and reserved”—or so how Alba described her to be. Her job was already taking too much of her time as it is.
Alexia was the best footballer in the world, and aside from trainings and matches to play, it also required back-to-back meetings and her full attention and wow, Alexia really was going to die alone as a cat lady which was so much worse because she was allergic to cats.
“Your turn, Ale.”
Alexia turned her gaze towards Mapi. It was media day at the Estadi Johan Cruyff. Alexia always had loathed doing interviews but it was part of the job. “How was it?”
“Fine as usual,” Mapi shrugged, flopping on the empty bench next to Alexia. “Have a feeling you will enjoy this one though.”
Alexia raised her eyebrows, moving to stand up. “Why?”
Mapi had a cheeky look on her face. “The interviewer is definitely your type.”
Alexia threw her jacket at Mapi’s face, causing the latter to laugh. “I will gladly say I told you so later! Just you wait!”
Alexia entered one of the rooms that was designated for her interview. It was going to be a fun and lighthearted video. Alexia couldn’t really remember the name of the media that she was assigned to, she had a lot on her mind lately.
Especially since her family was throwing a get-together over the weekend and now both her mother and Alba were pestering her over bringing someone. Alba putting ideas into Eli’s head that Alexia should be seeing someone at this age and Eli quickly agreeing that she was spending too much time on football—
“Miss Putellas? Hi, nice to meet you.”
Alexia’s mouth went agape.
“I’m y/n and this is my team, Robert and Camila. Thank you for having us.”
On second thought, maybe Alba was right. Maybe Alexia really was destined to be the typical career woman who focused too much on work and never had time for love, especially since she was cold and distant and was really, really downright terrible at romance, because there was no way that her heart was doing somersaults when she should be working. This was awful timing. She was so unprofessional.
Her heart was definitely not skipping a beat because of an interviewer who looked to be in her twenties—oh god, Alexia was definitely not crushing on someone who looked like she was still in university.
But the moment you smiled, Alexia knew she was screwed
—
“Fuck you, Alba.”
“Well, Alexia Putellas, just so you know I do have hundreds of girls lining up wanting to fuck me.”
Alexia groaned into her phone. “First of all, ew! Not funny. I hate you.”
Alba laughed. “What did I do this time?”
“You planted these stupid, stupid thoughts into my head! I was thinking about being single so much that you made me have a crush on someone who’s supposed to interview me—”
“I’m gonna stop you right there. How is this my fault?”
“I don’t know!” Alexia exclaimed. “I went into the room and she was there with her stupid cute vest and little notebook in hand and her hair was brown and wavy but not too wavy, it was just perfect the way it falls perfectly down her shoulders and her stupid smile. She was smiling at me, Alba. At me. Smiling.”
“Oookay,” Alba dragged out. “When I said you should find someone I didn’t mean a sugar baby.”
“Alba!”
“What? An interviewer? Journalist? I doubt she’s making a lot per year—”
Alexia groaned even more. “Please don’t go around saying shit like this to anyone else.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“Whatever, you’re no help,” Alexia stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror, making sure that she looked fine. Not that she wanted to impress you—she just wanted to look fine to someone who was going to interview her. Yeah, that was it. “I'll talk to you later.”
“Going back to your new lover?”
“Shut up,” Alexia unlocked the door and stepped out of the bathroom. “I ran to the bathroom because I freaked out.”
Alba’s laugh was so loud that people in the hallways glanced at Alexia as she passed by. “Real smooth. You're totally good at romance. An expert. The real life Romeo—”
Alexia hung up and plopped her phone in the pocket of her tracksuit. She could get through this. She had played in front of thousands, she went through people criticizing her every move as if they were better than her. She wasn’t nervous then, why should she be nervous now?
“Sorry, where were we?” Alexia said as soon as she reentered the room. She took her seat, you on the other side of the camera, still with that damn smile on your face.
“I was just about to tell you that I have always wanted to interview you,” you replied.
“Me?” Alexia squeaked, immediately clearing her throat nervously.
—No, not nervously. Alexia didn’t get nervous. Fuck.
“Yes. You’re a very interesting person,” you fidgeted with the notepad and pen in your hands, your shoes tapping on the floor slightly. Alexia realized that you were nervous, and somehow the thought placed a smile on her face.
“How long have you been working for …Dazn? You could pass as someone who hasn’t graduated university—not that I’m saying you’re not qualified to do your job or anything, you just look really young- not that it’s a bad thing! Lo siento. I’ll just stop talking.”
Real smooth, Alexia. Real smooth.
“Well,” you chuckled. “To answer your question, one: just for a little while and two: you’re kind of right.” You tucked a strand of hair behind your ear and smiled bashfully. “I’m twenty-five years old, still in university, but for my masters.”
“I see,” Realization dawned on Alexia’s face and she had to look to the side to hide away her smile. A five year age gap. Not bad at all.
…Not that it was important, though. Definitely not important. “What are you majoring in?”
You scrunched up your nose. “Isn’t this supposed to be me interviewing you?”
Alexia laughed. “I suppose so.”
“Should we jump into it then?”
“Fire away.”
—
As soon as you left, Alexia couldn’t concentrate for the rest of the day. She didn’t know whether it was because of how stupidly charming you were or because of your addictive smile—okay, no. It was probably not because of you at all. You, who she barely knew. You, with the stars in your eyes, staring at Alexia as if you adored her to bits and wanted to know every single detail about her, including Alexia’s favourite food.
“She asked the question out of nowhere, Albs. We were talking about the upcoming season the second before.” Alexia recalled.
“That does seem pretty random.” Alba replied in between bites of her food.
“Right?! It was like she was done with all her questions, but she wanted to get to know me further—”
Alexia’s sentence was cut off by Alba’s laughter. “Don’t get too cocky now, Ale. Just because you have a crush on her doesn’t mean she’s into you too.”
Alexia rolled her eyes. “I don’t have a crush on her. I can admit she’s attractive. And funny. And smart. Does not mean I have a crush on her.”
“Seems like you do,” Alba said, a smirk forming on her lips. “Which is great! Haven’t I been telling you to find someone? This is super great.”
“I’m not gonna date someone years younger than me, Alba,” Alexia cut into her steak and took a bite. Yup. She wasn’t going to date someone who was five years younger than her.
“She’s twenty-five, that’s nothing.”
Alexia narrowed her eyes at the brunette in front of her. “…How do you know her age? I never told you her age.”
“Google exists,” Alba said simply. “And remember the girl I’m sort-of-seeing-but-not-really?”
“Marta,” Alexia nodded.
“Maria,” Alba corrected. “She’s your girl’s best friend.”
Alexia paused her fork mid-air. “What?”
Alba hummed. “They're on the way here as we speak.”
“What?!” Alexia repeated, a clang echoing throughout her dining room as her fork fell to her plate.
“I invited them over for drinks.”
Alexia palmed her face and groaned. “I think I missed the part where you invited them over to my place without my acknowledgement.”
“Oh whatever, hermana,” Alba waved her off. “Stop acting as if I don’t live here.”
“You don’t,” Alexia reminded.
“Your place is my place and all that,” Alba teased.
“Alba,” Alexia felt like strangling Alba. Or anything to wipe that grin off her face—
The doorbell interrupted them.
Alba squeaked and jumped out of her chair. “That’s them!”
Alexia opened her mouth to say something but Alba was already out of the room before she could utter a word. Damn it.
Alexia forced herself to stay cool, following after Alba and sighing when she neared the front door and saw a girl she’d seen in Alba’s pictures and you.
“Hello,” Alexia greeted.
“Amor, this is my grumpy and very single sister, Alexia,” Alba pointed at Alexia and Alexia slapped Alba’s hand away.
“I’m Alexia,” Alexia put her hand out, her smile widening when she caught your eyes. Okay, so maybe she didn’t hate Alba that much.
“I know, wow, it’s an honor,” your best friend shook Alexia’s hands. “You’re a legend.”
Alexia laughs, her cheeks turning red. “Thank you.” She turned to you and gave a little wave. “I don’t think introductions are necessary, is it?”
“Hi, Miss Putellas,” you said. Alexia hated how addicted she was to your voice despite having just met you today.
“Oh no. Alexia is fine, please.”
“Okay then,” you grinned and Alexia swore she could die on the spot. “Alexia it is.”
—
“So, Alexia,” you started. You were seated on one couch, Alba and Maria occupying the smaller seater to your left. No one seemed to be paying attention to the movie anymore. Alexia couldn’t even remember what the damn plot of the movie was. You, as it turned out, smelled really good and it was very addicting—and Alexia was insane. Insane for developing a tiny crush on you when you two had just met today.
You looked like you didn’t know what to say, settling with, “Nice place.”
Alexia gave a soft laugh. “Thank you? There’s more that I haven’t shown you actually.”
“Yeah?” you sounded like you wanted to have Alexia show you around.
Alexia darted her eyes towards her sister and her ‘not-so-date’ to see that they had both fallen asleep. Alexia contemplated whether being alone with you would be something she should be doing or not, and after a moment she decided that there wasn’t any reason for her to not want to be alone with you.
So Alexia stood up and offered a hand out for you to take. “Come on, I’ll show you around.”
—
Five minutes into being alone with you and walking around Alexia’s house—or mansion, as you called it—Alexia discovered five things about you.
You had two dogs, Salt and Pepper, and Alexia could tell how much you loved them with the way you excitedly told the story about how you got them.
You were an only child and your parents spoiled you to bits and they supported you in everything you did, all the way from the United States.
You were American.
You were taking your masters in sports science and Alexia made a mental note to talk to the physios at Barça on whether they have a vacant spot for you. Not because Alexia wanted to see you everyday, but because she was sure you were a certified genius.
You were hilarious and made Alexia laugh a lot. Alexia wanted more of you.
You were in the middle of retelling how your day went and Alexia somehow really wanted to kiss you, which was dumb and stupid, considering how she barely knew you.
You got excited over the littlest things, you talked animatedly about how you saw a dog on your way to Alexia’s place that looked a lot like your own and you gushed about how the dog barked excitedly at you. Alexia found it adorable, despite being confused on how a dog can bark ‘excitedly’.
“I’m sorry I talk a lot,” you said, tucking your hair behind your ears.
“Don’t be,” Alexia bumped your shoulders lightly as you two continued your walk around her house. “It’s cute.”
You playfully rolled your eyes. Alexia could see the red on the tips of your ears. Adorable. “Can we go outside?” you asked, changing the subject.
“Sure,” Alexia led you towards the nearest door that leads to her backyard. “The pool is on the other side, this is my flower garden.”
“You have a flower garden,” you stated.
Alexia hummed in reply. “I love looking at flowers. They are pretty.”
Once you stepped outside, Alexia felt her teeth chatter, cursing herself for not wearing anything more appropriate for the cold night air. When she was about to ask you if you wanted to head back inside, a jacket was draped around her shoulders and Alexia was surrounded with the scent of your vanilla perfume.
“y/n, you don’t have to—”
“Take it,” you insisted. “You’re freezing.”
“You’re gonna freeze.”
Alexia shook off the black jacket and was about to place it around your shoulders but you walked ahead. “I won’t,” you walked backwards, smiling reassuringly. “I’m still wearing long-sleeves, see? I can handle it. Don’t worry.”
Alexia hesitated for a second before putting on the jacket. Alexia hugged herself tighter, it was still cold but also because the jacket smelled really nice. “Thank you.”
“No problem,” you replied. You stopped walking and Alexia would know this if she wasn’t so busy looking elsewhere but you.
The moment Alexia bumped into you, your hands immediately went to steady her, resting on Alexia’s forearms. Alexia could feel herself flush, her cheeks getting warm, profusely apologizing because she was usually never this clumsy.
You giggled, your hands were still sending fire to Alexia’s skin, your faces inches apart. “That’s okay.”
“I should’ve watched where I was going,” Alexia’s face was apologetic. “I’m really sorry.”
“It’s okay. Really,” you were smiling at her. “A lot on your mind today?”
Alexia studied your face and nodded. Definitely a lot. She noticed that you had a mole under your left eyebrow.
“Mind sharing?” you asked.
Alexia immediately stood up straighter and cleared her throat. You dropped your hands, but made no move to step away. “Just- work. Media day has never been my favourite.”
Yup. Work. Definitely not because Alexia couldn’t get your pretty eyes off her mind.
You narrowed your eyes at her and Alexia held her breath. You were really close. It was getting harder to breathe. All Alexia could think about was that vanilla was about to become her favourite scent.
“You’re very interesting.”
Alexia raised her eyebrows at that. “I am?”
“Yeah,” you nodded. “I saw you at training yesterday, you know. We had a briefing to prepare for today. You were… I wouldn’t say scary, but I was pretty sure your teammates were about to pee their pants.”
Alexia broke into a laugh. “What?”
“You had that furrow between your brows,” you elaborated, raising your hand and hesitantly running a finger across Alexia’s forehead. “And I could hear your stern captain voice,” you chuckled, dropping your hand. “But despite that you were still as charismatic and graceful as ever. I could see why people would be so intimidated by you.”
“And that’s interesting to you?” Alexia said, her voice barely a whisper. Her heart was hammering wildly in her chest.
“Yeah,” you answered, your voice matching Alexia’s whisper. “Because while I was interviewing you earlier today and this whole night, you’ve been acting the opposite and I couldn’t figure it out.”
“The opposite?”
“You’re… awkward,” you laughed. “You take charge on the field, your chin held high, you look people straight in the eye when conversing with them. But you’re so awkward—you bump into me, you stutter, you can’t look me in the eye for more than five seconds.”
Damn it. You were smart. Well, Alexia knew you were smart, but this was… this was you being able to read Alexia’s thoughts and damn. it.
Alexia couldn’t even defend herself because it was true. All the things you observed were true and what could Alexia exactly say to that? That Alexia acted that way because she was nervous? That being around you made her nervous? Which was baffling because Alexia had done speeches in front of thousands of people without tripping over her words once, yet one night with you and Alexia‘s vocabulary went out the window.
“Uh I’m sorry if that was overstepping,” you said, finally stepping backwards. “I was just stating what I saw.”
You looked really beautiful under the moonlight. Your eyes casted downwards, your hands fidgety, as if you were doubting yourself about why you said all that. You looked nervous, perhaps about what Alexia would say next.
But despite everything, you looked really beautiful under the moonlight and Alexia figured that there was no harm in telling you that.
You whipped your head up and looked at Alexia with wide eyes. “What?”
“I think you look really beautiful right now,” Alexia exhaled and stepped forward. She couldn’t believe she was doing this. “That is why I’m so awkward around you. I just don’t know how to act. I get nervous around pretty girls.”
You laughed and Alexia took it as an opportunity to pull you in for a kiss, swallowing all your laughter.
Alexia became addicted to the scent of vanilla.
—
Turns out Alexia did suck at romance. She missed dates, forgot to call you back and was a bad texter. The first week Alexia didn’t think her thing with you was going to last. She really was terrible.
But weeks turned into months and despite the missed dinners, you stayed patient. You were there in her kitchen with takeout at 10 p.m., waiting for Alexia’s meeting to end. You were there at 7 in the morning before Alexia left for training, a bag of pastries in hand. Alexia would happily munch on her guilty pleasures on the way to training, quickly getting rid of any traces of crime from her nutritionists.
You didn’t get tired of her even though Alexia stupidly didn’t move an inch the first time you initiated a kiss. You only laughed when you first stayed the night at Alexia’s place and Alexia offered her bed while she slept in one of her spare bedrooms. You didn’t mind that you sent paragraphs of text only for Alexia to reply with one or two words—you didn’t get mad, instead you would call Alexia to get her reply because you knew Alexia preferred talking instead of texting.
And Alexia was never the one to show affection. Pats on the back between teammates were appropriate. Hugs were awkward. She kissed each of her exes once or twice.
You were different and you were persistent. You liked hugs. You hugged Alexia any chance you could get. You preferred to cuddle during movie nights and you liked to hug Alexia from behind when she was cooking dinner. The fact that Alexia tensed whenever you hugged her just made you hug her even tighter.
Strangely, Alexia didn’t find it uncomfortable. If she did, she would've said something. But Alexia actually liked your hugs.
(“Are all hugs like this?”
“What do you mean ‘are all hugs like this’?
“I don’t know, Alba. Like- you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.”
“God, you’re nauseating.”
“I’m asking a genuine question!”
“You are in love that's what it is.”)
Five months into your relationship, Alexia started to be the one initiating the hugs. She was more affectionate; intertwining your hand with hers when you walk side-by-side and kissing you goodbye in front of your friends, not caring about the whistles thrown at you.
Alexia still missed dates and phone calls, but strangely enough you still didn’t seem to mind. Alexia was left dumbfounded because how were you perfectly fine with all of this? There was a reason why Alexia’s past relationships never lasted.
“I know you’re busy, baby. And I know you’re trying your best too.” you once said. Alexia almost shed a tear because how were you so. damn. perfect?
After eight months of being together, Alexia was juggling her relationship and football much better. She canceled an important meeting for the first time ever because she promised that she would pick you and your parents up from the airport.
Alba called her crazy, and her past self definitely would agree with Alba. Alexia didn’t care though. The smile on your face when Alexia showed up with flowers in hand was priceless.
“What are you daydreaming about?”
“Hm?” Alexia looked to the side and found you staring at her. “Nothing.”
You laughed, setting your book aside and rested your head on Alexia’s chest. Alexia wrapped her arms around your smaller frame and kissed the top of your head.
“If you say so,” you lazily drew circles on Alexia’s stomach. “What should we get for dinner?”
“What do you want?”
“You always ask me what I want,” you giggled. “Can you choose for tonight?”
Alexia hummed in thought and after a moment she added, “Pizza it is.”
You immediately sat upright, a huge grin on your face. “You really are a mind reader, you know?”
Alexia shrugged, a smile at the corner of her lips. “I told you.”
You shook your head fondly, laughing as you laid back down to your previous position.
“I love you, Ale.”
I love you. Right. Alexia should probably say it back at some point.
But should she even say it back? Wasn’t that too soon? Alexia didn’t know when the appropriate time of reciprocating your girlfriend’s confession of love would be.
When she asked Alba about it, Alba questioned her back asking if the reason she hadn’t said it back was because she didn’t feel the same way you did—which was stupid. Alexia made sure to throw her popcorn across the couch, all the way to Alba’s face, because what kind of stupid question was that?
The first time you said those three words to Alexia, Alexia accidentally sliced her finger instead of the tomato on her chopping board. It was three months after you became official and Alexia wasn’t expecting it. Not that soon, at least. But you did and Alexia was so caught off guard that you two had to halt your cooking session and order sushi for dinner instead. Alexia didn’t bring up the topic again all night and you didn’t either.
Just because Alexia didn’t say it back didn’t mean she didn’t love you.
Or… maybe Alba was right. Did she love you?
You, who were the most understanding and loving person Alexia had ever met. You, who made her laugh in the mornings and made her laugh before she went to sleep. You, who were never mad at Alexia when she forgot to call despite promising that she would.
“Being in love with someone and just enjoying their company are completely different things, you know that right?”
“What?” Alexia looked at her sister in disbelief. “Of course I do.”
“Cool. So which one is it with you?”
“Which one?”
Alba rolled her eyes. “Are you in love with her or do you just like having her around?”
In Alexia’s defense, she didn’t have much experience of being in love. How was she supposed to know whatever that feeling was like? The only relationship she had was with Jenni and that didn't work out because they were both too busy to have a relationship. Was she ever in love with Jenni? Maybe not. A crush, sure. Jenni was an attractive woman.
Was it the same with you? Alexia liked you a lot, that was for sure. Was it so much to the point that it was love?
Alexia figured if this was Jenni, she wouldn’t have to think about this so much. Jenni didn’t care about love and all the cliché things. Alexia didn’t either.
And Alexia wouldn’t have cared so much if it weren’t for the fact that you told Alexia you loved her every chance you got. (Alexia felt like the world’s biggest asshole every time you got silence instead of her saying it back).
When it rained and Alexia always held the umbrella for the two of you, making sure not a single droplet of rain fell on top of your head but ended up soaking wet herself, you would laugh and “I love you, Alexia Putellas.”
When you had to move out of your apartment and Alexia told you that you could stay with her until you found a place because she did have some spare rooms (even though you ended up sleeping in Alexia’s bed every night), “Really? Alexia Putellas, my saviour, thank you, I love you,” as you peppered her face with kisses.
When Alexia found out that Maria, your best friend, was also your first love, you reassured her that all your feelings for Maria were now strictly platonic. “She was my first love, but that was years ago. I love you. You’re my present and my future, Alexia Putellas.”
When you came home with Alexia for Christmas and some of her family members kept on sending wary glances towards you, you held Alexia’s hand on top of the dinner table and proclaimed your love for her for everyone to hear, your chin up and your tone proud. “I love Alexia. I’ll take care of her the best way I can.”
When Alexia would pick you up from classes, leaning against her grey Cupra, you would sprint towards her, a big smile on your face and a “You didn’t have to pick me up, I know you’re a busy woman. Love you.”
Every single time Alexia would return a smile or a kiss, never saying it back when she knew you were expecting it every single time. Alexia realized romance wasn’t as easy as she thought and this whole thing with you was bound to blow up if she didn’t get her shit together.
—
Turns out, it did blow up sooner than Alexia expected. She wished this point never came—she knew it would, she had been dreading it ever since—but Alexia cursed the stars for actually making it happen. She just wanted to at least hold you for another night.
You two were getting ready for bed, Alexia changing into her pyjamas while you were already tucked in bed and you two were fine.
Alexia was talking about her day, how her mom scolded her because she was five minutes late to breakfast (which was insane because it was only five minutes), about the meeting she had for a possible new brand deal, and how she missed you the entire day. And maybe Alexia should’ve noticed how quiet you were or how your body tensed the moment Alexia slid her arms under the cover and wrapped them around your waist.
When Alexia thought you had fallen asleep, you spoke, just barely above a whisper.
“I love you.”
It was silent—so silent that Alexia could hear a hair pin drop. She didn’t know why this night felt different. Alexia didn’t know why there was an edge to your voice and why there was something else she couldn’t quite place.
You turned around to face your girlfriend. Alexia could make out the faint outlines of your face in the dark—she had memorized every single inch of you.
“I love you, Alexia,” you stated once more. This time Alexia could clearly hear the challenge in your tone.
Alexia stared back at you, a sinking feeling started to settle in the pit of her stomach.
Seconds passed by, Alexia saw the mixture of emotions all over your face. You were hurt, Alexia could tell. You looked angry too, this Alexia wasn’t expecting.
“Do you love me?”
Alexia was taken aback by the bluntness of the question. “What?”
“Do. you. love. me?” your tone turned impatient.
Alexia was wide-eyed. This wasn’t where she was expecting this night to go. “y/n—”
You got up from the bed and Alexia followed suit. You two were standing in front of each other on the foot of the bed, you with your arms across your chest and a scowl on your face.
“Hey, what’s going on?
“‘What’s going on’?” you scoffed. “Do you love me or not? I asked you a simple question, Alexia.”
“I—” Alexia‘s voice got stuck in her throat. She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t like that she was being put on the spot like this either.
You stayed silent, an expectant look on your face. When Alexia didn’t say anything else, you let out a big sigh.
“y/n…” Alexia croaked out. She was afraid where this conversation would go.
You groaned, taking a fistful of your hair before exploding at Alexia. “It’s a simple fucking question, Alexia!”
Alexia was taken aback by your outburst. “I—”
You stepped forward, a fiery look in your eyes. “I. Love. You.” you punctured each word with a jab to Alexia’s chest.
Alexia stared into your eyes, seeing the mixture of rage, sadness and disappointment swimming around in them. Alexia knew she should say something—she should say the one thing she knew you wanted to hear. But why was it so hard for her to utter those words? Was it because she didn’t feel it? Or was it because she was scared? Alexia didn’t know, she needed to think, but you weren't letting her.
“You don’t love me, do you?” your tone was full of defeat. Alexia knew that it was now or never. She was going to lose you—really lose you—if she didn’t say something. “All this time you never said it. I tried to make sense of it, I tried to make sense of you. You got me flowers every week—sometimes even twice a week. You listen when I ramble about useless things, you accompany me to my lame university events, let people talk to you about politics and you never talk back to them even though I know you have opposite views on things. You just want my friends to like you. You remember all the dumb little things, remember when we first met and what I was wearing at that time. You tell me I look good even though I stayed up all night doing my assignments, you tell me I’m beautiful at five in the morning, at midnight, in the middle of the day. You look at me like you’re in love with me. Like you love me.”
You paused and took a deep breath. You gave a bitter laugh before looking straight into Alexia’s eyes. “You do all these things but you never told me that you love me. Not even once, Ale. And once upon a time, I believed you loved me. But I just—I don’t know anymore.”
Alexia stayed silent.
“You’re not even gonna say anything?”
Alexia stayed silent because she didn’t know how to say anything without hurting you even more.
“So it’s true, then?” your tone was full of defeat, your eyes shining with unshed tears. Alexia hated herself for being the cause of it.
“y/n,” Alexia whispered, her hands reaching out to touch you but you moved away. “I—”
“No,” you ran a hand through your hair and gave a humourless laugh. “Just, save it, Alexia. I think I heard you loud and clear.”
When you slammed the door shut, Alexia felt the sobs at the back of her throat but she swallowed them. To cry meant she regretted everything that led you to walk out.
Alexia did this to herself. She was the reason you left, Alexia didn’t deserve to cry. So Alexia stared out her window all night, wondering whether the reason her heart hurt so much was because the feeling she had for you was love all along and she was just too dumb to realize.
—
When Alexia didn’t get a single ‘I love you, beautiful’ in the middle of a meeting and when no one was there to kiss her goodnight and whispers of ‘I love you’, Alexia wondered how dumb she was to let everything slip from her fingers.
—
Maria came by her house a few days after you left, saying that you had asked her to pack your stuff up. Alexia couldn’t do anything else but let her in and watched as your things that were scattered around her house were shoved into boxes.
Alexia didn't say anything, she couldn’t ask Maria where you were staying now or if you were okay. Alexia figured she didn't deserve an answer.
“Is this y/n’s?” Maria was holding a stuffed teddy bear, one of its eyes missing and an embroidery of your initials seen on its left chest.
“No,” Alexia lied, taking the teddy and sending your best friend a small smile hoping that she was convincing enough. “It's mine. I know I’m too old to own one of these… it has… sentimental values.”
Maria nodded and Alexia had a feeling that Maria knew she was lying, that she knew exactly that it was your favourite teddy bear and that Alexia lied because she wanted to keep a part of you to herself.
“Okay then, I’ll get going,” Maria lifted the last of the boxes and gave Alexia an awkward smile.
Alexia nodded and gestured towards the door. “I’ll walk you out.”
Once the back of Maria’s car was filled with your things, it dawned on Alexia that you were really gone.
You weren't talking to her anymore and there weren't any of your things left in Alexia’s house. There was no more reason for you to come back and Alexia had to force a smile on her face, not wanting to cry, especially not in front of Maria.
“Actually, uhm,” Maria cleared her throat. “y/n has something for you.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah,” Maria gave an awkward laugh before reaching into her car and pulling out an envelope. “She told me to give you this.”
Alexia took the envelope with shaky hands, once again forcing a smile onto her face. “Thanks.”
Maria was looking at her with so much pity in her eyes and a part of Alexia was angry at her, because just like Maria, she pitied herself too. How could she ruin such a good relationship? She felt pathetic and she understood why Maria was looking at her that way.
“Alexia, look,” Maria stepped forward and placed a hand on the captain’s arm. “I honestly think you two will get through this.”
Alexia gave a bitter laugh at that. Was Maria mocking her now? “She packed all of her things. Well, you did, but it doesn’t matter. What part of all of this still makes you think that she’ll come back? Because I don’t think she will. I screwed up. She is not coming back. It’s fine, I’ll live.” Alexia hated how despite trying to act unaffected, anyone could hear the shakiness in her voice.
Maria squeezed her arm lightly. “She loves you. And right now she doesn’t think that you love her back, which I know isn’t the case.”
“How? You don’t know what I’m feeling,” Alexia felt her defensiveness kick in. “What if she’s right and I don’t love her, not even a little bit?”
Maria shook her head and gave a soft smile. “You seem to forget that I’ve been in your place before. I know what it looks like to love y/n—to be in love with her. You can’t lie to me.”
Alexia crossed her arms. She didn’t know why she was getting annoyed at where the conversation was going. “Then why don’t you go be with her?”
Maria laughed at that. “Because she loves you, not me, silly. Plus, I’m in love with your sister.”
Alexia didn’t say anything in reply and Maria took that as a cue to leave. Before getting in her car, she looked at Alexia one last time. “Contrary to what you think, you haven’t really lost her—not for good anyway.”
“I appreciate your optimism,” Alexia replied, her voice lacking any enthusiasm.
“I know that if you show up in front of her right now and tell her how you really feel, she’ll take you back in a heartbeat. She loves you.”
“Then why did she ask you to pack her things?” Alexia challenged back. “If she still loves me like you claimed, wouldn’t she be fine with seeing my face and not having to avoid me? And she wouldn’t just- just leave.”
“Ale, you two broke up over something so stupid. I can’t for the love of me figure out why- how something so simple can—” Maria palmed her forehead, letting out a sigh. “Just tell her you love her. What’s so hard about that?”
“Because I don’t know if I do!” Alexia shouted frustratedly. “Okay?”
Maria softened at that and gave Alexia a reassuring smile. “I have a feeling that you already know the answer,” she shrugged. “Think it through. Don’t take too long.”
And with that Maria left, leaving Alexia standing with your envelope in her hands. She took a deep breath and opened it. Alexia expected a long letter—maybe of you ranting about how much you hated her for breaking your heart, or pages filled with curses and how you never wanted to see her again. But all she got was a small piece of paper with one sentence and a bracelet that Alexia gave you on your one month anniversary.
it’s okay if you don’t feel the same way I do, don't beat yourself up
-y/n
—
When days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, and Alexia still hadn’t heard from you, Alexia realized she finally lost you for good. Alexia realized that maybe she should’ve taken Maria’s advice, but she had put it off so much that now it had been months and who was to say that you hadn’t already found someone new? Someone who actually loved you.
The thought caused Alexia to finally bawl her eyes out, exactly three months after you left. Alexia let herself feel all the pain and hurt, savoring every little twinge in her heart because she deserved it all. She hurt you, she didn’t deserve anything good anymore.
Alba pulled her out of bed, telling her to get her shit together and usually Alexia was never the one to dwell on things—once you fall, you get back up.
But this time it was different. Alexia felt that this was it. How could she recover from all this hurt when all she wanted was your smile back? Alexia thought that if she was given a choice, she would rather lose the Ballon d’Or than to lose you—that was how important you were to her. Alexia knew she was dumb to not realize it sooner.
Despite Alexia’s complete despair about the whole thing, Alba was adamant that Alexia could do something about it. Alba was the one who told her to woman up and chase after her girl and “Seriously, hermana? I know I said you’re terrible at romance but don’t let that define you?! Do something!”
One night, Alexia discovered a pub not far from her place. No one was there except for her and one bartender. It was nice, Alexia could drink as much as she wanted without any judgment from anyone, and most importantly, she could think.
Alexia had a list and it went something like this:
Do I love y/n?
Can I get y/n back
Do I even deserve y/n back
Am I in love with y/n
Does y/n still love me
How can y/n be so perfect
Do. I. Love. Her
Alexia was brooding and drowning in her sorrows, everything seemed so wrong. It all seemed so difficult and it took hours of being alone, surrounded by alcohol, for Alexia to finally realize that it was actually simple.
Well, the drink definitely helped, but a song was playing on the speakers and Alexia would think that it was odd for a Taylor Swift song to be playing there if it weren’t for the fact that she was the only customer that night and the bartender probably just didn’t care about his song choices.
“Let me get this straight,” Alba said slowly, sipping on her coffee. It was the morning after and a Saturday, Alba was always at Alexia’s at 7 a.m. “You had an epiphany… because of a song you heard?”
“Yes,” Alexia nodded. “It’s actually very simple.”
“Very simple…?”
“This whole thing. I’m in love with y/n.” Alba choked on her coffee and Alexia patted her back. “A shocker,” Alexia grimaced at Alba’s coughs. “I know.”
“What kind of song led you to this conclusion?”
“Taylor Swift.”
“No fucking way.”
“What?” Alexia shrugged. “Kissing on sidewalks, light-hearted jokes, coffees at midnight… they’re all simple things but it’s who you’re with that makes it all so special. And I had all the things that the song mentioned with y/n, and they meant a lot to me—even though these things seem trivial, I cherish them a lot because I felt happy and- and in love. I get it now.”
Alba was stunned, Alexia could see with the way her eyes were widened and mouth agape.
“So this is definitely months overdue. Maybe I should’ve looked for y/n right after Maria took her things away, but it is what it is. I want to make things right. Help me, please.”
“Finally,” Alba sighed, a smile slowly forming on her lips. “I know where she lives now. Will you promise me not to break her heart anymore, because she's my girlfriend’s best friend and I really can’t have you breaking her heart again.”
Alexia grinned as Alba told her your address.
—
To get you back, Alexia had a plan (courtesy of Miss Taylor Swift):
Stand there like a ghost shaking from the rain
Say “It’s been a long three months and I was too afraid to tell you what I want”
Say “I want you for worse or for better. I would wait forever and ever. Broke your heart, I'll put it back together”
Remind her how it used to be
—
“Hi.”
Your eyes immediately widened once you saw Alexia.
You stared at the girl in front of you for a good minute. Alexia had to hug herself tighter, her teeth chattering from the cold. “Are you going to let me in? Besides it being so cold, I don’t want your neighbour to see me in these.” Alexia gestured towards the baby pink sweatshirt with tiny puppies she was wearing.
“You’re—”
“Insane?” Alexia grinned. Exactly like what the Taylor Swift song said. This was going as planned.
“No- well that too,” you said, looking at Alexia in disbelief. “What I meant to say is that you’re drenched.”
“Yes,” Alexia agreed. “It is raining.”
“Exactly! Why are you out in the rain?”
“Because- because I’m supposed to stand here like a ghost, shaking from the rain.” Alexia had a smile on her lips, hoping that you would smile back at her because that would mean that you didn’t hate her.
So when you laughed in disbelief and shook your head, ushering her inside, Alexia breathed out a sigh of relief.
“Do you want some tea?” you offered.
“No, thank you.”
“Right, my bad,” you opened your fridge, taking something out. “What I meant to offer is milk,” you placed the tiny sized milk carton on the kitchen counter and sat across Alexia. “I still can’t believe you drink this.“
“You don’t drink milk,” Alexia stated.
You shrugged, your cheeks showing a hint of pink. “This has been a permanent thing on my grocery list. It’s second nature. I guess.”
Alexia stayed silent. She didn’t know what she was expecting, but she wasn’t expecting this. Maybe she was expecting you to hate her. For you to slam the door in her face and never talk to her again.
With how your last interaction turned out, Alexia was expecting you to be more angry, or to be anything other than to welcome Alexia into your new apartment and provide her with her favourite drink that you still bought even though you two broke up months ago.
It wasn’t making any sense to her.
“How are you so civil towards me?” Alexia blurted out.
“I’m sorry?”
“You didn’t slam the door in my face.”
You looked confused. “Was I supposed to do that?”
“No!” Alexia quickly said. “I mean- it’s nice that you didn’t slam the door in my face. I think I would’ve, if I were you.”
“Oh. Well. I don’t think I’m the type to slam the door in my ex’s face.”
Alexia laughed softly. “Thanks.”
“Welcome,” you grinned. A warm feeling settled in Alexia’s chest because she really missed that smile.
The silence that followed was nice. Alexia’s eyes darted around your apartment as she sipped on her strawberry milk. You poured yourself a cup of tea and it was still funny how your choice of drink was more mature than Alexia’s despite being five years younger than her.
“So what brings you here?” you broke the silence.
“Oh,” Alexia rubbed the back of her neck. “Why I came here…” Alexia trailed off.
“Why you came here…” you copied.
Alexia gave a nervous laugh. She had a whole speech planned out, but now you were staring at her and Alexia was surprised that your eyes that used to look at Alexia with so much love were still looking at her the exact same way.
That, and combined with the fact that Alexia couldn’t spot a single trace of anger in your face despite what Alexia did, made her burst into tears.
Here was the thing: Alexia disliked crying. That was obvious with the way Alexia cried for you months after you left and not the days that followed. Alexia was convinced that crying was a sign of weakness, so whenever she felt hot tears at the back of her eyes, she would always squeeze her eyes shut and push them away.
It was surprising to her that she was openly letting her tears fall in the middle of her ex’s kitchen, her chest shaking as her cries became harder.
Alexia felt you next to her and the next thing she knew, she was being pulled into your arms. She could hear the pounding of your heart and she could feel your gentle kisses on the top of her head. It felt good and it made Alexia realize that letting her emotions show wasn’t so bad.
“I’m sorry.”
“Hm?”
“I’m really sorry for being so oblivious about things,” Alexia croaked out. “Sorry for hurting you. I never meant to.”
“Alexia—”
“Let me finish,” Alexia interrupted, turning in her chair to face you. She looked up into your warm eyes and took a deep breath. She could do this. Just like what she practiced. “Uhm- it’s been a long three months. I was too afraid to tell you what I want—”
“You are not quoting Taylor Swift,” you were holding in your laughter. “Are you?”
“y/n,” Alexia groaned. “I don’t know how to do this, okay? But Taylor Swift said—”
You laughed so hard and Alexia felt the warmness back in her chest. “Sorry it’s just,” you sighed fondly. “You hate Taylor Swift, Ale.”
“I don’t! I just don’t know her well enough to like her,” Alexia corrected. “There’s a difference.”
“Mhmm, sure.”
“I listened to a couple of her songs and they weren’t that bad. Plus, the lyrics really resonated with me.”
“So all this speech is just you telling me you like Taylor Swift now?”
Alexia rolled her eyes, ignoring your remark. “No. There was one song about being in love, and it was so-” Alexia’s voice grew smaller, her cheeks reddening before she could finish her sentence. “It describes how I feel about you. It helped me… understand my feelings.”
You had an amused look on your face, almost smug. Alexia’s face kept on flushing under your gaze. “Hm. How so?”
“Oh you know,” Alexia started fidgeting with her hands on top of the kitchen counter, looking everywhere but you. “Just… That I understand why they lost their minds and fought the wars.”
You were quiet before you burst out laughing. Alexia had an offended look on her face yet she was smiling nonetheless. “Excuse me,” Alexia chastised. “I’m trying to confess something here.”
You immediately pursed your lips but not a second later the laughters were back. “Sorry,” you said once your laughter died down. “You’ve been quoting Taylor Swift the entire night. Who are you, Alexia Putellas?”
“Can you not?” Alexia pouted. “I’m not good at this, you know that.”
Alexia could feel your hands cupping her cheeks, causing them to burn under your touch. All this felt awfully familiar and Alexia had to remind herself that you were broken up.
Taking a deep breath while still having you so near, Alexia continued. “I can’t remember what to say next. Maybe because you’re too close,” Alexia bluntly said. When a hint of hurt and confusion flashed across your face, Alexia was quick to clarify. “You’re making me nervous, y/n. It’s- I’m just so nervous. You know I always get nervous around you. Can you please stand at least five feet away?”
You shook her head in amusement and moved away, sitting on your previous spot across from Alexia. “You’re ridiculous.”
Alexia smiled sheepishly. “I think what’s ridiculous is how we’re broken up yet it doesn’t feel like it right now.”
“It does, doesn’t it,” you had your eyes casted downwards, a wistful smile on your lips. ‘Remind her how it used to be’, checked.
“I’m sorry I screwed things up. You know how dumb I can be sometimes.”
“Yeah,” you scrunched up her nose. “You can be pretty dumb sometimes.”
“Hey!”
“But I still love you nonetheless.” And there it was again, the challenge in your tone. Alexia was transported back to that night three months ago when you left.
“Okay…” Alexia dragged on. “I know what you’re expecting and honestly I don’t know why it took me so long to realize it but—” Alexia took a deep breath.
“I don’t have much experience with love and believe it or not, I’ve never been in love before. I just don’t find it important. What was important to me was football and being the best in the world, making sure my legacy lives on and how my dad would be proud of me, wherever he is. So if you’d ask me what love was a year ago, my paper would turn out blank, because I just don’t care. Alba kept on making jokes about how I’m going to end up alone and—” Alexia laughed. “Frankly, it wasn’t even a joke because I was pretty sure it would come true. But then I met you, and I was so determined to prove Alba wrong because I can care about someone other than football, but then you left, and I was back to the sinking feeling that maybe I’m just not meant for anyone. And before you say anything, y/n, I know I can overthink sometimes—or maybe a lot. But uhm- you being gone, it forced me to think and I realized that it’s actually a lot simpler than what I imagined.”
“Alexia, breathe,” you interrupted, a fond look on your face.
Alexia took a deep breath, she didn’t realize how much she was rambling. “Sorry,” Alexia smiled sheepishly, scratching at the back of her neck nervously. “What I meant to say is—“
You caught Alexia’s hands that were waving around crazily in front of her. “I think,” you laughed, you intertwined your fingers and Alexia had to take another deep breath because she forgot what a sight it was to see your hands locked. “I really think you should breathe first.”
Alexia gave a nervous laugh. “I don’t know why I’m so all over the place with you. I can win championships, but with you… I had to practice my speech in front of a stupid mirror, because I know this will happen. This, as in me throwing up words- God, I’m such a mess.”
“You practiced in front of a mirror?”
“Huh? Yeah,” Alexia’s cheeks grew red. “Of course I did…”
You let go of Alexia’s hands and leaned back. “Well then, go on.”
“Huh?” Alexia squeaked.
“Yes, your speech. We wouldn’t want your practice to go to waste now, do we?” you were smiling and Alexia really wanted to kiss that smile away.
“Fine. Yes. My speech.” Alexia took a deep breath. “y/n. Love is… Love is mornings with you and how your smile is the first thing I see when I wake up. Love is the sound of your laughter echoing throughout the supermarket aisle when I did a stupid dance after getting the last box of mac and cheese. Love is the nights spent together, feeling the rise and fall of your chest and how you talk in your sleep. Love is the silence on the way home, when we’re both too tired to talk, but it’s nice and I don’t mind it. Love is the way your hands instantly find mine every single time. And I know that love isn’t perfect because love is me breaking your heart and unknowingly breaking mine too. Love is scary because love is lowering your guards down and putting your heart on a damn silver platter and giving your person the chance to ruin you. But I’d let you, y/n. I’d give you a million chances to ruin me because I love you.”
Your stare was intense and Alexia had to look away. “Te amo. I do. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize it, and I know it has been months and a lot has changed… but I’m here, if you want me. I am all yours. Because I love you. I’ve been in love with you ever since the first night, I think.”
Alexia forced herself to look back at you, her eyes locking with her favourite pair of orbs. “I want you for worse or for better, mi amor, and I would wait forever for you. I know I broke your heart, but I promise I'll put it back together.”
You had a smile on your lips and your eyebrow raised after Alexia’s last sentence and Alexia wanted to celebrate internally because maybe Taylor Swift was a genius after all.
But when you didn’t say anything else, Alexia’s smile dropped and she had to accept that you could very well reject her. It had been months. A lot could happen in three months.
Alexia could feel the start of pain in her chest but then you laughed and Alexia’s eyes widened because why would you be laughing if you were going to reject her?
“You love me,” you stated.
Alexia was still staring at you. “I do…”
You went closer to her until your hands were back cupping Alexia’s face and that was when Alexia realized that you weren't rejecting her. Holy shit.
“You dummy,” your tone was light but Alexia turned serious.
“I know,” Alexia sucked in a deep breath. “I was a terrible girlfriend, amor. I don’t know how you loved me when all I did was mess up, but I promise that I’ll be better if you—”
“We all mess up,” you interjected. “We’re not perfect, baby. And you’re gonna mess up again in the future and I will too, but we’ll get through it together.”
Alexia was silent, taking in your words. “So uhm,” Alexia had to contain herself from grinning from ear-to-ear. “You still want to be with me?”
Instead of answering, you leaned down and kissed her. Alexia let herself grin into the kiss and she swore that she would do whatever it takes to never lose you again.
—
Ale: I got the girl *insert smiling face with sunglasses emoji*
Albs: what
Albs: just use the emoji wtf weirdo
Ale: Thank you, Taylor Swift
Albs: you’re seriously so weird
Albs: how are we related?
Albs: but anyway congratulations
Albs: you won’t end up as a cat lady after all :D
Ale: Fuck off, Alba. You know I’m allergic to cats
—
** INTERVIEW NOTES:
ALEXIA PUTELLAS
SHE SMELLS NICE Y/N !!! FOCUS
VERY SERIOUS, ONLY LAUGHED ONCE
JUST TOLD HER TO SMILE MORE BECAUSE SHE HAS A PRETTY SMILE WILL SHE KICK ME OUT
SHE LIKES TACOS ??? IS THIS EVEN IMPORTANT
SMART, INTELLIGENT, VERY ELOQUENT WITH WORDS !!! JUST TAKE MY HEART ALREADY ALEXIA PUTELLAS
HER EYES CRINKLE WHEN SHE LAUGHS OMFG ADORABLE
I THINK I’M IN LOVE
SHE JUST ASKED ME WHAT I’M WRITING DOWN
BYE
—
a/n: this was a looong one hope you enjoyed it, loves !!! please let me know your thoughts :) :) :)
I'm very nervous to announce and share that the first episode of the Everything Is Fanfiction is finally up!
Hope y'all enjoy and stay tuned for more episodes. Currently only have three recorded and one available!
https://youtu.be/LpUbra0uKrs
2087
romaincrisis
titsay
vaporwave
turnnoffyourmind
gummygunk
snowghoul
ellievsbear
tangentwithtanner
theartofmadeline
