whatever it takes

I’m always baffled at the Pro-Spanking people.

Like, you can show them dozens and dozens of studies that show 1. Spanking is ineffective for long term behavior management 2. Is developmentally harmful to children. You can show them that it doesn’t work and it hurts kids, long term. That there are better ways to discipline your kids that WORK BETTER.

And they’ll still be like “….cool story. But nah. I’d rather just beat my child.”

Like….why?!?!? Why would you intentionally do something that doesn’t work and is psychologically harmful? On Purpose?

sotouchy

because when you, you’re parents, your whole family, all your friends LITERALLY everyone you know has gotten spankings and are literally fine… like white children are so evil to their parents and i can tell you why right now

checkyourracismtmblr

When I worked in retail black and Latino parents would IGNORE their children the entire trip shopping (not all obviously, but plenty like white families). Black parents were sometimes even worse because they ignored their children screaming, messing with displays and leaving messes until the kids starting annoying THEM, then and only then would they punish them (and not proper discipline like teaching them why they can’t do that and taking a privilege away like sane people do, but screaming in their faces and smacking them in front of people like toddlers themselves).

And don’t get me started on actual problems a lot of black and Latino kids have like gang violence, racism, disrespecting teachers and other students. Because y'all only care about bratty kids when they’re white.

Spanking has to be done a very specific way in order for it to not be damaging. It’s supposed to be a form of punishment and chastisement. Not a way for the parent to unleash their anger on somebody

Or you could just not hit your kids at all. Instead of, ya know…trying to figure out how to hit them “the right way”

korrasera

Here’s a hint to everyone else, including @ask-a-baptist. There is no right way to hit a child.

Don’t hit children. It’s not a hard rule to learn.

What do think I mean when I say spank?

korrasera

I don’t consider what you might mean when you say spank into my equation, because I believe it’s irrelevant.

Let me respond with a question that should clarify my position: Does your idea of spanking involve striking the child in any way, with any degree of force?

If your answer is yes, then my answer remains the same.

There’s no right way to hit a child. So don’t hit children. Ever.

I asked that because it’s necessary to know the other side’s perspective and opinion on the subject you’re talking about when your having a conversation with somebody. So yes, it is relevant your equation.

Let’s see if we can get common ground. Do you think a child should be punished/disciplined for when they do wrong? If yes, then we can have a civil conversation even if we end up disagreeing.

Now let me explain what I mean by spanking

Spanking, done right, is not abuse. Let me explain. The parent needs to set the rules for the child and the child should know the rules. Not every punishment needs to be a spanking for every rule. When the child disobeys a rule that does need a spanking, the parent needs to talk to them, make sure the child knows what he did wrong and why he is being punished. Then the child is disciplined. Then afterwards, the parent talks to the child again to further rectify the issue so the child understand what they did wrong. It’s supposed to be a form of discipline. The parent shouldn’t do it becassue they’re angry. It’s never supposed to be a parent just hitting their kid. There is a way to do it that isn’t abuse.

I’m not saying you or everyone should spank. It’s not for every parent and not even for every child.

All I’m saying is that correct spanking is one of many acceptable forms of punishment and chastisement. I don’t have a problem with people who don’t spank. I do have a problem when people people claim a parent is abusing their kid when they’re not

nymphaecea-deactivated20180912

Im not here to tackle the question of whether or not spanking is ALWAYS abuse.

Im here to look at facts. And the fact is that spanking exists on a spectrum of violence and is unneeded to properly raise children.

You dont NEED to hit children, and I take issue with the idea that hitting children is ever good for them.

@ask-a-baptist you’re literally invalidating your own point. if you can make the child understand that what they did was wrong, then why’s there need for spanking? if you can make a child understand why they’re being hit, then you can also easily make the child understand that they shouldn’t repeat the mistake???? don’t you notice how unnecessary spanking becomes in your equation if everything goes according to the argument you’re presenting???

Knowing your guilty doesn’t prevent punishment

And why does that punishment have to involve violence?

As I’ve said before, IT DOESNT NEED TO BE A SPANKING. punishment needs to happen, whatever that punishment is. I’ve been saying that from the start but none of you guys are listening to me or hearing what I have to say

Why are you even on this post arguing the way you are? Most people aren’t anti-discipline just anti-hitting kids.

Why dont you just drop the whole “spanking done right isnt abuse” thing?? Because whether or not you think its abuse doesnt change the facts and the facts say more often then not it has detrimental effects.

krungle

Some kids need to spanked because pain is a good way to get a kid to understand that what you do = pain so here is instant pain so you not do that.

Sure, in most cases other punishments should be tried first but if a kid keeps messing up over and over again then all the kid leaves you in spanking, or an unruly and disrespectful kid. If a kid listens to reason or learns from grounding then that kid doesn’t need to be spanked.

But if a kid pulls away from you and runs into the street or you save the kids from touching a hot stove then a quick swat will give him the pain-reinforcement you just saved him from.

A chicken has two buttons in its cage. If he pecks one button he gets food, if he pecks the other button he gets an electric shock. If which button is which is random he will always peck in a random manner. If one button always shocks and the other always gives food he will always peck the food button. If a period of time passes and they change the buttons the chicken will starve to death rather than peck the button he has been conditioned to think it will shock him. However if both the food and the shock are delivered at the same time or are random but not opposite the chicken will go back to the random pecking thing.

Any discipline must be consistent to be effective. the fast-swat is only effective if coupled with a sharp “no” that you can later use from a distance. All spanking should be coupled with that word, really. But aside from I-just-saved-you-from-major-pain-or-death instaspank, spanking should be a last resort.

All those who say otherwise either have no kids, have never had a Demonspawn kid, or have out-of-control kids and you have given up.

I assure you that nearly every spanking I received from some other than my step-dad was deserved and a few were actually worth it (like getting back at my sisters).

The idea to make bad behavior become a starving chicken but always feed the good behavior, always.

Science says spanking more often than not is detrimental to kids and doesnt even do what parents want it to do so no you shouldn’t be hitting your kids.

Your opinion doesn’t mean anything in the face of hard evidence.

krungle

Funny thing with ‘studies’ is you can find one to support nearly argument. Kids are individuals and every one needs to be treated, respected, and disciplined with this kept in mind. Some kids need a good swatting, many do not. It is all about what works with a particular kid and what doesn’t.

To give a blanket statement of ‘never this’ is being elitist and trying to control others and how they raise the children. I know there is a difference between spanking and child abuse for I have experienced that difference in my own youth. Even the Bible tried to point this out when it talked about the “Rule of Thumb.”

I find it typical that bleeding hearts obfuscate things and spanking is a prime example of that. I am absolutely sure that any all studies on spanking obfuscate the form of punishment for there is absolutely no way to measure individual reactions to any behavior modification and what they would have turned out like if it wasn’t applied. You can never measure the ‘what if’ in a study especially when dealing with diverse individual test subjects.

The only thing that is absolutely sure is consistency in both punishment and expectations of it (as well as use of inconsistent but prevalent positive reinforcement for good behavior) is effective with behavior modification not only across all spectrums and individuals of humans but across the spectrum for most animals as well.

The application of Logic can deduce this from the above chicken study.

If you want to find someone who is good with children and will raise them happy and well behaved, just look at their dog. If they hate dogs or have poorly behaved dogs, don’t marry them or have kids with them. However, unlike dogs children don’t live to please their parents and that is why they sometimes, on that rare occasion, just might need a swatting to get an idea through their heads.

Do not obfuscate what I am saying with daily spankings or even weekly spankings as most studies do.

Find a study that is reputable and disproves a study that looks at five decades of research involving 160k children.

Until then your OPINION doesnt mean shit in the face of scientific evidence.

It’s not elitist to say dont hit your kids so you dont more than likely scar them.

krungle

That is a lot of data to go through to separate out those who abuse their children from those who have spanked their kinds like twice in their entire life.

The study cannot be conclusive because of way too many variables.

However I can conclude that single-parent households are a bad thing because of the massive increase in criminality from such family dis-units, although that might have more to do with poverty than discipline? It does make an interesting question.

As I said:

As long as the children are well behaved (and I am not talking ‘seen but not heard’) I will not condemn a person’s parenting methods. However if a kid is allowed to throw a tantrum in public without being removed from said public space or worse yet to be rewarded for such misbehavior, I will question that person’s parenting methods.

I will also question a person’s parenting methods if they wail on their kid like someone would wail on a woman who is sleeping with your husband. However a swift swat to the buttocks, even in public, is not something to call the cops about.

#tHEY WERE!?#OMG I LOVE IT #I STAN THIS

It sounds to be like you haven’t read the paper in question. The metastudy of 50 of data specifically controls for other factors. But hey, I know that because Ive read it.

And yes, consistency is effective. violence, however, is not. Training animals with violence is dangerous, and we know this. Why people think raising children with violence is perfectly fine baffles me.

You dont NEED to hit kids. Its unnecessary at best and harmful at worst. We can only conclude that parents who hit their kids either dont know any better or simply WANT to hit their kids.

Dont hit kids. For any reason. In any fashion. Any amount.

chamichanga

literally the only ppl who are anti-spanking are white ppl... i’m so confused

shiloh-hemingway

Wait a whole fucking second…

First of all, why the hell didn’t I know Janelle Monae and Tessa Thompson were gay? And second of all, why the hell didn’t anyone tell me they were dating (yes, Tumblr gays I’m looking at you!)

I mean, look at this cute shit!

..have i not updated my shit in two years

the-homie-sexual

plot twist: you let someone in and they don’t fuck you over

mochipanko

I don´t feel like going out today

so I´m going to stay and let it rain

seouluna

You did well, Jonghyun. Thank you for gifting the world with your beautiful voice, your passion and talent for music, your lyrics that touched and healed our hearts. Sorry we could not comfort you, the way you did with us, until the end. May your shining, kind soul rest in eternal peace amongst the stars in the sky, where it belongs.

Kim Jonghyun, 900408 - 171218 ∞ in our hearts

myxiaolulu

#RosesForJonghyun

himchcn-deactivated20180120

please please please don’t get mad or send hate to the people who have resumed regular posting on their blogs. everyone is dealing with this in their own separate ways and if posting about something else is going to help them then please don’t get mad at them for it

tvixx-deactivated20180110

peridoxxx

minho-ness

If it’s four people, it wouldn’t be SHINee

#fuck my dude #shinee

spacetaemin

[+2,832, -32] It’s cold today, dress warmly on your way to heaven. You worked hard.

planetjeon

Rest In Peace, Kim Jonghyun. Thank you for your voice, your love, your smiles and for inspiring and making millions of people happy. You will forever live on in our memories.

iluvpcy

RIP Jonghyun my condolences to his family, friends, the other shinee members and his fans. I hope they find the strength to get through this awful time