mindless dreams (childe x gn!reader)
SALUTATIONS. mindless dreams
ADDRESSED. childe (w/ gn!childhood-friend!reader)
STAMP. in which childe always thinks of you, longing to meet you again after not seeing you for so long, only to find you at your worst state of all.
CONTENT. angst/no-comfort, mentions of violence, mentions of human experiments, dottore is his own warning, spoilers to childe's background and lore, grammar errors (?)
POST-SCRIPT. here's another angst story from me once again... im going after everyone now >:)
LINKS. masterlist \ taglist
For as long as Childe could remember, you’re always on his mind.
When he was in the Abyss, his mind wandered back to you, wondering how you’ve been, whether or not you’re looking for him, and what your reaction will be when he finally finds a way to come back.
When he was in the military training of the Fatui, his mind wandered back to you, wondering how you’ve been, whether or not you’d be proud of what he’s doing, and what your reaction will be when he becomes a part of the Fatui.
When he became a Fatui Harbinger, his mind still wandered back to you, wondering how you’ve been, whether or not you’d be proud of what he’s doing, and what your reaction will be when you find out of his achievement.
Some of his wanderings are left unanswered, for he couldn’t contact you.
He reunited with you at last when he came back from the Abyss. You gave him the warmest hug he needed after going through so much for three months, only to find out from you that he’s been gone for three days. He didn’t dare to question the time, he’s just happy to finally see you again (even when you looked worried from how there is no light in his eyes).
Since then, trouble follows where he goes. Of course, he always makes sure you’re out of harm’s way, but despite that, you worry for him because of how much he changed. You never brought it up though, you didn’t want to ask what happened to him when he disappeared, not wanting to face his wrath just like the other kids who picked on him.
When he was taken to the Fatui and had to go through military training, he didn’t protest about it, knowing it’ll satisfy the battles he craved for so long. It breaks his heart that he won’t see you everyday though. That’s why he was so determined to get this over with as soon as possible!
The two of you constantly send letters to one another. You even gave him a small painting copy of you that was painted by a painter that your parents hired for your portrait, and he kept it in his person for life.
It wasn’t until one day when you suddenly stopped sending letters.
He doesn’t recall writing something that’d make you uncomfortable, besides rejecting your idea of visiting the Fatui headquarters to see him. Perhaps you were just busy…?
As days went by, his worries grew stronger. Where could you be? Why haven’t you sent any letters anymore?
In a blur, time flew fast and Childe became a Fatui Harbinger.
The first thing he did was to visit his village as soon as possible, wanting to see you again after so long. When he visited your home, all he could see was nothing more but an abandoned home.
His heart sank when he entered your home that’s full of dust and empty spaces. It’s as if you and your family never existed here…
When Childe brought you up when he reunited with his family, they all refused to answer him, which frustrated him to no end. Why can’t they tell him where his childhood friend is?
To this day, his family still didn’t tell him of your whereabouts. Either due to forgetting as to who he’s talking about (which he knows are just pretend), or due to the silence they give him whenever he mentions you.
He often imagines what could’ve been if you’re here with him now. He would’ve been happier than ever! He could imagine you running up to him whenever he comes back to his hometown from his missions, you writing letters to him with him replying back as soon as possible like old times, you loving the gifts he sent you while he’s away from missions, and overall, he imagines you being with him — be it as his lover or as his dear friend.
He prefers the former though.
There’s never a day where he reminisces the times he had with you when he was only but a child with dreams. Perhaps in his heart, you’re his dream. And just like how you disappeared in his life, so did his dream.
However, deep in his heart, he has a new dream. He dreams to see you again someday, maybe when he’s traveling around Teyvat for missions and somehow encounters you by the bustling crowds. He believes that he’d recognize your brightful eyes and smile even if you look way different than what you look like back then.
To this day, he keeps the painting you gave him from your letter, often admiring it with a dreamy sigh.
The day when he finally saw you again was the worst day of his life.
Not even his experience in the Abyss could be compared to how he felt when he finally saw you… in the laboratory of the Doctor.
Childe is not one to visit the lab of the second harbinger, but he regrets not visiting it sooner, especially when he looks at your tragic state now.
There you were, sitting on a seat staring at the void. You’re wearing a fatui uniform, and despite still looking the same but older (and perhaps hollow), Childe couldn’t believe he’s staring at you.
He refuses to believe he’s looking at you, his childhood friend and his first love.
When he looks at your eyes, he sees nothing but a vast void that shows no light.
You showed no reaction when you saw him, you could only stare at him with no emotions. It’s as if you don’t recognize him at all.
“Oh? I see you’ve finally met my experiment.” Dottore says with a grin when he enters his laboratory and spotted the eleventh harbinger standing in front of you. “Meet Test Subject 01902, also known as my helpful assistant.”
The doctor didn’t notice the way Childe’s hands turn into fists when he hears his words. Test subject…? What did he do to you?
All this time, while he was dreaming to meet you again without bothering to look for you anymore, you were stuck with the terrible doctor suffering from his experiments with you the whole time.
He couldn’t imagine what Dottore had done that made you become like this.
“Peculiar thing, aren’t they?” The doctor asks. “I found them standing outside the Fatui Headquarters, looking for someone who goes by Ajax.” He explains, reminiscing the time when he found you looking for someone… For Childe.
Childe could still remember that one last letter you sent to him. You didn’t listen to his warnings when he said to not go visit the headquarters. You were actually visiting him, only to encounter that monster of a harbinger.
Childe feels sick, still staring at you in horror and in devastation. He should’ve looked for you harder. He should’ve visited the doctor’s laboratory sooner. He should’ve suspected that something bad must’ve happened–!
“Poor thing accepted my offer to take them to whoever this Ajax is when it was nothing more than a lie.” The doctor suddenly laughs at the thought. “You should’ve seen the fear in their eyes when I locked them in my laboratory and began my experiment. They should thank me for everything. After all, they’ve become the perfect assistant anyone could ask for–”
Without another hesitation and word, Childe lunges at the doctor, his delusion sparks to light and he sees nothing more but red.
Even if the eleventh harbinger somehow comes out of the laboratory alive, he knows it would do nothing to take back everything you’ve been through for the past few years.
For as long as Childe could remember, you’re always on his mind.
Perhaps this is what regret is.
PENPALS. @scaraslover @saving-for-xiao @dawgimsohot @ragnvdnr @chiruru @aqualesha @renamichii @mrkamisato @shenhesl0ver @serami00 @serenareiss @hiqhkey @emperatris-rinaka @bystander36 @irisxiel @ladycoleigh @034ven @dear-dairiess @owozi8 @hadesaedes @chiro-chiro-kun @hersscherofyatta @mariusvonhangme @yuzuricebun @nejibot @hoshikistarlette @solaaresque @crowbird @lordbugs @flowersforayato @headintheclouddd @estelwrld @giyusimpsassemble @irethepotatosblog @moonlightaangel @alice0blog @shotosbrainrot @sniffoat @chihawari @mxsomn @kuni-kuzushii @jiminscarmex @mitsukii14 @ylimeprive @sachispet @loreleis-world @sn-owo @starforecasts @someonetookmynamelmao @ceylestia @astrequa @ymikkos @reallysporadicarcade @melodyyamino @dudufodd @somberrock @yevenly @lemontum @nghing @shaiah @miss-lady-witch
