mindless dreams (childe x gn!reader)
SALUTATIONS. mindless dreams
ADDRESSED. childe (w/ gn!childhood-friend!reader)
STAMP. in which childe always thinks of you, longing to meet you again after not seeing you for so long, only to find you at your worst state of all.
CONTENT. angst/no-comfort, mentions of violence, mentions of human experiments, dottore is his own warning, spoilers to childe's background and lore, grammar errors (?)
POST-SCRIPT. here's another angst story from me once again... im going after everyone now >:)
LINKS. masterlist \ taglist
For as long as Childe could remember, youâre always on his mind.Â
When he was in the Abyss, his mind wandered back to you, wondering how youâve been, whether or not youâre looking for him, and what your reaction will be when he finally finds a way to come back.Â
When he was in the military training of the Fatui, his mind wandered back to you, wondering how youâve been, whether or not youâd be proud of what heâs doing, and what your reaction will be when he becomes a part of the Fatui.Â
When he became a Fatui Harbinger, his mind still wandered back to you, wondering how youâve been, whether or not youâd be proud of what heâs doing, and what your reaction will be when you find out of his achievement.
Some of his wanderings are left unanswered, for he couldnât contact you.
He reunited with you at last when he came back from the Abyss. You gave him the warmest hug he needed after going through so much for three months, only to find out from you that heâs been gone for three days. He didnât dare to question the time, heâs just happy to finally see you again (even when you looked worried from how there is no light in his eyes).Â
Since then, trouble follows where he goes. Of course, he always makes sure youâre out of harmâs way, but despite that, you worry for him because of how much he changed. You never brought it up though, you didnât want to ask what happened to him when he disappeared, not wanting to face his wrath just like the other kids who picked on him.Â
When he was taken to the Fatui and had to go through military training, he didnât protest about it, knowing itâll satisfy the battles he craved for so long. It breaks his heart that he wonât see you everyday though. Thatâs why he was so determined to get this over with as soon as possible!
The two of you constantly send letters to one another. You even gave him a small painting copy of you that was painted by a painter that your parents hired for your portrait, and he kept it in his person for life.Â
It wasnât until one day when you suddenly stopped sending letters.Â
He doesnât recall writing something thatâd make you uncomfortable, besides rejecting your idea of visiting the Fatui headquarters to see him. Perhaps you were just busyâŠ?Â
As days went by, his worries grew stronger. Where could you be? Why havenât you sent any letters anymore?
In a blur, time flew fast and Childe became a Fatui Harbinger.Â
The first thing he did was to visit his village as soon as possible, wanting to see you again after so long. When he visited your home, all he could see was nothing more but an abandoned home.
His heart sank when he entered your home thatâs full of dust and empty spaces. Itâs as if you and your family never existed hereâŠÂ
When Childe brought you up when he reunited with his family, they all refused to answer him, which frustrated him to no end. Why canât they tell him where his childhood friend is?Â
To this day, his family still didnât tell him of your whereabouts. Either due to forgetting as to who heâs talking about (which he knows are just pretend), or due to the silence they give him whenever he mentions you.
He often imagines what couldâve been if youâre here with him now. He wouldâve been happier than ever! He could imagine you running up to him whenever he comes back to his hometown from his missions, you writing letters to him with him replying back as soon as possible like old times, you loving the gifts he sent you while heâs away from missions, and overall, he imagines you being with him â be it as his lover or as his dear friend.Â
He prefers the former though.Â
Thereâs never a day where he reminisces the times he had with you when he was only but a child with dreams. Perhaps in his heart, youâre his dream. And just like how you disappeared in his life, so did his dream.Â
However, deep in his heart, he has a new dream. He dreams to see you again someday, maybe when heâs traveling around Teyvat for missions and somehow encounters you by the bustling crowds. He believes that heâd recognize your brightful eyes and smile even if you look way different than what you look like back then.
To this day, he keeps the painting you gave him from your letter, often admiring it with a dreamy sigh. Â
The day when he finally saw you again was the worst day of his life.Â
Not even his experience in the Abyss could be compared to how he felt when he finally saw you⊠in the laboratory of the Doctor.Â
Childe is not one to visit the lab of the second harbinger, but he regrets not visiting it sooner, especially when he looks at your tragic state now.Â
There you were, sitting on a seat staring at the void. Youâre wearing a fatui uniform, and despite still looking the same but older (and perhaps hollow), Childe couldnât believe heâs staring at you.Â
He refuses to believe heâs looking at you, his childhood friend and his first love.Â
When he looks at your eyes, he sees nothing but a vast void that shows no light.
You showed no reaction when you saw him, you could only stare at him with no emotions. Itâs as if you donât recognize him at all.
âOh? I see youâve finally met my experiment.â Dottore says with a grin when he enters his laboratory and spotted the eleventh harbinger standing in front of you. âMeet Test Subject 01902, also known as my helpful assistant.â
The doctor didnât notice the way Childeâs hands turn into fists when he hears his words. Test subjectâŠ? What did he do to you?
All this time, while he was dreaming to meet you again without bothering to look for you anymore, you were stuck with the terrible doctor suffering from his experiments with you the whole time.
He couldnât imagine what Dottore had done that made you become like this.
âPeculiar thing, arenât they?â The doctor asks. âI found them standing outside the Fatui Headquarters, looking for someone who goes by Ajax.â He explains, reminiscing the time when he found you looking for someone⊠For Childe.Â
Childe could still remember that one last letter you sent to him. Â You didnât listen to his warnings when he said to not go visit the headquarters. You were actually visiting him, only to encounter that monster of a harbinger.Â
Childe feels sick, still staring at you in horror and in devastation. He shouldâve looked for you harder. He shouldâve visited the doctorâs laboratory sooner. He shouldâve suspected that something bad mustâve happenedâ!
âPoor thing accepted my offer to take them to whoever this Ajax is when it was nothing more than a lie.â The doctor suddenly laughs at the thought. âYou shouldâve seen the fear in their eyes when I locked them in my laboratory and began my experiment. They should thank me for everything. After all, theyâve become the perfect assistant anyone could ask forââ
Without another hesitation and word, Childe lunges at the doctor, his delusion sparks to light and he sees nothing more but red.Â
Even if the eleventh harbinger somehow comes out of the laboratory alive, he knows it would do nothing to take back everything youâve been through for the past few years.Â
For as long as Childe could remember, youâre always on his mind.Â
Perhaps this is what regret is.
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