The Author Known as Chance Daniel Smith

I wrote a well-reviewed novel. Probably working on another. I'm kind of a big deal. 

[chancedanielsmith]

Are You A Midget? (06-07-18)

It’d been a long day at work, but it was at last over, and I’d finally locked the doors and been on my way. I crossed the college yard, and headed the way towards the lot. It was surprisingly cool out, for it being summer, and I enjoyed it enough to remove my hat. Two children rode on bikes. I wondered where their mother was. One of them approached, she could have been no more than eight years old. 

“Are you a midget?” The tiny thing asked me matter of factly, as if it weren’t a question. 

This of course, should have offended me in any other context, but this was a mere child, and on such a lovely day at that! Without even the need to consider it, I replied. 

“Actually, we’re called little people,” and off I walked, a coy smiled on my face. 

The next day, at precisely the same time, I shuffled out of work, once again allowing the wind through my hair, and once again in love with the way the world felt. I glanced around in search of my cyclist friend, and finding her not, shrugged and continued along. As I neared the edge of the lot, a small hand tapped me on the shoulder. Haha! My small friend had arrived after all! I turned to see a small blond boy, not more than twelve years of age. Realizing this was clearly not the girl from yesterday, I was perplexed. Before I could ask what he wanted, he spoke, matter of factly.

“Are you a midget?” He stared at me, dull eyed, and very much not like a child. 

I regret it immensely, but something about this boy triggered some sort of inner rage within me. Who the hell did he think he was, asking a grown man, a working man at that, and educated, if he was a midget?! Why was he not off playing ball, or harassing the neighborhood cats like every other kid? Where was this moron’s joy?! Didn’t he know that it doesn’t last? Didn’t he know that he can’t hang onto it forever? Had no one told him that it all goes away the moment you reach adulthood?! This idiot was wasting it with his dulled eyed questioning of strangers! 

“Are you in league with that girl? What’d Smitty do to you little bastards to cause your league against me? Huh?! What’d Smitty do to you?!” I roared at him, swinging my arms as if to strike him. He walked away then, seemingly unfazed. 

I walked along, still enraged by the incident, and really just wanting to get in my car and go home. I made mental note to myself to have a chat with campus security, as the entire campus seemed abuzz with small children, racing about the lot, and across the grassy courtyards, screaming and laughing. I noticed one little girl, standing by a tree. She stared straight at me, and as I neared her, she spoke. 

“Are you a midget?” 

“What the fuck is wrong with these kids?! What the fuck!! Go play! Go explore the woods, and climb things your parents told you not to! Go make friends while it actually matters! Don’t you fucking get it?! You’re all going to be miserable soon! Everything you care about now will mean nothing in a few years, and you’ll wish for nothing more than that it does!” 

All the children were staring at me now. Every one of them. Good christ, there seemed to be hundreds! How would I be able to get my car out of the lot? How could I leave this place to go home? 

Did they just move closer?

“Are you a midget?” They all spoke in unison, a deafening monotone roar. 

They haven’t moved their legs.

“Are you a midget?” It grew louder, and I felt it in my teeth. 

How’re they moving nearer to me? 

“Are you a midget?” I felt my ears begin to bleed. 

“I just want to be happy! I’ve fucking wasted my life, every moment of it!” 

“Are you a midget?” The wall of sound seemed to be emanating now from within my own skull. 

“I’m tired of wishing for death! I’m tired of waking up every morning wishing I’d held onto my friends instead of my stupid ambitions!” 

“Are you a midget?” They were upon me now, an impenetrable wall of dull eyed, slate-faced children.

“I’m tired of being alone!! I’m fucking tired of living this way! I wasted my childhood, all of it, wanting to grow up, and now I’m here, and it fucking sucks!” 

“Are you a midget?” I pulled my solution from my pocket, and pressed the cold metal against the roof of my mouth.

“Are you a mi

[chancedanielsmith]

#3

Where did you take it

After it was gone from me? 

Where does it now lie? 

The love I gave you, the bulk of of it all,

Where did you put it,

Since breaking it off? 

It’s gone from me now, 

There’s none remaining,

I try to find it, 

And there’s nothing left. 

So where did you hide it,

Where is it now? 

Does it mean anything to you, 

Or have only you forgotten it?

[chancedanielsmith]

06/20/2017

I remember the long cold black

The screaming seething ice on my hands and cheeks

The dark and oblivion around and within me

The sadness deep in my soul

The drunkenness deep in my brain

The cyanide remembrance of last week

Choking nostalgia through my teeth

And the year before.

I remember the late cartoon nights

And the wine that took me far away

And the weed that challenged my thoughts to try again

And her laugh that laughed at me

Not with me

Without me 

Not for me 

Forgot me. 

I remember the books I read to stay awake

To evade the nightmares of sleep

To remain in nightmares awake

Trapped away from my oxygen 

On the other side of the glass

Taunting me

Forcing me to know

That that air wasn’t for me

Even though god himself

Promised it all to me alone. 

I remember the screaming singing ringing drives 

In the blizzards

The vulcher half dead songs 

Clutching me to sing along

To sing alone

And to tell them what I lost.

I remember those fatal days 

When my life was fine, 

But my soul was black

And my mind was a crime. 

I remember her. 

Her voice a garden.

For my heart to grow. 

With asbestos in the soil. 

I remember me. 

Before I was like this. 

When I was young. 

Innocent. 

Free. 

Happy. 

That was yesterday. 

[chancedanielsmith]

Nameless Faces and Faceless Names (June 7th, 2018)

The nights sprawled odd, when I could remember 

That it mattered

Care’d about the ones you did and didn’t 

Behind the glass. 

The sandy toe’d stranger someplace else

And the sandy toe’d self now

All along the way over 

Wrapped into it, wanting to know.

The new one pinged along

And the old one joined the song

And my heartbeat beat the gong

And I actually cared to smile. 

There was no effort

Only the flow of water

It built up on it’s own

And stopped with her. 

[chancedanielsmith]

“The New Year delves into the human tendency that some of us hold in the face of personal tragedy, and that’s the masochistic need to reach oblivion; the impulsive rush to escape the post-traumatic limbo of an underwhelming aftermath in favor of complete and total loss of well-being”