this muse has been moved to @phntasmgoria.

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titsay
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸

oozey mess
we're not kids anymore.

if i look back, i am lost
cherry valley forever
Game of Thrones Daily

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Cosmic Funnies
ojovivo

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2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
trying on a metaphor

pixel skylines
occasionally subtle
Today's Document

Discoholic 🪩

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@chancegrowth
this muse has been moved to @phntasmgoria.
something about her wanting to live in the delusion of being a noble hurts me. she doesn't care that it's all pretend.... she'd rather throw herself into more abuse instead of healing from the trauma,,,, uweh
ough,,, the newest chapter.......
i need to type up some proper verses for her don't i.... i want to place her in other worlds besides canon and modern after all. but where to start...
going out on a date is new for sara too. but since it's with @bloodycharge, she tries her best to swallow her nerves. with the money she's saved up cleaning houses, she got herself a nice dress for the occasion; after all, it's a nice restaurant, and her normal attire just won't cut it. she looks at herself in the mirror, and while she doubts her beauty for a split second, she shakes away those feelings.
shinjiro would be sad if he knew she thought she wasn't deserving of such a beautiful dress, and sara knows that more than anything.
the navy fabric hugs her lack of curves perfectly, and the gold trim accents shimmer under the light. she pairs the dress with black flats, and she twirls once in front of the mirror before heading out. she has to show shinjiro the new look eventually, after all.
"what... do you think?" sara asks meekly as she carefully steps out of the bathroom, her gaze fixated on the floor instead of on her boyfriend's ( it still feels odd to call him that ) reaction. her hands are clasped together in front of herself, her fingers clearly fidgeting. she worries that he won't like how she looks in this outfit, and that she wasted her money on the dress and flats she bought herself. "it's not too flashy, is it? i worked hard to buy this dress, you know..."
“ i ain't mad at you. ” shinjiro does his best to say it gently, squeezing her hand just a little. guilt is written all over his expression. he hadn't known his words would lead to this - but that's really no excuse. he has to do better. “ you hear me? i'm not mad, and i'm not gonna hit you, or - or treat you like a tool. i'm treatin' you like a person ‘cause you are one. you didn't do anything wrong, okay? i'm just … rough. ‘n i’ll do my best not to be from now on. at least not as much. "
sara's shaking, trembling; the feeling of shinjiro's hand squeezing hers briefly grounds her, but she still doesn't know how to handle this; how to handle being treated so.... gently. there's snot and tears as she cries messily; she's not a pretty crier and it makes her feel even guiltier. she still doesn't understand how shinjiro can care for someone as weak as her; a failure of a servant girl, a failure of a tool, a failure of a human being. it's foreign to her, being treated so kindly, so tenderly.
"you're not...?" sara sniffles, voice weak and broken. "it's not my fault? you're too nice. i can't. i don't deserve it, shinjiro. not at all."
she can't bear to look into shinjiro's eyes any further. she looks at the ground instead, falling silent. she wishes she could be stronger, instead of having such an intense reaction to something so stupidly small. she wants to be stronger and move on, but the pain is ingrained into her, wired into her very bones and blood and it's hard to let go.
༘⋆。 where it hurts starters.
caretaker.
i'll stay until you fall asleep.
you're not a burden. not to me.
you don't have to act tough with me.
let me help.
if you need to cry, i'll look the other way.
you don't have to talk.
let me handle it, just for a minute.
rest, i'll watch over you.
i don't care if you think you're fine. i'm staying.
deep breaths.
just lean on me.
you're safe now, okay? just breathe.
i know it hurts. i'll sit here as long as it takes.
i'm not leaving until i know you're okay.
you don't need to hide.
let me take care of you this time.
shh. i'm right here.
you don't have to put on a smile for me.
i don't think less of you.
i'll be here when you wake up.
you're allowed to lean on me. that's what i'm here for.
you don't have to be okay.
scoot over, i'm not letting you sleep alone.
your hair's a mess. let me brush it.
don't apologize.
cared for.
i'm tired, that's all.
please don't go.
i don't know what i need.
you didn't need to come.
you shouldn't have to see me like this.
i hate feeling like this.
i was trying to push through. i think i made it worse.
this is so embarrassing.
can you just... stay a little longer?
i didn't think anyone would notice...
i'm not safe in my own head right now.
why are you being so gentle with me?
i don't want you to fix me.
today's just... one of the harder days.
i didn't know i needed to hear that.
can you stay? after i fall asleep?
sorry. i didn't mean to flinch.
i don't always know what's going to help.
this is the nicest anyone’s been to me all week.
i'm sorry. i know i'm a lot.
i don't even know why i'm crying...
i think i'm broken.
you didn't have to do all this for me.
i don't want to be a burden.
i didn't think anyone would stay.
( a collection of too close for 'just friends' prompts. adjust phrasing as necessary.) feel free to make edits to better suit your muse.
They’ve always hugged, but lately those hugs linger just a beat too long.
Sharing a bed during a trip—neither of them sleeps much because they’re too aware of the other’s presence.
Accidentally slipping into couple habits (buying each other food, remembering their exact coffee order, fixing their collar, etc.).
Friends teasing them for acting like a couple… and both of them freezing because it hits a little too close.
One notices the other’s dating profile and feels irrationally territorial.
The line between “friendly banter” and “flirting” has gotten blurry.
A partner/bystander points it out bluntly: “You know they’re in love with you, right?”
A fight about boundaries—because one of them wants more, but is terrified of losing the friendship.
A drunken kiss that neither of them can stop thinking about.
Everyone else assumes they’re together already… and they can’t quite correct them.
“Do you have any idea what it does to me when you look at me like that?”
“You’re supposed to be my safe place, not the reason my chest feels like it’s going to explode.”
“We can’t—God, we can’t cross that line.”
“Say it. Say you don’t feel it too, and I’ll drop it.”
“You don’t get to touch me like that and still call it friendship.”
“Stop smiling at me like I’m yours.”
“If this is just friendship, then why can’t I breathe when you’re this close?”
“You’re going to ruin me, and you don’t even know it.”
“One more second like this, and I’m not going to be able to stop myself.”
“Tell me you don’t want me, and I’ll believe you.”
“Don’t kiss me like that and pretend it means nothing.”
“We’re not supposed to do this. We’re not supposed to feel this.”
“I’d rather lose my mind than lose you, and right now I think I’m losing both.”
“Do you want me to beg? Is that what this is?”
“If we cross this line, nothing will ever be the same. And God help me, I still want to.”
“If you keep touching me like that, I won’t be able to stop.”
“Friends don’t ache when the other leaves the room. So what does that make us?”
“Tell me to go, and I will. Please—say something before I do something we can’t take back.”
“Don’t call me your best friend when you’re looking at me like I’m more.”
“If this is nothing, then why does it feel like everything?”
“You don’t get it, do you? Every time you smile at me, it feels like a promise.”
“You’re in my head all the time, and it’s killing me. Friends aren’t supposed to feel like this.”
“If we cross this line, you’re not just my friend anymore. You’re my downfall.”
“You’re standing too close.”
“Do you even know what you’re doing to me right now?”
“Stop making me want something I can’t have.”
“I can’t lose you to this, but God, I can’t stop wanting you either.”
“You’re looking at me weird.”
“That wasn’t a… friendly thing to say.”
“Do you always stand this close?”
“Why does it feel different when it’s you?”
“You’re supposed to be my best friend, not the one making my heart race.”
“That… didn’t sound like a joke.”
“Stop holding me like that. Friends don’t hold each other like that.”
“Do you even realize how you’re looking at me right now?”
“Don’t call me yours. You don’t mean it.”
“I can’t breathe when you touch me like that.”
“Say we’re still just friends. Lie to me.”
“We’re not supposed to want this.”
“If this is nothing, then why does it feel like everything?”
“One more second and I’m not going to be able to stop myself.”
“Every time you laugh, I forget we’re not allowed to be more.”
“Tell me you don’t feel it. Please. Tell me I’m imagining this.”
“You can’t just kiss me and act like it means nothing.”
“I’m trying so hard not to want you, and you’re making it impossible.”
“If you keep looking at me like that, I swear I’ll ruin everything.”
“Tell me to go, or I’m not going to.”
“You’re mine. God help me, I don’t care what we call it—you’re mine.”
“I’d rather destroy this friendship than pretend I don’t want you anymore.”
“Do you want me to beg? Because I will.”
“We’ve already crossed the line. The second I realized I loved you, we did.”
“Stop staring at me like that. You’re my best friend.”
“You can’t just… say stuff like that. We’re supposed to be friends.”
“Friends don’t make my heart do backflips when they smile.”
“Why does it feel like I’m cheating when you go on dates?”
“Don’t hold my hand if you don’t mean it.”
“We’ve been friends for years, so why does it suddenly feel different?”
“Don’t kiss me like that if you’re going to pretend it didn’t happen.”
“You’re supposed to be the one I tell about my crush, not be the crush.”
“That’s not a friendly kind of jealousy.”
“If we’re just friends, then why do I feel like you’re mine?”
Kim Hyesoon, tr. by Don Mee Choi, from Autobiography of Death; “Commute: Day One”
rewatching season one again. sara probably hated having to be her shadow master's face in the moment they cross paths with emilico pre-debut. she probably wanted to be friendly with her. but she can't. she has to be the face of her shadow master, reflecting her feelings. we clearly don't see her face after they turn around. she likely felt hurt having to hear her mistress scorn one of her only friends like that.
sara's been trying to hide her pain all day. she doesn't want @bloodycharge to worry about her, but her lower back is screaming at her like it's on fire. she insists on cleaning despite that; being seen as weak is the last thing that she wants.
but she can't hide the pained whimper that escapes her lips as she bends down to retie her shoe, nor can she suppress the tears stinging at her eyes when she shifts to once again stand upright. sara makes soft, high-pitched noises of pain as she walks over to sit beside shinjiro, wishing she was cuddling him in bed instead, with a nice, warm heating pad pressed directly against her back.
"....it's nothing," sara lies, biting her lip to try and hide the pain as she shifts into a more comfortable position. "i'll be fine. this is just normal for me."
sara wasn't intending to snoop through @bloodycharge's things; her routine of cleaning each day so things were tidy led her to discover the small box on the bedside table. opening it and finding some sort of pills inside was such a shock.
was shinjiro.... doing drugs?
immediately confronting shinjiro about it, sara stormed into the kitchen with the box in hand. "you aren't doing drugs, are you? first, you're getting into fights, and now...." there were tears in her eyes. "i thought you were better than this. was i wrong to think such a thing? i don't like this..."
sara absolutely has chronic pain in her lower back that she desperately tries to ignore. it sometimes keeps her from sleeping; the pain ranges from a dull throbbing pain to an intense stabbing pain.
adding to this: period cramps also cause these pains to flare up. sara's basically just all curled up in bed crying from how much pain she's in.
she doesn't like admitting when she's dealing with a flareup. she feels like it's selfish of her to complain about her pain when others have it worse. she tries to brush it off most of the time so no one worries.
and yes, the chronic pain likely stemmed from being hit both as a child by her mother and by her shadow master. hitting the same area again and again and the pain ending up as chronic instead.
sara absolutely has chronic pain in her lower back that she desperately tries to ignore. it sometimes keeps her from sleeping; the pain ranges from a dull throbbing pain to an intense stabbing pain.
sara is 4'11". smol. please pick her up.
i need to make her bio soon. that might work better, yeah?
he hadn't really meant to snap, but shinjiro tends to be precious with his kitchen and not his words. he's used to, after all, harshness being the way of things; gruffness not having a meaning so much as it being one's default state of being. so when sara scampers off, he's already got an apology on his tongue - when she brings back the dowel and says those words, his mind goes nearly blank, the apology fleeing with it.
show me how much i can grow?
with that?
what she's asking for is obvious.
shinjiro's answer, then, is to kneel down in front of her. putting them at the same height isn't enough - he wants her to have the advantage. to be above him. he wants her to feel more in-control than she evidently does right now. he puts a hand over hers; over the dowel.
“ look at me. look me in the eyes. i would never, ever do that to you. ”
sara hasn't been shown genuine care like this for as long as she can remember, aside from the occasional servant girl who followed her around back at the manor. even then, those moments are fleeting, like flowers. she doesn't know to react when shown kindness instead of harsh, abusive treatment. the scars that remain on her back from her mistress hitting her are more than enough proof of such a fact.
so when shinjiro pauses what he's doing, kneels so that he's below her level, and speaks to her in a soft, low voice she's never heard before, sara feels like she might just shatter into a million pieces right then.
"i..." she's at a loss for words, looking into his eyes. any refusal she wants to throw back at shinjiro dies in her throat, doesn't get past her opened, shocked lips. sara swallows hard. "....why?" that's all she can get out, her heart threatening to burst from her chest. "why do you care for me like i'm fragile? i'm used to the pain, so it doesn't bother me. why do you... treat me like a person? aren't i just a tool?"
tears continue to trickle down from sara's cheeks as she laughs. "i can do better. i can do better so you don't get mad at me again. please don't get mad at me again." the last part is said in a meek, barely audible voice similar to that of a frightened child than an adult.