Chantal Nicole Jaquez @chantalnicolej - Tumblr Blog

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“Depression is Mental”

In eighth grade, I was diagnosed with depression. I did not know what that term meant and why did the doctors put this title on me. When the doctors told my mom the news, she automatically said, "Ella no tiene depresión. Eso es mental." Let me translate it, she said, "She does not have depression. It is all mental." I saw my father's face, and all he could do was to cry.

My diagnostics came about was when I started cutting myself on my legs and my arms. Any place I felt that wouldn't show, I cut it. My best friend at the time, Justine, would tell me that was not normal and to get help. Justine, thank you for the advice! I took her advice and showed my school counselor what I was doing to myself. We sat and talked about my whole life, and he was shocked. He asked this question, "Why a person that seems so happy can hide all these pain?" It was a tricky question, and I could not answer it. He, later that day, snitched on me and called my parents. Such a rat... When the principal sat me down with my parents, the counselor, and the school priest, she felt that I needed to be rushed to the hospital and get some help. Both of my parents cried because they did not know what I was going through and never experienced this kind of behavior.

When I got checked in the hospital, the nurse took everything from me. My iPod charger, my shoelaces, basically anything that causes harm to me. My mother and I looked at each other, not saying a word, and I saw it in her face that she was disappointed. I was interviewed by four therapists, and they each said that I had depression. They provided my mom with a list of the best therapist in Philadelphia and told us they we are free to go. "Free to go?" I questioned myself. My mom let me go for therapy for a month and believed that I was lying about my mental illness, so she decided to take me out.

In high school, I was experiencing new things and emotions that I did not know who can guide me to where I needed to be. Since I wasn't in therapy anymore, I depended on friends to guide me. At a point, we were all going through the same thing, and it got hard to depend on my friends. I seek help from my school counselor, Ms. Bassett, in which for over 5 years is still helping me. Ms. Bassett helped me understand my illness and helped with that and my anxiety.

Now, the question is: How do you manage your depression? There is not a right answer to this question. When I was told my condition, I went to therapy and my school counselor to talk about my issues. When my mom removed me from therapy, she told me that I should be able to talk to her, and she'll be there for me. Let's be honest, you cannot tell your mother everything because they'll end up upset. So, I decided to talk to my school counselor and, recently, a therapist. Also, depression caused me to sleep more and not do any activities. I ended up buying myself a play station with headsets so I can be able to socialize and not be in bed. Also, I convinced my love, Andrea, to drag me out and force me to do homework and study. I would go to Philadelphia every weekend, so I can be able to do something productive, such as work and go out with my cousin. I advise everybody to SEEK help. I understand it is hard to talk to someone or do something about this, but it's actually helpful. YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS! I ended up closing up and crying myself to sleep every day. YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO WASTE TIME. I try to do things to keep me busy because when I'm not busy, I end up overthinking and hurting myself. So, get help and work on yourself.

Please if any questions, advice, or topics you want me to discuss, hit the ask button or go to my social.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

xoxo

Shantel J

#myBlogPosts

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STEM is not designed for WOMEN

Well, first let's talk about what is STEM. STEM is an acronym that stands for science, technology, engineering, and mathematics. In high school, I had a dream to be a computer engineer. I loved Physics, Chemistry, and Math. Majority of the time, my teacher would come to me and tell me that I am doing great in class, so I knew that STEM was the path I wanted to take. Let's take it back a little bit more. When I was about six years old, my dad bought me a Barbie computer, and I was curious about how it would turn on and talk to me. I destroyed the equipment and tried to put it back together. My mom saw that and said, "She is going to be an engineer or has something to do with computers." Since then, she reminded me that I should be different . I loved that about her, and because of her, I am the person I am today.

Now, let us bring this story more to the present. I enrolled at Pennsylvania State University in 2016. The school that I attend is in Middletown, PA, and it's about an hour and a half from my family home, which is in Philadelphia, PA. I just moved away from home and I never been by myself. My freshman year, I was taking pre-requirements classes. Pre-reqs are classes you are supposed to take before taking your major classes. Second and third semester, I was taking Physics, Chemistry, and Calculus. My professors were wonderful, but they barely helped. These classes are designed to have a group of students to work with each other. In physics class, the MALES , that the teacher assigned with me for the group, were ALWAYS questioning me and dismissing me from every lab. Chemistry, my partners barely talked to me and did their work in a group, remind you I'm the only female in this group too. I decided that I should work by myself. As an engineer, working in a group is mandatory and helpful, since, , of course, , engineering is HARD. After going through all of this my freshman and sophomore year, I decided I did not need a group and help. Junior year, I worked by myself, and I strongly regret it because I would have questions and get lost, but who was there to help. As a female and an engineering undergraduate, it gets struggling because the males feel like they are superior. I had a friend, whom I will always love, but only talks to me when he needs help with his lab or class. I am afraid to say; I had people take my assignments and claim it was theirs. I could not argue with my male professors. The male professors always go with the male students. I had a professor tell me, "as a female and a person who stick to themselves, I feel as though you will not make it in this career." A PROFESSOR??????? OH MY GAWD DUDE ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?! Sometimes, I doubt myself and decide to give up because of the negativity I receive.

Let's include statistics:

"35.2% of chemists are women; 11.1% of physicists and astronomers are women; 33.8% of environmental engineers are women; 22.7% of chemical engineers are women; 17.5% of civil, architectural, and sanitary engineers are women; 17.1% of industrial engineers are women; 10.7% of electrical or computer hardware engineers are women; and 7.9% of mechanical engineers are women." (https://ngcproject.org/statistics)

As you can see above, THERE ARE BARELY WOMEN IN STEM. As an electrical engineer undergrad, I am the only female in the majority of my classes. When I started college, there were about 30 females in my class; now when I speak to them, they changed their major to finance. My title is a stereotype made by men to discourage women from going into the STEM field. As women, we should be above all of those that do not wish us well. I have heard females say, "yeah, I would've been this, some major in STEM, but I did not receive any help, or I was told that it'd be hard for me." Sis, I feel you, but its time to stand up for what we love and continue to be great. So my conclusion is, it may be hard, and it may feel like it is not worth it, but the end goal is to change the perspective of the world and make a name for ourselves because we are worth it and we will make it. Do not let others believe that you cannot make it in this world with whatever you are studying because at the end of the day, they are envious and their opinion should not matter.

Please if any questions, advice, or topics you want me to discuss, hit the ask button or go to my social.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

xoxo

Shantel J

#myBlogPost