chaos crowds

private writing blog penned by c.

[nixscriptum]

[lunamonchtuna]

— William Shakespeare, Beatrice to Benedick in Much Ado About Nothing (Act IV, Scene i) (via lunamonchtuna)

[lunamonchtuna]

— Sylvia Plath, from The Letters of Sylvia Plath Vol. I: 1940-1956 (via lunamonchtuna)

[bebs-art-gallery]

“BACK WHEN TIME DIDN’T MATTER” — AN OIL PAINTING BY RIONA

[weltenwellen]

Tomatoes Joy Sullivan

[lunamonchtuna]

— Unknown (via lunamonchtuna)

[giulscribes]

the relief hits his nervous system with such force, had he been standing, his knees would have buckled under the weight of it. “ promise? ” usually, he would not burden freddie with the fear living beneath his skin, but as whispers of an upcoming match for a future spouse of the future king grow louder, so has the fear. the fear of freddie slipping between his fingers, of destiny to return to its intended course rather than the alternate he and freddie walked on, hand in hand, hearts entwined. he nuzzles against the top of his head, muscles visibly unclenching and sinking into the warmth of his lover, “ forever, then. ” quite the bold words to speak. naive? certainly, yet a certainty that lived within his being.

[chaoscrowds]

“promise.” freddie murmurs, the certainty in his voice not entirely felt from within. not because he doesn’t want to, but because he doesn’t know if his circumstances allow it. if he’s arranged to marry another for the sake of the court, what can he do about this doomed love that they share? his heart flutters at the whispered word of forever, at the raw conviction vibrating in silas’ voice. “forever.” it almost sounds like a prayer instead, sent up to whatever gods might be listening in the heavy, incense-laden silence of the palace. he would do anything, give anything, if it meant he could remain by his lover’s side. “i’ve never known love until i met you.” he admits, his lips softly grazing against the warm, salt-tinged skin of his lover’s pulsating neck. “thanks to you, my world is now full of colors that i couldn’t see.”

[giulscribes]

“ how can it not? ” disorienting is the state eden floats in from morning to night, navigating a reality that has lost its meaning along with the memories locked behind a stubborn door he hasn't managed to pry open. at the center stands kyungsoo. kyungsoo who makes sense in his heart, yet is no more than distorted glimpses in his brain. a puzzle with missing pieces, an unclear image. eden isn't used, or rather, does not remember ever being known down to his soul. “ does it scare you to show yourself to me again? ” he rolls to his side, propped on an elbow, “ i think ... i would like to learn to not be afraid. part of me blindly trusts you. part of me that i don't understand, yet that feels too much like instinct to shut down. ”

[chaoscrowds]

“you’re right.” kyungsoo nods, fingers gently reaching out to tuck eden’s hair from his forehead to behind his ear, the strands feeling like fine silk against his skin. “i’d probably do much worse if i were in your place.” if he fought love as hard as he did before even with his memories intact, he can only imagine how much he would struggle if his memories were lost, adding to the cold, terrifying confusion that already had him paralysed. “kind of.” he answers after a thoughtful pause, his voice low and honest. “but if i could make you fall in love with me once, i can do it again.” he jests with feigned bravado, his own nerves hidden under a bright, disarmingly charming smile. “and i’d be right beside you as you learn to cope with this.” it’s a promise and one that he intends to keep, just as he has kept that cool metal ring on his finger since their unplanned wedding years ago. “you’re free to ask me anything — and ask me for anything — whenever you need it.”

[giulscribes]

“ you are. ” more than ever, goes unsaid. especially after everything. especially after years apart. especially after love stubbornly surviving in the little oxygen left in the aftermath of their breakup. “ i’m here, aren't i? ” she could have left the reunion as a one night pleasant memory, the closure of a chapter abruptly halted years earlier. yet, she invited him back into her world, showed her the vulnerable underbelly of her soul in her photographs, and the gallery not yet opened. “ you know that i never blamed you for our breakup, it was the right thing for us at the time and with the circumstances. ” she reaches for a restless hand, tenderly squeezing. “ i didn't spend years yearning, there were other people, but i didn't put much effort into actually moving on. ” part of her, the one that would always be his, certainly did hope to return h o m e. “ what we do with that now is up to us. i'd like to think we are a bit more reasonable than our younger selves were. ”

[chaoscrowds]

a sigh of relief escapes him quietly at her affirmation — even though he didn’t expect her to be stuck on him, maybe there’s a part of him that’s beyond elated that she never truly moved on. not that the answer should be too surprising at all, considering that she could have simply left the night at the wedding banquet as a fond memory instead of insisting that they keep in touch. it’s why she invited him here, back into her life, into a new chapter that she’s hopeful for. “it was,” he agrees, gaze drifting to the warm, soft hand that reaches for his calloused one. his heart sinks at the idea of her tangled with others, but it’s inevitable — she’s beautiful both inside and out; it would be unrealistic to assume she’s never seen anyone since. “i don’t recall being reasonable was your strongest suit...” he adds after a moment of silence, his tone more lighthearted now, a ghost of a chuckle vibrating in his chest. “you have always been incredibly stubborn.” and he assumes it hasn’t changed much, either. his own thumb grazes over her knuckles in a familiar gesture, basking in her steady, pulsing warmth.

[giulscribes]

“ when junjun pointed it out to me, ” he admits, sheepishly, and more so after seoah's heartwarming confession. he rolls on his side, too, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her closer. the love hadn't been a lightning bolt moment for yunho. rather, it grew in leaning into her warmth when his bones grew cold from the harshness of trainee days. it grew in handing over his trust, without apprehension, when it went against every instinct in his body. it grew in so many, and little ways, that yunho was not hit with the reality of his heart now living outside of his body, and in the hands of his best friend, until he was in too deep. “ we did a lot that was not very best friends of us. ” in hindsight, they were awfully obvious. “ are there any songs about me that you never sung to me? ”

[chaoscrowds]

“so he is the smarter one between you.” seoah points out, her tone playful as she nudges his shoulder with her own, the soft wool of her sweater scratching gently against his skin. she’s not surprised that it took yunho, his best friend, pointing it out to him, considering that he’s never been quite as receptive to his emotions as she is to her own — and it took her long enough to figure it out, too. she’s not holding it against him; they were both young and naive, but in the end, it all worked out despite the turmoils and struggles they were forced to endure. “we did,” she agrees, lips curling into a fond smile as memories of their trainee days flood her head. “plenty,” she responds after a thoughtful pause, “but i don’t think they were very good.” the truth is she doesn’t remember most of them with clarity; many of them now only exist in the yellowed, musty pages of her old notebooks shelved away, the ink faded to a dull gray.

[chaoscrowds]

“and i still am?” seojung asks, hesitant yet hopeful as he searches her eyes, catching the faint, salt-sweet scent of her perfume. “even after everything?” he didn’t expect he’d hear these words from eunchae ever again, not after he left her in the pursuit of his dreams. it was something he still felt was his fault, even if it was caused more by circumstance than by what he truly wanted. his calloused fingertips graze the sides of his rough denim jeans slowly, a small hint of his nervousness. “i thought you’d have moved on by now.” it was funny how life chose to bring them back together on no occasion other than the one celebrating his sister’s love with her own soulmate.

“you’re the only thing that’s ever felt real to me.” / @giulscribes

[chaoscrowds]

“i’m not going to walk away.” freddie promises, even though it doesn’t feel like his promise to make and keep. even though there are things greater than the two of them — a kingdom he’s responsible for and a throne that’s his for the taking. but for now, at least, he wants to believe that they are the only two in their world, that he doesn’t have to bear the burden he never asked for. his arms tighten around silas, his cheek pressing against the soft linen of silas's shirt as he buries his face in the nape of his lover’s neck, inhaling the warm, cedar-wood scent of his skin. “i’m not going anywhere, as long as you’ll let me stay.”

"i don’t care what it costs — just don’t walk away. ” / @giulscribes

[chaoscrowds]

“...when was the first time you realised it?” seoah asks, her gaze drifting back to him as she moves to lie on her side, the silk sheets rustling beneath her. it still feels surreal — running into each other unplanned and the subsequent moving in. the decisions were all made in a rush, yet she cannot be more certain about any of this. she wants him back in her life; she needs him here; he belongs right by her side. “i think for me, it was how often you were on my mind when i was writing songs.” she whispers, her smile nostalgic as she lets her thoughts loose, something much easier to do with the heavy, comforting shroud of the night around them. “i mean, yeah, best friends write songs about each other, but not all the time.”

“i think i loved you long before i knew what love was.” / @giulscribes

[chaoscrowds]

“why does it scare you?” kyungsoo asks, blinking softly while his gaze remains on his lover. he can imagine how eden must feel about the fact that kyungsoo might know more about him than he knows himself with his memories stolen. he hopes it’s only temporary — that all of it will come back eventually and eden won’t have years of his life permanently taken. “it used to scare me too — how well you knew me.” he whispers, a soft admittance lost in the velvety shadows of their bedroom. “but i eventually managed to get over my fears.” he adds, his voice thick with nostalgia. “and it all proved to be worth every effort in the end.”

“no one knows me like you do. that’s what scares me. ” / @giulscribes

[krystaljungs]

FAMILY BY CHOICE 조립식 가족 episode 07, dir. Kim Seung Ho

[firstprinced]

Heated Rivalry | 1.05

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