Root of the Chaos

Hi! I'm Ruth and I write sometimes. My inspiration is a strange thing, so I can be gone for a long time, but I will always return. English is also not my native language so if you find any mistakes you're welcome to point them out. Thanks!

[chaosroot]

Do I know what am I doing? No.

Will I continue doing it?

Yes.

[chaosroot]

Void Archives Log

This was the work I spent quite a lot of time since the last year, but mostly it just drafts and incorrigible notes I have in my documents. Still, I decided to put some of it on ao3. Here's to hope it gives me motivation to finish it.

Void Archives Series (AO3 link)

Void Archives right now is a series of excerpts and documents that introduce you to a dystopian world and some of the "incidents" that brought the world to the state it is in now.

Although there are existing characters whose story I would like to continue (one day, maybe). I would be glad if this world may serve as an inspiration for someone else - that is if somebody would like the idea. So I'm sharing this to get it out from my drafts and maybe this thing will find its' audience.

Here's a snippet of the second part (the only one written with the linear narrative):

One of the following her crawlers came closer. The girl could hear its roots moving closer to her. The roots surrounded the earth around her feet, some of them going over the cliff. As a shadow loomed over her, the girl looked behind to see the crawler, looking like a human-shaped giant, standing there. “Why did you do it?” The crawler didn’t answer. It couldn’t. And the girl, Thalia, knew it as well. It leaned closer, shifting, so it could be on the same eye level with her. She looked at the empty spaces where human eyes should be. But crawlers didn’t have eyes, there was only a void in them. All consuming darkness. The crawler lifted its hand and lightly ran his hand over Thalia’s head, clearing the fallen leaves from her hair. Thalia looked at the creature she once called “father”. This was her mentor, her guardian that swore to always protect her. Now what did he become? An empty, mindless creature that only knew how to follow its instincts.

[chaosroot]

The Voices Around

I have seen them, creeping around my room. 

How long was it? I can't even remember the moment, when I started to notice the shadows from the corner of my eye. At first I thought it was the trick of my mind, an illusion, like the shape of the shirt on the chair that seems like a person under the right light. But as more time passed I understood, that they were more than that. 

The one living in the walls was silent most of the time, but sometimes they spoke of things I couldn't understand. The whispers always woke me up, when I tried to get some much needed sleep after the long day. And I don't think they tried to scare me, they just, were there. They talked and scratched the walls from the inside, when something has bothered them. I think, they just tried to express their feelings that way. 

And they weren't the only one. There were more. Sometimes the voices from the mugs talked to me, telling me that I should drink more water. One time I heard the voice from the fridge, reminding me to get more food, so I don't starve myself. I'm pretty sure one was living under the desk, giving the encouragements for my work and screaming how amazing were the things that I do. 

One of them even lived in my computer, if some of the disappeared files are to go by. I don't know if it was a prank or their hunger, or they just couldn't stop themselves from chewing on something so close to their lair. One thing for sure, if I didn't have the backup files, I might have screamed. 

But, well, it seems that I got too used to them, to chase them out. The conversations that we started to have are quite entertaining, and their words sometimes lift my spirit.

I may not know their names or age... Man, even their true appearance, but they are the ones that I live with, so, I don't think I would have it any other way.

[chaosroot]

Bright fire

“There must be something in books, things we can’t imagine, to make a woman stay in a burning house; there must be something there. You don’t stay for nothing.” – Ray Bradbury

The Sun always burns, so does Time in our lives. Like the sand through a sieve it's slipping away. We see the world change, and as our mind slowly dies, We refuse to be changed, slowly going astray.

It's a pleasure to burn all books to the ground. A pleasure to see them falling apart. The words of the "wisemen" won't be ever compound In minds of the few who still has a heart.

No point in trying to stop flames spreading out. No way for a man to win in this fight. Confronting the nation is, without a doubt, Worthless, if others do not make the right.

Mindless and empty they're chasing enjoyment. Fire consumes all that's used to be true. If this is a world that the God for us meant, Then let this bright fire devour me, too.

[chaosroot]

Reflection

"Fear is a distorting mirror in which anything can appear as a caricature of itself" – Stefan Zweig

See my mirror reflection, it's a faulty being. It speaks with no words and that wicked grin. Nobody can hide from its' eyes all-seeing, One look makes the spiders crawl under my skin.

I have asked it once, "Why do you exist?" The answer's an echo and its' ugly smile. It points at me through surrounding dark mist, As its' filthy voice tries my world to defile.

All meaning is lost as I can't comprehend Its' inhuman speech made not for my ears. I choke on my words and I wait for the end, But it doesn't stop, I'm alone with my fears.

Yet I'm growing used to this confrontation. My mirror image is my twin, after all. With its' crooked features, my poor reflection Takes all of my filth and remains standing tall.

And who was the one who created it, really? I know it's my fault for hiding the pain. There were times when we had laughed freely, Yet now you're a shadow existing in vain.

You're eerie and grim, but you show the truth, That I try to forget, pretending I'm fine. Please torment and scream, yet try to sooth My soul by accepting all faults of mine.

[chaosroot]

Down in the deep

"The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown" – H. P. Lovecraft

Down in the deep I dream of the future. I dream of the start and the end to all life. So many years I have spent in this torture, Now it's my time to enjoy the world's rife.

You seek the wisdom to be above all, You want to break free from mortality. But are you prepared to take this deep fall? Down here you'll find no rationality.

My voice will lead you into the abyss, And into the madness of vanity. Devoured by greed you won't ever find bliss Of saving from doom the humanity.

No logic or meaning you'll find in this world, So I'll let you forget the reality. Follow my lead, let your mind gently swirl, As you falling down into insanity.

Inspired by: "The Shadow over Innsmouth" by H.P. Lovecraft

[chaosroot]

The present

"Thoughts, words and feelings are different things. Sometimes I think about a lot of things, say a few words, but at the same time I feel nothing." – Unknown

I saw tears from the sky falling down, And thought how important is "now". How many moments we missed and what for We forget what happened "before"?

We're no heroes with fate written in legends, No saints that will go to Heavens. Our destiny is to live freely on Earth, With no guide to prove our worth.

Don't worry, it's just a play in the end. Follow the script, it's godsend. I close my eyes, no tears will fall down, All I have is the time I am "now".

[chaosroot]

A Ghost Tale

“Death may be the greatest of all human blessings” – Socrates

Every morning I get up and wonder. What had I planed to become? With no purpose in life, going under. Why was I feeling so numb? All I have is the precepts from others. Who's reflection is in your eyes? "Doing right" while the heart only suffers. Will anyone see through disguise?

Every day is the plans with no meaning. What had I forced to forget? And as someone's again intervening, Why didn't I make them regret? You will think I'm insane, maybe stupid, But what can I do with myself? I'm the one with the future that's muted, Will I ever see truth of oneself?

Every evening I greet only shadows. Why had I remained in one place? Never able to grow as the time slows. Was it right to follow his trace? So I always lie to prove myself right, But who is the one I deceive? To silent the scream, I'll tell "I'm alright". I wonder will someone believe?

Every night I go sleep and cover the ears, What had I done with my life? The noise that comes, uncovers my fears, Why didn't I put down the knife? I see you around, but you do not see. Who said that humans can't fly? No regret in my death, I set myself free. And I never will tell you "goodbye".

[chaosroot]

Evening thoughts

As I sit by the window, I wonder, What secrets may lie in our world? And how many believers fell under The pressure of time unconcerned?

I may be no king, no prophet foretold, But I am a human, a living being. With no clear future as I'm growing old, I walk on the path of my own well-being.

The more I will think, the less I will know. What is the reason I live under the sky? With no answers to find, I'll follow the flow. And like the unshackled bird will I fly.

[chaosroot]

To love a God is no sin. It is a salvation for humanity. A chance to see beyond the simple existence of a shell. A chance to understand the beauty of the divine without the restriction of mortality.

But, you see, a human sole purpose is to worship. We were never meant to receive a reply. So when our God chose to abandon his divinity for a life of a mortal, it became the greatest sin of the mankind. As the other Gods descended they said that it was our fault He became tainted. But isn't it funny? He chose to be tainted Himself, because in His eyes the divinity was nothing in comparison to that human's life.

To love a God is no sin, but if they reply to your feelings, then you become the greatest sinner of the world.

[chaosroot]

Someone to be.

In facelessness we're equal, When we're not even there. You're someone underneath this, Behind the mask you wear. ― Aviators, "Masks"

Pick up a mask and smile, pretender. Cover your face, and hide all the pain. No one will know, that your act of surrender Is simply a game you've started again.

First of all, hide your dreams and ambitions, All that inspires you to be someone new. Second, abandon all of your fiction, See the reality through one common view.

Forget all the books, all fantasy stories. Pretend, that you want to be one of them. Be careful still and beware of the freeze Of emptiness left you felling so numb.

Once you open your eyes and see the existence, It would be easy to take the third step. Wake up and say "No need for persistance, We all were born to be caught in this web".

There's no need to say, we are the same. We live and we die in this quiet world. But is there a reason to cover in shame From passion that paints your life in gold?

See, I am a dreamer, I can't change my ways. Is there a reason to leave all behind? My life is my own, my vision's not gray. Why abandon yourself to be one of their kind?

You're holding your mask with the trembling hands, The tears staining it will not go with time. Don't listen to words that ruin your plans, Keep up your dreams, you've got mountains to climb.

Don't hide your ambitions that make you divine. Don't cover from slander and their judging gaze. You've got your own path, ignore the guideline, Show them your worth and leave them in haze.

[chaosroot]

Scream at the end of the world

“Only the dead have seen the end of war.” ― Plato

I watched the crumbling sky, As my thoughts turned into a mess. How high did the birds fly, When the world was at its finess?

In the land without light We have seen our brothers at war. It was a pointless fight Against those who could only abhore.

Now see, how the time passed, No answer was given for pain. The victims are left aghast At the people who came to reign.

"What was all of it for?" I ask, as I bury my friends. Victorless was this war, The survivors now make amends.

No one should ever feel, So heartbroken from such onslaught. Would it take a great zeal To not start a fight for the naught?

I pray for light returned. I pray for the peace on our land. The world must not be burned. 'til the end of the time may it stand.

[chaosroot]

The Monster's song

"The day you stop caring what other people think of you is the day your life begins" — Aaron Eckhart

Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, Can you answer to my call, Who is standing before you? Can you picture me anew?

I have fallen from the grace. Many faces with no names, Golden dust on my path home, All have became monochrome.

Was my choice really faulted? Lived with hope to be exalted, Faced the truth I'm now alone With sins wich I have to atone.

Turned to monster with the fangs, I've been freed from mortal pangs. Friends of mine died from my claws, I have became their ruin cause.

Lost in time, an endless life. Others' hate stabs like a knife. Bloodstains under feet are fresh, As I devour rotting flesh.

Tell me, stranger on the street, Are we really what we eat? As they flee, the answer's clear. The fate of mine's no one near.

Years have passed, as life goes on. Seems that I've became their pawn. Used I was, now there is none, Who could've told me where to run.

So I sought peace, when there's war. Been soldier once, now back in store. As I've been drifting with no spark, Your voice has pulled me from the dark.

The shinig star with sparkling eyes, You made my life worth my demise. If it's for you I'll sacrifice My soul and flesh are not high price.

I said goodbye to rotten world, But magic's brought my body old. You looked me in the eyes and said "No one can break our fated thread"

Ah, it seems my fate is sealed, You smile wide as others yield. "Do you regret what you've became?" I shut my eyes "No, we're the same".

We're monsters born in world alone, Our fate was never set in stone. We live and kill, just as we should. Not everyone is born for good.

[chaosroot]

A Hunter's Plight

"Ahh, Kos, or some say Kosm... Do you hear our prayers?" — Micolash, Host of the Nightmare (Bloodborne)

Pray in hope that the God will save you, But don't despare when light have died. And when the world is made anew Remember those who failed, but tried.

The world is taken by the hunt. The monsters here all run amok. Former friends are those we confront, Loved ones are the ones that we struck.

I have tried to warn them, you see, The great ones're not always right. But they've ignored me, setting them free. So our world is in eternal night.

Beautiful monsters, moonlit and strange, Are haunting our streets and our homes. With red moon's light everything's changed. Now our village is filled with bones.

We were plagued and left in the dark, Our saviours were broken to dust. All that's left of them is hunter's mark, That is covered in bloodstains and rust.

See how the end was evisioned, By witches or hunters, all same. Now pray, my friend, to old gods and Remain unafraid of their flame.

Pray in hope that the God will save you, But don't forget the human's might. In Time's End where left the few, The last ones will be granted sight.

[chaosroot]

A Tale of a Star Witch and a Vampire.

“I love the stars. Because they can't say anything. I love the stars. Because they do not judge anyone.” ― Natsuki Takaya

Look at the night sky and tell me, my dear, What do you see in these stars crystal clear? What do you dream of in this silent night? Who are in your eyes, reflecting this light?

I am but a dreamer, and you are no man. It seems that we met by some devil's plan. And when you were lost in my lonely world, I walked in the rain with my umbrella furled.

You asked me, expecting that I'll be afraid: "Hey girl, won't you give this lost soul some aid?" And in drenched clothes I smiled a little. "I will, but first unravel my riddle.

I'm here when everyone else is sleeping, I burn, and my existence is fleeting, I shine so you may see what's ahead, And nobody knows, but I'm already dead"

You were perplexed, I think even shocked. With your scary form, blood trace where you walked, You haven't expected me not to run, And even to make a riddle for fun.

To tell you the truth back then I was broken, I was all alone; my thoughts were unspoken. Your hideous form might've been scary for others, But I'm not afraid, I can see through your covers.

If I was afraid, would you kill me, I wonder. But I've no regrets, because with silly blunder I took your attention, you thought for awhile And said: "What's the point of making this trial?"

"The star. Is that what you wanted to hear?" I nodded and said, "You're correct, my dear". And it was a shame that because of the clouds, We could not see them and clear our doubts.

From this point onwards you stayed with me. Though people were scared, they'd not let me be, “They are just a monster! Have you lost your mind?" But to be honest, to me you were kind.

You killed, that's true, but just to survive. I hid you away, so you'd feel alive. "They are to blame" I wanted to say, But you shrug your shoulders, "It's a God's play".

We tried to live far away from their gaze, But they hunted us down, our home now ablaze. And we ran away, hand in hand, without pause, You didn't look back, blood dripped from your claws.

"We'll find a new place", you said, calming me, But no such tomorrow we destined to see. With one silver bullet you fell to your knees, But killing two people for me is a breeze.

I tried to save you, though you stopped my hands "You should run away and follow our plans" I wanted to help you, I wanted to stay But for our choice I needed to pay.

And now I'm alone again with the sky. I'm talking to you, who won't hear my cry. So, look at the stars now, we finally see them. There's no one to stop me so I've become numb.

They were afraid of a wrong person, really. I am not so peaceful like you, I lived freely. At first "The Star Witch" they called me, but now I am a forgotten existence somehow.

But they will remember, I will make them pay. For suffering ours I'll make them decay. I have no regrets; humans weren't my kin. In fact, my connection to them is very dim.

Now there's no people who tried to kill you, The world's not the same, I made it anew. So come back to me, I know one easy spell. I am a witch after all, can you tell?

[chaosroot]

I watched as leaves fell. Never to be saved, never to be remembered, they just died having been done their job. The world wasn’t sad. It was nature’s rule. The same should go for them. Those wretched and vile creatures that don’t even know how to be human anymore. Looking outside the hole of the gates I’ve seen them wandering never to find their place. They are suffering, what we do is setting them free. Remember what the teacher said. “In the end. Only those who thrive to survive will remain.”

“Reto,” somebody has called my name, so I let go of a leaf in my hand and turned around. “The council is here, they’re calling you,” it was one of my sisters.

Calling her a sister would be strange, we weren’t even related. But since both of us were in this hub we called home, it would be even stranger not to call us a family.

“Reto,” she said again, with an angry tone in her voice, “Don’t make them wait.”

I nodded and went after Mari, not really looking at her. The winter this year has come early. Before all the leaves had fallen, frost was already visible on the ground. The dangers of the cold forced the council of nine to get together earlier.

‘They don’t know how we’ll overcome this winter,’ I thought. ‘They said everyone that the supplies didn’t make it in time because of ghouls, and with the spreading of infection, we don’t have enough vaccines.’ I kicked a pebble that was near me and turned my head toward the gates. ‘Let it be our last winter here.’

“Reto,” Mari almost whispered, since we were almost at the camp, so I had to come closer to her, “Do you know what we should do?” She looked at me with anticipation, “Didn’t you see something again? Can we make it?”

I couldn’t answer her and only lowered my head. Her face became frightened.

“No way…”

“I’m sorry,” was all I could say. What more can be said to a person who just found out that he has only several months left to live?

After taking me to the tent of the council she left. I looked at how she left with her head hanging lowly but eyes full of determination and thought that it is not a bad thing. When I entered the tents there was not much light. The council members were sitting at the round table their black capes hiding their faces. When I made my presence known their heads turned to me and I felt my blood run cold.

It was not right. They shouldn’t exist. For a moment I thought of the possibility to end it all here. When all of them are here, it would be easier to made things without unnecessary victims. But just as I was going to act, all the feelings were gone. A gentle breeze, ruffling my hair, has come into the tent. Right. Remember the teacher. “For a prophecy to be done, you should never act by yourself.”

“I heard your excellencies have been searching for me?” I tried to make my voice sound as indifferent as possible.

“Yes, Reto, come in,” I wasn’t sure which of them has said it, but just as been told, I came near them and sat on one of the chairs.

“Has there been any differences in your dreams?”

“No, your excellence. It is all the same.”

“Can you remind us?”

On their question, I closed my eyes. I didn’t even need to try hard to remember ‘the prophesy’. The dreams I had. The blood-stained ground, the fires all around the world, the ashed sky, and the russet-colored eyes of the infected. It would be all the same if they will be in power. The council should be crushed.

“I don’t remember well,” I replied, “There was the interference of a wolf’s tribe. I’ve seen them around our train. And there was blood. They might be the one who stole our supplies.”

Lying to them was easy. When you have nothing left to lose, sometimes you become less human, than you were. Just as saying goes: “To catch the murderer you have to think like one”.

“Will they act again?” One of the members asked their veil swinging a little.

“I’m not sure. But I’ve seen where they’ll go next.”

“That should be enough. We’ll make our move based on that.” The council stopped pay attention to me and became whispering between themselves. I didn’t quite understand what they talked about, but it was a sign for me to leave.

Leaving the tent, I looked at the still blue sky. The true prophecy is…

“The time of nine has come to an end. The fires of rebellion will bury their ruling in time. So let their bodies rot away as they are infected. For their russet eyes is a sign of the greatest fraud in time.”

[chaosroot]

You weren’t sure if this was a dream, or you really were free from their countless mockery in your address. Sure, for them you were an eyesore, they always looked for a way to rip you apart. But now it finally changed.

When has it begun? You too weren’t sure. Maybe it was the day when you got away from them and hid in the forest. Then you’ve gotten yourself stuck on a tree. Thinking you would spend the rest of your life here you heard the ringing of little bells.

The stranger that helped was not something that you could explain. With his long silver hair and the eyes that hypnotized you, you were sure he too was not the one to be accepted by them. He laughed as if reading your mind and showed you the path to his house.

With such an estate in the middle of the old forest, you found yourself at home. The house as if accepting you opened its gates wide. The wonderful garden, wild animals sticking out from the bushes, and finally a fresh air, that you never felt with them. He told you great stories which you found hard to believe.

But you weren’t used to living with someone and almost everything did by yourself. Just like that, when you’ve gone to collect some berries, you were attacked by wolves. The pain didn’t matter much to you. You weren’t even afraid of these mindless creatures but seeing the panic in his eyes and noticing how silent he was when he treated your wounds, you thought that you would never do that again. After that, he became overprotective of you. Sometimes a little too much. You weren’t allowed to wander alone, you should always tell him about your discomfort, and so on. It was something new to you, but you thought you can almost get used to it.

It was a shame, that fate had other plans and they didn’t want to let go of you. With the month’s passing someone finally noticed you on the forest edge, where you’ve gone to help one of his familiars. So, they’ve come in great numbers, and you didn’t want to drag your savior into it. Returning with them, you felt a giant hole in your chest, but for you, that house was something that you could never by any circumstances put in jeopardy.

Returning to your former life was hard. But they found a way to show you your place quite fast. Looking at the same white ceiling with the aching body, you began to think that there never was a safe place in the forest, and all of it was just your imagination.

Until you heard sirens.

The screams of the scientists, the howl of your friends in misfortune, and the ringing of little bells. When he came before your ‘cage’, you could almost not believe it. His shining eyes became enraged seeing your complexion, but seeing you flinch he tried to calm himself down. “Let’s get you out of here,” he said, taking your hand into his, and the building around you burned.

Inspired by @write-it-motherfuckers prompts