A Library Of Chaos

30s. AuDHD. AroAce. School librarian Avid reader.

[chaosslibrarian]

I’ve already blocked so many people in my due date group lmao. The first one I blocked was a “free birth” lady due the same day as me who acted like a bully to people and defended if by saying that if you’re a mother you need to toughen up.

Since then it’s just gotten easier and easier to block people. If they have weird opinions I just block them.

[chaosslibrarian]

Going to a baby shop with mom today. I need to start making lists of things I want to keep an eye out for in 2nd hand apps and shops.

Not buying anything today bc it’s before the NT scan and honestly don’t want to buy big things until after anatomy scan either. Might buy books and smaller things after NT scan.

It’s also because I need to do another big clear out of my apartment. Last year I did do a pretty good job, but I’m realizing I kept things I’ve never reached for, clothes I thought would fit pregnant and didn’t, and clothes I just don’t wear anymore. Plus just… things. Am also rearranging furniture and changing out my bed to make room for baby things. So that needs to be done before I add stuff.

Idk what’s going on with the apartment I applied for but it’s looking like I’m not getting it. There’s just silence. So I guess I’m staying here. I think I’ll look at places with a move in date up until Oct 1st, but after that…. Nope.

[probablily]

sometimes i agree with a post but i dont like your attitude

[chaosslibrarian]

Whenever I think that it would’ve been nicer to be due on January I remember that they are still in their early first trimester and I’m just days from being out… absolutely nottttt

[chaosslibrarian]

It’s 4 days until NT scan. But it’s 10pm so it’s almost 3 days. Nervous and excited. Scared. Keep wondering if baby is moving in there or not. Like… right now? Are they moving??

[chaosslibrarian]

It’s graduation season. 4 graduations. Tomorrow is the first. I’ve been put on parking guard duty, and I’ll be cheering the students as they arrive to school.

Buttt idk how much my pelvis will manage tbh. There is a ledge I can sit on to greet the students, but the parking duty…

The parking duty was because I said I would not be able to do the serving of plates. I’ve hated doing that previous years so I’m glad to not have to do it this year. So that’s good at least. Also glad that I don’t have to do it on Monday because then I have my ultrasound lol

[rocketsaurus]

Curious what is actually normal for bed time. Go for your normal/average time, not your most extreme or what you wish it was.

what time do you go to bed? (local time)

7pm or before

8pm

9pm

10pm

11pm

12am

1am

2am or after

it's never consistent

some other time entirely

Remaining time: 3 days 6 hours

I just don't know what grownups do for bedtime and I want to know!!!

[chaosslibrarian]

Today I’m taking it more easy than yesterday. Because I was in tears yesterday bc of how in pain I was.

I just want to make it to October. Then idc. I can be on sick leave then.

[chaosslibrarian]

So frustrated with my boss right now because I can sense she’s annoyed that I’m pregnant. If I was sick before I got pregnant she said nothing. When I had to stay home because of first trimester things she’s bringing up things about later pregnancy when needing time off in the first trimester has nothing to do with the rest of the pregnancy?? Some people have to take the whole first trimester off work.

Then she’s huffy about midwife appointments. And she’s annoyed about having to cover for me because people ask about me a lot… and like?? Yeah that happens when it’s understaffed. She laughed when I said another school of a smaller size has 3 librarians.

And when I asked what she thought about not doing the reading breakfast tomorrow because the school that primarily attends is away, just to bounce ideas, she did the ”I’m not going to say you shouldn’t do it” which is a form of communication I HATE. Just say that you think I should do it.

But she said she wanted me to apply for this pregnancy leave that can be done if you do particularly strenuous or dangerous work. And I know I don’t qualify. She just wants to get my substitute in and not deal with me being pregnant. But that has a negative economic impact on me! To me it just feels like she doesn’t want to deal with my appointments.

As it’s going now I’m probably going to end up on sick leave anyway this fall because I’m in pain.

[chaosslibrarian]

I am once again reminded why I never go to a physiotherapist when recommended to… it’s like finding a dentist appointment. It’s impossible. I did manage to find one that’s not that easy to get to, but it’s in 3 weeks.

Currently my pelvis hurts sfm. I keep doing stairs bc I don’t want ppl to know but idk how much longer I can do that.

[chaosslibrarian]

Attempted to shelve books and ended up very light headed.

Waiting until next week so I can wheel around my chair and shelve books and move books around. Right now books at me knees or lower cannot be accessed unless I sit down

Lower blood pressure is delightful. Especially when they’re STILL insisting that my well within normal diastolic pressure is a “risk” for high blood pressure

(My BP is 100/60 or 100/70 depending on the arm)

[chaosslibrarian]

Welp will never post my bump here again because porn addicted creeps cannot distinguish a normal human being sharing their pregnancy journey from fetish content

Blocked so many people now. Disgusting dehumanizing weirdos. Fuck off

Tags do weirdos can see it and I can inform them to see women as humans and not fap content

[chaosslibrarian]

I really feel like people don’t consider why they’re using screening tools in pregnancy and then say they regret taking them because the tools showed an increased risk. Most often they say they were given a “false positive” when they were merely given a risk assessment

I’ve personally decided against NIPT because I wanted my results given to me by a professional and not find out on my own. But, I also know that high risk ≠ definite.

I wish more people were counseled before they’re given these tests because it seems like all some of them want is to know the gender, and they don’t seem to have been made aware it’s not a yes or no test

[purplelilies]

"that’s not actually Crown’s boyfriend, Nona, it’s her sister, but I don’t think anyone could blame you for getting confused" is a wild line and it's describes their whole t h i n g with terrifying accuracy but the best part is how everything becomes even worse after

[chaosslibrarian]

Pregnancy is curing my scrolling addiction bc 99% of videos just piss me off so I go to the next until I get so pissed off I exit the app

[chaosslibrarian]

If you use the term neurospicy I know we won’t get along bc wtf. I already think ”neurodivergent” is a term so broad it’s unusable because it encompasses pretty much everyone. It’s also like ”differently abled.” Everyone is differently abled.

But ”neurospicy” is annoying because neurodivergent is annoying enough to begin with. It’s like ND but on steroids

[theconcealedweapon]

[maarvarq]

Always bear in mind that there is absolutely no legitimate evidence that Luigi was actually the one who killed the insurance company guy.

[theconcealedweapon]

Of course he wasn't. He was at a party with me that day.

[tiny-space-whale]

No but like literally, actually. All bits aside.

He didn't do it.

The cops very clearly planted evidence on him because they had to make an arrest because all eyes were on them and whoever actually did the deed was making them look stupid.

Why would the real killer hero have kept the weapon on his person and traveled two states over while carrying it and a manifesto in his bag, conveniently turning the crime into a federal matter? The same guy whose bag they found in a park, filled with monopoly money? Why did the police turn off their bodycams, take Luigi's stuff, drive a block away, turn their bodycams back on, go back into the restaurant, and then arrest him?

From the moment of his arrest, even left-of-center media has been presuming his guilt without examining anything (e.g. calling him "the killer" instead of "alleged" or "accused") and then when I say he didn't do it, the nearest person chimes in with some quip that tells me they think he did do it but should go free anyway. Don't get me wrong, I would have the same attitude if he had done it. But he didn't. It makes me feel like the only sane person in the world, even among my staunchly leftist friends.