Unfiltered Unraveling | Intro
My therapist has suggested processing through some mental blocks via informal writing, and I've decided tumblr should be the home for that for pretty obvious reasons! Here's my pitch, and you can decide if you want to follow along for some unhinged sharing that I honestly think is important in these godforsaken times in the United States.
I was born and raised in American Evangelical Christianity (specifically Restorationist Church of Christ/nondenominational Christian), and I am still a pastor's kid. No casual churchgoers in my family for multiple generations! My parents met in bible college, toured as a gospel band for 14 years. The first 4-5 years of my life were spent on the road! Mom went into ministry, and we spent the next 10 years or so moving from church to church following her job as a children's or worship pastor. I went 10 schools across 4 states, spending most of my time at church.
I have not been a Christian since I was 19 - nearly 17 years ago - and I have not be religious at all for the past 8 years. I think there's a part of me that assumes that past version of me has been "dealt with." I've moved on and lived a thousands more lives, but it's pretty clear we are never really done deconstructing. The rise of Christian Nationalism has also (unsurprisingly) dredged up every ounce of religious trauma I'd stored away for a rainy day. So let's make something of it!
My secret is that I still have all of my prayer journals from middle and high school.
I've decided it's time to bust them out and do more than cringe the hardest I've ever cringed. I want to dig in and start pulling at threads all these years later, and it's probably going to be a mixture of hilarious, horrifying, and healing. I'm being vulnerable on the internet! Hopefully we can all learn a bit about the effects of high control religions, purity culture, being a closeted queer woman, missionary work around the world, being in a cult that now has its own docuseries, and finally deciding to bounce.
