I had a pen in my hand and I was sitting infront of a notebook I had in 8th grade. Few pages were empty, but now they were being filled with "Today, I was bratty, disrespectful and I told Sir to shut up." line by line. Because I did.
I did think it'd be fun to poke him around. Because I could. Because he asked "do you want to repeat that, princess?" And I did. Because he asked. And then I was filling 2 sheets of paper with the lines Sir asked me to write, 52 in total. My hand hurt a bit at the end of it. I signed them by name, that I truly did do all the things Sir was punishing me for. Atleast I can own my misbehavior and punishment, if not my pleasure.
He asked me to tear it out of the notebook and lay them nicely on the bed and then trample them with my feet. Standing on the bed, my cheeks reddened, hearing the pages crinkle. What was I doing?
I couldn't dare disobey though, Sir had warned me that if I push it too far he might choose to ignore me altogether. I don't know what I'd do if he did that.
I had a feeling Sir would make me push my face into the crumpled sheets of paper while counting down from 52. My heart raced, I couldn't believe I was about to do this. My feet were just there. But then don't I also belong near his feet? It helped when I imagined his foot pushing my head further into the sheets of paper. Why did that ease my humiliation, when it should've worsened?
Just when I thought it's done, and it couldn't get worse, he told me to shove the papers in my mouth. Took three deep breaths before I did as he asked. Because how could I not? And I showed him how stupid I looked with the papers stuffed in my mouth. He told me not to chew them or get them moist. But of course I got them moist. In fact, I was basically drooling all over them, and on the floor. Because I couldn't stop it. Because Sir asked me to crawl to the bathroom mirror.
With my mouth stuffed and my brain hazy with the urge to be good, I stared at my reflection in the mirror. What stared back at me was a dumb slut being put in her place. I slapped myself, twice. Because Sir asked me to. And because I couldn't do it right the first time, he asked me to do it again. I still remember the warmth in my cheek. Was that the slap? Or was that just humiliation? I can't tell.
It's done now, right? But Sir reminded me I'd already messed up carrying out this task. I'd made the paper in my mouth moist, and he'd told me explicitly not to. For that, he made me wet my hands. And slap myself again, 4 more times.
Cheeks burned harder, but he told me I was doing well. Nothing at that moment mattered more than being his obedient slut. So when he asked me to spit the papers out, one by one, right onto the stupid whore's face in the mirror, I did so. I looked her in the eye, and I swear she'd have done anything to please her Superior in that moment, to make it upto him, apologise.
But he was pleased. He said I did well, and made me flush the papers down the toilet, to "send my bratty and disobedient behavior down the gutter," and that I can crawl back into my bed like the bitch I am.
And I did. Weirdly content. Why did I brat out in the first place? Perhaps to get put in place. Perhaps I'll do it again. Because I can.