LAW OF AVERAGES (UPDATED)
What do you know: I posted the wrong draft yesterday. This is the finished story.
"Good evening Officers," I said as I walked down 6th Avenue, feeling in a good mood from dinner with friends. Two of New York City's finest were on the corner, beat cops keeping an eye on the park nearby, or maybe just resting for a bit.
The taller one, a 40-something Italian-looking man, tipped his hat in acknowledgment and flashed a wry grin as his partner, a shorter Latino cop, had his eye fixed on a group of women in sun dresses walking by.
I gave a confident smile, but kept walking. But ten paces on, I turned my head back for another look. Officer Friendly was looking at me, all right, and kind of laughing at my brazenness.
It was that fuck-it attitude that got my success rate up. I have a thing for cops. I mean, who doesn't? But I go out of my way to have sex with them. It helps that I live in the best city on earth and have a full-on smorgasbord of men in blue to scope out. And I swear, policeman or not, so many New York City straight guys have a bi streak. Maybe it's the prevalence of no-strings dude sex on the side, maybe the freedom of the city infects them, too, just like it does with us gay guys.
OK, not every cop is looking to hook up with a dude, not even for a no-strings BJ. But enough are, and if you play the averages right, you get your fair share of cop dick.
It helps that I'm 28, fit as fuck, and have a gym-pumped jock body. Before I moved to the city, I had no idea that my Iowa cornfed looks were cop-bait, but apparently they are. I'm just masculine enough to put a police officer at ease, and just gay enough so that even the most clueless of them know I'm available.
Of course you can't just walk up to a cop and proposition him. Maybe he goes on an app, DL, and propositions you. But usually, it's about laying the ground work, being flirty in a low-key, friendly kind of way. Getting to know by name the policemen in my neighborhood, near my office, or even on trips uptown or to Brooklyn. Seeing which ones might be interested.
I thought that was going to be my plan this evening. But the looking in Officer Friendly's eyes made me want to feel him out more. I gave him another look, then ducked into the first deli I came across. I kind of wandered next to the refrigerated section. Maybe I'd just get a water, or maybe nothing. Mostly I wanted to see if Cop took the bait.
He did. I heard the bell ring from the door opening. A couple of footsteps on the linoleum floor and sure enough the tall, Italian cop was rounding the aisle, his face with a knowing grin as he spotted me.
Compared to other guys, I have an advantage in my hunt for policemen. I like 'em all. Short, tall, fat, thin, older, younger... I don't care if they're classically good looking. If he's law enforcement and he has a dick, I'm into him. I just love cops.
But this one was a real looker. Fit for his age, strong build beneath his bulletproof vest, and a certain dimpled boyishness to his DILF-y Italian looks, with a closely shaved full beard and a square jawline.
"Nice night, huh?" he said as he got closer. As an Iowa boy, that New York accent would never fail to get me hard. His voice wasn't as deep as I expected but it was sexy as fuck.
"Sure is, Officer," I greeted. "They keeping you busy out there?"
He laughed. "Kind of a quiet night, actually," he said. "I'll take quiet, though."
I stopped pretending I was looking for a water or gatorade or anything and turned to converse with the man. I was on the tall side of average at 6'1" but Officer Friendly had a few inches on me. "You boys in blue deserve a break now and then. For all the work you do." OK, maybe the flattery was cheesy, but it was sincere. And it was just the kind of double entendre a law enforcement dude can recognize.
Those brown eyes grew a little wider and he smiled. Officer Friendly leaned in. "You offering tonight, buddy?"
I nodded. The first time this happened, the first time an NYPD cop said yes to my advances, I was nervous as hell. Now, I just excited. "You bet, Officer, if you're interested. I live over on the next block."
You never know what you're gonna get. The shy kind, the offended kind, the naughty kind. Officer Friendly was pure Horndog.
"I got about five minutes. Think that will work?" he asked. His voice was a little quieter, in case someone was listening. No one was.
"Definitely," I smiled. Boasting. I was talented and I knew it. Pretty soon Officer...
"Cantone," he laughed as he saw me scoping out his name tag.
"Pleasure to meet you, Officer Cantone."
God, he was adorable as we walked the block over to my building. Definitely in his mid 40s now that I had a good look but his dimples made him seem youthful. "This you, buddy?" he asked with a smirk.
I nodded. "Did I use up my 5 minutes?" I teased.
He strutted up the steps to follow me. "Just make it worth my while and I'm not gonna split hairs."
I had it down pat. In full-on buddy mode as I ushered him in my place. Then crouching down in front of him, taking only a second to feel up that uniform fabric before I started unzipping.
Cantone had to help me pull his erection out from his briefs. He wasn't huge, but he was plenty big. I liked big. I licked him up and down some and I knew then from how hard he was, Cantone was a bisexual dude. Not just wanting to shut his eyes and think of a chick. He liked getting head from a guy.
So I went for it. Pulled that cop dick down and swallowed half of it.
"Holy fuck, dude," the policeman gasped. "Suck my dick."
I knew he was on a time crunch so I went for it. Nice sloppy, hungry blowjob. His hands settled on my head as I gave him head, which only fed my fire to do him right. I was determined to get this cop off big.
But the hands left and I felt a tap on my shoulder. "Buddy... I hate to press my luck," he hissed. "But do you take it up the ass?" God bless bisexual men.
Honestly, I'm not the biggest bottom, but a fitter policeman in uniform is usually enough to get me to put out. I looked up excitedly, in a way that told Cantone all he needed to know. "Still gotta make it a quickie, OK?" he clarified.
"Fuck yes," I said. I stood up and he followed me to my bed. I tossed him some lube then undid my shorts and leaned over the bed. I was keyed up but it had been a while since I'd been fucked, so I sure hoped this cop knew what he was doing.
He did. It took him twenty seconds for his blunt tool to work me open. To a great extent, sex is psychological for me and my attraction to Cantone and the surprise quickie was making me really enjoy this. I realized how much I missed it a full, thick bare policeman cock working me open and pressing deep.
His dick felt great but it was the uniform and the bulk of the kevlar vest against my back that had me going wild, spreading my legs and pressing my butt back against his crotch.
That was the signal he needed. Wrapping his strong arms around me, he started pounding hard and fast. His cock had me cumming a few seconds before I heard his own belabored breath in my ear and felt his body jerk and seize behind me. I forgot to look at the clock, but it was no more than a minute and a half before he came. I'd been ridden good and hard and it felt glorious.
No guilt either afterward, just a polite shyness as he asked for something to wipe off with. I obliged then watched his naughty schoolboy look as he tucked back in. "Ramirez is gonna razz me so hard," he chuckled.
"Ramirez is just jealous," I smiled, which made him laugh. He stepped up to me, not kissing but nudging my chin affectionately. "Can I get your number?"
I went to get a pad to scribble it down and handed it to him. He folded it like a prize lottery ticket and stuffed into his uniform shirt pocket.
"Thanks man, that was incredible," he said.
Then, he was out the door.
I have one rule, and one rule only. And Deputy Inspector Geoff McMullen was about to learn it.
"I could use one of your blowjobs, man," came the DM on Grindr. I'd met the Queens career cop the first year I lived in NYC. He pretty much was central casting, barrel-chested Irish daddy in his early 50s. Cautious enough to feel out guys discreetly, but smart enough to know being a DL married cop was his calling card on the app. He hit me up, I chatted him back and we set up a blow job date.
That first hookup lasted three minutes, five if you include the hello when he walked into my apartment and the chit chat as he tucked back in. That married cop prick was short and fat and clearly loved a mouth on it.
He apologized a little for blasting off so quick, but it was adorable actually. I assured him it was hot as fuck, and he got a playful grin on his face. "I'll hit you up again?" he asked as he paused by my front door.
We repeated that three weeks later, this time me going out to far Queens for a chance to blow him in his uniform. McMullen may not have a big dick but he sure shoots a hell of a cop load. I sucked it down like a pro, then got a healthy taste of the dribbles before licking him clean and tucking him back into his uniform trousers. McMullen loved that touch.
Then Deputy Inspector McMullen disappeared from Grindr, either playing things safe or just feeling guilty or whatever. That's cool.
Recently, almost two years to the date, I heard from the man. His profile was stripped down now, not even a good chest picture, but he'd logged on for a repeat. "I keep thinking of your blowjobs, Kyle. You're the best at em."
I didn't need flattery, I just needed a hard cop dick offered to me. I invited him to look me up when he was in Manhattan. It was the next day, and the Deputy Inspector had a heavy load saved up for me. Even if he was cheating on his wife, I felt bad for the man, in a way. He clearly didn't get enough action at home.
That's why I almost caved two days later when he DM'ed me again. But I didn't.
"Sorry, Officer, I have a three time rule."
"I'll only service a man three times if he's not gonna put out for me."
"Whadda mean?" Damn I could sense his horniness even over these texts.
"Three BJs is the installment plan. After that I get to fuck your ass."
There was a long pause. There always a long pause. How often did this rule work in my favor? Let's say I struck out a lot. Generally most of the time, even. But the law of averages meant I'd fucked six NYPD asses since moving here. I wanted to make it seven.
"You're bullshitting me," came McMullen's reply.
"Friad not, sir," I decided to address him with extra respect. I wasn't looking to make McMullen my bitch. I just wanted inside his seasoned cop hole. "It's kind of my thing."
"Yeah... can't do that, man," he replied, less upset than I expected.
"No hard feelings." I said. Like I actually expected him to bend over for me.
Maybe this was easier because I was finding new police dick to suck. It wasn't the entirety of my sex life, but it was most of it. There are 36,000 police officers in the NYPD, and I was fooling around with about 2 or 3 a month, including some rotating regulars Life was good.
I was just getting off work one day, when out of the blue McMullen messaged me. "What do I get if I let you fuck me?" he asked bluntly.
Holy fuck, I had a live one on the fishing line. I grinned as I typed, "The lifetime plan. BJs whenever you want."
"You sweet talking fucker ;)"
He didn't elaborate, and I didn't push him. But an hour later he picked up the conversation again. "I'm cherry. Think you can go easy?"
God my dick was so hard right then. "Absolutely man. I want it good for both of us."
"You done this before?" he asked, with less pause than before.
I wasn't sure what he meant. Fucked a cop? "Done what?"
"A few times, yeah," I replied truthfully. "I'm good at it." OK, you'd have to survey the men I'd done to see if they agreed, but I knew a little boasting would help my case.
He told me he'd think it over and get back to me.
"Take your time Officer," I wrote.
Sgt. Ellis wasn't bi. He watched PornHub vids on his phone the whole time I sucked him. The ones with loud moaning chicks doing bad fake orgasms. I never see why straight dudes like that shit. But he had a nice tool.. long more than thick, with foreskin over the head. His build was tall and matched his cock size. He wasn't Office Cantone hot, but he was muscular and the chocolate-dark muscle looked great in uniform. 9 times out of 10 when I blew the Sergeant he was in uniform.
The cop was the opposite of verbal. It never took him long to cum but neither of us rushed it. The man would come into my place, unzip to pull out that long schlong and then pull up a new favorite video on his phone.
Sgt. Ellis was on the Lifetime Plan. He had grinned and bore it when I fucked him. He was a tough as nails fucker and actually relaxed into it. He didn't get off or enjoy in the way gay men enjoyed it. But he actually had fewer hangups than I expected. I made a play for a repeat but he gave a firm no. That was OK, fucking him had been a trip and I still got off knowing I'd tapped that ass.
Some months I heard a lot from the Sergeant, some months not at all. I guess he dated women who took care of his needs. But when he was single I'd get a text from the police officer. A day in advance or a half hour. It was all good.
The man never announced his cum. He didn't need to, I knew it was coming by the way his legs shook. He came a lot and was sweet tasting. I loved it. I gave a soft lick before he pulled completely out because Ellis was always super sensitive after a nut. He'd silently wipe off with the rag I'd give him and tuck back into his uniform. And then put away that damned phone.
And as I walked him to show him out, he'd thank me. "You do good work, man," he'd say.
Deputy Inspector McMullen was nervous as anything. I did my best to calm him. A beer, some sports talk, some jokes. I thought of myself as the cop whisperer, but as he sat on my couch almost shaking, I worried this one was gonna bolt.
"You OK, man?" I had to ask.
He looked at me and forced a smile. "I can't believe I'm here."
"I'll do my best to make it easy for ya man," I said. "I swear I'm good at this."
He gulped. "Maybe that's what I'm worried about," he admitted. He took a swig of beer and set down the bottle with a clank on the coffee table. "Think we can just get this started?"
I nodded and led him to the bedroom.
He was half hard when he stripped which was a good sign. "Just go with the flow," I urged, then started my method: slow oral worship of his cock, but not getting him off. Lots of attention to his balls and the spot underneath. Finally, directing him to lift his legs so I could eat him out. I gathered McMullen had never had a rim job before. He wouldn't be the first cop to have that milestone with me, but he was the most enthusiastic.
"Fuck buddy," he gasped as my tongue drilled and teased his daddy ring. "That feels wild."
"It's gonna feel wilder," I boasted and dove back in for some more intense ass eating.
By the time I was moving on to the next stage Geoff McMullen's short fat cop cock was a rock hard spike leaking against his furry belly.
"Feel good?" I asked as the first lubed finger teased then slowly entered him.
He nodded. "So far so good," he answered. The nervous was coming back but not too bad.
I added a second. Tight at first but soon the officer got used to it.
I took my time. By the time I had three fingers in him, the Deputy Inspector wasn't only ready for it, he wanted it.
I didn't want to jinx anything by asking if he was ready to be fucked. I just maneuvered so my slicked up meat was lined with my hand. He looked down his girthy bod at me, his legs pulled wide and back in a receptive position. I timed it so my fingers pulled out as my cock pushed in.
Fuck, I was in cherry cop territory. Giving gentle thrusts in and out about three to four inches. The tightness and thrill I fucking live for.
Geoff breathed heavily but wasn't objecting. I could tell he was adjusting to the mind fuck of it all. Particularly once I felt the relaxed hole allow me to press all the way in.
"You got it, Officer," I announced proudly.
His eyes lit up. "Fuck!" His spike thwapping on his belly.
I thrust in. Actually fucking that rack of Irish cop beef. Not hard but steady.
"Not gonna take me long," I announced. "You wanna stroke off while I fuck you?"
It was like the idea hadn't occurred to the man but after I drizzled some lube on his stick he got the hint. As I worked my hips harder, he jerked like a horny teen, fast and spasmodically. I gathered that was McMullen's normal masturbation style.
It took a minute. A minute for me to show this 54-year-old cop his p-spot. His face went pink then red and his body gave it up. Heavy spurts of seed onto his belly and blocky pecs just as my own ejaculation began inside his guts.
We were both out of breath as we recovered and as McMullen laughed I started laughing too. "Goddamn, that was something else," he said as my dong slowly softened and slipped out of him.
I took a chance, hoping I was reading him right. I leaned in...
"No," he said brusquely, the laugh stopping suddenly. "I don't fucking kiss."
Officer Cantone, the 6'4" DILFy stud I'd met on my block, held my head tight against his crotch. He smelled like cologne and cop uniform and man. It's what helped me keep my gag reflex in check as he claimed a deep throat and unloaded those heavy balls of his.
"God fucking damn, buddy, that's sweet..." he hissed, excitement in his voice as he rode out the orgasmic pleasure and finally extracted that beautiful seven-incher from my mouth.
I was still catching my breath and on my knees when the man tucked back in, not even bothering to wipe off the spit and sperm from his dong. "I knew I could count on you, buddy," he said. Of all the cops I'd done, Cantone was the friendliest. The fact he was a bachelor, divorced maybe, made my mind race for the first time to think of what it would be like to date a cop.
"Happy to help, Officer," I said in my normal post-sex manner as I got up on to my feet. "It'll be the last." I explained to him my Rule of Three.
He shook his head. "I'll be damned. That ever work for you, buddy?" He was clearly amused by my chutzpa.
I shrugged. "I'm discreet. But yeah it works more than you'd think."
He didn't say anything. He just picked up his cap and put in on his head. I couldn't tell if he was offended or thinking it over. Maybe both. Gone was that Officer Friendly manner. Instead, he turned and walked out of my place without a word.
That was the hardest part of the no-strings approach, and if there was a man who made me question it, it was Rich Cantone. But damnit, it was such an unrealistic idea. Cops like that didn't date men, they just got sucked on the DL.
Deputy Inspector McMullen kicked off his shoes as he undid his belt. I could tell his short fat spike was rock hard. "I got a full two hours, man," he said excitedely. "Maybe we can go for two?"
"Your call," I replied with a laugh. I knew Geoff McMullen would want head regularly now that he was on the Lifetime Plan, but even I was surprised by how regularly he made excuses to come into Manhattan. I offered to go meet him, but he liked the freedom and privacy of my place.
He shucked down his jeans and there it was, commando... that thick married cop cock. Drooling even in anticipation. He stepped out of his jeans. McMullen was a top heavy man, and had put on a couple of extra pounds as he approached 55. Like before, he hesitated to take off his sweatshirt. I didn't give a fuck either way. This career cop was the real deal.
"Kyle..." he asked after I milked load number one of him. "Think you might wanna fuck me today?" Not nervous this time. I could tell McMullen had been thinking this over, a lot. And he knew he had the goods, how crazy I'd be to get in his ass again.
"Yeah, man," I said as I peeled down my workout shorts and stroked my bone. "That'd be incredible."
Then the guy surprised me by leaning in and putting his hand behind my head. Instead of guiding it to his cock, he pulled me up into a kiss. Our first one. I'd fucked seven cops, and Deputy Inspector McMullen was the first I'd kissed.
The kissing made that fuck even hotter. We took our time, particularly since Geoff needed some recovery before round two. It was worth it. I fucked a healthy load out of him and left a matching one inside him. He felt more comfortable in his skin, even after the sex.
I let Geoff shower up first. He had to get back home and I was just enjoying the relaxation of lying in bed after a good lay. A little proud that my swimmers were deep in the Deputy Inspector's guts.
Then, as I checked my phone I saw I had soem texts. A couple from my friends checking in about evening plans, but one was from Officer Cantone. "All right you win. Let's do this."
God fucking damm, I was gonna add cop number 8 to my collection.
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