There is nothing worse than feeling inadequate, yes, not even feeling hated. I can live with a person's hatred because it is outside of me, I have no control over it, but feeling inadequate is based in me, in the fact that I want so much to give, that I care, that I need to make this work. The fact I can't or people telling you, you don't cut it, your best is not enough, that you have been measured and found lacking. This really fucks me up. I know I have deeply rooted issues because the people I have loved most in life have always made me feel like this and told me in no uncertain terms what they thought. I give and I give, I try and I try but its never enough or good enough. I've felt inadequate all my life...not good enough a daughter, not a good enough a wife, which is why I am not married anymore, not a good enough sister, not a good enough mother. I don't really know if it is them or the really high bar I set for myself, the damn perfeccionist in me taking over. All I know is it hurts, it makes me cry, and it makes me want to run.
e.v.e.
