Her brows are furrowed in expectation, and she wonders vaguely just how desperate was she, to hear Ruru’s voice again? She’s suppressed her emotions, honest she has, though when she recalls how kind the girl was, even after abandoning her, Honoka can’t help but feel a clench in her chest ( and she knows the others feels it too ). Her breath is caught in her throat, and she nearly turns around because, honestly, how foolish could she be? Ruru was gone. All those instances of hearing her was simply due to her crippling guilt and yet, she wished to see Ruru in the sweetness and kindness she so embodied during her time alive.
Though, when she hears her voice, the warm one that seemed to step out of her memories, Honoka wonders if this is a dream. Her prayers for a savior had been answered already and miracles don’t occur for someone already granted one. And yet, she feels hope, her feet that had been ready to propel her chair back around ceasing in their actions as Ruru appears before her, disappearing and reappearing as if she didn’t wish to be seen yet craved it all the same.
Lips that had been pursed fall open in shock, brows raised in utter surprise because surely, this was merely another figment of her imagination and god, god, did she miss her. The slope of her lips when confused and the way she wouldn’t meet her gaze when she was being indecisive— They’re habits she’s well acquainted to and for a moment, she refuses to think this could be the real Ruru but, it almost seems too like the girl to pull a stunt like haunting her ( literally this time, it seems ). With that thought in mind, Honoka lets out a scoff, and yet despite the sound, she smiles. It’s one of sadness and amusement with glints of pain within her dark irises.
❝ And you’re doing something worrying like appearing as a ghost? Even in death, some things never change. ❞
time stops and it doesn’t feel brief. it’s drawn out and agonizing and she can feel a tight grip around her ghostly neck. when the words fell off her trembling, anxious lips, it felt right for a second, like she’s done something that she should’ve done ages ago, but it’s when she hears a reply directed at her that changes everything. the regret is crawling over and under her transparent layers of skin, and it almost eerily resembles the moment when her first love rejected her and threw her away. not just regret over the impulsive action, but regret over her uncontrollable emotions for the only friend she had.
but the overwhelming, stirring feelings were bottled up and masked by her signature smile. ‘ shouldn’t i be saying that ? it’s not like i’m capable of changing after i’m dead, right ? meanwhile, you’re still reading the same kinds of books you’ve been reading since middle school ! ’ even when she’s internally experiencing a variety range of emotions, she still manages to have a sincere grin creep up on her as she teased her old, dear friend. she knows she’ll regret enjoying every second of this moment, but it was a drug. it gave her a guilty pleasure, but it was rather addicting. and being the selfish being she is, she brushes off her guilt and shame.
‘ hey... ’ her voice falters, and the following gets lost in the dreadful silence. ruru’s never reluctant. she faced her short-lived life acting on her impulses and desires, never once letting things become obstacles that are big enough to stop her. even when she knew she had very little time, she ensured that the time she had would be worthwhile. meaningful. and it was.
she’s dead now, though. she doesn’t know the right way to be now. to live was subjective, but what did it mean to die ? ruru’s last wish was to look after her and protect her, but to think that it meant for her to live on as a ghost had her at lost. for once in her history of experiences, she found herself to be unsure and aimless at what to do with her life. so she lifts her eyes to come in contact, full eye-contact — no wall dividing them, with the pair of hazel eyes behind the frames of glass. the sight of her smile burdened with sorrow has her choked up. ‘ can you... call me an idiot ? ’ she really missed her condescending tone.