Ratty Ramblings

Sideblog of a whiny piece of shit. DON'T reblog DON'T follow DON'T like my posts. they're not for you. fucking write your own.

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Sometimes people just apologise too late.

One of the people who really upset me the other day reached out to apologise when I'm already over it and while I appreciate the sentiment this professional relationship is permanently gone lol

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scousers shut the fuck up for five seconds challenge

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Yo I don't wanna be a hater but Liverpool accents are literally the most annoying, ugly, grating sound lol. AND THATS COMING FROM SOMEONE WITH A SPEECH IMPEDIMENT

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One of the people who made me cry last week emailed to apologise lol.

Unfortunately the apology doesn't undo my wasted time and money so 🙂🙂🙂🙂

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I'm such an angry person lol but suffice to say I have got over the horrible events of last week

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Gonna summise what happened this week to help come to terms with it and justify my hurt.

My former employer deleted the evidence of my achievements, then denied that I had ever done them. Other people at the company, who knew for a fact that I had completed the work, found it easier to gaslight me than to stand up for the objective truth. Some of these people I was indifferent to but one in particular was someone I respected a lot and I thought that she liked me. Instead I was called a liar and denied access for something that I'd paid for. Mind you, this same individual had invited me in the first place!!

Literally fuck you all

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Without exaggeration this is the most devastating and haunting and beautiful songs I've heard in a long time. My friend introduced me to Thornhill a week ago and I still bawl my eyes out every time I hear this. We're talking ugly sobs.

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I think I have to remember that I made this account when I was a suicidally depressed teenager, before I moved out, before I went to university, before I qualified, before I got my Dr title, before I met many of the people who are most important to me now, before I got my pets, before I experienced many of the amazing things I have now been able to do.

The situation back then was DIRE but things did get better. And anything negative that I encounter needs to be interpreted in the context of my past life. Things are infinitely better now. I made it. I've already had the worst day of my life. Life goes on and I'll survive

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Okay so today was an absolute shitter of a day (CPR practical.... or not), because:

1) something I valued was withheld from me for reasons that I had no control over at all

2) someone that I previously liked and respected, and that I personally have stood up for and defended even when they weren't around, didn't stand up for me. Ngl that hurt the most. I adored her but all humans are fallible I suppose

3) I was humiliated and had my time and money wasted

4) whenever I get emotional like this it just bubbles to the surface all the other brutal betrayal I've encountered in my life (the whole inheritance catastrophe, my former best friend becoming a cunt etc)

5) I feel like the term gaslighting gets thrown around a lot when people mean simply lying, but the level of gaslighting I encountered over this was to the point where I genuinely started questioning my reality until I had the truth confirmed by someone impartial. Like the people gaslighting me didn't simply have a different opinion, we were arguing objective truth and I was correct

6) aarrrggghhhh

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Anyway I hope Danny dies xx asshole

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Take me to the moon, so I can get away

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I ate 5350 calories yesterday (apparently!!!!!!!!!) :)

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Why is this bitch giving me side eye lol (I won't even remember this)

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Currently crying because someone who I thought was a friend, who I have genuinely invested a lot of energy and emotion in, spent three hours basically chastising me for not doing something that is, really respectfully, her job not mine, then she really suddenly invaded my personal physical boundaries and idk man it really shocked and scared me and just reminded me how little fucking say I have in who gets to fucking touch me. I feel so dirty I hate this.

Also, I miss the Lloyds,

Also, why did my whole entire family abandon me.

Also, why did Danny betray me. Asshole.

Fuck everything fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

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just found tom has been writing kind and supportive and concerned things about me and now im crying because theyre literally my family lol even though theyre not related to me

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Beyond furious that I genuinely tried so hard to do everything right and 'by the book' these past couple days and sacrificed twelve hours and endured physical pain and anxiety, only to have it so rudely and curtly thrown back in my face. So I'll still have to do things the rogue way, which is what I was trying to avoid, but mark my words I'll get what I fucking want!!

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I'm really angry but it's because I'm hungry but I'm very fat so I shouldn't eat