the thing about the mummy movies is that you really spend most of the time thinking "wow brendan fraser's character is so cool" or "man oded fehr is so mysterious and heroic" when the fact of the matter is that these two
are the absolute most batshit insane heroes in the entire franchise
these two are intellectual loner siblings with archeology backgrounds who read and speak ancient egyptian, hire a dude directly out of prison to take them to a lost city of gold, and fight mummies literally with their bare hands. twice.
no one in these movies stands a chance against the carnahans. frankly they're lethal in how willing they are to make the absolute and most undeniably deranged decisions. jonathan pickpockets a dude on fire. evy's resurrected from the dead and immediately remembers how to use sai. they're racking shotguns from a cliff in this scene and then proceed to blow away half the antagonists.
holy shit the bots have pulled out the steel chair IF YOU GET THIS REPLY, REPORT AND BLOCK THE ACCOUNT, THIS IS NOT STAFF THIS IS A PHISHING SCAM TRYING TO GET YOUR ACCOUNT
High school AU where the Hales send their kids to Devenford instead of BHHS, but Stiles and Derek still end up dating.
Stiles talks about his "loser (affectionate) boyfriend" all the time, but he hardly ever says Derek's first name and never says his last name, so the rest of the squad is 99.8% (Scott is the 0.02% holdout) convinced that Stiles is making him up bc he's the only single Pringle left in the group and his claim that "Derek" is a Devenford student is an excuse for them never seeing him. They're not bursting his bubble yet but they are taking notes to call him out with later.
"Facts" About Stiles's "Boyfriend" Derek:
Total nerd
Plays a sportsball (Stiles says it specifically like this to make Jackson's eye twitch)
Rides a bike
Sucks at video games
Has at least two sisters
When Lydia's famous birthday party rolls around and Stiles asks if he can bring Derek, everyone expects him to either show up alone or not at all. They do not expect him to show up with Derek Fucking Hale.
LIKE??? HELLO??? That is DEREK HALE??? Of the founding-family-of-Beacon-Hills, richer-than-God, own-most-of-this-town Hales??? (Of the basically-werewolf-royalty, shiniest-of-shiny-Pokémon, full-shifting-into-literal-wolves Hales???) The Derek Hale who rides a VINTAGE MOTORCYCLE ("that's still a bike?"/"not the point, stiles!") and is the reason BHHS has not won a SINGLE BASKETBALL GAME this entire goddamn SEASON???
THIS is who you've been calling your LOSER BOYFRIEND????
sorry i just love this idea so much i had to write a little something for it
"I have an announcement to make," Stiles proclaims as he drops his bag on the top of the lunchroom table.
Scott and Allison look at him expectantly. Lydia and Jackson don't bother since they're sure whatever Stiles has to say is probably ridiculous.
"I have a boyfriend."
They weren't wrong, it is ridiculous, but everyone's eyes are now immediately locked onto Stiles in shock.
Lydia is the first to recover. She purses her lips. "Stiles, I think we would have noticed if you were dating someone."
"That's where you're wrong, dear Lydia. Because my boyfriend goes to Devenford."
"Your boyfriend goes to Devenford?" Lydia asks skeptically. "And what's this boyfriend of yours name?"
"I'm not telling you! It'll ruin the surprise. And no offense, but I don't want you guys doing something weird that'll freak him out."
"I don't think we would be the ones weirding him out, Stilinski," Jackson snickers which earns him a glare from Stiles.
"Congratulations, Stiles," Scott says with an endearing grin. "I'm happy for you."
"Thank you, Scott! At least, someone is happy for me." He looks pointedly at the rest of the group.
"Sorry, Stiles. We really are happy for you. We're just surprised. It happened so quickly," Allison reassures.
"Well, you can't stop how fast you fall in love." Stiles plops into his seat.
Lydia is still thoroughly unconvinced. "How did you even meet someone from Devenford?"
"At the station. He was reporting something to the police, and I accidentally knocked over his bike. He was not happy about that."
"His bike?"
"Yeah, he rides a bike."
"What is he, a twelve year old?"
"He's actually older than me, Jackson," Stiles snaps with narrowed eyes.
Scott shoots Allison a worried look. "What's wrong with riding a bike?"
Allison places a hand on his shoulder. "Nothing is wrong with riding a bike, Scott." She turns back to Stiles. "So what's he like?"
Stiles frowns as he ponders that question for awhile. Lydia and Jackson share a look.
"He's kind of a nerd."
"Look who's talking."
Stiles glares at Jackson. "Yes, we are very compatible, Jackson. If all you're going to do is make fun of him and me, I'll just stop talking."
"Aw, Stiles-"
"Nope, Scott. I'm done. You won't get anything else out of me."
Jackson rolls his eyes, Allison nods politely, and Lydia purses her lips again. The squad is 99.8% sure Stiles is lying. Though Scott still seems to want to give Stiles the benefit of the doubt. They decide to let it go for today. Lunch was almost over and they would have plenty of time to sus out whether this "boyfriend" was real.
Over the next couple weeks, despite his declaration to not talk more about him, Stiles can't help but ramble on about his "loser boyfriend." They learn quite a few things about him, but Stiles still refuses to give them a name. And this "boyfriend" always seems to cancel when he's invited to hang out with them. This only adds to their suspicions.
"C'mon, Stiles, can't we at least get a name?" Scott pleads during one of their lunch breaks.
"Fine, Scott. Since it's you, I'll tell you. His name is Derek."
Lydia raises an eyebrow. "Derek from Devenford?"
"I'm surprised his name's not Devin," Jackson mutters.
"Why would his name be-" Stiles' jaw drops open. "You guys don't believe me! You think he's made-up."
"I believe you!" Scott exclaims, but the rest of the group don't chime in.
"I can't believe you guys would doubt me."
"Can you blame us? Every time you invite him to hang out with us, he conveniently can't make it."
"He's a busy guy!"
"You can't even tell us what sport he plays," Lydia adds. Her face scrunches up. "You just say he plays 'sportsball.'"
"I'll admit, I just say that to mess with Jackson."
"Hey!"
"Regardless, it's not that we think your boyfriend is made up," Allison continues. "It's just that we would really like to meet him."
"To confirm he actually exists," Lydia murmurs as she makes a point to not look at the accusing stare both Allison and Scott give her.
"Fine, if you want proof, I'll bring him to Lydia's birthday party."
"Sure you will."
"I will!"
They have their doubts.
The day of Lydia's birthday party comes and it's already in full swing by the time Stiles arrives. Lydia greets him at the door.
"Happy birthday, Lydia!" he chimes as he hands her a present.
"Thanks, Stiles." Her eyes shift to the empty space behind him. "Where's your boyfriend?"
"He's running late."
"Is Devin gonna cancel on us yet again?"
"Shut up, Jackson. He'll be here."
Lydia smiles tightly. "Can't wait to meet him." She was almost certain this "boyfriend" wouldn't turn up.
An hour passes when there's a commotion at the front of the house.
"What's going on?" Lydia asks as she approaches the group of students lingering at her front window.
Allison turns around. "A motorcycle pulled up in front of your house, and you'll never guess who it is."
"Who?" Lydia's curiosity getting the best of her.
"Derek Hale," Scott answers.
"THE Derek Hale? What's he doing here?"
"We thought you would know. This is your party."
"I didn't invite him."
"He's standing at the front of door on his phone, but he's not making a move to go inside," one of the other students tells them.
Lydia frowns. After a moment of consideration, she confidently walks up to the door and swings it open. Derek looks up from his phone a bit surprised.
"Hello," Lydia says. Her eyes wide and eyebrows furrowed as she peers up at Derek Hale of all people.
"Hi, you must be Lydia."
"Yes I am," Lydia responds slowly. How does Derek Hale know who she is?
"Happy Birthday." He hands her a card. She looks down at it and then up at him. Derek stands awkwardly there waiting for her to let him in. She remains silent as she studies him.
When Derek still says nothing, she finally decides to speak. "Why are you--"
"Derek!"
Derek's face immediately lights up as he looks past Lydia. "Stiles."
Everyone is stunned as their eyes remain riveted on Stiles who wraps his arms around Derek's neck and receives a quick peck on the cheek from THE Derek Hale.
Stiles turns around with a triumphant smile on his face. "This is my boyfriend, Derek."
Allison, Scott, and Lydia are slack jawed.
As usual, Lydia is the first to recover. She closes her mouth. Takes a deep breath to collect herself before replying, "Nice to meet you, Derek. Help yourself to some drinks in the kitchen. Could you excuse us for a moment? I need to have a word with Stiles real quick."
"Uh, sure."
"Wait, why do you--" before Stiles could finish issuing his complaint, he's dragged along into one of the hallways.
"Stiles, what the hell?" Lydia exclaims.
"What?"
"Derek Hale?!"
"What about him?"
"The millionaire, basketball star Derek Hale is YOUR BOYFRIEND?"
"Yes?"
"Sti--"
Jackson slides into the hallway to interrupt their conversation. "Lydia, why the hell is THE Derek Hale here?"
"Oh, so you've met my boyfriend."
"BOYFRIEND?" Jackson's jaw drops. "Is this a joke?"
"No."
"You said he rides a bike!"
"It is a bike!"
Jackson smacks his head in disbelief.
"That's a motorcycle!!! And Derek Hale is basically Beacon Hills royalty! His family owns most of the town. Everyone at BHHS and Devenford have heard of him. He's who you've been calling your LOSER BOYFRIEND????"
Imagine Stiles showing up to Beacon Hills High School to pick up Eli and he runs into Coach.
“Hi Coach”
“Stilinski,” *notices the nice FBI suit* “The hell are you wearing? Shouldn’t you be in class?”
“I graduated like five years ago.”
“But you were at practice yesterday.”
Stiles is even more confused when Eli finally walks out and Coach does a double take, looking from Stiles to Eli and back again. He turns to Eli. “You’re not Stilinski?”
“No,” Eli replies, confused and a little startled. “I’m Eli… Hale. Eli Hale.”
Coach looks back and forth between them again. “Are you sure?”
“Yes?” Eli replies, even more confused.
Coach mumbles something obscure and says a quick goodbye before leaving, but for the rest of the day all he can think about is all the questions he has about how Stiles and Eli are so alike but somehow not related and how old he is if Stiles Stilinski graduated five years ago…
I can't tell if this is going to be a controversial take for some of my followers, but rewatching Teen Wolf has reminded me of how much Scott as a character irritated me.
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