He wasnât falling apart, he wasnât trying to keep hold of himself at the seams, the breakdown didnât come with a whirlwind of anguish and torment they usually did. He felt relieved almost, very confused and uncertain but there was some sort of a freeing feeling that swept over him. He had accepted his position in his parents life long ago, been at peace with it for a while now, at least regarding his absence and her hate. But this was closure, one he needed and one he had wanted for years now. And it was a way to move forward with his life, leave another chunk of his life behind and move on from the trauma and insecurities that still plagued his life from time to time. He wasnât sure if heâll ever fully recover, but this was getting him close.Â
       But he didnât want to cry in front of him. It would be a lot easier on him if he could do this in the comfort of his own home, under layers of warm blankets and something he could grip and hold close to himself. Quiet whimpers escaped through his tightly sealed lips and a hand soon went to cover them, shoulders held square to stop the from shaking. He will deal with this later, not now, absolutely not now. His saving grace came in a form of a packet of tissues he gripped all too happily, squeezing the object in his hand, nails biting hard into the plastic but the pressure help with getting his control back. He needed a moment or two to calm down, visibly at least, though he kept his head down as he wiped the last remaining tears away. â You⊠donât know me at all. I could be a horrible personâ I donât⊠i mean parental love is just like any other, isnât it? Iâm sorry I just⊠I canât wrap my head around the idea that youâd care for me the same way you do for Rue without knowing what kind of a man I am or what I do orâ or anything, really. Itâs her fault butâ God, youâre so different. How did you two even share a conversation, youâre nothing alike. â
   it took all his restraint not to try and wrap his arms around the other in comfort. it was TRUE that it made little sense, that parental love was so terribly strong for him, perhaps more so than with most. there was not a single question in the matter, he wanted to keep leo around at all costs and he did not only CLAIM to love him, he certainly FELT it, felt how much his chest seemed to clench at the accusations and harsh words, that he was MOVED when he cried and so very glad that they seemed to get somewhere. he was being entirely sincere and he hoped aurelio would believe that, too. he was a part of his life that he wanted to KEEP for the rest of time.
   he could cry. in fact, he thought it was progress, quick, perhaps, but progress nevertheless. he knew so little about him but that could change. what he saw was already reassuring, that he was in one piece, that he looked fairly healthy, that he had the courage and will to find and talk to him. it was good. it was relieving. deeming it acceptable now, he sat down in front of him, a soft smile slowly forming on his features, there for comfort, above all else. â nah, â he simply countered, hand waving a little. â if ruriko sent you here, chances are she likes you. and--- horrible people donât worry about stuff like this. â head tilted a little, lips pursed. â i told you. just LOOK at you--- to think that i put someone in this world who can cry and just live is reason enough. god, you look HEALTHY and how handsome you grew to be---- iâm PROUD. â a pause, smile faltering a little, head hanging, throat cleared. â ---ah, a LOT of alcohol was involved. â ---enough to have him actually REGRET one of his flings to a degree-- not entirely, evidently, since it at least seemed to bring forth ONE bright thing.
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