陽気なファサード @cheerfullfacade - Tumblr Blog

My therapist wants me to journal

Won’t post everything but came back to just write. Haven’t really been writing much but it helps :))

Paradox mind

But if i am the light, I mist be the dark too the sam duality exercise, i keep learning and forgetting and learning again. nothing is separate, absolutely nothing. not the sunrise or moonlight, sunset, moonrise tears are ocean waves and clouds are contending constant change. the dark and the light are with me are as much me as my rainy eyes and sun beaming simile i bound unbalanced between hiding from and in the dark my optimistic fire does not fight the settling seclusion their paradox of a marriage lives with me in unwavering unpredictability my anger is well-founded mountain and i am sitting in the cold air at its peak my sadness holds a revered valley and i am not afraid to sink i can no longer divorce parts o fmy soul i must feel each echo

Letter Unsent

I have been dying to tell you i miss you, that I think about you, worry about you, often but is it my place? to chase your love when i couldn't grasp it all, to crave your love without the box, the package deal that you want, signed, sealed safely delivered, filled with packing peanuts every inch covered by tape. i thought of throwing rocks your way, in the form of a message to get your attention, you told me you love my eyes, not because they are brown, but for what lies inside them, for what they hold, and if I couldn't change time, reverse the clock, to when your eyes had mine... i still wouldn't even if i wanted to take it back to the days when my fingernails scratched your back, sometimes gently, sometimes the exact opposite, leaving sharp red marks along with you broad shoulders, covered the next day by a cotton t-shirt. but i could never forget the lines i drew, the days we spent together replay like a video, spending time with you felt easy, love you was easy, the hardness came from me, same lines drawn differently, there are pieces of me, my blood is my own. I clean it myself, with soft cloths and care, when you came to grab me, i kicked back like a frightening horse, my blood is my own, your velvet rope, full of love, fully enveloping me, choking me. i won't lie to you, i breathe easier now, that being said, I still miss your hands wrapped around my throat.

Confessions

Still lost

Feel like I’m always gonna be lost

I don’t know anything

Did I ever really know...

Idk...

It is what it is

Life

Figuring it out.

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Goodbye Cassini Sept. 15, 2017

After two decades in space, NASA’s Cassini spacecraft has now come to the end of its remarkable journey of exploration. Operators have deliberately plunged Cassini into Saturn’s atmosphere to ensure her moons will remain pristine for future exploration. “Goodbye & thank you for everything you have given to us over the years Cassini”, “we will never forget you”.