A short rewriting of Gojo Satoru's death interwoven with Dante's Inferno's Canto 33 - The story of Count Ugolino and his sons.
Preface: I recommend reading Infereno Canto 33 (and all of Inferno, actually), it is thematically related to this fanwork, but it is not necessary for reading or understanding it. This contains Norton's translation of Inferno, with the exception of one line, which I slightly adjusted, but which is still an accurate translation from the original Italian text. It is also important you have read the manga up to chapter 236 EVEN THOUGH this obviously deviates from canon.
A narrow slit in the mew, which from me has the name of Famine, and in which others yet must be shut up, had already shown me through its opening many moons, when I had the bad dream that rent for me the veil of the future.
When I awoke before the morrow, I heard my sons, who were with
me, wailing in their sleep, and asking for bread.
Now they were awake, and the hour drew near when food was wont to be brought to us, and because of his dream each one was
apprehensive.
And I heard the door below of the horrible tower locking up; whereat I looked on the faces of my sons without saying a word.
A dull ache throbbed through my skull when my eyes opened to reveal a blurred scene. My body felt heavy where I stood, muscles tightening as though of their own volition. A desolate landscape lay beneath my feet.
The fear that shot through my chest now settled comfortably in my gut. A white haired figure came into view, slightly obscured by dust still. Gojo-sensei stood proud. All would be right.
I tried to yell. My jaw locked shut. I stared until his eye shifted, gaze now level with mine.
I wept not, I was so turned to stone within. They wept; and my poor little Anselm said,'Thou lookest so, father, what aileth thee?'
Yet I did not weep; nor did I answer all that day, nor the night after, until the next sun came out upon the world.
Dust settled on his wrinkled brow, his stance still determined, though his pride faltering. His trembling hand swayed down beside his hip. My face remained still yet.
"What are you staring at? Gojo-sensei, what's wrong?" My teeth were glued shut as I called out to him, but not a word stepped past the threshold of my lips. I started towards him. His face was blank, then a horrible sense of dread closed my throat. The pit in my stomach spread its roots throughout my body and I could not stop moving. Gojo-sensei looked scared.
When a little ray entered the woeful prison, and I discerned by their four faces my own very aspect, both my hands I bit for woe;
and they, thinking I did it through desire of eating, of a sudden rose, and said, 'Father, it will be far less pain to us if thou eat of us; thou didst clothe us with this wretched flesh, and do thou strip it off.'
I quieted me then, not to make them more sad: that day and the next we all stayed dumb. Ah, thou hard earth! why didst thou not open?
Finally, I stilled before him. I could see he fought to keep his stare. My heart boiled over and my fingers clenched into my palm. He flinched, but stood his ground. And, for the first time, I felt imposing. I understood. My hand quickly loosened and I looked away.
I used to dream of such a face-off, picturing my noble stature matching his.
After we had come to the fourth day, Gaddo threw himself stretched out at my feet, saying, 'My father, why dost thou not help me?'
Here he died: and, even as thou seest me, I saw the three fall one by one between the fifth day and the sixth;
then I betook me, already blind, to groping over each, and two days I called them after they were dead:
I tried to fight it, call out once more. Then my hand raised, fingers twitching. I could feel his helpless eyes.
Today I know; my victory is but a symptom of my cowardice.
then famine did what sorrow could not do.
"You did well, Gojo Satoru."
Author's note: I know Count Ugolino is canonically in the Antenora (betrayal of political party or homeland) ring of the ninth circle, but I chose Caina (betrayal of kin) as the title of this story because it was more fitting for what I wanted to evoke and specifically how I wanted to tie Megumi to Count Ugolino.
Also, this is not a dig at Megumi, I know people call him weak all the time. This is meant as an interpretation of the repetition of the Ancient Battle between the Limitless user and the Ten Shadows user, as in, only one of them can come out alive. "Cowardice", in this case, is a measure of weakness in the same way famine would be in Inferno - it can't be helped.
Fear and anxiety make one defensive. When it comes to inherently anxious minds, one is always on the defense, it's just a matter of who or what one's up against.
Times of stress make sense. I'm stressed because who wouldn't be. Maybe it gets me a bit more, maybe I can't sleep, eat, maybe I pick at my skin for hours, there's a light at the end of the tunnel though.
In times of stillness, I find myself worse off. My mind will inevitably manufacture a stressor, which is often nonsensical and laughable in retrospect, but absolutely unshakable in the moment. I am always suspicious. I am always angry. I get weird, I get distrustful, and I get accusatory. What does that make me?
If you live your life safely, nothing will ever happen. No embarrassment, no wounds, no rejections, no friends, no partner, no prospects, no opportunities. If you do step out, get rejected, face that fear, it will still be there. Maybe easier to deal with, maybe, not always. An anxious disorder is like a very hungry dog that you're locked in a room with. You always have to throw it a bone so it doesn't maul you. If it does start to sink its teeth into you, you'll bleed and stain everything.
