To the one that got away,
We saw each other again the other day.
In a sea full of people, your eyes managed to find mine.
We walked toward each other, and with each step we took,
Echoes of my heartbeat drowned the chatter of everyone and everything else.
With each step, a flash of what could’ve been and should’ve been played in my mind.
Walking toward you in that moment took me back on a trip down memory lane,
Between the realm of best friends and more than friends.
I can’t recall when we began as “friends”,
But I still remember you telling me that the first time you saw me,
You felt drawn to me because of my laughter, because of my smile.
You were never the type of guy to initiate a conversation or even acknowledge someone with a smile,
So imagine my surprise, and everyone else’s, when after just one conversation,
We suddenly became like Bonnie and Clyde.
I couldn’t pinpoint when we transitioned from being “friends” to “best friends”.
Was it when you started calling me almost every night,
Talking on the phone until the sun came up because you still wanted to hear my voice?
Was it when you would call or text me last thing before going to bed and at 4 am when you stirred awake just because you wanted me to be your first and last thought?
Was it when you updated me about your whole day every time we didn’t spend the day together?
Was it when you offered to accompany me when I was just learning how to drive?
Was it when you asked me to show up for your talk because you felt that my presence would bring you peace?
Was it when you asked me to watch a TV show that you liked and insisted on watching it at the same time, trading commentaries the whole time?
Was it when, even at opposite ends of the room, we could read each other’s minds and communicate with our eyes?
Was it when you told me that you held my opinion most valuable?
Was it when words just started pouring out of your mouth, and you told me everything that you never even told anyone else?
You were always known as a man of few words, but to me, and only to me, you spilled your secrets and poured your heart out.
Was it when you stared at me a little too long and told me I’m beautiful?
Was it when we were in line for the water slide, and you looked at me and told me, “What if we’re really meant for each other?”
Was it when you told me that it broke your heart just thinking of me marrying another man who isn’t you?
Was it when I secretly stole glances at you and watched you through my rearview mirror?
We were just friends, right?
You were a lot braver than I was,
Occasionally, you would hint about the possibility of “us.”
And more times than I could count, you would always phone me up when you had had too many beers to drink.
I’m the only one who knows how emotional you get once alcohol enters your body,
And how beer serves as your truth serum.
You would always tell me that we’re a better match than the guy I’m kind of seeing.
But like an unspoken agreement, everything you spilled out during your beer-induced confession is automatically forgotten once you sobered up.
We both felt it, but neither dared to speak it.
And whenever I felt like slipping into the more-than-friends zone,
I was quick to brush it off with a joke or set you up with some other girl.
I never acknowledged what I felt or even gave you a hint.
I was careful not to get caught.
I swore that I wouldn’t fall.
I convinced myself that it could never be.
Looking back, I’m not exactly sure why I did that.
Was it because I was blindly loyal to the wrong guy?
Or was it because I was afraid of something real?
Maybe I settled for being your friend, thinking that it was safer,
That with being friends, I’d get to keep you forever.
So I watched you fall into the arms of the girl who was brave enough to catch you,
And you watched me cry when the guy I chose over you left me in pieces.
We looked at each other, not uttering a single word
Because now, words are meaningless.
Words mean nothing when they’re too late.
So we just stayed best friends.
Not until she insisted that from now on, she should be your best friend and not me.
She has a point, and I agreed.
I placed the distance between us and gave her the spot that should’ve been mine.
There’s no one to blame but me.
To what could’ve been us.
We were once best friends, and now officially just friends.
I should’ve just been brave and chosen you or even given you a hint that I felt the same.
And that again was my exact same thought when I took the last step towards you and reached for your hand.
I am certain that all these thoughts occurred to you as well when we met each other’s eyes.
Even after all those years, I can still read your mind.
You offered your hand as well, and you shook mine.
We exchanged pleasantries and generic greetings like any friend does.
But we looked at each other with hearts in our eyes.
Friends don’t look at each other like that.
Friends don’t hold each other’s hands that long.
And they certainly don’t give it one last squeeze before letting go.
After what seemed like forever, the handshake finally ended.
I let go of your hand with your shiny wedding band.
There was a slight pause, and then we bid an awkward farewell,
With me wishing your wife well.
annaxmalina
yousharknotpass
areudirty
pixelskylines
andulkaphoto
gummygunk
2087
