Summary: After discovering the wreckage of the SR-1, Shepard goes down to the site to recover what she can. After much time passes, Garrus follows to make sure she’s alright.
CW: Canon death, PTSD, angst (shocker), Garrus is a good man, Shepard is tired, so very tired.
The very moment Garrus stepped onto the bridge, he is bombarded with the sound of Jacob and Miranda arguing. Well, Miranda appeared to be doing most of the arguing. Jacob is giving his best attempt to get Miranda to see reason and possibly a little understanding.
Sighing and rubbing out the creases in her forehead, Miranda says, “What is Shepard doing down there? There’s nothing but snow and rubble.”
“I wish you’d ease up on her,” said Jacob. “She watched her ship, even some of her crew get decimated by the collectors.”
“Not to mention getting sucked into space,” Garrus quietly contributes, halfheartedly hoping his remark wouldn’t be heard.
“Thank you, Garrus.” Jacob said. However, Garrus thought a ‘thank you’ was deemed a bit inappropriate regarding the weight of things.
Again, Miranda sighs, but her expression softens. Whether it be from defeat or sympathy Garrus didn’t know. “She’s wasting time,” Miranda says. “The Collectors already have a head start. The longer we squander precious time, the further we are from destroying them all.”
Miranda steps into the elevator nearby, informing Jacob and Garrus that she will be in her office “actually working” if anyone needed her.
Garrus didn’t care for Miranda very much. Her competence in the field was as far as his respect for her went. He was with Shepard when she stopped Cerberus’ illegal experiments and operations, and he shared Shepard’s distrust and disapproval. Jacob, on the other hand, was alright. Although perhaps a bit naive, in Garrus’ opinion, he had his heart in the right place.
“You were the first person to see Shepard after she woke up.” Said Garrus.
Jacob looked to the turian, “She told you about that?”
“She tells me everything.” He asks, “What was she like when she first woke up.”
Jacob went quiet, recalling the memory of meeting Commander Shepard for the first time. “Well, she took down those security mechs like it was as natural of an instinct as breathing. But once Miranda and I told her what happened, she seemed….almost heartbroken. She didn’t remember a thing, yet you could see her hurting.”
Garrus blankly stares at the slowly rotating galaxy map, getting lost in the sights of the holographic stars. “She’s been through so much. More than you know.”
“I believe that, and I don’t blame her. I doubt I would come out as strong as Shepard if the same thing happened to me.” Jacob spoke with sincerity, and that Garrus appreciated. A quality too low in supply within Cerberus ranks.
Garrus thought to himself. He worried for Shepard, just as he always had since she invited him aboard the first Normandy. And, although shameful to admit, Garrus would be lying if he said he wasn’t curious about the sights of the wreckage. Perhaps selfishly, Garrus didn’t want Shepard to be alone. He wanted her to know that he was there, and he wasn’t going to leave again.
“I’m going down there—to make sure she’s okay.”
Jacob raises his open palms, “you’ll have no objection from me. I’ll let the shuttle pilot know.”
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Stepping off the shuttle, Garrus acknowledge that Miranda was correct. At first glance, there was nothing but debris and snow. He was tempted to call out Shepard’s name, but decided against it. The last thing Garrus wanted was to disturb or startle her.
He looked, searching for Shepard. The atmosphere of this planet seemed sad, but strangely peaceful. The sky above was a midnight blue, speckled with glowing white stars. Brilliant shades green, blue, pink, and purple appeared in ripples among the sky. Garrus remembered Shepard telling him that humans refer to it as the Aurora Borealis. He wondered if it was as beautiful here as it was on Earth.
He trekked through the thick blanket of snow lying on the ground, gazing at the shards of the Normandy around him. He passed the Mako, remembering the many Thresher Maws killed thanks to its guns and missiles and Shepard’s reckless but effective driving. Garrus passed what remained of the galaxy map, the cockpit, and the SOS beacon he wished hadn’t been left unanswered for as long as it was
Eventually, Garrus found Shepard. She knelt in the snow, defeated by the memories and mistakes that haunted her. In front of her was part of the Normandy’s hull, its name painted on the metal. Garrus crouched beside her, hoping that his presence would elicit a reaction, even if it be but a small one, from her.
Shepard was quiet, more quiet than Garrus had ever seen her. She held out her palm and pressed it against the metal, almost like she was waiting for the Normandy itself to speak to her, forgive her, and tell her she did everything she could. Shepard listened, but the whispers of the wind were all she received.
Garrus softly placed his hand upon Shepard’s shoulder. “Shepard?” He asked, wondering if she could hear him at all. Garrus could hear Shepard cry even from beneath her helmet, and the sound made his heart ache.
“I was trusted with this ship, with its crew,” Shepard finally says. “I was supposed to lay my life down for those men and women, and even then I didn’t save them all.” Her hand falls limp at her side, her fingertips dipping into the snow.
“I told Cerberus I couldn’t remember the attack. But I do. I remember it all.” Shepard turns her head, looking to Garrus. In the visor of her helmet, Garrus could see Shepard’s eyes. Once young and drowning with ambition, now appear as if they’ve aged a hundred years. He’d never seen eyes that carry such weight, such exhaustion, before.
“Being spaced,” Shepard paused, ponding if she should continue. “It was the most excruciating thing I’ve ever felt.” She lets out a sob, and holds her hand against her helmet. “They train you for situations like that in the Alliance. But, being out there, floating in the nothingness, all of my training just...faded. When I realized I couldn’t breathe, I’d never felt so panicked. It was like my lungs her being frozen from the inside out. I remember it being hard to breathe, and then I just closed my eyes, knowing that there was nothing I could do.”
Garrus doesn’t know how to reply, or if there even was a proper response. He wanted to say he was sorry, sorry that he left her side, sorry he didn’t try harder to look for her, but it all seemed pointless.
“Have you ever felt such lonliness?”
Shepard’s question sent a painful sting into his chest. He had felt lonliness, sure, but not to the extent that Shepard described. “I don’t know,” was all he could say.
“They all expect me to stop the Collectors, but how can I? My life is gone, my friends—my family are gone. But if I don’t do this, humanity falls, the rest of the galaxy following it.”
“Not all of your friends are gone. I mean, Anderson’s still in your corner, albeit from a distance. I’m here, too.” Garrus says, moving his hand to the crown of Shepard’s head. Shepard’s eyes soften, easing on the burden weighing them down. She shifts her weight, and falls against Garrus’ side. He wraps his arm around her shoulders and brings her closer. “I have your back, Shepard, always.”
“I know,” Shepard says softly. “Thank you.”
Garrus turns his head, looking back to the two shuttles awaiting direction. “By the way, the longer we stay the more annoyed Miranda’s gonna get.”
“Just a little longer.” Shepard says.
“Okay,” says Garrus. He rests his chin on top of her head. “A little longer.”
