I will never forgive counselors for somehow turning the thing that was supposed to help me into one of the most stressful parts of my life just because, ironically, they didn’t know how to adapt it for kids who had trouble with the rigid structure. Like say, you know, neurodivergent people.
So, here you go people have for free what took me years of self hatred and misunderstandings to figure out:
IF FOCUSING ON YOUR BREATHING MAKES YOU AGITATED, DON’T!
It’s okay, there’s nothing wrong with you. It does not work for everyone, and that’s fine. It’s alright. You’re alright.
It should be clarified that breathing properly and deeply does help you calm down, it’s just the way we were taught (or at least I was) to do is can be stagnant. It’s not wrong if the classics works for you, it’s greath a lot of people can have that! But it does work not for me. It is very bad for me.
“Breathe in for *blank* seconds, breathe out for *blank*” “count to 50 slowly” the way everyone just wants to slow things down instantly makes me feel like the car i’m in suddenly stopped dead after going 120 mph. MEDITATION IS NOT SOMETHING THAT HELPS ME. It only makes me more agitated, it works as well as me telling myself “calm down! calm down! calm down!” over and over again. It only spirals me up more. Trying to calm down ‘harder’ isn’t gonna help.
Like my anxiety or mania grabs my face and screams “I SEE WHAT YOU’RE TRYING TO DO THERE, B. IT AIN’T GONNA WORK!!!!!” and just goes even harder because not I’m mad at myself for not calming down even though this is scientifically how so maybe it’s just my fault i cant reel myself in right.
But that way of thinking is false! I am not a bad person because still things destress me and neither are you!
So, what do you then? Well, don’t worry too much. It’s honestly not a big deal, there are plenty of other ways to get your blood flowing and your mind calm, it’s just we (or, again, at least I) wasn’t taught them.
I don’t know if these will help anyone else but here’s some I wish someone had told me a long time ago:
• Can’t stand breathing exercises? Don’t focus on breathing, focus on the effects of breathing. Narrate it like it’s a documentary, or a sporting event if you want! Your heart pumping, the cells in your bloodstream are carrying oxygen from body part to body part. Take one deep, short, breath instead of counting them. You don’t need to be specific. Gulp up some air like a whale.
• Don’t listen to someone’s calm voice™ drone about feeling parts of yourself on and on and on if that drives you nuts. You don’t need to focus on that, you can focus on something else! If you can, put on some music. Play a game like candy crush or do something else menial but engaging, or even just engaging. Sometimes you need a filter.
• Does quiet slow music labeled to kill anxiety make you fidgety? Put on something more a little more upbeat. You don’t need to listen to slow, some might say boring, songs if they only agitate you. Put on something mellow you can actually listen to. Sometimes you need something happy, sometimes sad, sometimes lost, sometime foreign bliss. (I’m pretty sure this is all subjective but I personally (currently) use a lot of Cosmo Sheldrake and a few Autoheart songs. I used to use Regina Spektor and still do. So there’s some places to start if you’re looking.)
• Find it hard to let your energy out through things like push-ups or jumping jacks? Try something physical but small. Crack your knuckles. Click your tongue. Make an elephant with your fingers. Hold your feet. We sometimes just can’t “work out” out what we’re feeling.
It’s okay if you can’t cope the way you were taught. There is no proper way it’s alright to just say “that doesn’t work for me.”
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