semi-active nov21

SW: 150 CW: 116 UGW: 90 5'2 (16)

[cherubalxiu]

hey guys ! i’m way more active on edtwt these days so if any of you want to be mutuals on there, my @ is bambiibones ! content warning for fatphobia and body checks on the account.

[cherubalxiu]

[cherubalxiu]

hi tumblr i’m alive and relapsed 😝 i got strep and started new meds n lost 20lbs in a week n a half sooo🏃💨

[cherubalxiu]

i have to do this shit for biology and it triggered a relapse in my anorexia after a month of recovery. i’m literally going to kill myself.

[cherubalxiu]

my stomach: grgglggrrgrrrrr rumble rumble grglgrrgrl

me: *5 hits of a puff bar + 1 (one) sip of water* “make it work”

[cherubalxiu]

sometimes i feel like eating without thinking is worse than obsessing over food. it’s just a split second of eating normally and then my headspace is back in eating disorder mode and i want to die for not thinking about the calories and the sugar contents and the saturated fat and just the complete shit i just put into my body.

[krisprolltroll19]

if any of you takes medication when youre fasting you need to eat an apple with your meds to be safe

[cherubalxiu]

eating a single apple won’t break your fast. so please, just to be safe, eat and apple with your meds.

[cherubalxiu]

Can I refuse treatment for my eating disorder if I’m a minor? Like if my parents want to put me in therapy or hospitalization/institutionalization? Can I refuse treatment?

[cherubalxiu]

Ik y’all are just trying to help but if you send me any NEDA links I’m going to block you. If I wanted help I would get it.

[cherubalxiu]

hi I’ve been fasting for 47 hours. I’ve had nothing but caffeine (2redbull & a monster ultra) like no water either and i think I’m dying ❤️❤️

[cherubalxiu]

i wish i were heather 💔💔

[cherubalxiu]

hi ed tumblr im back because I hate myself :)

[cherubalxiu]

food log

I’ve had an insomnia flare so I ended up going to sleep at about 7am after being up for two days. I made pancakes for me and my friend.

when I woke up (7:20) my dad got me mexican. chicken fajita nachos no vegetables, I also had a redbull. Unless I get hungry again, I don’t plan on eating any more.

[cherubalxiu]

Life Update

hey guys, thank those of you who have stuck around. I’m actually doing very good. In these past couple months, I’ve gone through a spiritual awakening. I won’t get much into that since I know you guys may not be into that stuff, but I’ve been being more mindful. Healthier coping mechanisms, cutting out toxic people. I still have a lot of work to do on myself. I’m still having some ED thoughts. I don’t expect to ever recover from this, as it’s already been six years and I’ve been so conditioned to thinking like this since my childhood, it’s all I know. But that’s okay. Instead of using it to do harm to myself, I’m trying to lose weight in a healthier way. I know I’ll still have some days where I’ll just want to fast, but I’m trying to eat more higher vibrational foods. I’m eating meat again, which I dislike, so I’ll try and incorporate less into my diet. What I really need is a schedule. A routine. Even if that means eating the same things every day. My goal is to just lose weight in a way that makes me feel better about myself than it used to. I put my scale up. It wasn’t something I really thought about. I still have access to it, but I don’t plan on using it. Fuck the numbers, man. Im eating things that make me feel good. Not counting calories, not weighing myself. I think this is considered intuitive eating? Which is what I’m also trying to incorporate into my life. So I don’t know what my current weight is, and I don’t plan on weighing myself for at least a couple months. I think I’ll still do food logs, but I probably won’t count in calories. Please wish me luck and stay with me on my journey❤️

[cherubalxiu]

Food Log 5/21/20

breakfast (2am)- 2 pieces of toast, 1/2 avocado: 370cal

breakfast 2 (8am)- ritz peanut butter crackers, redbull: 360cal

lunch(6pm)- 2 pieces of avocado toast: 370cal

dinner(10pm)- 1 toasted bagel, avocado on 1/2, Nutella on the other half: 300-400cal

total: ~1,400cal give or take

[cherubalxiu]

Cut those toxic people out your life they are the real weights

I try, but the situation is a bit complicated. thanks for the concern😔💖

[cherubalxiu]

you deserve better

thank you💖💖