If you can stand to remain here long enough, you might learn more about me and what it is I do. (It's honestly not fun to spell out everything to you in our first meeting.)
I am particularly new here, but I do like talking to people. So, my asks are open.
Be informed that, though I am of age, I will NOT be participating or entertaining any N*S*F*W content. My art might feature blood and violence, which will be tagged accordingly [ ...I may miss a few ], but nothing excessive. Thus, if you intend to speak with me, do keep it at a reasonable content level.
Continuation of this mini comic in @chessman-protocol's rottmnt covert au.
Vince doesn't mean harm. He just got a little starstruck from interacting with Rafid that he got a little ahead of himself. He stays in his lane now.
This initially started with a silly thought that Leonidas just hates my character (Nev) for no reason. Just something about Nev makes him suspicious. And then I started fleshing out Vince and had too much fun.
Nev is very loosely based on me, but is a full character in their own right. I hope to toss them into the most random conflicts and see how they react.
In a desperate attempt to play one more round (as it felt to Nev that Rafid was getting annoyed with how much they were blundering and losing), Nev impulsively said that they would bet $5 last time they played. Other players also bet $5 for fun. Raf made $15 that night. He just gave it to the mahjong parlor owner.
Herrooo its been a hot minute but your fav MONSTRAAA is back😼 how you've been chess?? For me ive been busyyy (like actually busy its not even funny ap exams are torture) luckily SCHOOLS ALMOST OUT and then ima be a senior </3
I shall draw fan art soon but for nowww fih.
Hehe get it? Cats. Fish. Ok ill shut up
Ahhhh--
Congratulations on your progression through the educational system--✨
...I am waking up from a series of naps so I am slightly dazed--
[ Forgive me if I misspell anything-- ]
Stay focused and enjoy the rest of your schooling--💜
i did not forget.. i just had a lot-
i found a very pretty photo of a belgian draft with this coat and i had to give it color
even tho i havent drawn horses in probably like 6 years i feel like i did pretty good- you turned into a gorgeous belgian draft
spiky mane is a must- fluffy horses are deadly cute (except for ponies they are assholes- one bit me in the knee cuz i didnt give him any carrots and i had another one chase me for no reason- all i did was clean up hay in ONE stall that wasnt even his)
ANOTHER FOR THE FOLDER--✨
I AM BEAUTIFUL--💜
…For reasons that I dare not explain, the timing on this is very funny and the design is fitting--
Section 5 from @chessman-protocol's rottmnt covert au
Part 1: Donovan - 516 words (CW: Confinement, illegal experimentation (loss of agency), eating disorder, dissociation)
Part 2: Rafid - 1288 words (CW: Mentions of cannibalism and violence, illegal experimentation (loss of agency), confinement)
Part 3: Leonidas - 2726 words (CW: Childhood neglect or abuse, manipulation, abusive relationship, domestic violence, murder)
Part 4: Mikhail - 496 words (CW: Mentions of harm)
Part 5: Personal reflections and other author notes - 903 words
Leonidas - Leonidas, like the others, is very intelligent. Though some of his actions may seem impulsive or irrational, he always has a reason. Often his actions can look disjointed and risky to other people because he is operating with a vastly different/skewed morality/value system.
He learned a lot of his current values during his childhood (not exactly sure what this environment is like, but I’m leaning more towards neglect being the main form of abuse he dealt with). He quickly learned that any vulnerability or revealed weakness would be just another way for others to hurt him. Others are viewed less as individuals with valid emotions and thoughts and more as obstacles that he must manipulate to get what he needs/wants. He didn’t get anything with honesty, but he was able to get things through lying and deceiving.
Though as a child, he didn’t have the emotional intelligence and impulse control as he does when he grows older. So his main way of defending himself and coping with his situation was to suppress any emotion he found inconvenient. He can’t get sad or angry at his guardian for breaking something he owned as that would mean that his guardian would know that it hurt him and it would be used against him in the future. He had to remain neutral and constantly focused on how he could twist the situation to gain an advantage over his guardian when he needed to argue for his right to eat later. How he felt in the situation didn’t matter as much as maintaining his access to his needs and staying one step ahead of his abusers.
This worked out for him as he got better and better at reading the people around him and manipulating others to get what he needs and wants. But, emotional suppression as a coping mechanism never works out in the long term. Years of constant vigilance and emotional suppression lead to a very emotionally unstable and stressed Leon as he matured. And eventually he found himself falling on hard times which led him to join the military.
The main thing that attracted him to a military career was that it gave him structure that was very attractive coming from the instability of his upbringing: guaranteed meals, regular sleep times, a clearly laid out schedule of activities that he can prepare for. (The military being some sort of local/state military most likely as I have the impression that the Gilded Citadel doesn’t just accept anyone from the streets to work for them.)
Enter his relationship with a certain someone (I don’t think there was an actual name given to the rabbit in the [Mind Flayer] video. Though people have assumed Yusagi, I’m just gonna call him Rabbit.).
Things started normally between them. They were in the same trainee group and all the trainees got more familiar with each other as they bonded through the training they were put through. Though Leon always held a distance between him and others as he never feels comfortable with others due to his past. This caught Rabbit's attention as Leon was the one person who never hung out and joked around like the others in their group. Intrigued, Rabbit seeked out Leon more and initiated more interactions. Eventually, Rabbit was the only one that Leon was close to and became the only person that Leon actually trusted in his entire life.
(I have a lot of debates on how bad of a person Rabbit is. Did he set out to cause harm or did he have good intentions at the start of the relationship and they got twisted somehow as the relationship progressed? In the end, it doesn’t matter to the results of what actually happened so I didn’t think too much about it.)
As they got closer, Leon was dropping more and more of his mental barriers and revealing more of his fears and desires to Rabbit who was always so attentive and understanding (This could also be Rabbit is pulling more information out of Leon so he can exploit his vulnerabilities later). Under most circumstances, Leon wouldn’t have relaxed so easily. He knew the potential of harm that could come to him with so many admissions and truths. But years of anxiety and paranoia left his brain running on fumes. That combined with the new environment and the stability of the military schedule let himself finally relax the white knuckled grip he had on his emotions and outward expression. Once a little gave, the whole of the years of suppressed emotions followed.
Rabbit took every reveal and emotional outburst in. Part of him living in the moment, delighting in every reveal and shared secret only between the two of them. Another part of him considers their relationship in the long term, building a mental profile of Leon and all his joys and traumas. As they get closer, Rabbit is more and more confident that Leon could be someone that he can control. This is when Rabbit puts in more time and energy to get Leon dependent on him so that Leon is deeply entwined and trusting of Rabbit as he starts showing his true colors and twists the relationship into something that serves himself better.
Though Leon is usually much better at detecting danger and protecting himself, in this vulnerable state he had little energy to recognize that their relationship slowly slipped into an abusive one. Rabbit’s abuse also presented differently than his guardians which made it harder for Leon to catch on to all the gaslighting and lovebombing Rabbit was doing. As Rabbit was his only true confidant (basically becoming his therapist at times), Rabbit was able to hold a lot of sway over Leon’s emotions and how he interpreted events. Even when the abuse did become physical, Leon was led to invalidate his own pain and instincts. Leon was always stronger than him and Leon was the one with the messed up past so it would have made it more likely that Leon would be the abuser (likelier to emulate his guardians) rather than Rabbit. Or so Rabbit said. (some DARVO type stuff). (Leon may also be susceptible to this as he spent a while suppressing his emotions so he has some issues actually identifying what emotions are coming up and ended up trusting Rabbit’s opinions).
Leon was able to reassess the relationship due to a brief period of separation (Either this is due to something about how the military did (ex. Relocating them separately) or that Leon was able to ask to get placed somewhere else as he became increasingly uncomfortable with the relationship). This is when Leon was able to actually reconnect with how he actually felt. First noticing the lack of unease when Rabbit was absent which eventually led him to reconsidering the things that Rabbit told him. Without Rabbit there to constantly redirect his attention and reaffirm his lies, Leon was able to quickly realize something was wrong in their relationship. Betrayal and anger were the first emotions that hit before it settled into a cold acceptance and disappointment in himself. This was always how it was. He was a fool to think it could end any differently. His judgement was blinded by hearing the first nice words in his life. But, he himself has done the same before to others. The manipulation, the cycle of conflict and resolution with no real change, empty words and promises; it all became clear to Leon that this relationship wasn’t unique or special. It was the same interactions he dealt his entire life with a different coat of paint.
Rabbit’s mistake was assuming this period of mental crisis was Leon’s normal mental state. He was mistaken in believing that he could remove the fight out of Leon. That all the time they spent together showed that Leon was close to succumbing completely to Rabbit’s influence. But, Leon didn’t survive his childhood through fawning and passivity. Everything he has gotten in childhood was something he fought for, every conversation and interaction being a negotiation for his right to live. When the hand that was supposed to feed him refused, he bit off its fingers to satiate his hunger. And if Rabbit was going to be more of an enemy rather than an ally, he was going to make Rabbit pay.
Insert [Mind Flayer].
(I have a lot of different interpretations of what [Mind Flayer] video showed. My current main interpretation Leon has tried to move on or is still in the middle of processing everything that has happened, not expecting to come into contact with Rabbit anytime soon. But, unexpectedly, Rabbit returns/is able to visit and makes a bid to keep their relationship alive. He can tell that this period has led Leon to rethink some things but is overconfident that he can convince Leon to fall back in line. This triggers Leon into action, his final straw, as he fully accepts who Rabbit actually is and acts accordingly. Rabbit is killed. All of Leon’s grief and anger about the relationship fuels his antisocial tendencies and his mind starts on its path to become the psychopathic, manipulative Leon we know today.)
The aftermath for Leon was quite emotional though it took a while for him to admit it to himself. It started with him trying to fall back on old coping habits of emotional suppression and just gritting his teeth to do what he needed to do. But, with the hurt so recent and the betrayal hitting so deep, it was soon obvious that this wouldn’t work like it did in the past. He would often swing between overwhelming emotions and impulsivity to feeling hollow out and barely reacting. His self control was another thing that he sees as vital to him surviving his childhood. Seeing he had somehow lost both of his defenses made him fear that somehow Rabbit broke something inside of him.
Recovery was only able to happen when Leon was eventually able to recognize how his emotional suppression, once his best defense, was the biggest thing holding him back (This realization could just happen randomly or be brought on after his darkest moment in his current mental state). Leon may have struggled with emotional intelligence, but he wasn’t dumb. He had enough intelligence as a child to run laps around his adult guardian's arguments and enough quick thinking to get him out of any blame. Even if Rabbit broke something irreplaceable in him, he would still have his intelligence to get him through, he told himself.
Thought by thought, bias by bias, fallacy by fallacy, he slowly broke down and analyzed every thought and opinion he had. Mentally setting up a blank slate and systematically deciding which part of his mind he wanted to keep and which to debunk, rationally disagree with, and move on from. From how easily Rabbit was able to manipulate his thoughts and emotions, Leon never trusted anyone's opinions on him or comments about his character, both positive and negative. The only person he trusted to understand him was himself.
(I had a thought that he was being made to go through some psychological evaluations due to his actions against Rabbit and his subsequent irrational behavior. Leon wouldn’t have taken any diagnosis or therapeutic terminology that they described him with no matter the professional. But, I’m not sure if he would even be in the military at this point due to how he killed Rabbit so maybe he was forced to have an evaluation after he got discharged? Or maybe no psych evaluation.)
This gives way to the current Leon. Much more stable and confident in himself, he has regained his self-sufficiency and self control. Like Don, he is very antisocial but differs in the way that he will put more effort in to discourage others interacting with him (as in Don avoids people because he likes being alone, Leon avoids people because he detests being around others. Both are not social, but for different reasons). He doesn’t care to connect/relate with people.
Nor does he believe that anyone can give him a better understanding of himself. If someone asks him to describe himself, he quite literally wouldn’t have the words to explain because he finds no point in applying the restriction of words and other people’s subjective assessments to what he is experiencing. He already fully understands how his brain works and operates and sees no reason to try and convert the full range of his emotions and mind processes into simplistic terms for others to understand him (He would get suspicious if a person tries to “get to know” him and will discourage this behavior with little regard to the other person’s wellbeing).
He does find some value in words when applied to others as it can help him get a better read on people, but he also has his own system of analyzing people. Again, he will never explain this process to others because he sees no point. This is also why he prefers projecting a slightly unsettling, dangerous presence as it makes most people leave him alone (and it often is accurate to how he is feeling). Leon is often considered the most dangerous member of Section 5 due to this perceived unpredictability as he puts a lot of effort into not letting anyone see his true intentions to maintain control of any situation. He is also dangerous as he has little regard for anyone else’s wellbeing and has no reservations in doing things that will get him results the fastest (likeliest to do harm and have no regrets).
Anything romantic still remains as a trigger for him even as he still finds what Rabbit did to him a bit hard to process. The fact that someone could twist all his defenses to work against him, convincing him to do things against his will and better judgment still keeps a part of him on edge when someone attempts to get close to him. In some aspects Rabbit's abuse was worse than his childhood as at least, even though he was materially lacking, he knew who he was and was able to act according to his best interests. Rabbit’s gaslighting and manipulation messed with Leon’s entire view of the world and himself and reduced his ability to trust his own judgments.
Out of everyone in Section 5, Leonidas is the most dependent on his instinct to judge a situation. This is not necessarily saying that Leon has stronger instincts than the others, he just puts more weight into his gut feeling that something is wrong or off. He refuses to ever return to a mental state where he can no longer trust himself and have to be dependent on another (similar to Raf in a sense as they both work hard to not lose an aspect of themselves that they nearly lost in the past). Currently, Leon has a near flawless track record on guessing and estimating situations (I say “near” flawless because there are a few times when his trauma with Rabbit took precedent and prevented him operating at his best. These times have gotten rarer as he continues to be a part of Section 5). This usually means that he is the quickest to act in novel situations.
The biggest change from his childhood self is that rather than turning his emotions inwards (suppressing emotions), he now directs them outward (processing them and moving through the world in a way that acknowledges the emotion but still making a well through action). He understands how he made himself vulnerable by ignoring his emotional state and now considers his emotions equally as important as his more logical side. This can appear to some people that he is operating solely on emotions due to how fast and rash some of his decisions are. In actuality, he is fully thinking through his actions, it is just his brain is able to process and think quicker than the average person (I consider Leon’s intelligence more as a faster thinking process rather than a very complex one or with deep knowledge in many subjects. The other types of intelligence describe Raf’s or Don’s intelligence more. Not to say that Leon isn’t complex or the other two are slow thinkers, just different specializations).
Section 5 from @chessman-protocol's rottmnt covert au
Part 1: Donovan - 516 words (CW: Confinement, illegal experimentation (loss of agency), eating disorder, dissociation)
Part 2: Rafid - 1288 words (CW: Mentions of cannibalism and violence, illegal experimentation (loss of agency), confinement)
Part 3: Leonidas - 2726 words (CW: Childhood neglect or abuse, manipulation, abusive relationship, domestic violence, murder)
Part 4: Mikhail - 496 words (CW: Mentions of harm)
Part 5: Personal reflections and other author notes - 903 words
Reflections on my rambles:
I’ve done most of this based just on my memory of the ask answers and antimatics posted. I’ve just gone and reread/watched some stuff to make sure there aren't any obvious contradictions. I’m surprised that some stuff lined up very well (I did not remember the song chosen for [Mind Flayer] and was pleasantly surprised by the lyrics lining up with a decent amount of my interpretations for Leon). I’m not as shocked that everything didn’t fit neatly into my interpretations (forgot a lot of the stuff for Raf and Don other than them being together and found more stuff for Mikhail). The best part about all this was always the process of brainstorming and thinking about these characters and assembling their lore like a puzzle. Any new info would lengthen the brain storming process so = more fun, yippee! I welcome any thoughts or comments about my rambles.
I really latched on to the idea of growth for all these characters from more maladaptive coping mechanisms to working on and developing much better ways to navigate the world and their triggers. I really hope that this aspect shows and elevated this above just angst for angst’s sake. I also really wanted to find a way to express their individual quirks and differences. I have a bad habit of imagining these characters as more of a monolith (like just thinking of Section 5 as Section 5, not really thinking of how each member fits into it), so thinking more about how their intelligence, mentally resiliency, and their motivations for interacting with others in different ways really helped. It has given me so many ideas about their interactions with each other (I just spent 3 hours pacing around my room while thinking about it).
Don and Raf were the most straightforward and easiest to write while Leon had a lot of back and forth as I rewrote his section twice. He felt too distant or too soft or somehow I wrote myself into a corner where I couldn’t imagine Leon acting in such a way. Mikhail was also relatively simple to write as it was just my raw ideas without much connecting material/fluff as there wasn’t much to work with.
I have a general idea of Section 5 being categorized in 2 ways:
Type of Trauma:
Personal/interpersonal trauma: traumatic events that happen due to their specific personal circumstances/people they trusted. Trauma tied to a core trait/part of them.
Clinical/impersonal trauma: traumatic events that are not personally motivated/due to personal attributes/values, their tormentors don’t uniquely torment them.
And:
Social response to the trauma:
Social adoption: working with in social systems to get what they want
Social withdrawal: anti-social behaviors, doesn’t see any ways that social systems will give them what they want
I like this categorization as it gave me a good jumping off point and gave each Section 5 member something unique to them so that I wouldn’t accidentally write them all the same. These are very basic simplified groupings that do not represent the entire characterization. I’m iffy about the names as I think there is something better to describe the type of traumas they face, but I’m stumped.
I have to give props to Chess for leaving such an amazing set of lore bits here and there. I’ll be honest that when I first got into the covert au, it was a little hard to parse out what these characters were about as I was coming in with expectations from the show. But as I got to thinking about it more, I’m glad that the lore was expressed in small snippets of animatics and ask responses as I got to go around and play connections with all these little pieces.
I actually have way more thoughts and theories about these guys, but my google docs is already 10 pages long (using 11pt Arial single spaced) so I’ll post it in a separate post if I get around to writing it. Other thoughts/theories revolve around each one’s interaction with others of Section 5 from initial meeting to where they are now, how they got involved with the Gilded Citadel, their interactions with the Gilded Citadel organization and individuals within it, and other various little silly headcannons.
It seems that I only get this amount of motivation and inspiration to write when I’m trying to avoid a responsibility. All of this was written during my finals week and I likely would have done better on a couple of exams if I didn’t dedicate hours thinking and writing this. Luckily, my insane ramblings were intermittently interrupted by friends who helped me to focus on studying so I still did well on all exams. This is all to say that it's a 50/50 on whether I get anything else out of my brain and on the google doc.
Other notes:
I didn’t forget about Crixus. He just doesn't have nearly as much information on him as the rest and I didn’t have as much time to conceive of his character (he’s as redacted as Mikhail :,)). I have no clue how Crixus would fit into my trauma square diagram.
I hope someone appreciates all the color coding.
You get a gold star for reading all of that, S-Tier attention span haha (this whole thing was nearly 6000 words!)
Section 5 from @chessman-protocol's rottmnt covert au
Part 1: Donovan - 516 words (CW: Confinement, illegal experimentation (loss of agency), eating disorder, dissociation)
Part 2: Rafid - 1288 words (CW: Mentions of cannibalism and violence, illegal experimentation (loss of agency), confinement)
Part 3: Leonidas - 2726 words (CW: Childhood neglect or abuse, manipulation, abusive relationship, domestic violence, murder)
Part 4: Mikhail - 496 words (CW: Mentions of harm)
Part 5: Personal reflections and other author notes - 903 words
Mikhail - [Redacted]
jk but seriously I don’t have a lot of things to work with for Mikhail. But here is a couple ideas I've been thinking through:
I find it intriguing that whatever he had gone through was redacted while the others were not. This makes me think that it was either something very, very horrible or something that the Gilded Citadel really wants to keep quiet about. Or both. Both are nice.
Like Don, he seeks out answers for what he is going through/ has gone though. Unlike the others, he discovers that the things that happened to him can’t be stopped by simply escaping a location or another person. This shapes how he thinks about the world as he has a much larger scale/bigger picture mindset/point of view compared to others, interpreting other’s actions as a result of the bigger systems and pressures they are under.
In the past, he would try to minimize aspects of his trauma to convince himself that it was a one time issue. But as he matures, he realizes how futile this line of thinking was as he wasn’t able to prepare as things got worse again. The change that he wanted wasn’t going to just happen. He had to seek it out no matter what it would cost him.
He is good at handling multiple conflicting ideas at once and making sense of things that appear to just be chaotic or nonsense. He is a very good negotiator as he can navigate conversations efficiently and keep track of everyone's motivations and desired outcomes.
Like Raf, he sees the value in engaging with others to get what he wants (social adoption rather than social isolation like Don and Leon). Though he doesn’t read people as much as Raf and Leon as his focus on the bigger picture often makes him view smaller individual differences unimportant. This can also lead him to come across as a little detached from situations right in front of him. Within Section 5, he is able to offload a lot of the aspects that he had less patience for (smaller details that often don’t matter on a larger scale) and is able to focus on things that he feels actually matters.
He prefers very direct communication which leads him to have an appreciation for archives, books, paper work, and other written pieces as sources of information. They are usually much more direct than people and he can be as thorough as he likes as the pages don’t complain when he rereads and double checks information.
Though part of his reactiveness around his trigger is likely due to the very traumatizing things he has gone through and witnessed, his bigger picture point of view does allow him to act in ways that can harm people. He feels little remorse at the thought of harming and even potentially killing others as, in the grand scheme of things he has witnessed and done, they feel insignificant.
Section 5 from @chessman-protocol's rottmnt covert au
Part 1: Donovan - 516 words (CW: Confinement, illegal experimentation (loss of agency), eating disorder, dissociation)
Part 2: Rafid - 1288 words (CW: Mentions of cannibalism and violence, illegal experimentation (loss of agency), confinement)
Part 3: Leonidas - 2726 words (CW: Childhood neglect or abuse, manipulation, abusive relationship, domestic violence, murder)
Part 4: Mikhail - 496 words (CW: Mentions of harm)
Part 5: Personal reflections and other author notes - 903 words
Rafid - In comparison to Don, where it feels that all his past was in the experiment, Raf had more of a childhood before he was forced into the experiment and this is where most of their differences arise.
Raf comes into the experimentation with typical level of socialization for someone of his age with some adverse life experiences (his life before wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows as he ended up here against his will). The testing and experiments around him were involved with chemicals and drugs specifically to create a living weapon: stronger muscles, faster healing, higher stamina, sharper senses, and a bunch of other side effects that weren’t well documented (I like the idea that either Raf or Don destroyed/stole the records somehow. Only they know the true extent of what has happened to them).
One of those side effects was the mental and psychiatric effects of the substances. Starting from a relatively well adjusted state from his upbringing to feeling his mind slip and his values twist into something unrecognizable was almost more painful than all the chemical induced growth that was tearing apart his body. This is all compounded with the “training” sessions they had Raf do in an attempt to mold him into an unthinking and unfeeling weapon. This is where his strongest triggers originate from as they tried to desensitize him to a variety of different horrors that could appear on the battlefield (this is where most of his unease at open wounds and force cannibalism comes from).
After a while of this happening, Raf came into contact with Don. I see this as a situation where they were kept in the same cell together as whoever was running the experiments was running out of resources/space for the growing amount of projects they have going on. Raf and Don got put together as they were going to be injected with a similar chemical blend for a period.
(I’m still undecided on the reason why Don interacts with Raf here since Don has been here longer than Raf and has settled into his way of dissociation to cope with stress. I think it comes down to this is the first time that Don has contact with someone who isn’t an experimenter. Also the fact that they are going to be facing a similar procedure means that it is the first time Don may be able to anticipate the side effects of whatever they are injecting and prepare for it as he sees how it affects Raf first (a little bit of agency Don can claw back). Raf’s rationale to reach out to Don is more straightforward: this is the one of the few people that he is not forced to kill and that he actually gets to spend time with. )
However their connection starts, they heavily depend on each other to survive this period. Don is able to provide stability for Raf’s constantly shifting mind and help him retain a little of himself between the bouts of psychosis and “training” sessions (Raf also finds a lot of value in meditation like Don later in life). Raf helps Don fill gaps in his memory and any news and changes that he is able to eavesdrop. This is where the majority of Raf’s ability to read and assess people comes from. Not only are the two of them relying on his ability to eavesdrop and read into their tormentors’ actions, Raf is also tuning in to Don’s body language and noting important cues that Don can no longer notice in himself (ex. Raf is the first to notice if Don is hungry as he watches for any subtle jaw positioning or increased stillness in the body that indicates that Don’s body is getting low on energy/hungry.). As a result of this mutualism, they are both mentally and physically fit enough to take advantage of an opportunity to escape.
Raf is similar to Don in the ways that he greatly values his agency and independence. However, instead of social withdrawal, Raf sees social interaction as an effective and reliable way of achieving what he wants. Don finds value in being independent from people while Raf finds agency and power in social situations where his people's reading skills allow him to feel more in control. After their escape, Don is occupying his mind with learning more about what was done to them (learning the nature of the chemicals they were injected with) and working on being less dissociated. Raf is navigating the duo through social dynamics and institutions to make sure their basic needs are met like housing and food without being taken advantage of. This makes great use of his heightened senses and also hones his people's reading abilities. Both this and his experiences in the facility has taught him the importance of holding his cards close and not interrupting others as they are talking as people often reveal more than they realize (“Don’t interrupt your enemy while they are in the process of destroying themself” type stuff). This can create the interpretation that he is silent, apathetic, and disengaged to people who are not familiar with him (In reality, he is always listening and reading every action you do).
Raf came out of the facility with many issues processing and sorting his own thoughts. But, with the aid of Don and a secure living space, he is able to build up his memory and mental resilience. It helps that there were many opportunities to put these skills into practice (navigating nuanced social interaction to not be taken advantage of) and that Don was able to figure out ways to help lessen the mental side effects he is facing.
(A tedious process of figuring out what over-the-counter drugs that they can take without bad drug interactions with the illegal ones in their system and low risk home remedies to take the edge off of the worst symptoms. Eventually, Don is able to synthesize his own drugs that are designed to help with their unique issues and chemical injections. But this only happens when Don has access to a lab which doesn’t happen for a while).
Even as his mental capabilities are returning to normal, Raf doesn’t take them for granted. Even now, in Section 5, Raf is the most likely to engage with strategic and people reading games that benefit from memorization and keeping track of multiple situations at once (He would be killer at all the New York Times daily games, but there is no player to player interactions so he isn’t that interested. He favors games like cards and mahjong). This makes him very intelligent despite the disadvantages he faced due to the chemicals in his system.
(I think somewhere along the line he develops an interest in tech and computers as 1) they are in a very technologically advanced world and anyone without any computer science knowledge is at a huge disadvantage and 2) a big part of tech is also the problem solving aspect and juggling multiple ideas at once which is something that Raf wants to improve in.)
Part of bettering his mental capabilities and resilience is to also reduce the stress and anxiety he feels when reminded of his triggers. The majority of the stress comes from fear of losing himself in the violence like the experimenters wanted him to. Nowadays, he is much more stable and has people around him (Section 5) to help him if he feels out of control (though this is extremely rare). Despite all his growth, he still feels uncomfortable in the presence of particularly gruesome wounds. This is something that he has accepted about himself rather than seeing it as a flaw to fix.
(Pt 1) Pasts, trauma responses, and coping mechanisms: The basis of my interpretation of Section 5 characters
I have been thinking on and off about the characterization of the covert au turtles from @chessman-protocol for a while. Now I will unleash it upon the world:
Note that these are personal interpretations and head cannons. Assume there is an “I think…” or “I believe…” before every sentence.
Also this used to be one huge document so I wrote the sections with the expectation that you are reading them in order:
Part 1: Donovan - 516 words (CW: Confinement, illegal experimentation (loss of agency), eating disorder, dissociation)
Part 2: Rafid - 1288 words (CW: Mentions of cannibalism and violence, illegal experimentation (loss of agency), confinement)
Part 3: Leonidas - 2726 words (CW: Childhood neglect or abuse, manipulation, abusive relationship, domestic violence, murder)
Part 4: Mikhail - 496 words (CW: Mentions of harm)
Part 5: Personal reflections and other author notes - 903 words
Donovan - Coming from a past of experimentation with his autonomy ignored, this leads him to become very withdrawn as the space in his mind becomes the only place where he can find peace. Refusing to comply was also one of the first ways he was able to exert any sort of control over his body: refusing to eat, to drink, to communicate, or anything else that they wanted him to do. Not consuming anything also came from the fact that the food and water he was given was often laced with whatever they wanted to test on him. Though this refusal didn’t usually produce any actual changes as there were plenty of ways of injection and they adjusted their experimental procedures to not need his input (ex. judging pain by cortisol levels and heart rate instead of asking).
These factors result in a very anti-social individual with little regard for anyone’s thoughts or values beyond how it can hinder or help him. Don greatly values his independence and often detests interaction with others. His past has also led him to develop a very deep and rich inner mind (he finds the most value and appreciation for meditation and other meditative activities compared to the others of Section 5) as well as exceptional impulse control and pain tolerances.
He has some issues remaining grounded and in tune with his body’s needs so he will do self care activities (eating, sleeping, hydration, hygiene) based on a mental schedule/checklist rather than listening for his body cues because they often don’t exist. It isn’t clear if he lost his interospection due to the experiments or how his mind coped with the experiments. It often feels like he traded his awareness of his surroundings and body for unparalleled mental sharpness and intelligence.
As Don got older, he was able to process more of his past and now is one of the more stable members in Section 5. He has a huge hunger for knowledge after so many years being left in the dark and not understanding anything he was made to go through. This has put Don in proximity with a lot of places, people, and equipment that reminds him of his past. However, being the experimenter rather than the experimenter has helped a lot with this exposure. He could choose the topics he wanted to study, what procedure to follow or create his own, and it can be done all independently. He is able to mentally keep his past separate from the experiments he is currently doing as he finds the malpractice that happened to him more of a trigger rather than the process of experimentation itself. All of these factors led him to rely on knowledge gathering and experimentation as a coping method rather than dissociation. His topics of study often involve drug and chemical development and interactions with the body.
This is not to say that Don has no issues now that he is older, but he understands his mind much better to control his reactions and he has a much better support system within Section 5.
Hi Chess! It's been a while from me, haha. I took a much needed hiatus from Tumblr and rebranded.
I'd hop off anon, but I quite treasure anonymity right now for very personal reasons. Perhaps you'd recognise me if I said I created the first proper "girl team" in the Covert AU's fan sections? At most, I'll say I've made quite a flood in your notifications today alone.
Speaking of the girls, I redesigned two of their original selves recently. I'm quite happy with them! I did with the original Fairy what I wanted to pull off with Pixie, I think. Perhaps I'll revamp Section 13 soon! I feel like they deserve it by now.
I hope all has been well! I'm very happy to be back among your chaotic little audience again. Best wishes! Au revoir, à demain!
-Starlight☆
Hello, Young Traveler--💜
It is good to see you--
[ And congratulations on your rebrand--!! ]
I do understand the appeal of anonymity, so certainly don't feel obligated to do otherwise if remaining so brings you comfort--
...And I'm pleased that people still find some fun in making AU-related content--
As for me, my life has been extraordinarily wonderful, Thank You--
Hi Chess!!! I hope your day is wonderful with sprinkles and rainbows but i have a few question for a covert AU (◔‿◔)
1). In real life, Alligator snapping turtle havr a really powerful bite force, does Rafid have that too?
2). Do the Covert guys have a random fun facts? Like their favourite character, and more?? (I have a scenario that Rafid accidentally eat a spoon I'm sorry)
3). What does Gilded Citadel actually looks like? I imagine them as a bunker(?) in that Pacific rim movie like a really big halls
I hope this isn't silly, once again i just really love your blogs, artwork and AU (I'm trying to saueeze some of my rottmnt Oc in although i don't know how to blend my oc in that much)
Sorry for my gramma, maybe this is confusing...┐(‘～`;)┌
Rafid is not a snapping turtle and his bite is stronger.
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They do.
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The main building looks like a massive train station surrounded by towers. Below is an underground city connected by subway lines and tunnels.
