We are never so wise as when we live in this moment.

There is a moment, a cusp, when the sum of gathered experience is worn down by the details of living.

[chewytewbites]

photo dump because.

lately i have been feeling a little bit needier, a little bit more attached, a little bit softer.

i gravitate towards the warmth imbued by each joke made, the care behind each gesture, and what is now most precious to me, the time set aside for the other person to simply be.

i walked into last night’s dinner braced, and exited with all my walls down.

i stated my needs, and i received understanding.

for the first time after many long, winding seasons where waiting for such a comfortable safety previously seemed an impossible dream, i now am no longer asked to shrink in order to fit, instead am re-learning how to receive.

some might call this growth, but one can only bloom under the right conditions. i would liken this to that of a beautiful flower basking in the sun. thank you L, for simply being. you always say you haven't done much, but that is sufficient for me.

[chewytewbites]

in my little corner of the internet, i attempt to revive my love for words. i may not be the best at it, but i am inspired to write in the only way i could.

i read a book (when breath becomes air) recently, of which it was written "You can’t ever reach perfection, but you can believe in an asymptote toward which you are ceaselessly striving."

[chewytewbites]

amidst the mundaneness of living, i’m glad to have met all of you.

[chewytewbites]

AI truly is amazing & intimidating at the same time. But it is akin to the concept of Money - a good servant but a poor master.

It writes about me so beautifully in my love language though.

[chewytewbites]

She might very well be the sweetest pea I'd ever meet in my life. I'm so lucky to have you bbg.

[chewytewbites]

When I breathe my last, what will I see?

What would I feel?

Am I ready?

[chewytewbites]

my simplest joys in life are watching Pippa snooze away so soundly at night

[chewytewbites]

just 3 years ago you were so happy your children bought you a tablet and a kbbq.

i really wish i had the opportunity to buy you more meals, pops. i would buy you endless.

you don’t know how much i miss you. do you?

[chewytewbites]

God, always knows how to pack a punch, at the right moment.

[chewytewbites]

Is it my turn yet Lord?

[chewytewbites]

The deepest form of connection that may exist might be

To be fully known by Someone and loved despite

Oh how precious

[chewytewbites]

On multiple dimensions within a single perception

Contemporary physicists talk about something called "quantum weirdness," which refers to the fact that an observed particle behaves very differently from one that is unobserved. An observed particle passed through a screen will always go through one hole. A particle that is unobserved but mechanically monitored will pass through multiple holes at the same time. What this suggests is that what we call reality is conditioned by the limitations of our senses, and there is some other reality much larger and more complex than we are able to perceive.

[chewytewbites]

Sometimes it feels as though you’re still around.

And that I’m merely physically distant and away from you, separated by everything tangible, and sometimes my own headspace.

But how I miss you, Dad.

It’s been almost a year but the way you left us still gets me.

Especially how much pain your body must have cried out beyond all the drugs, how much pain your heart must have had in wanting to speak its words beyond the tubes, and how much pain it was for us to see you as such.

I still see the episode from the lens of pain.

And like that lurking friend, I feel it again.

[chewytewbites]

[chewytewbites]

I’m here at my desk and working through CNY day 2 but without an ounce of self-pity. After all, it’s been a long time since I’d done work, proper work. 

The weather is sweltering, I’m perspiring, and I’d suddenly remembered how I would use to take lazy afternoon naps just to wake up to a fully air-conditioned room. It was always Dad who would switch on the air-con while I was asleep just making sure I was resting well and comfortable, at all times as long as he could see it and do a part for me. 

He must be watching over me right now. He must be. 

[chewytewbites]

It was truly a privilege to have experienced Japan the way I did this year. Ah, life & its possibilities.

[chewytewbites]

And life continues to take big turns. In many ways perhaps there have been crossroads upon crossroads, and the smaller ones still swerves.

My heart is battered and it’s in dire need of a long long rest to find my true north again.

日本, じゃ、また！