Claire Keane
Today's Document

pixel skylines

shark vs the universe

#extradirty

Kaledo Art
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
noise dept.
Show & Tell
Peter Solarz

ellievsbear

Product Placement
Not today Justin

No title available

⁂
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
Monterey Bay Aquarium

if i look back, i am lost
Mike Driver
Sweet Seals For You, Always
seen from Germany
seen from Germany
seen from Türkiye

seen from United States

seen from India

seen from Türkiye

seen from Greece

seen from Saudi Arabia

seen from Sri Lanka
seen from United States

seen from Türkiye
seen from Switzerland
seen from United States

seen from Malaysia

seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States

seen from Germany
seen from United States

seen from T1
seen from Romania
@cheyennejiayun
How do you fall back in love with life?
clean your room. clean space, uncluttered space, space that doesn’t have miasma clinging to it can work wonders. clean the dishes. sweep. take out the trash. peel the clothes off the floor and wash them, and then actually fold/hang them. take a long shower. scrub behind your knees. brush your teeth. (this can be utterly exhausting, but try to get it done in a day, if you can. the end result is worth it.)
pull out your notebook. it doesn’t need to be a new notebook, but preferably one that you don’t usually write in, or that you haven’t touched in a while. fuck moleskins. the yellow legal pad will work fine. sit in your room, or in the park, or in the library, and write a list. count clouds. describe all the colors that you see, and note patterns that arise. sketch the cracks in the walls. note the shape light makes when it enters a space. talk about what the air tastes like, smells like. what sounds are there? even the white nose, break that down: air planes, fans, cicadas, anything. remind yourself that you are sitting in the middle of a space brimming with detail. remind yourself that you are not in nothingness and emptiness. your world is fathomless. it has potential.
drink cold water and try to eat something that isn’t processed. it does not need to be fancy. buy yourself an apple with the change between your couch cushions. eat it outside. if you’re someone who walks, walk somewhere afterwards, just to stretch your legs. take your fucking meds. remember that its a good thing that you are inside your body. your body is a fantastic and endlessly intricate machine, and even though society has smacked a bunch of poisonous ideas on it, that doesn’t change its inherent worth and splendor. take care of it.
read a novel. underline your favorite lines, and write phrases that twist your heart inside your chest on the back of your hand with an ink pen. read a novel like it’s poetry. read poetry, something decadent but unpretentious. watch a movie you haven’t seen before. if there are free art galleries near you, walk through one. take your time. let yourself bask. if there are patterns in what makes your soul ache, write those patterns down – marbles arches or soot crumbling bricks or dandelions or descriptions of dresses or whatever it is, write them down.
your chosen family is important. remember, they picked you as much as you picked them. the love has no obligation. it is given freely and it is given from a place of compassion. you are not a burden. if you need to breathe, take a minute by yourself and just exist, but remember to go back to your people. when they need you, listen and be gracious. always be gracious. the universe sometimes remembers things like that.
listen to new music. link jump on youtube or related artist jump on spotify or ask the chap beside you in the cafe what their favorite band is, and listen to that. listen to something that you don’t usually listen to. we tend to tie up a lot of memory with music. we are falling in love again. the soundtrack needs to be specific to that.
allow yourself to indulge in romantics. press flowers in old books. play movies with subtitles and mouth the words. dance in your room. wear something that makes you feel good, even if you wouldn’t wear it in public. write your chosen family letters, even if you hand deliver them. write poetry, even awful poetry. revel in its awfulness. eat dark chocolate and when your chosen family want to go out, try to go out with them sometimes, even if its just to the market.
how can i sleep when theres IMAGES to look at.. weird sounds to listen to..... gay thoughts to think...!
I sometimes often wish that I have never came out to anyone at all.
The fact that I can look at someone who I’ve known close to 10 years, only to see them staring back at me with nothing but disappointment in their eyes because “that’s not normal”.
The fact that I still love and care greatly for the people I call “my best friends”, knowing deep down that they hate me because I go against their faith or beliefs.
The fact that one day if I am blessed enough to marry the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with, I will not send the wedding invitations to majority of the people that I wish could be there on that special day, just so I can spare them the hassle to decline the invitations, and myself from the pain of rejection.
“I love you but-”
“I believe in equality but-”
“Everyone deserves rights but-”
The buts’. How can I ever compete with the buts’. The buts’ trumps all.
I often wish that I have never came out to anyone at all.
Because right now putting on a mask sounds way better than the pitter patter of feet that are tip-toeing more cracks to my breaking heart.
Hundred-bird Karst Cave, Bama
Strawberry Oreo McFlurry
Nanhu Bridge, Nanning
Bama, Longevity Village
Detian Waterfall, China
“Talking about friends, I...... don’t know. I have been feeling more and more lonely. Everyone has got someone but I have no one. Sure, I have friends but, do I?? Like, everyone around me has someone to prioritize and be prioritized by. Like, my friends have their own boyfriends and girlfriends, my best friends have other best-er friends. I am on no one’s mind. I don’t have someone to prioritize and no one prioritizes me. And people that I do care, cares about other people and have other people care about them in return.
I mean, I’m not blaming anyone nor do I think people SHOULD care about me like someone who is desperately lacking of attention. It’s just, I can’t help but think if I’ve done something wrong, or if I’m not doing something right or enough that I got no one in my life. Maybe I’m just not a really likable person, maybe because I’m not good-looking, maybe I don’t have a good sense of humour, I don’t have a good personality, I don’t have any good qualities or maybe I’m just not good enough in......anything.
Sure I have people who care about me. I have my parents, my family, some friends from university. But, my parents are my parents, my family are my family, and my uni friends are my friends because we happened to be in the same class. They didn’t have a choice or say on whether I become their daughter, their family or their friend. My parents care about me because as parents, it’s their responsibility. My family care about me because I am their family. My friends care about me because they need me around.
If I took all of those descriptors away, where would that leave me? If my parents aren’t obligated to care about me because I’m their daughter, if it isn’t necessary for my family to care about me because we share the same blood, if my friends don’t need me around to contribute in assignments.
If they were’t obliged to, would anyone stay?”
- excerpt from today’s (11/02/2019) diary entry
“I don’t really know what to feel about 2018. It wasn’t particular a great year, but I wouldn’t call it a bad year either. It’s a mixture of a lot of good and bad. It definitely felt like the longest year I’ve ever had to experience and it honestly felt like the year was never going to end.”
“Looking back at 2018, I have definitely made a lot of great memories. I have visited Vietnam. Beautiful country, awesome food. One of my edits was played at ClexaCon 2018 in Las Vegas, which was crazy! I am so, so humbled that people enjoyed my videos and that the ClexaCon team wanted my video to be played at such an amazing and major convention. I am extremely grateful for the opportunity.”
“I also went to a lot of movie premieres. And a lot of concerts. I have also attended my first ever stand-up comedy show. There were a lot of sushis in 2018. I went on road trips with my friends. And also travelled overseas alone for the very first time to visit a friend.”
“And as much as I wish for it, it ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. Since January 2018, I’ve been to the doctor’s and hospitals more often than I had to in previous years. And now going into 2019, it’s still going to be that way for a little while. In and out of the hospital. But despite the difficult times and gloomy days, I am very grateful for my parents. My parents who had fetched me and accompanied me to every doctor’s appointment, who had made sure I wasn’t handling more than I should and who had been and will continue to be patient with me.”
“If there is one word to describe my 2018, or shall I say the mood for my 2018 is uncertain. There are a lot of things that I knew and was certain of before 2018 just became a bunch of question marks throughout the year. Because of 2018, I am uncertain of what I want, uncertain of my future, uncertain of the relationships and friendships that I have, uncertain of many aspects of my life. Just a whole bunch of question marks jumbled up. And the only way to get any answers is by moving forward. As cliché as it sounds.”
“With that being said, here’s a montage of my 2018, and have a happy new year.”
Here, as I stand on the edge of the cliff, face to face with the end of the world, all I can think of is falling into your arms.
Stranger
Pearls of rain droplets bounced off my shoulders as I walked towards my car. It was the type of shower that will last throughout the night and guarantees the best cozy sleeps, the type that was not enough to soak through my shirt but came with the chilly wind that sent shivers down my spine.
I sat in the dark and watched droplets of water merging into each other one after another on the windscreen. I refused to go back home, the one that my folks expect me to return to, the one that is made of concrete. Instead, I am longing to go back home, the one that is made of flesh and blood but I cannot return to.
I started up the engine and headed towards home, the one that knows when I have too much going on in my head with just a look, the one that reaches out for my hand and gives it a steady squeeze, the one that gives my hand a small little rub despite the funny look I will give, the one whose touch I crave for and the one who just, knows.
But I can’t, I ended up in the happiest place on earth I know nearest to home. It’s stupid, still I had a little hope while I scanned through the crowd. I sat alone at the bar with my favourite ice cream, trying to numb my already-cold hands without realising it.
Then you came, and sat across from me. You asked if the seat was taken before giving me a knowing smile. Silence went by, I tried to ignore you while I indulge in my ice cream. Then you told me funny, there were only two plugs in the entire place, and I realised that your presence was all I needed tonight.
We were both there, alone by ourselves. Hours went by, my ice cream was long gone, so was your burger, but who cares, the rain wasn’t stopping, so why should we. And when it was time to leave, we parted ways like we didn’t just spend hours talking about things we are most passionate about and things that we didn’t even care.
I sat in the dark and watched droplets of water merging into each other one after another on the windscreen. I realised I didn’t even get your name. I started up the engine, knowing it didn’t matter which home I head to now, because the night wasn’t that cold anymore.
06-09-2017
Home
Home sweet home they said ‘I want to go home’ She thought as she was at home
It’s not just where Snores are muffled In pillows Farewells to stars Are made Homesick For home
It’s where you long To be It’s where you rest your bones Your heart set as stone Lungs expand contract It’s where minds wander to Like how ISA agents are trained A safe place
She found it Somewhere in that goofy smile That little dimple that appeared At the corner of those lips The constellations in those pair of eyes Oh, how she loves stargazing The ever comfortable, soothing voice That stills her heart always Her safe place Her home
17-07-2016
This poem is about a girl finding her home. Home is where people go to to feel safe and relax, and it might not necessary be the shelter we go back to at the end of every day. Home can be a place, a person, an object, food, music or anything else. It doesn’t matter if they are fictional or not too. And I hope everyone has a home to go to whenever things get tough.
Nineteen
Six. It is her first day at her second kindergarten Fingers pointed to her Giggles followed She doesn’t understand why
Seven. It is her first day at primary school Perhaps it is déjà vu Perhaps it isn’t The stares she noticed It was all too familiar She was approached Questions were asked Now she understands why
Ten. One by one Names were called One by one Their heights were recorded Her name was called Excited She stood against the wall She is cheating Someone yelled from behind the line Her hair is at least 3cm tall Push it down Her teacher laughed along
Eleven. Her parents gave her one name Her classmates gave her a few Her basketball teammates gave her more Maggi Mee Hot Air Balloon Broom Her basketball coach gave her one name One Hokkien name Her coach called her Again Giggles followed She doesn’t understand Hokkien She doesn’t want to understand Hokkien
Eleven. She wants to shut everyone up By shaving her head
Twelve. You are too short We need tall players Even your hair can’t help you Next She’s out of the team
Thirteen. It is her first day in high school She already knew the drill She blames her parents’ genes
Fourteen. It’s rad Unique Different Awesome I love it Don’t care what other thinks She smiled She gave her thank yous She doesn’t believe any of those words
Fifteen. They don’t say it They don’t show it But her three best friends love her Leave it long She scoffed Trust us She does
Sixteen. Cut it Her favourite teacher told her It’s messy It’s worse Trust me She doesn’t
Sixteen. Every day Every recess She bumps into them Every day Every recess A song will be sung to her Sampaikan cintaku padanya Those were the only words she caught As she tries to ignore the group of senior Malay boys She doesn’t understand why Nor does she want to
Sixteen. Down Down And down Down but up What happened To growing upwards She doesn’t know Nobody does Her friends were right Her teacher was wrong
Seventeen. You are a prefect Tie it up It’s very long She doesn’t know how Shaking She walked away From her discipline teacher A hairband was dug up from her mother’s drawer Prussian blue with arctic blue flowers And was shoved into her best friend’s hand the next day Help me One look and no question were asked Her hair was tied up to a ponytail For the very first time
Seventeen. She’s a senior The boys are gone Sampaikan cintaku padanya Answers wanted Answers obtained She stares at the photo of the lead singer of Alleycats Now she knows why
Seventeen. Pretty Beautiful Awesome I’m jealous of you She smiled She gave her thank yous She believes them all
Seventeen. Her friends Her parents’ genes She’s grateful She’s happy
Eighteen. It is her first day in college She already knew the drill She thought she knew She’s grateful She’s happy
Nineteen. Stray strands were pointed out Unbeliveable She stares back at her friend from The other end of the lunch table She’s six again She hears giggles She’s ten again She hears her teacher’s laughter She’s eleven again Maggi Mee hot air balloon broom She’s eleven again She hears that Hokkien word She’s eleven again She wants to shave her head She’s fourteen again She believes nothing She’s fifteen again She scoffs at her best friends She’s sixteen again She hears her favourite teacher She’s sixteen again Sampaikan cintaku padanya She’s seventeen again She doesn’t know how to do a ponytail
Nineteen. She’s nineteen again She scoffs at her friend from The other end of the lunch table She’s grateful She’s happy She doesn’t care
16-06-2016