So, 2017. It’s been a professionally productive year. I finally took the step up to registrar and have spent a large part of the year having tell me I’m pretty good at it. Culturally there’s been a lot of good sci-fi and fantasy this year, large amounts of good music (more on this later), some good general fiction, some reasonable movies. On a personal front, not so good. When I look back at my personal life of the past few years I think that ever since Tim went to New York and Mum went to Hong Kong (and then London) I’ve first retreated into myself, and then become increasingly dysfunctional. No, that’s not quite right the word. I’ve done a lot of work, and that’s about all I’ve done. Catch-ups with friends outside of work have been more sparse, romantic life has been a bit abortive (I’ve still got regrets around Mark, Conor was great but brief, Josh is not a bad friend but we both are aware that friends who have sex is who we are to each other, other Josh wasn’t going to work, Nick wasn't really going to work either, Fraser was…complicated and sometimes I wonder if that was a fortunate near miss - and the bulk of that was 2016, not 2017). I think this year, while feeling increasingly valued at work I’ve felt increasing poverty of spirit at home. I can’t really shake the feeling that I don’t have anything to offer people outside of work.
The goal for 2018, then, is to try and get myself out of this. I don’t know how I’m going to do it entirely. I’m hoping I’ll figure it out quickly, because I’ve started to see a guy who’s amazing and seems to like me, and the feeling of personal inadequacy makes me intermittently feel as though I’m cheating him out of something better in his life (and worse for it) - so I’d like to stop that, and spend more time with him. I’m going back to the gym tomorrow (again another thing that’s been waiting since Kal). I’ve got plans to take my first proper holiday since starting work (a whole 3 months if they give it to me).
titsay
turnnoffyourmind
2087
yousharknotpass
snowghoul