i miss u so much jack. not all the time. but in the moments that i do its a soul crushing pain with inescapable anxiety. i remember the intimate moments we shared, dare i say romantic. despite the fact that i will never know the taste of your lips.
what i miss is the potential of u. god we had so much potential. we couldve made it i really think.
i remember what the first couple days without you were like, it felt like i was dying. it felt like i was 13 again. i felt alive again. so i thank you for giving me a reason to live again. i never wouldve thought that it was going to be me to cut it all off.
i threw away everything, theres no remnants of u in my life. im honestly embarrassed. im embarrassed that i didnt tell u to fuck off when i shouldve and let it drag out as long as i did.
god you were exhausting. i dont think i ever loved you really but i do miss u. i dont know what u were or if u were even real. ive disassociated myself entirely from those months. i dont recognize her. if i ever did love you, its not the person writing this and i dont know where shed be.
i wonder if ill ever see u on the street and if wed act like strangers or if ud cry or if id get pissed or if wed go back to being whatever we were. it was nice to be cared about but you werent enough.
u didnt do enough to show u cared. u didnt show up. u didnt do fucking shit. and i gave u my time, energy, love, soul. i go into things being 100000% me every time and you were just disappointing. i couldnt spend another week dealing with you.
im angry that you turned me into whatever u wanted me to be with and never thought about what i wanted to be.
im angry that u thought id be in ur life based on ur convenience. i know u werent expecting me to do this. i know among our late night conversations i told u that my biggest fear was being forgotten. but i pray that you do forget me. because the person u knew, never existed, u created her.
so jack, i hope that whatever you decide to do with your life benefits society and you stop being so fucking stupid.
i love ur family still. i will always remember them, so much love. i dont get how u turned out like such a f up.
i dont know why u wanted to hurt me so badly, and i dont care. ive been over you since the minute i met you and watched u fall inlove with someone you wanted me to be. an idea.
you werent special. i was special and i made us special. i know ur parents will bring me up for the rest of ur life, lol, my bad. thats pretty rough ngl.
i was a flower until you wanted to pluck my leaves.
