Trust Issues - Chillary OneShot
God, Marriage and Family. Those have always been my number one priorities. All my life, I've been raised to those values, I've lived every day with them and it tears me apart not to live by them anymore.
From day one, Charles and I have been the closest of friends. I mean, Dave is the biggest sweetheart and we wouldn't change him for the world but with Charles and I, it was different. We completely 'got' each other. There was no need for us to think twice while we interacted. Everything was natural between us. With Dave, you had to learn how to read him, that's all. Like, if he was in a mood because he missed Kelli, you'd have to be careful what you said to him or if he was having a hard time writing a song, you'd have to give him some space. And that was all fine, but with Charles, there was nothing complicated about him, I just, understood.
At first, Chris found my relationship with Charles a little hard to understand. But then he got over it. Things were fine. But then the doubts started to eat away at him. First, Chris didn't want Charles coming round so much to hang out. Then, Chris didn't want him to come round at all. He said I saw enough of him on the road, that it was "weird" of us to want to hang out in our down time. At first I gave in but then Chris' jealousy started to get out of control. He insisted on coming to practice when he wasn't needed. He wanted to come on our radio tours. It was suffocating - but I couldn't admit that or he'd ask why I didn't find Charles suffocating. It became exhausting trying to please him. I wasn't happy anymore to go home. I wanted to stay on tour longer just so I didn't have to be alone with him the entire time. Our marriage, you could say, had broken down at that point. He was sucking the life out of me. I still loved him but it was too much. I couldn't cope.
One night, I packed a suitcase and moved back in to my parents' house. I told Chris to call me when he could learn to trust me again. I knew that call would never come. At first I found it hard not to blame Charles for everything. But then I realised that I needed him. I needed him to get through this and of course it wasn't his fault. I missed him so damn much. I hadn't properly spoken to him in the past few months - all because Chris turned psycho on me and I so desperately wanted to save what we had.
"hello?"
"hey, its me."
"well shoot, if it isn't the long lost Hilly Billy! How you holdin' up?"
"fine.." I couldn't hold back the tears "actually...no, not so fine."
"where are you?" He was cool as a cucumber. It killed me to realise how protective he was. To him, I was the priority, not like with Chris when he was the priority. All Chris wanted was to feel secure - at any cost to the woman he was supposed to feel secure with in the first place. The tears continued.
"I'm at my moms."
"I'll be there in 5"
I was sitting on the porch swing with a blanket on my lap when Charles' truck came speeding up the driveway, coming to a slightly skidding halt on the gravel out front. I stood up as he came towards me and without even realising it, I raised my arms to accept his hug. Right there. That's when it started. Not a second before.
I had been a loyal wife. I had loved Chris with my whole heart. But he broke me when he refused my affection, when he didn't trust me, when he didn't believe me when I said I loved him. He made me feel like he didn't hear me or care to hear me. His jealousy was stronger than his love for me. He made me fall out of love with him. He did that. I was the one who asked for the divorce but there was never any doubt that he was the one who caused it.
Charles let me cry into his shoulder for a solid five minutes before he lead me back towards the porch swing. I leaned in to him while he rocked. He recited all of his jokes and even the ones I'd heard before make me feel a little better. As the sun set, I began to calm down. I sat upwards to look Charles in the eyes, "How do I do this? How can I get through this?"
"You're one of the strongest people I know. If I can get through it, you can too."
"I just, I never ever thought I'd get divorced....ever...."
"Well me either Hills. Most people don't when they decide to get married and live happily ever after. Truth is, both those things don't always go together. Your happy ever after will come and it will come because you're not in an unhappy marriage. It's a bitter pill to swallow but I have come to accept what happened with Cassie - and I know you'll do the same"
Without Charles, I'd have never gotten through those first few months. I owe him a debt I will never be able to repay. When Dave got engaged, we tried to be happy and upbeat about the whole 'marriage' thing. I was still bitter about my own marriage but deep down I was still a hopeless romantic. Even after everything, I wanted to get married again some day. I wanted to have kids and have a big happy family. And one day I was determined to see that dream come true.
Charles usually gives me a ride back to my parents' place after practice. When I jumped into the truck that day, Charles just came out with it like a highschool kid before prom "so, you're gonna be my date to this thing, right?"
"well when you put it so nicely, how could a girl refuse!" I laughed at his lack of tact.
"Please? The only thing good about this wedding is that you'll be there....and the free bar. But mostly you." I smiled and gave him a nod. Obviously I would go with him. But it was pretty cute that he asked me like a shy schoolboy. His looks were giving me jitters. He was making me feel alive again and happy. He was the biggest ball of positivity my life desperately needed. I needed him like the air I breathed.
I felt myself getting all nervous before the ceremony. Charles was to pick me up and I found myself looking in the mirror and reapplying my lipgloss like, ten million times. I needed a good slap on the wrist. This is Charles for cripes sake. Charles. Not Freddie Prinze Jr, stupid fifteen year old Hillary.
Charles was nervous too though and as soon as I saw him hold out a shaky hand to help me to the car, I suddenly felt more at ease. I loved him. The realisation hit as soon as he shut the truck door after me. I stared, shocked, into space. I couldn't believe it. My mind was racing.
"Hello?! Hillary, are you there? I swear, you've been acting so strange today" Charles said as he leaned back in his chair at the dinner table, wine glass in hand.
"I'm sorry, I've just, I've been thinking..."
"well if this is what thinking looks like, you mustn't do it a lot"
I gave his arm a punch "HA. HA. good one."
"you think I'm hilarious. Don't lie."
"You're right. You are pretty funny. But you can't dance"
"Uh, I'm better than you."
"Oh yeah?"
He stood up "yeah, and I'll prove it."
He held out his hand and we walked to the dance floor. It was like a teenage movie. Just as we found a spot, the music slowed right down. The slow songs were on and probably would be for a few sets. Charles exaggerated a look of distain and then placed his hand on my waist. We swayed from side to side. Sometimes I looked him in the eyes or I studied his face and sometimes I leaned my head on his shoulder but throughout the first two songs, we didn't speak a word to each other. There was only silence between us, both of us deep in thought. I didn't need to guess what he was thinking. He didn't need to guess what I was thinking. Somehow when we looked at each other at the end of that second song, we knew.
Charles smiled softly and took my hand. He lead me away from the dance floor and into the garden outside. We reached a patio in the far corner of the garden, with a gazebo and a waterfall and hundreds of flowers. Never letting go of my hand, he raised his other hand to my cheek and softly leaned in to kiss me. We kissed until we felt the movement of others around the garden. Charles wrapped his arm around my shoulder and kissed the top of my head as we made our way back to the marque. I had never felt more loved, understood and cherished in my whole life. Charles made my whole heart feel like it had never been broken.
