MY JOURNEY

MY LIFE! MY EMOTIONS! MY THOUGHTS!

[nousrose]

Why do people keep repeating the same self-destructive behavior? To answer this question, I would compare the character to a shell. To step out of character is like being born or, more accurately, reborn. The cracking of the shell is equivalent to a confrontation with death. Living in the shell seems to guarantee survival, even if it represents a severe limitation on one's life. To stay in the shell and suffer seems safer than to risk death for freedom and joy. This is not a consciously thought out position.

The Voice of the Body

Alexander Lowen

[chlobreezy]

WELCOME BACK TO THE TUMBLR SIDE..

It’s been a very few looooong months. There is a lot I need to touch base on from past posts, aha.

-SUCCULENTS-

I no longer have my succulents anymore. I work so many hours that it became extremely difficult to take care of my plant babies. I’m very sad that they didn’t last longer than I had hoped, but I still tried. Coming this weekend I’m going to try my hand at it again only this time, one succulent versus four.

-BOOKS-

I’ve finished a few more books since I started my binge reading. Although I don’t think I am at my goal, I am almost positive I’m pretty darn close. Within the last two or three months I’ve finished roughly two to four books. My love for books is still there, however I WORK TOO MUCH.

-JOB-

I was worn out constantly waking up at 3:30 every morning to make it to work at a decent time. That job was soul sucking and did not provide me a financial peace of mind. I went from working 40 hours to now pulling in 65 hours a week with one day off.

I’ve officially taken on a new job that gives me financial freedom and peace of mind. I collect specimens for animal hospitals all across my city. So essentially my job consists of driving 12 hours a day and working 6 days a week. I love what I do, but I miss my sleep.

[chlobreezy]

The Journey Behind the Covers

Walking into 2019 I had it set in mind that I would read 48 books if not more. From the span of January to May I’ve had my nose buried in a book. Approximately I’ve read about nineteen books so far.

I binge read so much that I burnt myself out and completely put the books down for the last month. I read maybe one or two books in May and started one in June. The one I started in June I am finally about to finish, woooohhoooo. (It is a murder mystery that is extremely detailed and thrilling.)

Tami Haog is currently my go to author right now, but slowly I’m getting burnt out again. I need new recommendations on books that y’all find entertaining please!

[chlobreezy]

Early Morning.

Friday through Monday I wake up everyday at 3:15 AM, drive 40 minutes to work, & proceed to start my day at 5 AM.

Routine is nice, but I’m so run down. Sleep may not seem like a lot to others, but I crave it. These early mornings the last four months have been utterly draining. I’m always too tired to do anything which bites.

Heavily debating wether or not a new job would be better than these early mornings. Keep me in y’all’s thoughts as I battle these early mornings!

[chlobreezy]

Brotherly Love

First off, I dearly love my brother, even when he’s a jackass.

My brother is 5 years older than me. Growing up I was constantly on his heels trying to hangout with him and his friends. During my middle school days, we were inseparable. Through paintball we bonded and enjoyed life.

We grew apart.

He moved to another state entirely. Became a different person all together. Once he came back it felt like I was living with a stranger at the time. I was doing my thing during high school and he was doing his as a young adult.

Fast forward.

We juggled a rocky relationship during my last few years of high school, constant back and forth. Then graduation came and I left. Following my departure the rocky relationship only got WOSRE.

Moving forward further.

At the end of last year we reconciled. Currently we are here today attached at the hip. Understanding one another as an adult. Watching each other grow more each and everyday. Watching him start a family. Being apart of my nephew and niece’s (coming Jul. 11th) life.

I live by my motto: FAMILY FIRST. Through our trials tribulations we have come together and started from scratch. To more family journies in the future!

[chlobreezy]

SUCCULENTS

Currently taking on a new challenge: the green thumb.

I decided on a whim to try and bring in some good through plants. I’ve read and read many different articles about plants and which ones provide good energy. If you guys have any RECOMMENDATIONS please drop them in the comments.

On Thursday, I started my journey into the green thumb world with my little succulents. Currently I have five little succulent babies that I’m trying to maintain. So far I believe I purchased succulents that were poorly maintained and that already sets a troubling pace for a newbie, lol. Hopefully within a week they are stronger than they are now. Wish me luck ladies & gents.

[purplebuddhaquotes]

“Don’t stay stuck in a low chapter. Zoom out. And have faith that everything you’re going through is setting you up to prosper.”

—

[chlobreezy]

Definitely needed this.

[chlobreezy]

Under Construction

I am deeply troubled with my mind set, POV, & set backs. It’s disturbing to feel like I am heading in one direction only to switch and go the complete opposite direction.

Managing my inner peace is going to be my ONLY solution. Moving forward, it’s time to change my focus & my path. I am going to start a journey on finding the best way to maintain myself. To find growths. To change the negatives. To truly find my inner depths and figure out who I am & what I truly want from life.

[chlobreezy]

June~

This month feels like I’ve done nothing BUT backtrack.

I have smoked cigarettes within the last week and a half, stopped meal prepping, & working out. It has been a tremendous detour on the road I was heading down and it’s honestly disappointing.

Justen, the ex, came back around and it’s turned everything upside down. He makes me feel alive, but I know he does not want anything. I am just trying to juggle it all.

Moving into July I really need to screw my head on straight and find my focus again. Time to push harder for better than what I gave myself in June. Cheers to the end of June abruptly coming up!

[chlobreezy]

History Behind Debt..

We all have it. One of the biggest things surrounding America as well, DEBT.

School loans, mortgages, cash loans, credit cards, vehicles, etc. Whatever the case may be, we all carry our fair share of debt. Sometimes it seems like a journey that will never end, but there is ALWAYS light at the end of the tunnel.

It’s taken me over four years of busting my chops to finally accomplish one long never ending battle, paying my debt. I’m so close to completely paying off my debt that I could scream, cry, and jump for joy. This is something I’ve wanted tackled for awhile. Something that seemed almost unattainable, but never the less it’s in the makings.

Hopefully by the end of this year ALL of my debt will officially be paid off IN FULL.

[chlobreezy]

The WRX Journey!

Before I even start with my journey I need to state that, yes I know how to drive a manual. Surprising I know.

I have NEVER had as many difficulties with a clutch like I do the one in my baby girl. There is a sweet spot that has to be hit on my clutch to get into first and it’s infuriating. That’s my number one complication with her, but there’s more. Haha haha.

I was once told that an FRS clutch is comparable to a WRX. I call bullshit. I’ve driven an FRS and haven’t stalled, but not with baby girl. Quite frankly I’ve stalled more times than I’d like to count. It’s aggravating beyond belief.

Everyone continues to say give it time and work with your clutch, but I’m scared that I won’t accomplish my end goal. Keep me in your thoughts as I explore my latest edition: the Subbbiiiee ‘19.

[chlobreezy]

Change # 2 & a Side Continuation

Drumroll please....

I have been busting my ass for over two years trying to steadily payoff a vehicle that I never wanted as a choice.

(Quick Back Story: I was forced by my mom to get the vehicle she wanted me to get with my own money because I had absolutely no credit back then & she co-signed. -Long Story Short)

My goal by October was to have the loan for the vehicle completely paid off and then work on getting a new vehicle. Due to unfortunate circumstances my SUV was totaled. (The accident was NOT my fault.)

I waited of two weeks for everything to be settled in order for me to get a new vehicle. When everything was said and done I had money left over and was able to officially purchase a new vehicle. One of my many dream vehicles: a Subaru WRX

Continuation-

I’ve been working on cutting out nicotine completely. Yes, I’ve been without cigarettes for 64 days, but now it’s time to completely cut out my vape as well. I’m down to a 3 mg nicotine, hurray! Once this bottle is done I will be packing my mod away forever.

[zodiacmind]

Fun facts about your sign here

[chlobreezy]

This is valid, but sometimes we have to because people don’t ever think they are in the wrong.

[chlobreezy]

Big congrats on quitting smoking I’m trying to get to that level of self love. I cannot acquire the will power but I’m trying!

Thank you soooo much! You have to put yourself in the mindset, plus a mod helps when decreasing your intake of nicotine. You’ll get there I promise! ❤️

[chlobreezy]

#1 Change

Hello,

I know on my previous post I spoke about change, change, change. Well ladies and gentlemen, my BIGGEST change this year has been quitting smoking.

I’ve been smoking cigarettes for roughly around 5 years. It was getting to the point where I was smoking a pack and a half in two days if not MORE. Ewwww grosss, I know.

When starting my new job I decided it was time to put the cigarettes away. Don’t get me wrong each and everyday is a battle. From smelling cigarette smoke to having a stressful day at work, it’s all a trigger. Ultimately I’ve successfully been without cigarettes for 50 days (as of today).

Not only have I stopped smoking cigarettes, BUT I’m also decreasing my nicotine intake. Slowly but surely. In the first 31 days I went from a 22mg (nicotine- aka a cigarette) to a 6mg vaporizer. In two weeks it’s time to decrease again to 3mg, wish me luck! Once my target hits 93 days I want to be completely off nicotine. THAT IS MY END GOAL.

[chlobreezy]

Change, Change, Change

This year I started somewhere else. A change of pace all entirely. I told myself coming into this project that I’d drop all of the dead weight & become a better person for me.

So far, I’ve stopped smoking cigarettes. Granted it’s only 3 months into the year, but I feel so strongly about this. Dropped some of the excess negativity in my “group”. That alone feels like 180lbs lifted off my shoulders.

I’m feeling more positive on the road I’m starting to lead. Wish my luck!

[chlobreezy]

SIXXXX

I completed four books in January just as planned, but my goodness February just slipped past me. Finally finished my second book & it felt like it took me way too long.

I’m thinking it’s time to change my book selection. Anyone out there that knows any good reads that are suspenseful or mysterious please let me know! I’m tired of romance novels.