the junk drawer

[chocolateheadache]

Finally deleting that god forsake app. Finally understanding that D’s just a fucking 24 yr old w a big dick and zero interest in me outside body parts

And I’ll still get sad and teary thinking I’ll never talk to him again.

LIKE BITCH HE DOESNT EVEN LIKE YOU??????

Idk bro like am I just gay and seeking cis het male attention??? Is that all it ever is?!

[chocolateheadache]

:( I hate that I just feel so hurt

[chocolateheadache]

Wow I was so ready to trauma dump but now I’m just ready to leave work

[chocolateheadache]

i will not hate myself for who im not

i will not compare myself

[dreamer-21]

TAROT REFERENCE

Major Arcana

0 The Fool – New beginnings, optimism, trust in life; Reversed: Delays

1 The Magician – Action, the power to manifest; Reversed: Misunderstandings.

2 The High Priestess – Inaction, going within, the subconscious; Reversed: Manipulations.

3 The Empress – Abundance, nurturing, fertility, life in bloom; Reversed: Neglect

4 The Emperor – Structure, stability, rules and power; Reversed: Chaos

5 The Hierophant – Institutions, tradition, society and its rules; Reversed: Hypocrisy

6 The Lovers – Sexuality, passion, choice, uniting; Reversed: Separation

7 The Chariot – Movement, progress, integration; Reversed: Defeat

8 Strength – Courage, subtle power, integration of animal self; Reversed: Fear

9 The Hermit – Meditation, solitude, consciousness; Reversed: Isolation

10 Wheel of Fortune – Cycles, change, ups and downs; Reversed: Stagnation

11 Justice – Fairness, equality, balance; Reversed: Lies

12 The Hanged Man – Surrender, new perspective, enlightenment; Reversed: Stubbornness.

13 Death – The end of something, change, the impermeability of all things; Reversed: Limbo

14 Temperance – Balance, moderation, being sensible; Reversed: Impatience

15 The Devil – Destructive patterns, addiction, giving away your power; Reversed: Freedom

16 The Tower – Collapse of stable structures, release, sudden insight; Reversed: Control

17 The Star – Hope, calm, a good omen; Reversed: Darkness

18 The Moon – Mystery, the subconscious, dreams; Reversed: Paranoia

19 The Sun – Success, happiness, all will be well; Reversed: Failure

20 Judgment – Rebirth, a new phase, inner calling; Reversed: Regrets

21 The World – Completion, wholeness, attainment, celebration of life; Reversed: Incomplete

Suit of Swords • Other Names: Staves, arrows, spades • Element: Air Attributes: Active, male Astrological Signs: Gemini, Libra, Aquarius • Direction: West Season: Pagan – Spring / Esoteric – Autumn • Self: Mind, thoughts, intellect Jungian Function: Thinking Body Part: Head Qabbalistic World: Yetzirah – the Formative World

Air is seen as the intellect, logic and reasoning. An active element, Air circulates and so cleanses; it carries your thoughts and dreams; is also expansive when hot and is said to be expressive. Your mind or thoughts can be seen as clear or clouded; speech requires breath, which requires air.

Swords represent logic, the mind and your thoughts. They deal with problems and troubles, planning, communication, ideas, your intellect and how you use it. They represent your daily and life struggles, problems in general. The very nature of a sword is aggressive and warlike. Combined with the swiftness of air, the combination can see situations arise quickly. The ability to see clearly means resolution is quick also. Swords people are great thinkers. You will find them in study, research, academia, the sciences, law courts and libraries. They love to learn and live to do it in any capacity.

Keywords: decisions, worries, problems, issues, tension, communication, intelligence, disagreements; arguments, logic, reason, cognition, ideas, inspirations, balance, equilibrium, the mind, mentalism, thinking, facts and figures, definition. Reversed: vicious, ruthless, manipulative, cold, unemotional, spite and malice, accidents, inertia, indecision, confusion, mental blockages, biased, illogical, mental health issues, negative life changes.

• King – Serious, controlling, rational and mind/intellect-focused; Reversed: Foolish • Queen – Intelligent, writer, communicative yet cold; Reversed: Ineffective • Knight – Fierce, determined, aggressively pursues goals; Reversed: Boredom • Page – mentally unstable or intellectually immature, acts without thinking; Reversed: Stupidity • Ace of Swords – A fresh start, a sudden opportunity or idea, clarity; Reversed: Improbable • 2 – Indecision; Reversed: Conflicts • 3– Heartbreak, betrayal; Reversed: Torment • 4 – Meditation, rest, retreat; Reversed: Disturbance • 5 – Mind games, hostility; Reversed: Treachery • 6 – Leaving, accepting help, going somewhere better; Reversed: Trouble • 7 – Secret plans, abandoning ship; Reversed: Clumsiness • 8 – feeling powerless and stuck; Reversed: Escaping • 9 – Overactive mind, anxiety; Reversed: Martyrdom • 10 – Feeling defeated, self-sabotage; Reversed: Sabotage

Suit of Cups • Other Names: Chalices, Grails, Cauldrons, Hearts, Vessels • Element: Water Attributes: Passive, female; cold, wet Astrological Signs: Pisces, Cancer, Scorpio • Direction: East Season: Pagan – Autumn- / Esoteric – Summer • Self: Emotions, love, receptivity Jungian Function: Feeling Body Part: Heart Qabbalistic World: Briah – the Creative World

Water is seen as the emotions, your feelings, and your intuition. Considered passive, water can be deep or shallow; you like the ocean, are responsive to the moon; your tears can rise and fall; out of control, your emotions flood;

Cups represent your emotions, feelings, your subconscious, intuition and psychism. They deal with love affairs, all relationships, inner expression, your reactions or responses and the pursuit of happiness. Generally passive and not outwardly extrovert, creativity through expression are some of the traits of this suit. Careers are usually in the arts or creative pursuits, they are, poets, painters, florists and designers, nurses, social workers and care-givers. Cups people are happy in the background doing their own thing, though they are often actors distinguishing the limelight from private time like no others.

Keywords: creative, intuitive, clairsentient, psychic, passive, affectionate, receptive, imaginative, caring, relationships, love, dreams, sensitivity, romantic, artistic, spiritual, compassionate, tactile, nurturing, the unconscious mind, domesticity, culture, expression, flexibility, fluidity, calm motion, serenity, empathetic, aesthetics and beauty. Reversed: needy, co-dependent, intense, neglectful, fantasists, uncaring, cold, unfeeling, moody, unresponsive, illogical, lost, negative, pessimistic, emotional, overly sentimental, tearful, selfish.

• King – Repression of deep feelings, possible alcoholism; Reversed: Selfishness • Queen – Emotionally nurturing, intuitive, sensitive; Reversed: Ignorance • Knight – Romantic, adventurous, following one’s heart; Reversed: Pessimism • Page – Creative, inspired, learning artistic skill; Reversed: Gloomy • Ace of Cups – emotional fulfillment, joy; Reversed: Indifferent • 2 – Partnership, mutual attraction, compatibility; Reversed: Abandonment • 3 – Celebration, fun with friends, laughter; Reversed: Jealousy • 4 – Boredom, dissatisfaction with what is being offered; Reversed: Avoidance • 5 – Dwelling on the negative, self-pity; Reversed: Alienation • 6 – Sentimentality, kindness, help; Reversed: Discouraging • 7 – So many choices, indecision, getting lost in fantasy, wishing and dreaming; Reversed: Lethargic • 8 – Abandoning something in search of something better, vision; Reversed: Sacrifice • 9 – Indulgence, self-satisfaction; Reversed: Disintegration • 10 – Emotional bliss, happiness, attainment; Reversed: Disruption

Suit of Wands • Other Names: Batons, Staves, Rods, Clubs, Staffs, Scepters • Element: Fire Attributes: Active, masculine; hot, dry Astrological Signs: Aries, Leo, Sagittarius • Direction: South Season: Pagan – Summer / Esoteric – Spring • Self: Will, actions, desire Jungian Function: Intuition Body Part: Genitals Qabbalistic World: Atziluth – the Archetypal World

Fire is energy and action, passion, drive and ambition. An active element, it can cause permanent change; is expansive; can be aggressive; is pro-active and undeterred.

Wands represent creativity, energy, passion and action. They cover your spiritual pursuits, your career and creative projects. Leadership, self-growth and general optimism are some traits of this suit. Careers are usually in business, they are leaders, entrepreneurial & sales focused. Wands people like to get ahead and are generally pro-active in all their activities. With an unrivaled healthy vitality, they are often accomplished sports people.

Keywords: intuition; creativity; vitality; sexuality; spirituality; vision; energetic; outgoing; impulsive; motivational; pro-active; spirit and spirited; optimistic; enterprise; commerce; business; careers; opportunities; the thrill of the chase; competitive; growth; personal development; inspirational; enthusiastic; sexual; passionate; action; movement; initiation. Reversed: rash; impetuous; ruthless; greedy; narrow-minded; hyperactive; brash; manipulative; conniving; mean-spirited; overly optimistic; risk takers; heartless; aggressive; selfish; misleading; sadistic; distrusting of others.

• King – Career focused, mature, passionate; Reversed: Impostor • Queen – Confidant, focused, has zest for life; Reversed: Fatigue • Knight – An adventurous risk taker who follows his passions; Reversed: Apathy • Page – newly inspired, excited about life and work; Reversed: Passive • Ace of Wands – New beginnings, creative spark, fertile ideas; Reversed: Unpromising • 2 – Contemplation, assessing one’s life direction; Reversed: Dispute • 3 – Reaping the rewards of your efforts; Reversed: Idleness • 4 – Celebration, safety, the home; Reversed: Discord • 5 – Competition, minor struggles or disagreements; Reversed: Timidness • 6 – Success, accolades and achievement; Reversed: Disapproval • 7 – Feeling defensive and on guard; Reversed: Yielding • 8 – Speed, things manifesting quickly; Reversed: Stagnation • 9 – Pessimism, gearing up for the worst; Reversed: Weakness • 10 – Feeling oppressed, exhaustion, too many responsibilities; Reversed: Impractical

Suit of Pentacles • Other Names: Disks, Coins, Deniers, Stones, Diamonds • Element: Earth Attributes: Passive, female Astrological Signs: Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn • Direction: North Season: Pagan – Winter / Esoteric – Winter • Self: Body, Jungian Function: Sensation Body Part: Feet Qabbalistic World: Assiah

Earth is seen as the material, the physical & the sensual. A Passive element, Earth allows growth & production; promotes prosperity; is the foundation on which anything is built.

Pentacles, represent all things material and physical, what you experience using your senses. They deal with your money, business deals, material possessions, your job, arts, crafts, your home & garden. Working hard & getting the job done are attributes of this suit. Pentacle people don’t mind getting their hands dirty whether that’s working with the land or in a factory. Strong & dependable, often found in the trades, removals, farming, landscaping & homemaking.

Keywords: sensual, sexual; strong; lithe; dependable; reliable; stoic; practical; skilled & skillful; artistic; common sense; traditional; regular; straightforward; grounded; sensible; lush; fertile; growth; luxury; wealth; prosperity; apprenticeships; scholarships; dull; dutiful; realistic; down-to-earth; materialistic; money motivated; domesticity; health & fitness; exercise. Reversed: miserly; slave drivers; workaholics; pleasure seekers; neglectful; shoddy work; dullards; negative; pessimistic; superstitious; thoughtless; penny pinchers; lazy; unforgiving; selfish; greedy; covetous; moronic.

• King – Enjoys the good life (food, drink and leisure), financially secure; Reversed: Hoarder • Queen – Healthy in body and finances, grounded and calm; Reversed: Unreasonable • Knight – Cautious, sensible and slow to progress; Reversed: Inexperienced • Page – Student, commitment to learning; Reversed: Rookie • Ace of Pentacles – Financial reward, clarity of life purpose, goals; Reversed: Debt • 2 – Balance, multitasking; Reversed: Impractical • 3 – Meaningful work, enjoying one’s work, suitable career; Reversed: Mediocrity • 4 – Hoarding, feeling poor, holding self-back out of fear; Reversed: Greed • 5 – Minor money troubles, health problems, feeling like an outsider; Reversed: Helplessness • 6 – Charity, accepting and giving help; Reversed: Cruelty • 7 – Patience, waiting for your plans to bear fruit; Reversed: Unemployment • 8 – Hard work, focused efforts, laying the groundwork; Reversed: Skill-shortage • 9 – Luxury, rest, financial and material comforts; Reversed: Dependency • 10 – Financial success, strong business relationships; Reversed: Restrictions

[thehappyrealityproject]

Want to have real relationships and authentic partnerships? Speak your truth, fully. Express all of who you are, not just part of you. If people can’t accept the real you, move on. The right people will love you.

Jaime Carlyle (via thehappyrealityproject)

[29thdegree-blog]

the vertex axis in synastry

the vertex and the anti-vertex are theoretical points in an astrological chart, like the ascendant and descendant or mc/ic, located 180° (in opposite signs) from one another. together they form the vertex axis, found in the natal chart somewhere between the 5th and 8th houses. the vertex is known as the point at which incoming fated encounters and events in one’s life emerge.

when someone else’s inner planets, angles, nodes, vertex, or asteroids conjunct one’s vertex (within a 1° orb), there can be a sense of fate, destiny, or some type of deep karmic bond. because vertex contacts are so rare and powerful, prolonged contact may have the potential to create a profound, life-altering change in the individual related to elevating their spiritual awareness and soul development.

the vertex event, when stimulated, is like a wave you have to ride, an overriding force of such perceived significance that one may feel fated to experience it despite the difficulties the resulting transitions may cause. the all-encompassing, “electrifying” nature of these encounters gave the vertex and anti-vertex their nickname of the electric axis.

to find your vertex you need your exact time of birth - any online chart drawing website should offer the vertex calculation as an advanced option, but i know that astrotheme recently began displaying it with a large cross symbol which makes it super easy to pinpoint. here are a few additional info sources if you can’t get enough: [x] [x] [x]

[chocolateheadache]

still in love 

STILL

IN

LOOOOOVE

[chocolateheadache]

counfounded, alive, refound, supportive, lose your shit, crack in half to come back and around

[chocolateheadache]

how fucking ridiculous this all way! i thank you and i love you and i’ll literally see you next life time you fucking fool. fuck i love you so god damn much 

but i dont know if im lying to myself. 

sucks that i probably dont know you anymore. and sucks that it seems here i was waiting, an empty bowl waiting

[chocolateheadache]

Kissitbetter by Yellowlunarhuman on #SoundCloud

[chocolateheadache]

I want to be alone with you

[chocolateheadache]

Bc I remember myself

[chocolateheadache]

Also why am I not as mad when I'm with you????

[chocolateheadache]

Bc I remember myself

[chocolateheadache]

I'm gonna be so pissed if I hate the sun and the ocean and sunsets now BECAUSE OF YOU

[chocolateheadache]

Also why am I not as mad when I'm with you????