This was going to go on my other post, but since that one was so long, and this is a pretty far off tangent from what I was originally talking about in that post, it’s going in here. I’m starting school next week on Tuesday and first off I’m already stressing about it, and getting anxious about it. Because it’s always that way, and it’s my senior year! :/ During the first week or two, sometimes as many as the three first weeks of school my anxiety is so high that I can’t stomach breakfast in the morning. I would say that this year shouldn’t be so bad, since this will be the first time that I’ve gone to a high school for a second year (Since we’ve always moved) but like I said it’s my senior year, and this will be the first time I’ve gone to a school without one of my siblings there, since my brother is two years ahead of me, and my sister two years behind (So when I brought this point up to my sister she pointed out that during 7th grade I was alone then, but that was middle school), and when I went to the school last week, to get my school I.D. I couldn’t eat that morning, and it wasn’t even a day of school. (My anxiety on these kind of things gets really bad too, and to prove it, [in case you don’t believe me] I’ll tell you a little story. One day last year I found out that about three hours before it happened that I had an optometry appointment. [With these appointments I always have to mentally prepare my self for at least a day, since it’s so stressful. Now I’ve had my glasses since I was in kindergarten, but since I’ve gotten pretty bad anxiety in the 10th grade or about, I’ve had to prepare myself for just about any social interactions since.] Well the appointment ends, and the optometrist determines that I’m going blind in my left eye, and recommends that we go and see another optometrist about this, since they want to see if they can treat it or something [I don’t remember exactly] So we go over to this other optometrist like a month later, and I had about two days advance notice on this appointment, and we go in, and everything was perfectly fine. [If you want to know why I find this whole experience so stressful it’s pretty much because of what happened, I’m always afraid that when they ask, which is better one or two I’m going to say one, when I meant two, but they didn’t switch between the two enough times for me to really determine which one was truly the better one. Why don’t you just ask them to do it more times? You ask me, and I tell you Did you not read the part about my anxiety?] Anyways my point is that pretty much no matter what I’m going to stress about it [The first day of school] My whole point to making this post was just to want to go to college next year, and I’ve been getting the “Come to our school. It’s great!” Things since about May. And I’ve never really thought about where I want to go to college, although I felt pressured into trying to decide what I wanted to do with my life in 10th grade since most of my friends were seniors. But I am happy with my decision, since I decided that I wanted to become an art teacher, and I’ve always enjoyed art since I can remember, and I think helping people is one of the other thing’s I’ve always enjoyed, or at least was pushed into doing it so often, since I was always really patient, and nice to everyone in my classes, so I was often put into groups with the more difficult people in class, since I could deal with them, since I don’t take no shit either, and I eventually came to enjoy helping out other people.) I’ve realized I wanted to add another reason for why I’ll be stressed, but don’t want to go back to the beginning of the post to squeeze this in, since I am exhausted, and just want to post this real quick. I’m not quite sure if I’ve told you guys this, but I didn’t really make any friends last year, I mean I did have a group of freshman that I sat with at lunch, but there was like 3 out of like eight or more that would be there depending on the day, not to say that they’re not enough or anything, because I prefer smaller amounts of good friends to, large amounts of casual friends, but they’re still three years below me, and won’t be in any of my classes, and since none of my siblings will be with me this year, for reasons I’m too tired to explain I feel like I’ll be even lonelier this year than any other. I believe that the point that I was getting to is that I’m probably going to be more stressed this year than any other year, until probably next year. As I was talking about earlier about already stressing about school before it’s even started I want to tell you that I’ve had a dream about one of my teachers yelling at me for not coming to class, even though it was summer time and we weren’t suppose to be in class, but it kept replaying, and I’d go into her class room several times to pick up the assignment, but I’ve never actually heard that teacher yell at anyone for not doing their work, so I think that I was trying to get the dream to reflect that, and the last time it replayed it did, and I felt less stressed, since Frau is always really understanding, and pretty flexible about when you turn things in. I think I might have said this already, but I’ve only felt like glancing back at the post to try and find if I’d said this already, but the reason I made this post was to tell you guys I’m going to try to be more active this school year, since I feel like I’m taking some pretty cool classes , and I want to share some the things I’ll learn with you, and I’m pretty sure that I’ll be pretty stressed this year. So if you’ve happened to stick it out to the end of this very long post, you might have found out what this post was actually for the first or second time. So I commend you for actually reading it this far, because I barely made it, writing it this long, mostly because for whatever reason my computer is really delaying the typing so I have to wait like five minutes for what I’ve typed in 30 seconds to have it show up, and for me to check and see that I’ve actually typed everything correctly. Well I think I’ve said everything I wanted to, so since I’m exhausted, and I for whatever reason tend to talk a lot when I’m exhausted, I’m going to get off the computer before I decide that I need to make another long Ass post. I also tend to let my tongue slip, since when I’m alert I don’t really curse, but right now I don’t really care, I just want to sleep, so good night. But first, once again for a very long post.
