Three goblins in a trench coat

why am i still here

[strange-aeons]

Surely Garfield of all things isn't something that gets in the way of religion

implication is that his previous religion was Garfield . . .

[finalhorsegirl]

obsessed with this stupid shirt i found at goodwill the other day

[vacuously-true]

Hey tumblr friends, in case I haven't told you lately, I have no idea what the FUCK half of you are on about and I WISH I didn't know what the rest of you are on about. Great work. Keep it up.

[nudityandnerdery]

[southfarthing]

[1o9]

[grackleclaw]

the human body is an engineering marvel. I sneeze in bright light. if I dont get enough sunlight on my skin I get tired and sad and have to drink a lot of milk to fix it. standing too much hurts, but sitting too much also hurts. if I get a virus, my body will increase its temperature in an attempt to cook it, which also cooks my brain cells. toenails exist. I have to turn the radio down to see better when I drive. there are 17 genes dictating what my hair texture is, but it completely changes when the air is too humid. yawning is contagious. there are more species of bacteria living in my body than there are species of birds in the entire world. every few months I grievously injure my neck by "sleeping on it weird." it took seven million years of human evolution to form me, and now I'm afraid of phone calls.

[deltaomicronfive]

Ngl guys this entire saga and phenomenon stumbled upon is fucking frying me.

[penandinkprincess]

it obviously makes sense, but one of my friend’s kids is going into swim class, and all the parents got an email today going, “when little ones are scared, they cling on to instructors. PLEASE trim their nails.” 

i don’t know why that’s so funny to me, but just. the idea of this poor, scratched swim instructor having to make sure to email before each class as a reminder to please declaw the children SENT me. 

[rockitcat]

When I taught swim lessons I remember trying to delicately ask parents not to cover their child in shea/coconut/olive oil before lessons.

“I understand your skincare regimen and wanting to protect their tender baby flesh from the pool chemicals, but COULD YOU NOT OIL YOUR CHILD LIKE A GREASED PIG before tossing them in the POOL? Thanks EVER so much!”

[penandinkprincess]

@nakimochiku i CACKLED

[datadegroove-deactivated2026042]

[official-penis-posts]

Oh cool I always wondered what my prostate looked like 

[machinot]

🎑 Penis-Johnson Follow

My entire family got eviscerated in a car accident with a semi truck

🌅 Pikachu-counter-bot Follow

This post contains the word pikachu 0 times! Pika pi!

Beep boop! I am a bot that counts how many times the word pikachu is in a post!

[trippiest]

what a beautiful day to not be in high school

[gayofthefae]

This is the like those “remember to be grateful you don’t have a sore throat right now” posts. It IS a beautiful day to not be in high school! Thank you!

[enkephalinpilled]

in order to preserve my internet privacy i’ll have to start feeding everyone misinformation about myself. i don’t eat. i don’t sleep. i don’t breathe. i don’t blink. i don’t have “blood”

[gilgameshhimself]

(Getting swindled by a genie) it’s like talking to a fucking tumblr user with you

[higglety]

the genie: how dare you say I'm fucking a tumblr user

[stopoftouchingmywingsihurt]

[smallrat36wagon-deactivated2021]

LOL whos tye saultry little binch on the bottom lsft????

[sashayed]

but ykw at least i'm not on mount everest. at least i'm not paying tens of thousands of dollars to slowly suffocate in a 300-person line at the gates of hell. never in my life will i have to be steered in a hypoxic stupor through the maze of poop and corpses atop mount everest. on this earth a lot of horrible things can happen to you without your permission but there are a few that you have to opt into. you can just say no thanks! and be guaranteed never to have to be on mount everest. much to be grateful for actually

[sashayed]

still not on mount everest this morning 😌 alhamdulillah

[alandrosul]

women in stem. women in root. women in leaf.

[catie-does-things]

[strange-aeons]

If I don't see any code geass cosplayers at the revolution themed dashcon I'm gonna be ... well, unsurprised. Because it's a largely forgotten show from 2006. But still slightly sad ... because the revolution themed dashcon is an excellent habitat for code geass cosplayers

[strange-aeons]

Come on guys u wanna watch Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion (2006) so bad

[strange-aeons]

Steal her look 🔥

[strange-aeons]

i mean seriously these are free ideas

[crimson-chains]

More of these two~ Little heart pyreball ^w^